


The Galaxy is ours

by Biekewieke



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Canon-Typical Violence, Captivity, Character Death, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, Force Visions, Gen, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Internal Conflict, Loss of Virginity, Memories, Plot Twists, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, force skype
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-02-26 06:14:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 131,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13229730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biekewieke/pseuds/Biekewieke
Summary: Light... Dark... Love... Hate... Dream... Nightmare...When war rages on and violence is everywhere, when enemies turn to allies but no one can be trusted...What do you do? Where do you go?Fanfiction based on the events that took place in Star Wars: The Last Jedi Work in progress, just the very beginning of what will hopefully evolve into an elaborate, compelling story Will involve some smut as it progresses :)





	1. Chapter 1

Everyone had found a place to rest on the Millenium Falcon.  
Fatigue had settled in as adrenaline had slowly but surely drained each and every one of the remaining Resistance Fighters. The silence grew louder with every parsec they distanced themselves from Crait and they all came to terms with the fact that they were the only survivors. That their friends and family had died and that their fleet had been diminished to one single banged-up old Corellian Light Freighter.  
Poe had joined Chewie in the cockpit. Finn was still sitting with Rose, obviously trying to stay awake but not really succeeding much. Leia had retired early, claiming Han’s old quarters. She was a strong woman but she had been seriously injured and still needed plenty of rest. Not to mention how taxing this day had been on her.  
The other members of the Resistance had insisted that Rey take the other bunk, granting her some much-needed privacy on this suddenly too crowded freighter. She seemed to be their new beacon, replacing Luke as the new and only Force User they had. She was their new hope. The responsibility of that expectation almost made it impossible to breathe…  
The near silence on the Falcon was both unsettling and soothing.  
Rey took a deep breath and went to the room they had appointed her.  
Once she was inside, she closed the door and leaned her forehead against it.  
Alone at last, she couldn’t stop the tears streaming down her face.  
She kept seeing the look in Ben’s eyes, as he sat there on his knees, looking up at her with such despair in his eyes. She could still hear his mental plea echoing in her mind.  
_Don’t leave me, Rey._  
Her heart squeezed almost painfully at the reminder. It squeezed even harder as she remembered his plea on the Supremacy to join him. To stand with him.  
_You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You are nothing… But not to me._  
The way his voice had sounded broken and fragile when he almost whispered please.  
And she had been so tempted. So tempted!  
But she couldn’t. She couldn’t turn away from the people who counted on her.  
Finn, Leia, Chewie, BB8, C3PO, R2D2, all the people at the Resistance. They were counting on her, they cared about her, she cared about them. She couldn’t walk away from them, not after all they had been through.  
She knew that she had done the right thing, that she had made the right decision.  
But why then was she feeling so torn inside? So lost? As if a part of her had stayed behind with him.  
The image of him lying on that throne room floor when she had woken up after their fight for the lightsaber, unconscious, was burned on the back of her eyelids. She had rushed to his side, panicking at the thought that he might be hurt or dead.  
When she realized he was still breathing, that his heart was still beating, that he wasn’t really wounded, she let out a small cry of relief. She had brushed the hair out of his eyes and kissed his forehead gently as she had whispered _Come back to me, Ben. Please.._  
She had gotten up to leave, making absolutely sure not to look back. She knew if she did, she wouldn’t be able to leave him.  
And now the memory haunted her. Another tear ran down her cheek.  
The only one who knew what was going on, who she would have been able to talk to, had been Luke. And now even he was gone.  
She had no one to talk to. Once again, she was all alone.  
Without any warning, she felt the back of her neck prick. A mechanically induced white noise sounded softly around her. She felt her heart expand and pull in a way she had countless times before.  
_The Bond…_

 

  
_Space._  
Nothing but the vastness of space around them.  
Under normal circumstances, the sight brought him a semblance of peace. Or rather, it could calm his usually erratic temper.  
Right now however, as he stood in front of the windows in his personal quarters, it tormented him. It mocked him.  
The galaxy seemed as quiet and forlorn as the Force Bond he shared with her.  
She was out there somewhere. Out of his reach. Both physically and in the Bond.  
It confused him. This way he was feeling right now.  
He was consumed by emotions he had not allowed himself to feel so fully in years. He felt anger, rage, fury, yes. He was familiar with those emotions. Thrived on them. They fed his power in the Dark Side and he always embraced them with gratitude.  
But he also felt hurt. So incredibly wounded. Rejected. Abandoned…  
The pain was of a different kind than it had ever been in the past. He didn’t want to admit it, but he missed her. He hadn’t been fully dislodged from her like this in what felt like weeks. It was like a part of him was missing. Which was ridiculous. But still…  
He kept reliving the despair he had felt when they had last seen each other through the Bond.  
She had looked at him, her hand hovering over the control panel for the door, and he could feel her conflict through the Force.  
She had wanted to stay with him. He had felt it. Had felt the indecision. The conflict.  
But he had also clearly seen the disappointment in her eyes. Had felt her disappointment and sadness down to his bones. She had expected to save him. To turn him. When he had saved her by killing Snoke, when he had fought by her side against the Praetorians, she had thought he had chosen the Light over the Dark. Until he had spoken up, unwilling to save that pitiful fleet of Resistance Fighters.  
All he had wanted, all he had craved was her by his side as they started a new era in the galaxy.  
Together, they would have been able to create a new way of life. A new Order. A new time, where everyone would be content with.  
He felt a strange sensation overtake him again, much like what he had felt right after she had closed the door on the Falcon. His heart – or what was left of it – suddenly felt constricted. As if she had taken it out of his chest and squeezed it in front of his eyes. The pain was so intense, he would rather be shot by Chewie’s bowcaster again. He closed his eyes, pushing his fingers against his closed lids. The physical pain would not even come close to relieving the turmoil in his soul.  
The regret had come as soon as he had seen her standing there looking down at him.  
He had mentally begged her not to leave him. Didn’t she know that he needed her?  
And when she had closed that door, he had heard the echoes reverberate in his ears, his mind, his heart and his soul. And he felt an irrational fear creep in as a thought formed in his mind.  
Now that Snoke was gone, would their Bond disappear as well?  
After all, Snoke had admitted to forging it as a trap. He had felt a semblance of betrayal when he first heard the Supreme Leader say it, but something inside him whispered that it would only have been a matter of time.  
If that were true, then why was he not sensing her anymore? Seeing her? Hearing her?  
He hated this obsession he had with her. But he would risk his life if he could talk to her just once more.  
His hand came up to touch the cold glass and he leaned his head against it. To his dismay, he felt a single tear run down his cheek, right down the scar she had given him on Starkiller.  
_When she branded me as hers…_  
He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. As he tried to calm his breathing, something around him shifted. The hairs on the back of his neck pricked and he felt his stomach tremble. The sensation was familiar and strange at the same time. Beeps and creaks reached him, though faintly. He knew these sounds. He knew what emitted them.  
_The Falcon_  
Memories of flying with Han rushed back to him briefly. Sitting on his lap. Han teaching him how to fly. Han telling him not to tell his mother, or they would both be in trouble. He frowned at the memories, a strange combination of happiness and sadness. _This is crazy…_  
He turned to see where the sounds came from and there she was. Leaning her forehead against the door in the same stance he had adopted mere seconds ago.  
He stopped breathing, afraid that he was imagining things. He didn’t dare move for fear of this image to disappear.  
Her head came up and she tilted her head ever so slightly.  
“Ben? Is that you?”  
Her voice, just barely above whisper, sounded like music to his ears. She sounded hopeful. Or was that his own desire? He kept silent, not wanting to mess up yet again.  
And then she turned around and faced him. There was nowhere left to hide.  
“Ben.”


	2. Chapter 2

She sounded breathless as his name escaped her lips. Even to her own ears.  
Her breathing quickened. Her heart rate increased. Her hands trembled.  
The sight of him rattled her.  
He looked tired. Torn. Bleak. And he even looked frightened somehow.  
She was surprised. She hadn’t expected this. She hadn’t felt him once in the two weeks they had been travelling.  
Poe, Chewie and Leia had decided it was too early to touch down for more than a few hours at a time. They would land on a remote planet to refuel and to replenish supplies and would quickly head out again. They were still thinking of an appropriate destination to settle, trying to figure out where they could go so that the First Order would not be able to track them. The Outer Rim was the obvious solution, but would not suffice long term. For the past two weeks, they had been debating back and forth.  
And in that time… nothing. She figured the Bond they shared must have died along with Snoke.  
And now, here he was again.  
He looked worn down and yet the sight of him had never been more welcome than right now.  
Still… Something was different. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something in their Bond had changed. She could… sense more. _Feel_ more.  
He seemed to freeze in place, equally flustered. Almost as if he were too scared to move.  
He looked as shocked as that first time, when she’d tried to shoot him.  
She frowned. Maybe she was imagining things. Fatigue did that to people sometimes.  
“Are you really here, or is my mind playing tricks on me?” she asked quietly.  
He swallowed past the lump in his throat.  
“I’m here.” He answered just as quietly. The deep timbre of his voice seemed to resonate through her every cell, causing her skin to tingle.  
For a moment, they said nothing. Just stared at each other.  
“Why are you here?” she spoke calmly.  
“I don’t know.” He said.  
Again, she frowned.  
“Why is this still possible?” she said tensely. “Snoke is dead. This Bond should have died with him.”  
She suddenly sensed his anger. And his pain.  
“I don’t know. My guess is that Snoke didn’t forge it.”  
“What are you saying? He admitted it himself.” She spat.  
She saw a muscle tick in his jaw. His full lips were drawn into a tight line.  
“Force Bonds are not forged that way.” He said with an undertone of anger. He remembered feeling shocked and betrayed as Snoke admitted to linking their minds. But he also remembered that Force Bonds were forged through passion and compassion. Not through manipulation.  
“I don’t think he created it. Maybe, he amplified it. But he didn’t forge it.”  
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”  
He snorted quietly and rolled his eyes. “There’s a first…” he murmured sarcastically as he averted his gaze.  
She lifted an eyebrow. “You have your father’s sense of humor.” She stated flatly.  
Her words hit their mark. His gaze found hers again, his black eyes blazing with anger and indignation.  
“It’s the only trait I found interesting enough to keep.” He retorted with venom.  
This raised Rey’s hackles.  
“You should have paid more attention. Your father had many fine qualities. He was handsome and charming and very lovable. You should have seen him as an example. Being more like him would have served you well.”  
And then she felt it…  
Anger and resentment and pain coursed through him. _So much pain…_ Her words had wounded him. Cut through him like diamonds cut glass. And jealousy…  
_Jealousy???_  
She saw the muscles in his jaw and beneath his eyes contract. Felt the fury he was trying to keep in check. He took a few steps in her direction, narrowing his eyes at her.  
“You only knew him for a few days. You would have resented him sooner or later. Han was just a swindler. A con man. He was strung together by so many lies and bullshit he wound up believing them himself. There was _nothing_ exemplary about him.” He snarled, putting emphasis on the word nothing.  
She stepped closer too, never breaking eye contact. She stopped when she stood three feet apart.  
She had to tip her head up to be able to stare into his eyes, but she never wavered.  
“You’re wrong. Your father was a wonderful man. He was kind and caring and loyal to those he loved. And he loved you, Ben. More than you could ever imagine. He would have done anything for you. He _did_ everything he could for you. Even when you killed him, he continued to love you. You call him weak and foolish. I call him strong and determined.”  
She took another step forward, standing just a few inches apart.  
She gazed into his eyes, trying not to drown in those black pools of emotional turmoil. Her stomach quivered at their nearness. But she needed to get this point across.  
“Ben… You _are_ your father’s son!” she whispered fervently. “No matter how much you try to deny it, you have your parents blood flowing through your veins.”  
She licked her lips briefly and felt a brief flicker of fear when his gaze continued to burn through her angrily. What if she couldn’t get through him?  
“I hope you realize what a gift that is someday.”  
She watched his jaw lock, the way his teeth were clenched. She felt the storm that was brewing inside him. She felt his conflict as if it were her own.  
“Don’t hold your breath.” He clipped.  
She had never felt his emotions as clear as she did now. His pain, his anger, his disappointment, the betrayal he had felt, the abandonment… They rippled through her and combined in a great big knotted ball of feelings that would be difficult to untangle.  
And she couldn’t help but want to offer him a measure of comfort.  
Out of its own volition, her hand slowly reached up to touch his cheek.  
She felt him go completely still.  
Her palm cupped his jaw as her thumb gently traced the outline of his scar. Something about that simple gesture moved her deeply and she suddenly felt an inappropriate sense of pride.  
_I gave him that scar. I marked him. He’s mine._  
Where that last thought came from, she would never know. But something shifted.  
He made a small sound and frowned. Almost as if he had heard her thoughts. His eyes suddenly grew… Intense.  
Everything about this man was intense. Had been since the moment they had met on Takodana.  
But he had never looked at her quite the way he did right now. Not even during the interrogation. And she had never responded quite like this either.  
Her entire body seemed very finely attuned to him. Her stomach quivered, she trembled all over, she felt goosebumps and hairs rise and her heart skipped a beat. Her breath hitched and she was both surprised and scared by the depth of her reaction.  
Then without warning he stepped back, putting distance between them.  
Confusion washed over her, but she couldn’t say if it was her own or his.  
He was breathing hard, staring at her intently.  
She frowned as she felt his emotions flow through her again.  
He was angry and frustrated. His mouth twisted into a grimace, cruel in its beautiful imitation of a smile.  
“Believe what you will. It won’t make a difference.”  
A muscle twitched near his lips, temporarily contorting his beautiful, gentle face into a cruel and almost hideous caricature.  
“Han Solo is gone. He’s dead. As for his son…” he looked haunted all of a sudden.  
_His son wishes he shared the same fate._  
The thought rung in her head as if he had spoken aloud.  
Their eyes met and she saw despair reflected in his gaze.  
And just like that, the contact was broken. She was left alone in her quarters again.  
She drew in a shaky breath and sank down on the cot.  
Confusion washed over her in tidal waves.  
Snoke was dead. And yet, their Bond was alive and kicking. _How?_  
A memory suddenly flashed before her eyes.  
The interrogation. He had probed her mind gently, almost tenderly. She had turned the probe on him. Almost as if he had let her. Just to see how it would turn out. And she had reached into him, seen a part of him he kept hidden from everyone else.  
Another flash. This time of their fight on Starkiller. The moment he had offered to teach her. The moment he mentioned the Force, she had closed her eyes and searched for it. And he had let her…  He had waited her out, staring into her face and allowing her to find what she needed with patience and resolve.  
When her eyes had opened, something significant had shifted. She had tapped in on her anger, let it fuel her. Almost as if he had guided her to do that.  
After that, it seemed like something had slumbered. He had been on her mind constantly, although it was subconsciously.  
_Had their Force Bond been forged in that moment? Without Snoke?_  
She sighed deeply and felt exhaustion course through her like a river. She toed off her boots and lay down on the cot, not even bothering to remove her clothes. She simply pulled the blanket over her and allowed blissful slumber to overtake her. The last image that crossed her mind before darkness took over, was that of a pair of black eyes looking back at her with despair…  
  



	3. Chapter 3

He had broken the contact himself.  
That was a first!  
It usually ended on its own whim.  
This time, it had been his own choice though. Rey was getting too close. He needed to back out.  
And as soon as he had done it, he regretted it instantly.  
That seemed to be his preferred method of operations lately.  
Wherever Rey was concerned he would do something impulsively, only to regret it immediately more often than not.  
He was so filled with rage and disgusted with himself, with this foolish weakness of his, that he needed to lash out.  
He thumbed his lightsaber to life and slashed into the wall. Multiple times. Angry, violent stroke after stroke, directing all of his fury at the smooth surface. The metal and stone soon ended up mangled and glowing redhot, and still it didn’t quench his anguish.  
He shut down the lightsaber, put his fists on a nearby table and closed his eyes.  
_Rey._  
The girl messed with his head.  
_And my heart…_  
She made him feel things he didn’t want to feel.  
When she had touched him, when she had traced his scar… Kriff!  
His body had responded to it almost violently. He had wanted to taste her lips more than he wanted his next breath.  
But even stronger than that was his soul’s reaction. The pull to the Light had never been so strong!  
He had wanted to be the man she thought him to be. He had almost crossed that line.  
Thank the Force that he had been able to step back when he did. Who knows where it would have led them otherwise…  
He breathed hard, trying to get a grip on his feelings.  
He had to be careful. If he wasn’t, he would follow her wherever she wanted him to. And much to his dismay, the prospect held so much appeal right now, that it blew his mind.  
He released a long sigh and returned to the window where he had been standing before their Force Bond kicked in again.  
He looked out and was surprised to find that his outlook on the panoramic view before him had changed.  
He knew she was out there now. That he would still be able to see her. That their Bond wasn’t lost…  
It calmed him, brought back some of the peace that he had been sorely lacking these past two weeks.  
He frowned as he realized that she had a stronger hold on him than he wanted to admit.  
His frown got more pronounced when another thought popped into his head.  
_If I was able to end the Force bond session… Wouldn’t I be able to start one?_  
A small smile played with his mouth as he pondered that notion.  
Would he be able to call out to her? Would she be able to pick it up? Would she respond?  
Curiosity prompted his next action. He took a deep breath and reached out, calling her pretty face to mind. Willing to connect with her.  
And then it happened…  
In less time than it took him to blink, his surroundings seemed to fade and he was in her room again.  
He blinked and looked around, slightly confused by the fact it had worked. He looked back at the cot, and there she was.  
She hadn’t even bothered to change into night clothes. She’d simply tossed her shoes and laid down.  
Her face was beautiful when she was awake, but it was breathtaking when she slept. Her beautiful dark hair framed her almost angelic face.  
She exuded this aura of peace and serenity.  
He couldn’t rightly remember if he had ever slept that soundly in his life.  
Her soft snores amused him and touched him in that arid soul of his.  
_I still can’t believe that worked!_ He mused softly.  
On their own volition, his feet started towards her. Silently he stepped closer and closer until he was at the edge of the cot. Quietly, he knelt down at her side and allowed himself a few moments to study her.  
She seemed oblivious to the world. Her innocence moved him.  
Without even thinking, his hand reached out and tenderly touched her hair.  
As if on cue, Rey sighed and with a contented smile murmured sleepily: “Ben.”  
He felt as if she had punched him in the gut.  
Her smile lingered.  
His heart lurched and his body tightened in a way he wasn’t familiar with.  
He was acquainted with lust. With the need for physical release. He was a virile young man. He hadn’t found the desire enticing enough to act upon, though. Always putting his training and his goals above such frivolous notions.  
But nothing had ever felt quite like this before. _Except…_  
Except when he had been with her that night and their hands had touched.  
He was just about to pull back his hand as if he had been burned when her eyes fluttered open.  
She looked up at him sleepily, not really able to focus.  
“Ben?” she murmured softly.  
“Ssssht, you’re just dreaming.” He crooned quietly.  
“Is it you?”  
“Yes, it’s just me.” He whispered. “Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”  
Her eyes were already closing when a brilliant smile curved her mouth.  
“I’m glad you’re back.  I missed you.” She said on a soft sigh as she burrowed her head deeper in the pillow and blissfully went back to sleep.  
“I missed you too.” He whispered roughly. Her words took his breath away.    
He sat back on his haunches and stared at her sleeping form. Utterly dumbfounded.  
He pulled her blanket back up over her shoulders, making sure she was neatly tucked in.  
He gently broke the connection and returned to his own quarters with his emotions even more tangled up than before.  
This was not going to go the way he had thought…  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Rey woke early the next morning.  
She felt more relaxed than she had in ages. So happy. She smiled softly as she slowly got up.  
She couldn’t even tell why she was so happy. All she could remember was falling asleep after figuring out that her Force Bond with Ben wasn’t dead after all.  
_No. That’s not all._ She thought quietly.  
Another silly smile played with the corners of her mouth.  
She’d had a dream of him. He’d been at her side, kind and comforting. Gentle.  Saying he’d missed her too.  
She actually giggled at the mere thought, though her humor quickly faltered.  
Of course he couldn’t really miss her. The great Supreme Leader Kylo Ren missed no one. But in her dreams he did, apparently. And she found that she wanted him to.  
She shook her head to rid her thoughts of such nonsense.  
But it had been very pleasant while it lasted.  
In her dream, Ben had even called her sweetheart. The memory of that endearment and the tenderness in his voice as he’d said it made her heart flutter in her chest.  
She frowned and scolded herself for acting like a lovesick teenager.  
There was no future for her and Ben. Ben was gone. Lost to the Dark Side. He was back to being Kylo Ren. It was fanciful to continue to contemplate such tomfoolery.  
As long as they were on opposite ends, no good would come of it. They would remain enemies.  
She would never turn to the Dark Side.  
He would not return to the Light.  
So that was that. _Unless I could coax him back through the Bond…_  
She resolved herself not to think of him today. It was a waste of time and energy.  
She got up, quickly freshened up and pulled her hair back and exited the room.  
Determination quickened her pace as she met up with the core team in the cockpit.  
Poe, Finn, Leia and Chewie were already huddled together when she walked in.  
They all looked up at her as she entered and she smiled brightly.  
“Goodmorning!”  
Leia’s eyebrows shot up slightly, Finn and Poe frowned at her and Chewie let out a series of groans that made her laugh.  
“Nothing’s the matter, Chewie. I just had a very good night’s sleep. That’s all.”  
She gave the Wookie a brilliant smile and reached past him to grab the thermos of caf.  
As she poured herself a cup, she caught Poe looking at her with slightly narrowed eyes and a mysterious smile. She smiled back, then smiled at Finn before turning her attention to Leia.  
“How are we doing, General Organa?” she asked energetically.  
“Have we decided on a location yet?”  
Leia eyed her skeptically. As if she instinctively knew more about Rey’s suspicious good mood. She said nothing about it though, keeping her attention riveted on the here and now.  
“We’ve come up with two possibilities.” She sighed wearily.  
“And those would be?” Rey asked as she lifted her cup of caf to her lips. She took a tentative sip and kept her gaze fixed on Leia.  
“Dantooine or Utapau.”  
“What?” Rey exclaimed without much subtlety.  
“Why in the Galaxy would you choose those two planets?” she continued hastily. “Dantooine has already served as a Rebel base twice before! And Utapau? That’s too dangerous! We don’t know if we have any allies there!”  
“That’s exactly why those two are an option.” Poe interjected calmly.  
“Rebels have already settled there twice. The First Order would never think to look for us there, because it’s been done before…”  
Rey started shaking her head and Finn saw the need to interject.  
“Rey, he’s right. Dantooine is the obvious choice because it’s the most obvious choice. It would be too much in their face, so they wouldn’t even think of it. Utapau is also a great location, because of its large mazes. The tunnels underneath the rocklayer are long and complicated. We could stay there undetected for quite some time. The First Order has no interest in the planet. They rejected it as soon as they took over control of the Galaxy.”  
Chewbacca threw in some low grunts for good measure, translating roughly into “I’m sticking with them on this one.”.  
She looked at Leia and pleaded her with her eyes.  
“General, surely there are better options to found a Resistance Base?”  
Leia looked at her and with a single, almost indiscernible lift of her eyebrow addressed her directly.  
“Do you have a better alternative? If we want any chances of survival, we will need to touch down and settle soon. If only to regroup and replenish. So any suggestions are more than appreciated…” She lifted her chin and looked up at Rey with a tilted chin and a challenge in her eyes.  
Leia, leader of the Resistance Army, Prinses of Alderaan, exuded command with every single twitch and micro-expression. She was royalty, and the way she held herself attested to it.  
_Much like Ben holds himself… Even his looks resemble his mothers…_  
The thought sprung out of nowhere.  
And Leia suddenly narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. As if she had somehow sensed Rey’s train of thoughts.  
Rey lowered her gaze and decided to stay out of it. This wasn’t her decision to make.  
“No, I don’t. I’m sorry I questioned your reasoning, General Organa.”  
“That’s allright, sweetheart. I’d be more concerned if you didn’t question it from time to time.” She smiled gently.  
Rey’s eyes whipped up at the mention of the word sweetheart.  
_Yes, it’s just me. Go back to sleep, sweetheart._  
Ben’s voice resonated in her memory and she couldn’t help her heart from picking up it’s pace.  
Her breath caught in her throat for the tiniest of seconds, but it had been long enough. Leia had picked it up.  
Rey sometimes forgot that this woman was not only Ben’s mother, but that she was also very strong with the Force. She probably saw right through her.  
Leia narrowed her eyes at Rey, and she could feel the questions bubble up in the older woman’s mind.  
She needed to get out of that cockpit. Pronto!  
“Yes, well, I’ll see what I can do.” She said with an impish grin.  
“Is it allright if I sit down and have breakfast now?”  
Leia smiled and waved her off. “Of course. Go! Enjoy breakfast. But I would like to talk with you later today, if you don’t mind?”  
Rey felt a momentary surge of panic, but quickly squelched it. She smiled at everyone in the cockpit and turned on her heel to head for the food supplies pantry.  
As she took out her breakfast ration, she felt a strange tug. A shift in her surroundings. Almost imperceptible. She looked to her left and almost dropped her plate when she saw what seemed to be Ben’s quarters on the Finalizer. He wasn’t paying her any attention at all.  
He was sitting at a table with a plate in front of him. He was bare-chested and absently scrolling down a datapad as he sipped a hot beverage in a metal cup. Probably caf. As black as his hair. Her breath caught in her chest and she felt that strange sensation course through her again. The one she had felt on Ahch-To, when their hands had touched. There was something very intimate about seeing him this way. Almost relaxed. Without his guard up. The sight of that bare chest… It made her stomach quiver and her hands tremble. She recognized the sensation, though she couldn’t quite place it.  
_Anticipation…_  
She frowned. He didn’t seem to be aware of her at all…  
Just as she was about to say or do something, the vision faded. She was suddenly standing in front of the pantry again, with a dozen people milling around her.  
Completely confused, she sat down at the small table and started her breakfast in silence.  



	4. Chapter 4

The day stretched into yet another uneventful passing of time.  
They slept, they ate, they talked. Everyone contributed according to their own skills. For some that meant tinkering on the Falcon, trying to get it into shape as much as they could with the means at their disposal. For others it meant keeping the ship tidy, preparing meals, doing calculations, providing medical care or basically anything that needed to be done.  
Poe and Chewie manned the cockpit. Poe had stepped up to leadership, encouraged by Leia, and so had Finn. They had been discussing the pro’s and con’s of the two planets they had chosen as their possible new base.  
Rey still thought they were out of their minds for considering those two. But she honestly didn’t have a better idea, so she decided she should keep quiet.  
Right now, there wasn’t much that she could do, so she had taken one of the old Jedi text books and had retired to her room.  
She was lost in thought when the sound of knocking brought her out of her concentration.  
“Come in.” she said clearly.  
When the door opened, Leia’s head peaked through the opening.  
“Mind if I join you?” she said with an engaging smile.  
Rey couldn’t help but smile back.  
“Of course not. Please.” She said softly as she put the book away and gestured for Leia to sit down.  
As she lowered herself, Leia’s eyes never left Rey’s.  
She continued to search her for a few silent moments, the scrutiny slowly became uncomfortable.  
Rey didn’t flinch however, feeling this was a necessity.  
Leia’s eyes narrowed and a slight smile, just the hint of one, played with the corners of her mouth. It was so much like Ben’s almost smile, it momentarily took Rey’s breath away.  
“Something…” she said barely audible. Again, this reminded Rey of Ben so much. He’d said something similar in Takodana.  
“There’s something going on, isn’t there?” she addressed Rey firmly. Her eyes narrowed again.  
“Oh?” Rey uttered softly.  
“Don’t play games with me, Rey.” Leia admonished. “I didn’t get this far by being blind to details.”  
The older woman scooted a little closer.  
“I trust you, Rey.” She said sincerely. “But there’s a catch to gaining my trust.” Her eyes bored into Rey’s, and again she drew the comparison to Ben. They shared the same intensity when they meant something.  
“It means I expect you to be completely honest with me. We are a Rebellion. Which means that trust is a very sacred and very fragile thing. Easily damaged and impossible to fully restore…”  
She let her words trail off and Rey fought not to squirm.  
Leia straightened again and folded her hands in her lap, her voice becoming pleasant and conversational again.  
“So… I would like to know what’s going on.”  
Rey swallowed over the lump in her throat.  
“I don’t know if I can tell you.” She whispered.  
Leia laughed at that.  
“Sweetheart, trust me. I can take anything you could be able to tell me. I’ve seen and heard it all.”  
Rey frowned. Leia’s words were true. She had been through the best and the worst times. All of the most awful and despicable and darkest moments in the history of the Galaxy were closely linked – related! – to her on a personal level.  This woman’s mother had fought to save democracy and freedom in the Galaxy, while her father had betrayed and all but wiped out the major portion of the Jedi Order. He had turned to the Dark Side and had brought terror and despair to the Galaxy.  
She herself had been fighting alongside the Rebellion, and had played an important role when the Empire had finally been brought to its knees. As the First Order rose, she had continued her lifelong goal by countering it with the Resistance, losing her only son to the Darkness in the process. Only to now be faced with the fact that said son was the Supreme Leader, and thereby becoming her most hated enemy.  
Rey swallowed again, and averted her gaze.  
“Leia… “ she started haltingly. “I really don’t know if…”  
“it has to do with my son.” Leia said matter-of-factly.  
Rey’s eyes shot up. Their gazes locked again and Rey felt as if Leia were staring into her very soul.  
She couldn’t utter a single word for the life of her. So she nodded.  
Leia’s gaze became guarded, as if trying to protect herself from heartache.  
“Well? Spit it out. No need to mince words about it.”  
Rey frowned and didn’t know what to do. So she did exactly what Leia said. She spit it out…  
“Ben and I share a Force Bond.”  
Leia froze.  
“A What?” she asked quietly.  
Rey bit her lip as apprehension and fear niggled at her and repeated quietly.  
“Ben and I share a Force Bond. We can sense each other through the Force. I can see him, and he can see me. We can talk. We can feel each others emotions and we know each others thoughts.”  
Leia’s reaction confirmed her trepidation.  
The woman froze. Her eyes turned cold. Within the space of a second, the only mother figure she’d ever know distanced herself from her, and Rey felt torn.  
“You can…” her words trailed off. She briefly closed her eyes and Rey could feel her stomach sink.  
“Leia, I swear…”  
“What have you been telling him? Does he know where we are? Have you been giving up intel?” Leia interrupt sharply.  
“Of course not.” Rey drew back, as if Leia had slapped her across the face.  
Her reaction seemed to calm Leia down somewhat.  
Rey shook her head, unsure of how to continue.  
“I don’t know how it happened. I woke up one day on Ach-To and all of a sudden, there he was. It was just very sporadic at first, but somehow these visits – or whatever one could call it – were happening more frequently. And I… He’s just… We… ” she halted. She frowned as she searched for the right words, unable to come up with them. She looked up at Leia and let her gaze bore into the older woman’s.  
“When Luke found out, he literally blew up my cabin. He was so angry! He thought Ben was out to turn me to the Dark Side, but he that was not his intention! We just… I’ve had plenty of opportunities to go to the Dark, but I never did. I don’t think I ever will. As for Ben…”  
She kept quiet for a few moments, lost in thought. Memories of their talks, of the feelings that had coursed through her as their hands had touched, of what it had been like when it had been the two of them against the Praetorian Guards… He had killed Snoke for her… She closed her eyes briefly and felt the emotion burst in her heart.  
“There is still Light in him. I know it. I can feel it!”  
She scooted closer ever so slightly and pleaded with her eyes.  
“Leia, I would never _ever_ do anything to bring you all in jeopardy! You have to believe me. I would never tell him anything that would cause you or the Resistance any harm!”  
She anxiously touched Leia’s hands, afraid Ben’s mother would turn away from her.  
“But I cannot give up on him. _I won’t give up on him_.” She whispered. “He can still come back. I can help him. I know it.”  
Leia let out a great sigh and averted her eyes. She even pulled back her hands and turned away from Rey.  
“You realize that I cannot confide in you any longer?” she asked stoically. “That I have to cut you off from any important decision making?”  
Rey looked up at her. Anger surged.  
“I thought you trusted me.” She said flatly.  
“That was before I learned of this Force Bond.”  
“The Force Bond shouldn’t matter!” Rey raised her voice. Immediately she felt ashamed of yelling at Leia.  
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, “but I don’t see why your trust in me should be so fickle because of this. I spoke the honest truth! I didn’t lie about it when you asked me.” Rey lifted her chin in defiance.  
“I thought you of all people would be able to understand.” She said wryly.  
Leia looked up at her and lifted a brow.  
“If I hadn’t figured out something was out of place on my own, you would never have told me about this.” Leia countered.  
Rey shook her head.  
“I would have told you, Leia.” She sighed. “But it’s still so new… I’m not quite sure how it works yet. I can now see flashes of him sometimes without him being aware of it, and I’m not certain how that’s going to evolve. Snoke said he was the one who bridged our minds, but that just feels wrong. I’m more sure now than ever that this connection was formed when I turned his mind probe on him.”  
Leia looked more concerned with every passing word.  
“You know…” she started calmly, “If you can see him, then he can probably see you too.”  
Rey frowned at that. She hadn’t even given it a thought. But now it felt as if her entire world screeched to a halt.    
“Oh my… you’re right. He probably could.”  
Her hand lifted to her forehead as panic flashed across her face. She sagged back onto the cot.  
She was putting the Resistance in danger. She could bring them harm because of the connection she shared with him. Her friends, the people she cared about, they could really be hurt and killed if he somehow figured out where they were… How could she have been so blind?  
A single, big fat tear slipped down her cheek. She looked up at Leia with a lost expression in her eyes.  
“I’m sorry Leia. I didn’t know… I… Please don’t hate me…” her voice broke off in a sob.  
Leia sighed in defeat.  
This hadn’t even come close to what she thought this was going to be about.  
And seeing the girl, this brave young woman, so upset made her wonder about quite a few things.  
Her loyalty to the Resistance and her friends was obvious. But Leia sensed that Rey’s feelings for her son were even deeper than that. And since Rey had met with her son on more than one occasion and lived to tell the tale, it made her think that perhaps Rey was right. There was still Light in him, and Rey brought it out in him…  
She stepped closer and sat down next to Rey. She gathered the girl in her arms and hugged her close.  
“I don’t hate you Rey. This whole thing just caught me by surprise.” She said calmly.  
“We’ll figure something out.” She sighed. “Maybe we’ll figure out a way to use this bond to our advantage.”  
Rey stiffened in her arms and pulled back.  
Her tear stricken face suddenly became determined.  
“I will not use this connection with him as a weapon, Leia.” Her jaw locked and her chin lifted.  
“He trusts me. I will not betray him like that.” She stared Leia down and added as an afterthought: “He’s been through it enough. I won’t do it.”  
Instantly her mind took her back to Snoke’s throne room. Essentially, she herself had betrayed his trust already when she refused to join him. She had felt it through their Bond. He had trusted her, opened himself up to her, and she had shot him down. Not for the first time, either. She wouldn’t do it again. It would break her heart, eventhough she knew she should hate him.  
The barb hit home with Leia, but she said nothing. She simply nodded.  
“I understand.” She said coolly.  
“I expect you to keep me informed from time to time. I know I shouldn’t really be asking this, but if you learn anything that would endanger our survival or has to do with imminent attacks on our people, you will let me know?”  
Rey frowned. “Of course.”  
“Very well. I will keep the intel on our potential Base site secret for now, just in case. Although, I am sure you will have the common sense not to disclose any information about it to third parties.” She stated dryly.  
Rey knew when she was being dismissed. The tone of their conversation had changed dramatically.  
“Yes General Organa.” She replied quietly.  
“And I will keep you posted on any new developments should they occur.”  
Leia nodded and walked up to the door. With her hand on the doorknob, she paused and turned slightly.  
“Rey…” she started and then looked her in the eye.  
“Should the occasion arise…” she said haltingly, unsure of how to proceed.  
Rey waited her out, sensing that this was important.  
“Tell my son we want him back.” She said quietly. “That we’ll wait for however long we have to. Tell him…” She smiled sadly and Rey could feel Leia’s heartache as if it were her own.  
“Tell him the Light will always be here, ready to welcome him home.”  
She opened the door and walked out, quietly closing it behind her.  
She left a stunned Rey behind, staring after her in amazement.  
 


	5. Chapter 5

The room was brightly lit, the sterile and cold white lighting creating deep contrasts with the dark furniture and steel walls.  
Several men and women in command, of different ages and ranks, were gathered around the large conference table.  
For the past hour and a half, Hux and his pitiful band of commanders had been discussing battle plans and tactics to figure out how to find the remaining Resistance Fighters and how to annihilate them.  
Supreme Leader Kylo Ren had listened to them halfheartedly, unpleasantly surprised he was surrounded by so many bumbling, incompetent fools. The only one who honestly had a strategy and vision that might work was Hux of all people!  
Snoke had been right about him. If you played into a rabid cur’s weakness, it could become a very sharp tool. And Hux’s weakness was his pride. If you made him feel like he was an important part of the operation, the jackass truly did a good job… And Kylo Ren sought to take advantage of that fully…  
So far, every planet that was controlled by the First Order had been notified of the specifics of the ship and people they were looking for.  
Hux wanted to kill them – preferably in a very public execution – and destroy the ship.  
Kylo Ren had different plans altogether. He wasn’t so much interested in killing the passengers, although he could think of one or two he wouldn’t mind torturing a little…  
No, he was more intent on bringing a single passenger back and forcing her to accept her destiny…  
The thought of all that might entail, made his attention slip.  
Instead, snippets of a vision rolled through his mind in a very distracting way. In his fantasy, he saw Rey in his chamber, in his bed. Flashes of her sunkissed naked skin, hair unbound caressing his chest and her beautiful face scrunched up in wat seemed to be unbearable pain or extreme ecstasy suddenly burned on the back of his eyelids. He could almost hear her gasps and moans as if she was really there with him.  
“…., with your permission of course, Supreme Leader.”  
Hux was addressing him. All eyes in that conference were suddenly directed at him, and he had no idea what they had been discussing while his brain had been short-circuiting.  
Thank the Force that he had taught himself to completely keep his feelings and thoughts hidden from the outside world. He decided to bluff his way through.  
“That is very interesting, General Hux. However, at this point, I will have to take it into further consideration. I expect to have everyone’s preferred strategy report sent to me in two standard hours from now. I will study them and decide the best course of action. We will continue this meeting tomorrow at 10.00h standard time.” He rose from his position at the head of the table.  
“Supreme Leader, I do not think it wise to postpone this decision any longer.” Hux’s voice sounded loudly in the odd acoustic. It also sounded downright condescending.  
“The Resistance is getting further and further away with every hour that passes, which means they will be able to stir up sympathy for their cause. If we want to snuff them out, we will have to act quickly and…”  
“General Hux!” Supreme Leader Kylo Ren’s voice rang loudly in the air and seemed to bounce off the walls of the conference room.  
“I am very much aware of the current situation. Allow me to remind you that you are not in any position to question my authority.” He said coldly.  
Hux was then Force pushed back into his chair and was unable to move. His eyes conveyed contempt, but his voice sounded like liquid silk as he replied.  
“Of course not, Supreme Leader. I did not mean to imply such a thing.”  
The others quickly left the conference room, all but pushing each other out the door to get away from their disgruntled Supreme Leader.  
When the door closed behind the last one, Kylo Ren released his Force hold on Hux.  
The man didn’t even bother to hide his loathing.  
Ren looked at him with a sick little smile.  
“Awww Armitage…” he started in an almost conversational voice. He walked up to Hux’s chair and settled his hip on the table in a seemingly casual stance.  
His eyes were steel however.  
“You clearly still have a lot of adjusting to do. And that’s really unfortunate. Because you see….” And as he leaned in closer, he dropped all pretense. “Although I respect your knowledge and insight of battle strategy, I will not stand for your arrogance as Snoke did.”  
His eyes bored into Hux’s with a vengeful gleam.  
“And if you ever so much as dare think of undermining me as you just did, it will be the last thing you ever attempt.”  
To get his point across, he Force choked Hux ever so slightly. Just enough pressure to feel it, but to still keep him fully functioning. The muscle next to his mouth and nose contracted, contorting his face into a very vicious snarl.  
“Did I make myself clear, General Hux?” he asked icily.  
Anger and hatred was evident in the redhead’s eyes, but the man simply nodded and said: “Yes, Supreme Leader.”  
Ren released him quickly and continued calmly.  
“You have permission to leave this conference room. Make sure to present your report within the hour.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Hux replied.  
Quickly retreating footsteps were followed by an eerie silence.  
The Supreme Leader turned to the large window overlooking part of the Landing docks.  
He was alone at last. Free to his own thoughts.  
Without warning, the sound of Rey’s gasps and moans sounded through his brain again. The same images of the visions he’d had earlier flashed before his eyes and rendered him as if struck by lightning.  
His body responded instantly and he felt as if his knees would buckle any second.  
He didn’t care one iota about the Resistance Fleet. Whether they survived or not, whether they were captured or destroyed, it didn’t matter.  
_But Rey…_  
She mattered. He would have her back, no matter what. He would have her by his side, if it was the last thing he did. She would learn to accept that her place with him.  
But these visions… They were enough to drive him to the brink of insanity.  
He had never known this kind of desire. This kind of lust. And he knew it was more than simple lust. This was more than just the need for physical release.  
Rey moved _him in a profound way. She propelled him, made him want things he never knew he lacked._  
Rey…  
Just like that he felt it. That ripple in the Force.  
He turned and there she was, staring at him. She was just as surprised as he was.  
“This needs to stop.” She simply said.  
“What?”  
“This.” She gestured, indicating her being there.  
“There must be a way to stop these random meetings. It’s very annoying.”  
It stung his pride.  
“And if we could control it? Would you still reach out?” he asked softly. Considering how his day had gone, it sounded out of character. Today, he had been Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order.  
But with her…  
_With her, I’m always Ben Solo._  
She seemed startled by his question.  
“I don’t know.” She said softly. She frowned slightly and bit her bottom lip in thought.  
The tiny move made his imagination go into overdrive again. Another flash bubbled up, her biting her lip as she arched her back so he could touch her breasts. The image was so vivid, his mouth went dry.  
She looked up at him in surprise as if she had somehow tapped into the vision herself.  
She shook her head to rid herself of the image, but somehow it lingered.  
“I don’t want to keep doing this.” She said brusquely.  
“Then leave.” He said.  
His heart squeezed a little, telling him he was just too damned invested in this woman already.  
_When did I start thinking of her as a woman instead of the girl?_  
His calm response hit her hard. She hadn’t expected that his words would somehow hurt her. She frowned at her own torn feelings.  
He turned back to look at the landing docks, not quite able to face her with his desire so close to the surface.  
She felt his dismissal and rebelled against it.  
Why would they share a Force Bond if they weren’t supposed to use it?  
“Are you happy now?” she clipped. And much to her own dismay, she realized she needed the answer.  
“What?” he said and turned to look at her over her shoulder.  
“I asked you if you were happy now?” she repeated as she took several steps closer.  
He watched her approach like a predator.  
“Is this what you wanted? To be in charge? To have all this power and do absolutely no good with it?” Her voice sounded accusingly.  
He was reminded of how he had begged her to stay with him and rule at his side.  
Bitterness rung in his voice as he snarled.  
“I would have preferred you to stay.” He searched her face and she felt his anger and his disappointment and his pain course through their bond. It was also reflected in his eyes.  
“But the importance of our connection apparently does not hold sufficient meaning for you. You prefer your so called friends over it.”  
He was lashing out. He was angry. She felt his need to pick up his lightsaber and destroy something, and yet he held back.  
“You know as well as I do that I could not stay.” She whispered. Much to her disgust, tears pooled in her eyes.  
“No matter how much I wanted to.” The confession was not given easily. Each word felt as if it were wrenched from her. But it was the truth. Her gaze met his and she saw such disappointment there. Her rejection had hurt him deeply, as much as pushing him away had hurt her.  
The tears she had tried to hold at bay, spilled over, running down her cheeks. One of them caught on her lip. His eyes had followed its descent and was fascinated by its halt on that plump lip.  
His gloved hand reached up and this leather-clad thumb slowly wiped it off.  
He could feel her breath catch, could hear her soft gasp. When he looked into her eyes, he saw the same fire he felt in his own soul.  
“I would have tried. For you.” He said softly. “Rey…”  
He leaned forward to capture her lips when suddenly they were both startled by the sound of someone approaching.  
“Rey! There you are!”  
Ben looked up and saw Poe Dameron walk up to them. Obviously, the pilot could not see him.  
He felt Rey’s panic and faster than a heartbeat, their bond was broken.  
He was standing by the window.  
Alone again.  
And lonelier than he had ever been.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey was startled so bad she was shaking by the time Poe reached her.  
The contact with Ben had been broken the moment Poe had called out to her.  
As had the magic.  
_He was about to kiss me…_ she thought quietly. The realization dawned on her slowly.  
“Hey, you okay?” Poe asked. His obvious concern made her smile despite her current hayward thoughts.  
“Yes, I’m fine. Were you looking for me?” She said, and her smile widened as she caught a glimpse of the mischief in his eyes.  
“Are you sure?” Poe asked with a smile. “Because you kinda looked like you’ve seen a ghost…”  
His voice trailed off and he looked at her oddly.  
_You have no idea…_  
“No I’m fine. Just lost in thought.” She responded in an off-hand manner.  
Poe grinned and indicated his head as if to say: whatever you say…  
Rey suddenly felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise again. The tremble in her stomach and the shift in energy around her told her all she needed to know.  
Ben was there.  
“Allright. So…” another cocky grin was sent her way.  
“I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner sometime after we get settled at the new base. I’ve been dying to get to know you better.”  
Rey’s eyebrows lifted in surprise.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, absolutely! I’ve heard so many good things about you. Han mentioned what a good pilot you were, how much you know about aerodynamics and aerial engineering. That’s always something to grab my attention. And then Finn kept talking about you non-stop…”  
Another sly little smile graced Poe’s full lips.  
“As far as I can tell, it didn’t even do you justice…”  
She couldn’t help the tiny burst of laughter that escaped her.  
Suddenly, she felt pure rage radiate towards her. She looked to her right and saw Ben standing several feet away. The look on his face could only be described as murderous.  
_Rey!_  
She heard his voice ring in her head as he shouted her name. She ignored it. There was no point in coddling Ben when he got in this mood. She knew that for a fact…  
She lowered her chin a little and smiled.  
She looked at Poe with laughter in her eyes and said: “Of course. I’ve heard so much about you too. From Finn and BB-8. And Leia. She adores you, y’know.”  
She felt Ben’s rage multiply in that instant, feeling it tremble and sputter around them and she realized that things could get dangerous. She decided to cut it short.  
“I’d love to have dinner with you. We’ll talk about it more when we’re settled at the base. Now, if you don’t mind, I was on my way to my room.”  
“Sure, of course!” he uttered quickly. He smiled at her and his gaze held hers just a tad too long.  
“Allright, so I’m gonna go now. But I’ll see you later.” He said as he touched her upper arm briefly.  
“Bye.” She said as he turned and left. She was left standing in the middle of the hallway and smiled as she scrunched her face comically.  
That was, until she caught sight of Ben’s royally pissed off form leaning against the wall, staring a hole in her.  
_Not here._ She said through their Bond. she didn’t want people to think she was losing her mind if she was talking to empty space.  
The muscle next to his mouth ticked, transforming his features in a snarl.  
_Where then?_ He growled in response.  
_Follow me._  
 _I hope you realize what you’re doing, Scavenger._ He sneered into their Bond.  
_All he’s interested in is how you’ll handle his toggle when he lets you fly his little ship._  
Ben knew he was acting irrational, but dammit!  
Dameron had no right to smile at his Rey the way he did!  
_Handle his toggle?? Oh Please!_ She reprimanded crisply.  
_I think you have this all wrong. He’s just a friend!_  
 _Yeah, like FN 2187 is “just a friend” right?_  
She could sense the frustration radiating off him in waves.  
_Yes. Exactly like Finn._ She stressed his name. Ben should better get used to it.  
T _ell me you’re not actually considering taking him up on his offer?_  
 _Why wouldn’t I be? He’s handsome, funny and very pleasant to be around. And he promised me food. I would be crazy not to take him up on his offer._  
He stopped midstride and stared at her, his black eyes boring a hole into her.  
_You’re kidding, right?_  
 _I never joke about food, Ben._ She said with a small smile.  
Suddenly it dawned on her. He was jealous. Ben, aka the mighty Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, was jealous.   
She was amused and even slightly honored, but was careful to keep that thought hidden from him.  
She led him down the hallway, back to her room. As she entered, he hesitated.  
_What’s wrong?_ She asked him through the Bond. Too many people milling around who would think she needed to see a Medic if she started talking to herself.   
Ben frowned at her.  
_I didn’t realize you were in my old room._   
He entered it and really looked around for the first time, actually noticing his environment for the first time. She closed the door behind him.  
To his surprise, there were still remnants of the times when he flew with Han and Leia and Chewie. From before he joined Luke’s academy. Up on a shelf, he recognized his old collection of holo’s and magazines. But the thing that caught his eye the most was the miniature falcon Han had built him for his fifth birthday. It had also been the day Han had let him fly the Falcon for the first time.   
He frowned as the memory crashed into him. He felt as if his heart was ripped out of his chest. He hadn’t realized it would still be able to hurt him like this. They hadn’t even asked him what he wanted when they shipped him off to Luke’s academy. They had been so wrapped up in their own world, they had ignored him and his wants and needs. It still hurt. It really kriffing hurt. He was torn between breaking down and cry and taking his lightsaber and thrashing the entire place.  
Rey sensed his pain. The Bond between them amplified it and she felt it as if it were her own. Her heart ached as she could feel his hurt, both old and new, mingle into a great big ball of regret and anguish.  
“Ben…” she whispered and walked up to him. She touched his arm and he looked up at her.  
There was so much pain in his eyes. So much hurt.  
“It’s allright.”  
He just stared at her blankly.  
“Ben, Han knew what he was doing. He knew the risks. He loved you. And he knew you loved him. And you were worth the risk.”  
She touched his hand briefly, laid her palm on his forearm. She took another step towards him.  
She looked up into his eyes intently, almost drowning in those black pools of turmoil. Like quicksand, they drew her in and never let her go.  
“You still are.” She whispered.  
His jaw clenched.  
He was being torn apart.  
He didn’t want these kriffing memories!  
He didn’t want to be reminded of Han. Or Leia. Or anything. He didn’t want to see this look she was giving him now. To hear her words. They filled his black heart with light. He saw nothing but compassion and hope and understanding in Rey’s eyes. It was that look that made him want to try again. But he knew it was pointless. He knew he was nothing but a big disappointment to everyone. He’d disappointed his parents. He’d disappointed Luke. He’d disappointed Snoke. He’d disappointed Rey. He just kept at it without knowing how to fix it. It seemed to come natural to him. It would just be a matter of time and she’d look at him like he was a monster again. It was a devastating prospect.  
So he did what he did best. He channeled his emotions and lashed out.  
“You do realize what he wants, right?” he snarled.  
She frowned at his sudden change of mood.  
“All he wants, Rey, is to rip off your clothes and fuck you.” He whispered.  
She was shocked and took a step back, hitting her back against the wall. She wanted to step aside but Ben wouldn’t have it. He took a step forward, closing the small distance between them again, effectively trapping her in place with his nearness. She had nowhere to go.  
“He just wants bragging rights about fucking the last Jedi piece of ass. All he cares about is putting another mark on his X-wing.”  
His eyes burned with anger and something she hadn’t seen there before. Fear…  
“That’s not true.” She said calmly, fighting to hang on to her composure. “Poe is not like that.” She spat at him.  
The muscles around his mouth and beneath his left eye jerked, giving away his true feelings.  
Rey could feel his every emotion course through her as if it were her own. Intense, like a whirlwind, picking her up and throwing her down without any particular sequence to it, without a steady rhythm. He was so angry!  
_Was this what was going inside him all the time?_ She thought.  
He stepped even closer. Her head was tipped back just so she could look into his face. Hardly two inches separated them. She could feel the heat of his body seep into her, the cold from the wall a sharp contrast, and a strange and unsettling excitement coursed through her. It was almost like the adrenaline she felt when they battled or sparred. It was heady and addictive.  
“Oh but he is.” He said softly. If it weren’t for the feral look on his face, she would have thought he was crooning.  
“You tend to forget I’ve probed his mind. I know his thoughts and his motivations. I know exactly what he wants.”  
Ben’s eyes dropped to her lips and just like that something shifted. She felt his longing through their Bond. It was more than lust. More than simple desire. And she felt something deep inside her echo it.  
A slight tremor rippled through her. Her lips parted on their own volition.  
His eyes met hers again. There was still anger in his gaze.  
“He’ll just fuck you and walk away, Rey. That’s the kind of man he is.” Again, that twitch near his mouth and nose. She was coming to learn that it was something that only happened when he felt really strongly about the subject. Something that mattered.  
His dark eyes burned into her and his next words simply blew her away.  
“You deserve more than that, Rey. So much more. You’ve been abandoned and hurt enough.”  
_If he hurts you, I’ll kill him. I will make him experience pain like he’s never known and I will relish in it. And they’ll find pieces of him all over the Galaxy._  
The intensity in his gaze took her breath away.  
She didn’t know how to handle this. She decided to deflect.  
“Careful, Ben.” She whispered. “Or I might start thinking that you’re jealous…” she teased.  
He actually smiled at those words. To her surprise, he even chuckled. She’d never heard that sound coming from him before and she was taken aback by the sheer beauty of it.  
“Oh, Rey…” he said on a long exhale. He put his hands on the wall next to her head and leaned forward until his mouth was right next to her ear. His hot breath on that sensitive flesh sent ripples of pure pleasure down her nerve endings and she trembled in response. She closed her eyes and sighed. His words only made it worse.  
“I’m not jealous , I’m territorial...” He whispered. “Jealousy,” he continued slowly, “is wanting something that belongs to someone else. I’m merely protecting what is mine.”  
Her eyes whipped open and she turned to look at him. His gaze caught hers and the trembling grew worse. He was so close…  
His left hand left the wall and came up to cup her jaw. His thumb lightly caressed her cheek.  
_You’re mine, Rey. We both know it. Ever since we met…_  
His dark eyes searched hers intently.  
Y _ou are mine. And I am yours._  
Her breath caught at his intensity.  
_Only yours…_ he whispered in the Bond as he leaned forward.  
When his lips met hers, her eyes drifted shut. And the Galaxy exploded between them.


	7. Chapter 7

The air around them seemed to crackle and swirl.  
Ben let out a sound that was something between a growl and a moan. As if he had been dying of thirst and finally got his first taste of fresh, clean water…  
Rey simply stood there, unable to do anything but tremble and sigh.  
_My first kiss…_ she thought.  
it must have conveyed itself through their bond, because she felt his body shudder and the possessiveness in his kiss intensified. He deepened the kiss, gently parting her lips and touching his tongue to hers. This time, it was Rey who moaned.  
He started out hesitantly, but soon instinct took over. His kiss became insistent and intense and very, very passionate…  
Her arms slipped around his waist, her palms spreading on his wide back. She pulled him closer and their bodies connected.  
The energy surrounding them swelled and became almost tangible. It hummed.  
Ben’s right hand found the small of her back and the warmth of his skin seemed to burn through her clothes and brand her. His left hand had slid down her neck, cupping it, his fingers absently toying with her hair.  
The kiss both seemed to go on forever and be over in seconds. Time stood still and flew by at the same time. Suddenly he broke the kiss, and Rey made a sound in protest. It quickly morphed into a gasp and a low moan as his lips trailed down her neck.  
Images suddenly flashed behind his closed lids.  
Rey and him, together in a very luxurious looking room that seemed vaguely familiar.  
They were both naked, their clothing scattered across the floor. They were tangled in sheets. Sweat glistened their bodies, appearing silver in the moonlight that streamed in from the large windows. Moans and gasps and sweet nothings floated on the midnight air, while the scent of flowers and summer meadows filled the air.  
In that instant, he realized he was having a vision. It would happen. He knew it. He felt it.  
But by having the vision, he was also instantly reminded that he wasn’t really there with her. They were in their Bond.  
_Kriff, it it’s this intense through our bond, what will it be like when I kiss her in person?_ He thought to himself, carefully keeping that thought away from her.  
He pulled back and looked into her eyes and almost drowned in what he saw reflected in her gaze.  
Affection. Real affection.  
Something he hadn’t seen in quite a while.  
“Rey…” He whispered and captured her lips again. This time however, the kiss was infinitely gentle.  
He felt her tremble against him, felt her emotions through their bond. They were so deep, he didn’t dare examine them.  
It was enough to break the kiss abruptly.  
They were both breathing hard.  
Rey looked up at him in confusion.  
“Ben?” she said softly. “Is everything all right?”  
He stared into her eyes, and she was honestly worried.  
He smiled in spite of himself. A real smile too, one that reached his eyes and displayed deep lines next to those luscious lips.  
He leaned his forehead against hers, closed his eyes and replied softly: “I’m fine, sweetheart. Don’t worry.”  
He felt her frown relax.  
“I was just thinking that we need to slow this down.” He murmured as he nuzzled her hair.  
A delicious smile spread across her face as his fingers massaged her scalp while his other hand rested just above her butt, making her wish he would just lower it a few inches.  
“Why?” she breathed.  
“Why what?” he whispered softly as he nipped at her ear.  
She gasped and her nails dug into his back as the sensation caused her to shiver and make her skin tingle.  
“Why do we need to slow down?” she managed to choke out the words.  
He leaned back and looked her in the eyes. He saw his own desire mirrored there and for a moment he wondered if he was losing his mind. If he was crazy for not going with the flow of their emotions.  
But he knew this was important. So he strengthened his resolve and sighed.  
“Because, sweetheart, I’m not really here…” He said and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger.   
“We’re sharing a Forcemoment. And no matter how much I want this to continue, I intend to make you my own in person. When we make love, and I have no doubt that we will, we will be able to actually touch. Not like this.”  
His gaze was scorching in its intensity and it took her breath away.  
She let out a tiny squeak as he suddenly grabbed her waist and lifted her. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms came around his neck. He pinned her against the wall effectively and effortlessly. He crushed her to him in his embrace.  
“This,” he whispered, “will never be enough.”  
And then he took her lips again in a fevered kiss.

 

The lights on the Falcon flickered. Again.  
And Leia felt it. Felt him. She was no Jedi, but she was Force sensitive. And she could sense her son.  
_Ben…_  
He was here.  
_Rey!_ He was with Rey. And whatever the two of them were up to, it had to be powerful and intense to have this effect on their power supply…  
Panic coursed through her. What if Rey gave away intel? Her son had always been a beautiful boy, and he had become a gorgeous man. His father’s good looks and her coloring. He was an impressive sight to behold, and it made Leia both proud and apprehensive.  
It wouldn’t be the first time a man used his looks to get what he wanted from a woman.  
And Rey was such an innocent girl…  
“I’ll be right back.” She said to the navigator and battle tactic specialist she was talking to.  
Without waiting for a reply, Leia turned on her heel and headed for Rey’s room.  
When she reached it, she looked to her left and right, and when she was sure no one was coming, she simply pushed open the door, without bothering to knock first.  
The sight before her was pretty much the one she had been expecting to see…  
She saw her son holding Rey, her legs wrapped around his waist and they were kissing as if they were sucking the oxygen out of each other. The way they were invested in each other, the way they were kissing and touching, told Leia that this was more than an attempt at manipulation.  
This was very, very real…  
She very loudly cleared her throat.  
They broke the kiss abruptly and they stared at her with absolute horror and shock on their faces.  
“Leia…” Rey started.  
“Mom…” Ben breathed. His eyes met hers and she saw something in his gaze that touched her soul.  
Leia’s breath caught in her throat and her heart lurched.  
She saw her son reflected in those black eyes.  
Not this monster that had taken over her precious boy, but her very own son. She could see the light in him as clearly as she could the grey that peppered her hair when she looked in a mirror.  
And it was because of Rey…  
Hope rose inside her chest like a wave crashed into the shore. He was still there. He could be saved. There was still Light in him, even now!  
She realized, however, that this was not the right time to voice or act on that thought yet.  
“Sorry to interrupt you lovebirds,” she started with an almost bored edge to her voice, “but I would appreciate it if you could tone it down a bit. You two are causing a power disturbance. I’d rather not crash to an untimely death because you two were too engrossed in each other to notice that your raging hormones are influencing the Falcon’s electronics.”  
Rey was looking at her with her mortification very visible.  
Ben was… Well, Ben was looking at her blankly.  
She could sense his confusion, even if he didn’t show it. Happiness filled her heart and in that moment, she was not acting as the Leader of the Resistance. In that moment, she was just his mother.  
She sighed dramatically and continued sternly: “I don’t mind you meeting up from time to time, but just keep it down, will you? As long as we’re airborne at least?”  
Both Rey and Ben suddenly looked surprised. Extremely surprised. They shared a quick look and then stared at her again.  
Ben even looked at her with suspicion.  
She was probably ruining any progress they had made in this brief exchange, and fear of pushing him away niggled at her, but she couldn’t help it. Unfortunately, every now and then, she was troubled by the famous Skywalker impulsive streak. It was a trait she wasn’t proud of, and she subdued it whenever she could. But she couldn’t deny that she was Anakin’s daughter at times. The words just slipped out on their own volition.  
“Don’t look at me like that, Ben. Your father used to look at me like that, and it always drove me mad.” She cocked her head to the side and looked him up and down.  
“I mean it. Meet up if you want, just don’t…” her voice trailed off and she felt Ben’s eyes bore into her.  
She met his gaze straight-on with a hard glint in her eyes.  
“Just don’t try to get any intel from her or use her to get back at me.”  
And then she smiled at both of them. A mischievous, devilish grin.  
“And whatever you do…” she said softly, “Don’t get caught by the others…”


	8. Chapter 8

Leia turned and closed the door with a soft bang.  
She turned and couldn’t help but allow the smile creep across her face.  
Ben was still alive.  
He hadn’t been fully consumed by Kylo Ren, as she had feared.  
He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order now. He was her mortal enemy. He should be fully submerged in the Dark Side because of this.  
And yet…  
There was more Light in him now than she had ever sensed in him. Even when he was a small child, the Dark had always lurked in the shadows, ready to pounce and find a way to claw its way into the boy’s soul. But just now, with Rey, she had seen nothing but Light.  
And when he had called her mom…  
Happiness coursed through her veins, warming her heart and soul. A single tear slipped down her cheek. Her heart burst with love, as it always had. But there was a difference this time. A huge difference.  
This time, for the first time in a long time, she had real hope.  
_Hope_.  
Hope was alive. Vibrant and pulsing and all-encompassing.  
Perhaps it was a good thing that he was the Ruler of the First Order now.  
Perhaps, if the Light was strong enough, if Rey could bring it out enough, Ben would be able to transform the First Order. He might be able to end the tyranny and use his position and power to create balance and peace in the galaxy.  
But she was letting her excitement run ahead of things.  
She had to figure out a way to deal with this.  
She had meant what she said. If their meetings would help Ben turn back to the Light, she was all for it. Would even enable it as far as she could. But they needed to be careful.  
She would have to talk to Rey about this.  
But for now… she would bask in the hope that seeing her son and Rey had called to life in her heart…

 

Ben and Rey were left shaken after Leia left.  
Rey unwrapped her legs from his waist and dropped her hands to her side. She slowly slid down his body, and felt a ripple of desire.  
Ben simply stayed where he was, not giving her an inch. His hands let go of her waist, and she missed the simple touch instantly.  
She couldn’t step back, and he wouldn’t budge, so they stood there for a few moments. Both of them lost in their thoughts.  
_His mother was alive!_  
He had thought she had been killed when that TIE-fighter blew up the bridge of the Resistance Fleet.  
He’d shot that TIE-fighter out of the sky in a moment of sheer instinct. In the privacy of his chambers, he had allowed himself a moment to grieve her. And all of a sudden, there she was in front of him.  
The sight had shaken him so much, he’d simply reacted. Relief had coursed through him at the sight of her. A kneejerk reaction had prompted him to call her “mom”. Something he hadn’t done since he was a little boy.  
And what had surprised him even more, was the fact that she had seen him. No one else did. Why did she? Of course, his mother was essentially a Skywalker. They were all strong with the Force. So, it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to think she was able to see him through that same Force.  
And why in the Galaxy would she tell them it was alright if he and Rey met up from time to time?  
He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order now. The main enemy of the Resistance.  
Her arch nemesis by definition. She was probably up in the lounge, discussing with her commanders how to take him and the Order out on a daily basis, and yet here she was, smiling at him and telling the two of them it was okay for them to see each other, as long as they kept it quiet! Hidden from the rest.  
His mind was whirling so fast his head was starting to throb…  
Something isn’t right. It had to be a trick! Rey and his mother must be in cohorts. He frowned and felt his gut churn.  
Were they deceiving him? Were Rey and his mother conspiring to take him out? Was Rey using their connection to gain the upper hand?  
His breathing became labored, he strained to keep his calm. Rage started to bubble up and he had trouble containing it.  
Rey felt his mood change.  
“Ben?” she asked quietly. “Are you alright?”  
Pain, anger, deception, betrayal… she felt them all pass through her.  
She frowned at this turn of events. “Ben, talk to me?” She pleaded as she felt an unfamiliar panic.  
His eyes met hers and if she hadn’t been standing with her back to the wall, she would have taken several steps away from him. All of his fury was directed… At her!  
“Ben?” she breathed.  
“What are you up to, Scavenger?” he asked softly, but with a distinct undertone of ice.  
“What…” she started shaking her head. “What are you talking about?”  
He searched her eyes and saw nothing but confusion there.  
“How does Leia know I’ve been seeing you?” he growled low.  
He watched closely and saw her eyes widen.  
To her credit, she didn’t try to change the subject.  
“I told her.”  
He narrowed his eyes.  
“You… Told her?”  
“Yes.”  
“About us?”  
She swallowed. “Yes.”  
She watched as the muscles around his mouth and below his left twitched. A telltale sign of his anger, for sure. His beautiful, luscious mouth flattened into a grim line. She was fascinated by it. She knew what his lips felt like on hers now. She knew the taste of that gorgeous mouth. And she felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him again. To deflect his anger. The thought of channeling all that rage into passion gave her a strange thrill.  
“Did you tell her everything?” _About us, about what happened to Snoke?_ He said through their Bond.  
His voice was cold, flat. She had never heard him speak like that to her before.  
Instantly her attention was taken away from her physically inclined thoughts and propelled back into this current conversation. It made her frown.  
“No! Of course not.” _Some things only belong with you and I._  
He searched her face intently, and she could only guess what he was looking for. But it was intense and unsettling and uncomfortable, but she let him take all the time he needed.  
When she saw the muscles in his jaw clench and something change in his eyes, only then did she allow herself to relax. She reached up and put her palm on his cheek.  
It was her time to stare into his eyes.  
“We’ve been off to a rocky start, you and I.” she said quietly.  
“I haven’t always been fair to you. Although I did have my reasons for it, I’ve let you down. More than once.”  
Her thumb traced the scar on his cheek and again he felt his body respond almost violently.  
Her eyes traced her finger as she did. The smallest of smiles played around the corners of her mouth.  
_Mine…_ The thought flashed in their bond so fleetingly, it was almost as if he’d imagined it.  
But she met his gaze then and he could tell she’d actually thought it.  
“Ben…” she breathed huskily, “I will never take advantage of this connection. I will never use it to get information out of you. I will never ever use it as a weapon.” _Ever._  
Her gaze bore into his and his doubt was relieved somewhat.  
But it lingered.  
“I hope so.” He said sharply as he removed her hand from his cheek.  
And just like that, their Bond closed.  
Rey frowned at this abrupt ending and felt as if a part of her heart had been ripped out with his departure.  
Absently she touched her lips.  
A smile grew steadily.  
_He kissed me_. She thought to herself. _I can’t wait till he does it again_.  
She started straightening a few items that they had knocked down in the spur of the moment, all the while reliving the sensations over and over again…


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT-alert! 
> 
> Just a little heads-up!  
> There is a small part in this scene that is somewhat explicit.   
> If you do not like smut, stop reading when you get to the words "In his desperation,..." and don't read further until you get to the next paragraph...

In the privacy of his quarters, he could let his guard down.  
Here, he could think. Or at the very least, he could try.  
A week.  
It had been a week since he had seen Rey.  
He’d been blocking their bond. He didn’t know how he had figured out how to do it.  
He could sense her reaching out, and he didn’t know how to handle things just yet.  
The whole situation of their argument over Flyboy, their heated kiss and his mother walking in on them had left him feeling confused and angry and raw.  
Even after a week, he still didn’t have a grip on his feelings. So he just… pushed her out.  
The fact that he could sense Rey’s worry build as he continued to ignore her didn’t help either.  
In the meantime, things weren’t getting any easier at the First Order Base either.  
Hux was breathing down his neck because he still hadn’t taken a solid stand in their fight against the Resistance. His men were grumbling, frustrated at his lack of leadership, ready for action.  
But Ben was plagued by memories he would just as soon forget. Memories of Han and Leia, of killing Han, of killing Snoke, of seeing Rey smile at the Traitor and Flyboy, them putting their hands on her, touching her…  
He growled and let his fist slam down on the side of his matrass as he lay on his bed.  
The memory of Dameron touching Rey’s arm instantly had him remembering their heated discussion and their very passionate kiss after that. Even after a week of trying to let it go, he still couldn’t.  
He couldn’t forget the taste of her lips, the feel of her body pressed against his. The sounds of her moans and gasps and the way she said his name kept echoing in his mind, driving him insane.  
He found himself in a perpetual state of arousal, to the point of actual physical pain.  
Had never been in a situation like this before.  
He was ashamed to admit how much he needed her. Wanted her…  
He felt his cock twitch again just thinking about how her legs had felt around his waist.  
He let out a frustrated roar, slammed the side of the bed again and covered his eyes with his forearm. There had to be a way to vent. He’d been taking cold showers at the oddest hours, but even that didn’t help anymore.  
In his desperation, he reverted to something he hadn’t done or even remotely felt the need to since early adolescence. He put his hand around the base of his cock and started moving.  
_Kriff!_  
He groaned at the sensation, and instantly Rey came to mind. The memory of having her in his arms, her eagerness and her passion combined with snippets of the visions he’d had and proved to be a very potent and volatile mix. As the intensity of his fantasy increased, so did his pace. He pumped his hand faster, increased the pressure. He pretended it was her hand touching him like this. He pretended it was her perfect body he was pumping into. He imagined how tight she would be when he finally entered her and made her his. How she would fit him perfectly.  
He could almost hear her cries, could almost feel her body wrapped around his, tensing at this erratic pleasure as much as his own. His breathing labored and he was so close… He remembered the sight of Rey biting her lip and he came undone, just like that.  
When he finally came, the force of his release had him roaring like a rathtar.  
He quickly wiped the cum off his chest with one of the sheets and threw it across the room.  
In the aftermath of his release, he lay back on the bed, once again with his arm covering his eyes.  
There was still a remnant of his original frustration lingering in his chest, and he was disgusted and embarrassed at his own weakness, of his need for this scavenger of his, but at least the edge was off. For now…  
_Oh Rey…_ he thought drowsily as he released a deep sigh.  
_What are you doing to me?_

Rey was getting frantic.  
She hadn’t heard from Ben in a week. A week!  
She knew he had been angry with her, she had felt it through their bond as clearly as if it had been her own. She didn’t completely understand where it was coming from, but it was very real.  
And ever since then, he had been blocking her.  
She’d been trying to get in touch with him, to try and reach out through their Force Bond, but to no avail. She kept hitting a wall and couldn’t get through, no matter how hard she pushed.  
This week had been a hard one.  
And she needed him.  
She hadn’t realized how much she had come to rely on him and their visits. On him. She hadn’t realized how much comfort he gave her. Until he had left her.  
Later that day, after she and Ben had kissed and had been caught, Leia had sat her down and lectured her.  
_Who am I kidding? She chewed me up and spat me out!_  
Leia had gone on and on about how dangerous it was, this game she and Ben were playing.  
What if they got caught? What if this was a trick? What if someone found out and told either one of their sides? All hell would break loose, and Leia wouldn’t be able to protect her. They would see her as a traitor and she would have to be tried as one. And Ben had two possible outcomes himself.  
Either no one would dare oppose him because he was the Supreme Leader, or they would have a coup and take him down.  
Rey had felt like a small child when Leia was through, chastised thoroughly.  
But then Leia had surprised her by saying she meant what she had said. She supported them if this was what they really wanted. She would help them any way she could. Leia even offered to cover for her if the need should arise.  
And Rey needed Ben to talk to about it.  
But he was out of reach.  
What if he was hurt? What if someone had found out about their Bond? What if there had indeed been a coup and he was killed? No! That was impossible! She would have sensed it.  
But she didn’t understand why he was pushing her away.  
They had decided on Dantooine as the location for their new Resistance Base.  
Out of the two options they had, Rey figured they had chosen the best one. But she still didn’t think it a good idea. And now she had to be extra careful not to let him know where they were.  
They had found an abandoned base near the ruined Jedi Temple, dating back to the old Empire Days.  
They had set up camp and were getting settled. Poe and Finn had both been promoted to Commander and were constantly having meetings and running around the new base.  
Rose had woken up at last, and Rey had spent some time with her.  
It was easy to see why Finn was so invested in her. And she was head over heels in love with Finn.  
That too, caused her to fret over Ben. She didn’t want to analyze her own feelings for him too closely at this point, knowing she wouldn’t like the answer. Knowing it would only cause suffering.  
She stood at a window in her room, staring out at the sunrise. It was breathtaking.  
Was he looking out at a similar scene? Or was he staring out in blank space?  
Was he alone? What was he doing?  
She closed her eyes briefly, feeling panic and anxiety taking over.  
If only she could see him. If only she could just hear his voice.  
Anything was better than this dreadful radio silence in their Bond.  
_Oh Ben… please talk to me…_  
There was a strange shift in the energy around her. She had only felt this once before.  
Suddenly she heard him, his voice faint, like a whisper.  
_Rey…_  
Her eyes flew open and turning around, she found herself standing in what seemed to be his bedroom.  
Ben was lying on his bed with his arm thrown over his face, breathing hard and barely covered by a thin blanket.  
His clothes were meticulously hung on a peg by the wall, his boots neatly placed beneath it. But a sheet was haphazardly thrown down in the middle of the room.  
He looked as if he were in pain.  
And he looked good enough to eat…  
She was taken aback by the emotions that crashed into her. A lump formed in the back of her throat and she felt her eyes sting.  
She had really missed him...  
He let out a great sigh, and his chest rose impressively as he did so.  
Rey’s eyes were drawn to that vast expanse of skin and her mouth went dry. She was even more flustered than the first time, because unlike then, he obviously had no idea she was looking on now.  
She swallowed and tentatively spoke up.  
“Ben?”  
Her voice was barely above a whisper, but it sounded loudly in the silence of his room.  
He froze for a split second, and then jumped up abruptly.  
“Rey?” he frowned as his eyes focused on her, standing by his window.  
He shook his head and rubbed his eyes as if to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.  
When she was still there, he frowned and stared at her accusingly.  
“What are you doing here?” he snapped.  
Her eyebrows lifted in surprise at his conduct.  
“I don’t know.” She answered.  
She watched as he balled his fists and glared at her.  
“Well, in that case, I suggest you take your leave again.”  
Her jaw dropped. A strangled sound escaped her before she could stop it, and her temper rose just as quickly.  
“Why are you doing this?” she said as she took a few steps in his direction.  
“Ben, why are you pushing me away?”  
He felt a brief flash of panic as he watched her approach. She had the upper hand. He felt extremely vulnerable at this moment. Both his body and his soul were bare before her, and he had no inkling as to how to protect himself from her. She knew how to penetrate his defenses and wiggle her way through his armor when he was fully clothed and ready to battle….  
She could destroy him now. With ease…  
He had to find a way to regain control.  
He took the blanket and wrapped it around his waist as he stood to face her.  
He noticed how her eyes all but caressed every inch of his chest, felt her apprehension and anticipation through their bond. He watched as she tried to avert her eyes and look at anything except him. Witnessed a telltale blush creep up her neck and the pulse at the base of her throat pick up pace.  
His eyebrow lifted as he came to terms with the implications. She was just as attracted to him as he was drawn to her.  
“Could you please put some clothes on? It’s difficult to have a serious conversation like this.”  
Or to form coherent thoughts… She mused. Somehow, the words spilled into their bond.  
The barest of smiles showed at her words.  
_He s enjoying this, the cad!_  
“I don’t feel like having serious conversations right now.” He stated dryly.  
She looked up into his eyes then, and he swore he felt a bolt go through him.  
Goosebumps broke out on his arms and back, just by that look.  
Very well…  
“Ben, why are you pushing me away?” she searched his gaze, desperate to understand.  
“What did I do that was so wrong that you chose to close off our connection like that?”  
She heard his sharp intake of breath as she stepped closer.  
Barely three feet separated them at this point.  
He clenched his jaw.  
The desire to reach out and touch her, to pull her to him was almost more than he could handle.  
He balled his hands into fists at his side to keep from giving in to that desire.  
He tried to find the right words, but that turned out to be a hopeless endeavor.  
So he said the first thing that came to mind.  
“You and Leia are conspiring behind my back.”  
The words were like a slap in her face. She literally stepped back.  
“Excuse me?” she said.  
His black gaze bore into hers and he repeated slowly.  
“You and Leia are conspiring behind my back.”  
She shook her head in bewilderment.  
“That is crazy. Whatever gave you that idea?”  
“It’s pretty obvious to me. You told her about our connection. Somehow, the two of you must have come up with a plan to use it against me.”  
Her face scrunched up in disbelief and disgust.  
“I told her, because she knew something was going on. Because I needed someone to confide in.”  
She stepped closer without being aware of doing so.  
“I told her, Ben, because I know she loves you.”  
She stared into his eyes deeply and tried to reach out through their bond.  
“And I told you that I would never use our link that way.” Her eyes pleaded with him.  
She felt his conflict.  
“I have trouble believing that.” He hissed. That characteristic little twitch of muscles near his nose and mouth made him seem very imposing. And it almost made her smile.  
Sadness laced her words.  
“Then I’ll just have to prove it to you.” She whispered.  
Involuntarily, her gaze locked on his lips. She bit her bottom lip, and just like that he felt desire and lust course through his veins hotly.  
He decided to channel it in anger.  
“You can try.” He sneered and turned away, hoping she hadn’t caught a glimpse of how her proximity affected him. He started pulling his clothes on with jerky movements.  
When he dropped the sheet to tug on his trousers, Rey almost choked. She quickly turned away, but couldn’t help herself from taking another peak at his bare behind before the pants were on.  
He continued putting his shirt on, followed by his tunic.  
When he sat down to put on his socks, she walked up to the bed and knelt at his side.  
“Ben, please don’t be angry with me.”  
She couldn’t help the tears that pooled in her eyes.  
He was clenching his teeth. She felt his turmoil. He wanted to trust her. But he had been betrayed so many times before…  
“Then don’t give me reason to be.” He snarled.  
She lowered her eyes. She realized that, from his point of view, she had been keeping secrets from him. She felt the pain it caused him.  
She nodded and met his gaze again.  
“Promise me you won’t cut me off like this again? Not even when you’re angry at me?” she asked quietly. “I’d rather have you scream at me than go silent like that.”  
He searched her face. And he searched her mind. She let him.  
He nodded curtly.  
“Now, if you don’t mind, I have work to do.” He said as he straightened.  
She got up off her knees and faced him.  
“Sure.”  
She looked up at him and felt very shy all of a sudden.  
“I…” she started and smiled awkwardly. She looked away.  
“I’m glad I got to talk to you.”  
Silence stretched between them. And then, a rueful admission.  
“Yeah, me too.”  
She looked up at him. The look in her eyes caught him by surprise.  
She reached up on her tiptoes, pressed her lips to his cheek, to his scar.  
“I’ll see you later. Have a nice day.” She whispered, and then disappeared.  
Ben stood rooted to the spot.


	10. Chapter 10

The days passed slowly.  
They got used to their new routines.  
Everyone had their own chores, and everyone committed to them with gusto.  
Hope was spreading like wildfire, the spark was back.  
Every day, Leia was contacted with more messages of alliance and possible recruits.  
Every day, their numbers grew. And with it, their spirit came back.  
And every day, Rey got more frustrated.  
She was still very uncomfortable with being this new beacon for the Resistance.  
People were looking up at her as if she would bring the First Order down with nothing but a look and the broken pieces of Luke’s old lightsaber.  
She felt absolutely useless. She wasn’t a Jedi Master. She wasn’t trained in combat techniques. She hadn’t been fully taught what the Jedi Rules were. She knew nothing of the history, other than what she had read in the old Jedi Text Books. And even that was pretty tough to comprehend.  
The only thing she had discovered to be any good at was meditating. When she reached out, she could actually feel the Force flow through and around her and she could find that beautiful calm, peaceful feeling that made her feel like she could conquer the world.  
But the more the people of the Galaxy found them, and subsequently her, the more lost she felt.  
She had escaped the humdrum of the base to seek out some much needed solitude.  
She’s headed into the luscious forest just south of the base.  
The smell of the damp leaves, the clean air… It was all still such a miracle to her. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to the colors here.  
She sat down on a tree stump and tried to breathe in as much oxygen as she could.  
She felt him approach before she heard or saw him.  
“Hey.”  
She smiled in response. “Hey.”  
“What are you doing out here all by yourself?”  
She looked up as Finn lowered himself down on the other side of the stump.  
“Trying to find some peace and quiet?” Rey replied cheekily.  
Finn’s eyebrows shot up at that.  
“Oh well, if that’s the case…” his words trailed off as he rose from the stump.  
“Wait, wait, Finn…” she chuckled as she tugged on the seat of his pants.  
“Don’t go. I wasn’t referring to you.” She said with a huge smile.  
Finn looked down at her and laughed.  
“I know.” He said and lowered himself again.  
They sat together in silence for a little while, completely content with each other’s company.  
After a while, Finn looked at Rey and sighed.  
“Talk to me, Rey.” He said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.  
“You used to be able to talk to me about anything. But lately…” He sighed and let his words trail off again. Rey just stared ahead of her.  
“Lately, I get the feeling you’re closing yourself off.”  
He straddled the stump and faced her, taking her hands in his.  
“Rey, look at me.” He urged her.  
Reluctantly, she lifted her eyes to his.  
When Finn saw the sadness reflected in those hazel depths, he exhaled loudly.  
“ _Talk to me,_ Rey” he whispered.  
Rey looked at this man, this sweet, gentle man who had become her best friend and who had been willing to sacrifice his life for hers. This tough ex-stormtrooper, who had been willing to fight for her and chance terrible odds for her. This tireless Resistance fighter/icon who had become her family, her shoulder to cry on and the brother who would always have her back.  
And when she saw the worry in his eyes, she felt herself being torn apart. She wanted to confide in him about Ben so bad! But she knew instinctively that he would not be able to understand. Not yet anyway. And maybe he never would. So she settled for a partial truth.  
“I am feeling overwhelmed, Finn.” She whispered back.  
“All these people… they’re counting on me.” She let her eyes travel back down to study the dirt at her feet.  
“They see me as this beacon of hope. They see me as the next great Jedi Master. The one to take down the First Order.” She sighed and closed her eyes.  
To take down the First Order, she would have to take down it’s leader, Kylo Ren. And Ben was still inside him somewhere. She would never be able to kill him. _Never!_  
She shook her head and took a deep breath.  
“I am not ready for this. Not by a long shot. I’m afraid I won’t be able to live up to their expectations… ”  
She looked up and stared him in the eyes. Without another word, feelings were communicated, and Rey knew Finn understood at least that much.  
He heaved a great sigh and softly said: “Oh Rey…”  
He reached for her and pulled her into his embrace.  
He cradled her head against his shoulder and kissed the top of her head.  
She allowed herself this moment of being dependent. She’d never before allowed herself to lean on someone else quite like this before, aside from Leia when she had come back from Starkiller Base. To draw from their strength. It was strange and alien, but also so very familiar and comforting and incredibly nice…  
What instantly struck her, was the difference in her experience.  
She felt nothing of the scorching emotions she had felt when Ben had held her. The only thing this hug had in common was that she felt safe.  
Involuntarily, her mind drifted to Ben. A little shiver went through her at the mere thought of thim.  
He hadn’t tried to push her out again, but he hadn’t reached out either.  
She had tried not to impose on him too much. But it was hard. Because for some strange reason, her instincts seemed to drive her to him whenever anything happened.  
He was the first person she wanted to see, the first person she wanted to tell. She missed his serious expressions and his erratic temper. She missed the ease with which she could be in his presence and not say anything at all. And she missed his touch. Automatically, those thoughts reminded her of their kiss. She felt something inside her stir and the sound of his groans drifted through her mind as she …  
“Don’t worry, Rey.” She suddenly heard Finn say.  
“You’ve always figured out a way to make people look up to you without even trying. They know you won’t take out the entire First Order on your own. But at least having you on our side is giving them the strength to keep fighting.” He took her upper arms and pushed her away a little. He looked into her eyes and smiled.  
“Consider yourself our lucky charm.” Another bright smile and a wink were all that was needed for Rey to launch into full blown laughter.  
She laughed and laughed and even snorted a little. Finn was laughing right along with her.  
When the laughter died down a little, she looked up into that sweet, handsome face.  
“Thank you.” She said softly.  
“For what?” he answered.  
“For being here for me. Even when I didn’t know I wanted someone to be.” She smiled shyly.  
“It’s still a little odd to be in this position. Of having people around who… care.”  
She ducked her head in embarrassment.  
Finn just chuckled and drew her back into his arms. As he settled her back into his embrace, he kissed the top of her head and sighed.  
“That’s what friends do.” He rested his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes briefly.  
Rey snuggled closer and smiled.  
“How is Rose doing?”  
She felt Finn’s smile grow against her hair.  
“She’s doing great! Getting stronger by the day and getting back to her perky self. Won’t be long before she’s running around this base, bossing me around and stunning people again.”  
Rey could hear the obvious affection in his voice.  
She leaned back in his arms and met his gaze with a smile.  
“You like her.”  
“Yeah, I do.” He answered, slightly confused.  
Rey’s smile grew even wider.  
“No, Finn, I mean you _like_ her…” She emphasized her words with the wiggling of her eyebrows.  
Finn barked out a short embarrassed laugh.  
“Well…” he ducked his head. “Yeah, I do. She’s… different.”  
Rey smiled at him, and felt like she hadn’t stopped smiling for what seemed like hours. Her spirits lifted, her heart less heavy.  
“I’m happy for you. And she’s a wonderful girl, who clearly adores you. You should ask her out when she’s up  to it.” Rey said matter-of-factly.  
“I fully intend to.” Finn said quietly.  
“Anyway, I should be getting back. We have another meeting in ten minutes. I don’t want to be late.”  
He pulled her into one last hug and whispered: “I meant what I said. You can talk to me anytime. I’ll be here.”  
“I know.” She whispered back. “Now hurry up, or you’ll be late.”  
“Okay. Bye Rey.”  
“Bye” she said and watched Finn retreat towards the base.  
The sunlight filtered through the trees. Soft warm rays of light shone down on her face. She closed her eyes and allowed the Force to flow through her. Slowly but surely, she felt her breathing even out. Peace returned to her, where anxiety had been before.  
She inhaled deeply, filled with so much serenity it almost brought tears to her eyes.  
  
Ben had been standing a few feet away.  
He had been in the middle of a training session when he felt something shift in her mood.  
She had been very anxious and sad and although she hadn’t consciously reached out, he felt that little pull nonetheless. So he had given in and responded to her call.  
Only to see her with the Traitor.  
To see her confide in him, to see him pull her into his arms and to see Rey snuggle up so willingly…  
It was almost too much to bear.  
He watched in the shadows, unable to look away, hating every second of it.  
And then suddenly, in the midst of their embrace, he felt Rey’s attention shift. She was thinking about… him!  
He frowned and tried to pick up more, but he couldn’t make up the actual thoughts. Just… feelings.  
After a while, the Traitor left, and Rey was left sitting on that tree stump by herself.  
She started meditating and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  
He could see and feel her reaching out and embracing the Force around her and within her.  
He could see how her anxiety and fears were replaced with peace and serenity.  
And he realized he was jealous.  
Jealous of her easy companionship with others, jealous of her power, jealous of the way she could be so calm and interact with the Force so strongly.  
Meditation had never been his forte. He had been much more in his element with fighting techniques, with mindtricks and mindprobing, with using the Force as a weapon and defense mechanism. It both baffled and astounded him to see her this way. His envy was not begrudging.  
He was… mesmerized.  
He leaned his shoulder against a tree trunk and watched her closely.  
Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked directly at him.  
Rey’s eyes widened slightly and a soft smile reached her eyes.  
His stomach did a summersault when he realized it was directed at him.  
Her entire expression was so soft, he wanted to run to her and kiss her.  
“Goodmorning Ben.” She spoke so softly, he had trouble hearing her.  
He couldn’t utter a word over the lump in his throat, so he just nodded.  
They stared at each other for a while, and he decided he needed to get a grip.  
He looked around and was surprised to recognize his surroundings.  
His eyebrows shot up.  
“So…” he began. “Dantooine?” he asked with a lift of his brow.  
“They settled at Dantooine? Again?”  
He saw panic flit across her face and instantly felt her anger and dismay flow through their bond. White hot rage filled her and made her see red.  
She jumped up and quickly strode towards him, her staff at her side and ready to fight.  
“Is this why you’re here?” she narrowed her eyes at him and he could feel the animosity down to his bones.  
“To figure out where we are so you can send your army here? Because if you dare to attack our base, I will personally hunt you down and make you regret the very idea.” Her teeth were clenched and she was hissing at him. She was standing so close he could literally touch her if he drew in a deep breath.  
He couldn’t help the smile. It just materialized out of nowhere.  
_My fiery little scavenger…_ he thought.  
“I’m here because you wanted me to be here.” He said quietly.  
She frowned, her fury still pouring into him.  
“No, I don’t.”  
“Yes, you do. You reached out to me.”  
She frowned at those words.  
“I did no such thing. You’re lying.”  
Those words hit him in the gut. He narrowed his eyes at her and an angry glint shone in his eyes.  
He brought his face closer to hers and stared into her eyes deeply.  
“I _NEVER_ lied to you.” He whispered vehemently. “Not once.”  
Those telltale muscles near his mouth and beneath his left eye ticked.  
She knew it was true. He had never lied to her before. He had always been honest, no matter how much the truth hurt.  
His gaze held hers for a few more scorching seconds and then he straightened again.  
The look in his eyes grew aloof, almost cold.  
“I’m not here to gain intel, nor do I plan an attack on this base. Hux handles battlefront tactics and decisions.” He said flippantly.  
“He hasn’t figured out where the Resistance is hiding, but he’s doing his best. I’m not going to ruin the fun for him.”  
He shrugged his shoulder and looked away.  
Rey took a step back, still unsure what to think of this.  
“You’ll not order an attack?” she inquired softly, confused.  
He met her gaze levelly.  
“No.”  
She released a breath she didn’t know she was holding.  
“But if he finds out on his own, if he finds the location of your precious Rebel Base, I won’t stop him either.” He continued coldly.  
Her eyes flew to his.  
“You would let him attack us?” she asked incredulously.  
Again he shrugged.  
“We’re at war, Rey.”  
Her face contorted in a semblance of disbelief and disgust.  
“You would let your men kill us?” she whispered with a frown. “You would let them kill your mother?” she said brokenly.  
His mind screamed _Of course not!_  
He said nothing. He simply stared at her with indifference.  
A sound of disgust escaped her as she turned away.  
“Rey…” he started as he took a step towards her.  
“No! Stay away from me.” She shouted and she held her hand up towards him.  
He stopped midstride but continued talking.  
“I will not willingly put you at risk or in harm’s way. But I cannot stop my men from doing their job.”  
Her eyes were daggers.  
“Yes, Ben. You can! You are their Supreme Leader. You could end this whole war if you wanted to. One word would do. Just like that.”  
He tentatively took a step towards her and she did not stop him or retreat from him.  
“What good would that do?” He asked her. “If I ordered my men to stop fighting, what good would come of it?” He searched her eyes and tried to make her understand.  
“Your friends want to restore the Senate. They want to bring back the Republic. But they don’t see that it’s not the solution.” He stepped forward, closing the distance between them until they were no more than two feet apart.  
“Rey, the Republic and the Senate were corrupt. Everything seemed to be honest and open at first glance, but the deeper you delved, the uglier the truth! Bribes, secret societies, blackmail… ” he was beseeching her with his eyes, boring into hers with a vehemence and conviction she had never seen so clearly in his gaze.  
“My mother spent her entire life fighting for this warped idea, and she still has no idea of how revolting the whole institution was!” His voice was flat as he said these words, as if he regretted her decision.  
She looked into his handsome face, surprised to see such passion there. There was no malice, just contempt for this system of which he thought it had failed the galaxy.  
“Trust me when I say that the Galaxy is far better off without them.”  
He took her hands in his and frowned.  
“Rey, I want to build a new order. With you.”  
He sighed deeply.  
“I want to create a new system, where people are free from chaos and anarchy. To be able to live their lives knowing that there is order in the galaxy. Together, we could do it. Rule with me.”  
“At what cost, Ben?” she whispered.  
“These people are tired of living their lives under the tyranny of the First Order. All they want is to be able to be free.”  
She had turned him down again.  
She saw the effect of her rejection in those dark eyes. Hurt and agony clouded them, and were starting to transform in his almost characteristic anger.  
She had to act quickly, or she would lose him forever. And that thought terrified her.  
“Ben, I would stand with you in a heartbeat! But I cannot come with you when my heart tells me that your vision for the galaxy is wrong.”  
She stepped closer and put her hand on his chest, right over his heart.  
“Ben, please!” she whispered desperately.  
“I believe we could bring balance together, you and I.” Her eyes begged him to hear her. “But not like this.”  
_Don’t do this. Not again. I can’t take it again…_  
He heard her through their bond. He felt her sincerity.  
“You want things from me that I cannot give.” He said with a broken voice.  
“Do you expect me to turn back to the Light?”  
She saw the conflict in his features, felt it course through her as if it were her own.  
“Do you think people will forgive me and accept me back into their lives if I say I’m sorry?” His face contorted at the words.  
“I have done too much, been in the Dark too long, have taken too many lives, to ever be redeemed, Rey. If you expect that too happen, you’ll be gravely mistaken. I can’t go back to the Light. You can’t save me. No one can.”  
Her hand travelled up his chest to cup his cheek.  
She smiled at him softly.  
“You’re right. I can’t save you.” She said quietly. “You need to save yourself.”  
Her eyes dropped to his mouth and he could feel her emotions course through him. She wanted his kiss. Badly…  
Her tongue darted over her lips briefly and she whispered: “And I’ll be here, waiting for you, when you do.”  
And she raised herself on her toes and pulled his face to hers.  
Her lips touched his in the sweetest of kisses and in that moment, he forgot all about his plans for the galaxy…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was a pretty intense piece to write...   
> I really hope you guys love it as much as I do!   
> Dying to hear what you think of it!


	11. Chapter 11

When their mouths touched, there was no room for anything else in his mind except Rey.   
The feel of her firm lips on his, the touch of her hands on his cheeks, the confidence with which she kissed him. She knew what she wanted, what he wanted, and she wasn’t afraid to take it.   
Her tongue urged his mouth open and without hesitation took full possession.   
Her hands slipped into his hair and pulled him closer, and he instinctively put his arms around her and tugged her close.   
The air around them swelled and he could feel his body hum with the power of his emotions.   
_This…_ he thought, _This is what I want. This is what I’ve always wanted. What I need.  
_ He felt her hope and her warmth pierce through walls he had erected years ago. Light exploded in him, and he had never felt so alive.   
A low moan escaped her and she pressed herself even closer.   
He clung to her as if she were his lifeline.   
His body trembled and he recognized the desire now. He needed to be with her.   
He grabbed her butt, lifted her to her toes and squeezed. Her head snapped back and she gasped. He caught her lower lip between his teeth and gently sucked on it, laving it with his tongue.   
He squeezed her ass again and she let out a low, guttural groan that tore his sanity apart.   
She captured his mouth again with passion and determination. Her hands fisted in his hair  
He could feel her need across their Bond. She wanted _him_. No one else.   
A flood of emotions and sensations washed over him, and he felt overwhelmed.  
He broke the kiss abruptly.   
His breath came in short bursts and he rested his forehead against hers.   
He felt her confusion through their bond.   
His voice was raspy when he spoke.  
“I can’t do this anymore.” He said as he closed his eyes.   
The words slashed through Rey, and she imagined this must have been what Snoke had felt when the lightsaber cut him in half.  
“What?” she said as she stumbled back.   
Ben grabbed her wrists to keep her from running.   
“Rey…” he all but whispered, his gaze locking with hers. The look in his eyes was so intense, that a lesser person would have cringed or have been terrified. Rey, however, merely felt that same intensity echo in her soul.   
“I can’t do this anymore.” His eyes bore into hers. “Not like this. I can’t…” his voice trailed off and he inhaled deeply, trying to control himself.   
“I need to see you.” He said heatedly. Her face scrunched up in confusion.   
“I need to see you in person, Rey.” He continued quickly. “I need to touch you – _Really touch you -_  not through our Bond.  I want to be able to feel the softness of your skin and the callouses on your hands. I want to actually taste your lips instead of this whisper of a ghostlike flavor.”   
Those little muscles underneath his eyes were ticking again, he was clenching his teeth, and she could feel his desperation. She understood. Because she felt the same way.   
“I can’t keep doing it this way. I’ve never…”  
He stared into her eyes and couldn’t bring himself to say the words, not even through their Bond.   
But she knew.   
She pulled one of her hands from his grasp, reached up and brushed at a lock of hair that hung in his eyes.   
“Ben.”   
She took a step closer.    
She smiled up at him and whispered softly: “Don’t be afraid. I feel it too…”  
Shock registered in his face and then something strange happened.   
Ben laughed.   
Not a smile, not a chuckle. A fullblown laugh.   
And it was a glorious sound.   
He pulled her close and all but crushed her to his chest. His arms enveloped her and he kissed the top of her head.   
“You really are something else, Scavenger.” He said affectionately as he rested his cheek on her hair.   
“I know.” She replied, the sound muffled by the thick fabric of his tunic.   
He took a deep breath and they stayed like that for a few moments, both enjoying the nearness of the other. Both having a moment of absolute peace.   
Until he sighed deeply.   
“I mean it, Rey.” He said resolutely. “I can’t keep this up. I need to see you.”  
She looked up in his eyes and felt a tiny tremor course through her.   
_Anticipation_.  
She nodded and said softly: “Where? When?”  
He seemed surprised at her easy compliance.   
“As soon as possible.” He said. “Can you arrange a ship?”  
She nodded.   
“Leia said she would help us anyway she could. I only have to ask.”  
He frowned and sounded taken aback.   
“She did?”  
Rey smiled. “She did.” She leaned back into his arms and looked up at him.   
“She gave me a long lecture about how dangerous it was and all the things that could go wrong. And then she hugged me and told me she supported us and she would do whatever she could to help us.”  
The more she said, the more flustered he seemed.   
“Your mother loves you very much, Ben.” She said softly.   
She witnessed him retreating in himself, going back to that unreachable place.   
“I don’t see how she could.”  
“I can.” She simply stated.   
His mouth parted in surprise and she suddenly realized she had spoken aloud.   
She ducked her head, refusing to let him see the color rising in her cheeks.   
“So, I can get a ship, but we’ll need a place to go. Got any ideas?”  
He was pensive, trying to figure out what in the galaxy her words were about. Hoping against hope, knowing it was pointless. This whirlwind of emotions was exhausting.   
He looked at his surroundings and suddenly felt something. A presence. A guidance.   
It whispered in his soul.   
_Naboo.  
_ “Naboo.” He said calmy. “We’ll meet at Naboo.”  
“Naboo?” She exclaimed. “Ben, that is halfway across the galaxy!”  
He looked at her. Again, that whisper in his soul… _  
Varykino._  
“We’ll meet at Naboo. At Varykino.” He frowned as a memory floated back. “My family has an estate there. We could stay at the mansion for as long as we like.”  
Rey looked at him with surprise.   
“You’re serious.” She stated.   
“Yes, I am.” He replied calmly. “No one has been there in years, but I know that there are still caretakers. It’s still in fine condition, I’m sure, and all of the servants are sworn to secrecy when they are hired. It was a retreat for royalty, after all.”  
Her eyes wide, all she managed to say was: “Oh.”  
“Go to Leia. Ask her for the ship. When you’re on board, disable your tracking systems and contact me. I’ll send you the coordinates. I’ll meet you there.”  
He watched her swallow and nod her head in agreement. He quickly brushed his lips against hers and then the contact was broken. He vanished into thin air.   
She felt cold all of a sudden. Empty without his nearness. Alone.  
She allowed herself a moment to gather her thoughts. She had been so close to telling him something she figured neither of them was ready to admit. _So close._  
She needed to watch herself really closely from now on…   
She was suddenly overcome with a sense of urgency. Naboo was literally halfway across the galaxy. If she wanted to be with him, she’d better get going. Driven by an urge she could not fathom or deny, she simply spun on her heels and started running towards the base.   
Upon her arrival, she saw Rose standing on the far side of the bridge.   
“Rose!” Rey shouted out, earning quite a few startled glances her way.   
She ignored them and swiftly crossed the distance.   
“Hey Rey!” Rose said happily as she turned with more spring in her step than one would expect from someone who had been floating between life and death for weeks. It made Rey frown.   
“Are you supposed to be out of bed yet?” she asked with concern in her voice.   
“Oh pfu,” Rose said with a gesture of her hand. “I’ve been in bed for too long as it is. I’m excited to be out and about again. I had to promise to take things slow for a few more days, but I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She said flippantly. “How can I help you, Rey?” she asked.   
Rey swallowed and quietly asked: “Do you know where General Organa is?”  
“Umm, yeah, they’re having a meeting in the conference room.”  
“Right. Thanks Rose.” She said, already turning in that general direction.   
“Rey, wait!” Rose started, but Rey was already too far to respond.   
Rey headed over to the conference room as if she were chased by a rathtar.   
She knocked on the door and when she heard a muffled “Yes, come in?”, she quickly opened the door. Several pairs of eyes stared at her with different expressions. Some were surprised, some were concerned, others were clearly annoyed.   
She saw Finn, Poe and Leia look at her with concern though. She had to get this over with quickly.   
“I’m sorry to interrupt General, but I have an urgent request.” She started. When Leia’s eyes narrowed almost imperceivably, Rey continued quickly.   
“May I have a word with you?” her eyes darted over the other attending commanders and she added a hesitant: “Please?” to it.   
Leia seemed to understand her. For she nodded and addressed the group.   
“Excuse me for a moment.”   
Leia turned to her and met with her at the door. As soon as they were in close proximity, Leia searched her face.   
“What is it?” she whispered.  
Rey glanced at the group nervously.   
“I need a ship.” She whispered back.   
“Now?” Leia’s eyes nearly bugged out and her voice slightly rose.   
Rey swallowed against the lump of fear lodged in her throat.   
“Yes.”   
Leia regarded her with caution in her eyes.   
“Leia, please!” Rey begged her. “I need to leave as soon as possible. It’s important.”  
Leia’s mouth flattened into a grim line and Rey saw so many similarities with Ben, it was uncanny.   
“Are you going to see my son?” she asked bluntly, keeping her voice low so the others wouldn’t overhear.   
Rey fought the unreasonable fear she suddenly felt crawling across her skin.   
_What if she refuses? What if she goes back on her promise?_ Her thoughts raced and apprehension pricked at the back of her neck.   
Leia stared at her. Resignation showed in those wise, dark eyes.  
“Take one of the X-wings. The First Order barely tracks one-man fighters. If you try to stay under the radar, you should be safe enough. And take a datapad with you, so you can communicate if the necessity should arise.” She sighed.   
Rey’s face blossomed into a huge smile. She let out a sigh of relief she didn’t even know she was holding.   
“Thank you, Leia!” Her eyes dances with excitement. “I’ll be back before you know it!” she whispered and turned to leave when she felt Leia’s hand on her arm. She looked back at the older woman and saw warmth and concern in weary eyes.   
“Be careful, Rey.” She whispered sadly. “And may the Force be with you. Always.”  
Rey smiled and nodded. She turned and all but skipped towards the small hangar where the ships were docked.   
She was going to see him!  


 

Ben stood in the middle of his chambers, gobsmacked by what had just transpired.   
She had initiated another kiss and had agreed to meet him in person.   
And what was the deal with that presence he had felt? Whose was it? What in the galaxy had made him think of Varykino? He hadn’t been there since he was barely out of diapers…   
But he had, and she had agreed, so he was definitely going.   
_Now.  
_ He walked up to the intercom and made contact with the hangar’s control center.   
“Yes, Supreme Leader?” A voice sounded over a slight static.   
He took a fortifying breath.   
“Prepare my ship. I’m leaving on a mission.”  
“As you wish, Supreme Leader. We will have your ship and a squadron ready for you when you arrive.” The androgyn voice sounded over the intercom.   
He ground his teeth and blew out a deep breath. He hadn’t thought of the mandatory squad that was on board in all situations.   
“That won’t be necessary. I’m heading out on a private mission. Alone. Prepare the TIE-Silencer instead of the Command Shuttle.” He ground out. A short silence followed his remark.   
“Of course Supreme Leader.” Came through the intercom. “We’ll have everything ready upon your arrival.   
He ended contact and quickly left his chambers for the hangar.   
He stomped through the hallway on the Finalizer.   
He hadn’t been this determined, this focused on anything since he had made up his mind to kill Snoke to save Rey.   
The Supremacy was still under construction, progress was being made and they were right on schedule.   
With every resounding thud of his heavy boots on the dark floors, his heart picked up its pace.   
He looked fierce and intimidating, and the way he held himself made his subjects make themselves scarce upon sight.   
He turned a corner and saw Hux standing at the end of the corridor, near the hangar he was headed for. Hux looked up and saw him.   
Ben had trouble keeping his annoyance in check. He quickly switched to his Kylo Ren attitude as he approached.   
“Supreme Leader.” Hux started as he dismissed the Captain he was speaking with.   
“General” Ren clipped. He simply kept walking. Hux, to his dismay, merely fell in step with him.   
“I have been meaning to speak with you. I have received intel that could possibly…” Hux continued.   
Ren interrupted him.   
“General, this all sounds very interesting.” He said curtly. “However, at this very moment, there are other matters I must attend to.”  
“But Supreme Leader, this is important!” Hux interjected. He continued in a petulant and disdainful voice. “It regards the location of the Resistance Base. We must act swiftly if we are to…”  
Again, Ren interrupted him. They had reached the hangar and he could feel his impatience and anticipation grow with every second that passed.   
“General!” He said sternly, with enough authority in his voice to startle both Hux and the officers on the hangar’s command center. “I will hear everything you have to say upon my return.”  
The muscles around his mouth told Hux that the Supreme Leader was not in the mood to listen or to mince words.   
“For now however, I have other, more urgent matters that require my attention. I’m sure the intel you received will survive a few more hours?” He asked with an arrogant lift of his brow.  
Hux stared at him, contempt clear in that pale gaze. He did not, however, contradict him.   
“Yes, of course not. Supreme Leader.” But there was something about the ginger’s stance that made Ren’s teeth clench. Then again, anything and everything about this man irritated him.   
He added in a very authorative voice: “I suggest you hold off any important decisions or action for the duration of my absence, General Hux. I will not be gone that long. I’m sure you will be able to contain your enthusiasm for that period of time. Now if you will excuse me.”   
He turned on his heel, ignored Hux’s irritated gaze and walked directly to the Silencer that was already awaiting him, ready for take-off.   
His hands trembled as he reached for the necessary buttons and his stomach did a slow roll.   
_Rey?_ He inquired softly, reaching out through their Bond.   
_Rey, are you there?  
Yes I’m here, _ she replied _.  
Have you secured a ship?   
Yes.   
Good. I’m on my Silencer. Just head in the general direction of Naboo. I’ll disable my tracker and I’ll send you the specific coordinates in thirty standard minutes.   
Allright. _ She said softly _. I’ll see you soon._  
Okay.   
He couldn’t fight the smile that spread across his face.   
He was going to see her!   



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Smut scenes included. 
> 
> If you liked this chapter (or any other for that matter!) feel free to show me some love by leaving me kudos and a comment :)

Hux stood in silence as he watched their Supreme Leader depart on his secret, last-minute mission.   
Disgust rolled around in his stomach, it’s bitter taste soiling his mouth and his thoughts.   
_Oh, how I hate him…_ he thought _. How I hate him down to the very core of my being!_   
Hux couldn’t get over the fact that this emotionally unstable, petulant, overgrown child was in charge of the First Order now.   
He, Armitage Hux, had worked his entire life to get as high up the ladder as he was, only to find himself having to take orders from this pathetic mess of a disgusting Force-sensitive piece of deplorable royalty has-been. His arrogance set his teeth on edge, the elitist air Ren emanated making him want to gag.   
He would never understand what it was like, having to struggle and fight to get to a certain place, to achieve a certain goal. People like him were handed everything on a silver platter, simply because they were privileged enough.   
He hated Ren!   
And he was up to something… He could feel it.   
What on earth could be so important that it required the Supreme Leader to take off, unaccompanied, with no regard for safety precautions or mandatory procedures? He claimed to want to bring a new order to the galaxy, but all he was doing was creating more chaos and anarchy, bending the rules to suit his own personal interests.   
He narrowed his eyes and watched the TIE-Silencer take off, only to disappear into hyperspace within seconds of its departure.   
He was definitely up to something. And Hux would get to the bottom of it.   
_I’ll make sure he won’t reign for long…  
_ “General Hux,” the officer to his right spoke. “It appears our Supreme Leader has disabled his tracking devices.”  
Hux’s eyebrows lifted and he faced the officer.   
“He disabled his tracking devices?” he asked incredulously.   
The young man looked up at him.   
“Yes, Sir.” He said slowly.   
Hux narrowed his eyes.   
“All of them?”  
The officer swallowed and responded quietly: “Yes, Sir. All of them.”  
Hux’s mouth turned down as his regard for Ren diminished even further.   
_Moody, arrogant little bastard… I’m going to get him. Soon…_  
“Our Supreme Leader must have his reasons for it.” He said in a non-committal voice. He would not instigate any suspicion of his impending mutiny.  
“Keep an eye out and keep me informed. I want to hear about his return the second that ship is back in the hangar. Understood?”   
He gave the officer his coldest stare and watched the young man squirm.   
“Of course, General Hux. The moment he arrives.”  
“Very well.” He stated dryly. “Carry on.”   
He turned on his heel and headed for his personal quarters.   
He was working on a project of his own too.   
No one was aware of it, but he had been able to obtain some of the security footage of what had happened in the throne room the day Supreme Leader Snoke had been killed.   
The footage had been severely damaged, and Hux felt instinctively that Ren’s Force powers had something to do with that.   
What Ren didn’t know, was that Hux’s capabilities reached a lot further than Battlefield Tactics and War Operations. That it went beyond his knowledge of the Storm Trooper Program he and his father had erected.   
No, Hux’s secret passion were computers. He had already been able to unscramble the first section of security footage, where he had been able to watch the arrival of the girl and the first five minutes after that. He would soon unscramble the rest.   
Ren was lying.   
He was sure of it.   
And when he had the proof of that, he would take their new “Supreme Leader” out.   
His lip curled in a vicious smile. His Force abilities wouldn’t be able to save him this time around.   
_Just a matter of time._

 

 

Ben arrived at Varykino first.   
The Finalizer was stationed near Coruscant, so he had been a lot closer to Naboo than Rey was.   
He navigated the TIE-Silencer to the landing platform for that purpose and exited with trembling knees.   
_She’s on her way. She’ll be here soon._  
He took a deep breath and headed for the entrance to this large, opulent villa.   
His grandmother, Queen Padmé Amidala, ruler of the Naboo, had grown up here and used this as her vacation retreat during her reign. It was rumored that this was were she and his grandfather Anakin had finally given in to fate and had fallen in love.   
After Padmé’s death and Anakin’s transition to the Dark Side, it had been left in the capable hands of the caretakers. Padmé’s grandmother and later her parents had seen to it until their own demise, and left it to Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan. That had happened right before the Battle of Endor.   
He approached the huge doors and instead of knocking or ringing, he simply opened them and strode in.   
He stood in the large hallway and looked around.   
Not much had changed over the years. The scent of beeswax and flowers still clung to everything. Not a single dustmote was to be found, not a single dirtmark on the marble floors. The same paintings hung on the walls, the same vases and rugs were used to decorate.   
An older man, dressed in long tan colored robes appeared to his right.   
The man looked at him and mild surprise shone in his eyes.   
“Master Solo.” The man said formally. “How nice to see you again, Your Highness.”  
He bowed before Ben without any sign of hesitation.  
Ben’s eyebrows shot up, but other than that displayed no signs of his surprise.   
“Thank you… ?” He let his words trail off in question.   
“Padraig, Your Highness. Son of Paddy, the former caretaker.” He said with a slight bow.   
Ben merely gave an inclination of his head.   
“Thank you, Padraig. I am expecting a guest by the name of Rey. She will be joining me shortly.”  
“Very well, Your Highness. Shall I prepare the master suite and a guest room?”  
Without showing any emotion, Ben addressed Padraig.   
“The master suite will do.”  
“Very well, Your Highness. Would you like something to eat? Some refreshments?” Padraig continued professionally.   
“No, I’ll wait till my guest arrives. We will have our supper in our room.   
With the smallest hint of a smile, Padraig bowed his head.   
“As you wish, Your Highness.”  
“I’ll be on the balcony. When she arrives, send her there.”  
Padraig bowed his head and took his leave.   
Ben turned around and walked towards the large terrace, with its famous balcony. His mother had told him stories of how this was the place where his grandparents had fallen in love, how they had married here in secret. It was as beautiful as he remembered.   
The lake glistened as the sun was just barely starting its descent. Golden rays of sunshine reflected off it’s surface and touched luscious green shrubs and colorful flowers. The scent of wildflowers hung in the air, a pleasant warmth enveloped him.   
He walked up to the bannister and stood there overlooking the lake. Legs apart, arms locked behind his back, he found himself lost in thought, in memories of an innocent childhood that he had forgotten on purpose.   
The loneliness befell him, but not as harshly as usual. No, this time, he remembered different things.   
Laughter. Raspberry kisses. Calloused hands ruffling his hair. Lullabies.   
He frowned as these memories assailed him. Suddenly, he was overcome with a strange sensation. He recognized it for what it was, even if it had been a long time since he had experienced one.   
A Force Vision.   
Knowing it was pointless to fight it, he closed his eyes and allowed it to manifest.   
_Time seemed to warp, the sun set and rose and set again in a fast continuum. He seemed to be travelling in reverse. Without warning, he stopped and he saw two figures standing at this same balcony. A man and a woman wearing a veil. Flashes of other times and places mingled.  
He recognized the planet of Tatooine, having been there multiple times. He saw a small boy, blond hair and blue eyes smiling up at a young girl, dark hair and dark eyes and a beautiful smile that seemed familiar. Again the image shifted. The woman he had seen earlier, held the man close, her belly big with child. Another shift. The same woman, falling to the ground after the man had strangled her. Two babies. The woman, beautiful in death, carried to her grave. Darkness encompassed him. Light burst around him and he saw Rey standing before him. Suddenly, it was nightfall. He was lying on a bed, with Rey nestled close at his side. The feeling of peace and serenity overwhelmed him. She looked up at him with obvious affection in her eyes, kissed his cheek and rested her hand on his heart. The vision faded, the sound of babies gurgling and children’s laughter sounded from afar. _    
Time rewound itself to it’s current state, rendering Ben reeling and breathing hard. He felt nauseated and disoriented.   
_Don’t make my mistakes…  
_ That same voice he had heard earlier. The one who had guided him here.   
He frowned. This was different from any other vision he had ever had. He gripped the banister with a white-knuckled grip, heaving big gulps of air to try and regain his composure.   
_Rey, where are you?_  He whispered in their Bond.   
She would be here soon. He would be able to look into her eyes, to touch her skin. _To taste her lips..._ He felt the anticipation in his chest build.    
He closed his eyes and breathed, using her name as a chant to calm his nerves.

 

Rey arrived one standard hour later.   
She was sure she had broken new records in travel time today. She had taken quite a few risks in trying to get here as soon as possible. She landed the X-wing on the platform next to Ben’s TIE-Silencer.   
_He’s here!_ Her heart cried out. _He’s really here!_  
She quickly got down from the X-wing and stared up at the mansion.   
Whatever expectations she had had when she had heard Ben mention an estate, they had not even come close to what she was witnessing.   
She had never before seen such a grand building, never seen such beautiful surroundings.   
The scent of wildflowers, greenery and something else but equally sweet permeated the air.   
Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as she walked up the steps that led to the main entrance.   
She hesitantly knocked on the door.   
Within seconds, the door opened and an older man in tan colored robes appeared in the door frame.   
“Ah, good evening Miss Rey.” He said in a benevolent tone.   
“Welcome! Please come in. We have been expecting you.”    
The man stepped aside and allowed her to enter.   
Surprise marked her features, but all she could think of was that Ben must have told this man she was coming. She smiled at him and mumbled a shy “Good evening Sir.” In response.   
“My name is Padraig, Miss. Should you need anything, anything at all, you merely need ask. Master Solo is waiting for you on the balcony. He has asked me to bring you there upon your arrival. Shall we? This way, Miss.” he said as he gestured for her to proceed ahead of him.   
Together they crossed the large hallway, a large sitting area and a sun room. Each room was more decadent and opulent than the one before.   
Beautiful hand-carved sculptures, exorbitant paintings and fresco’s, intricate furniture…   
For a simple scavenger who had grown up on a desert planet, fighting for survival every single day, this was the ultimate vision of heaven.   
She was still looking around when Padraig opened large glass doors that led out to a large terrace overlooking a grand lake. Standing near the banister, stood a large, brooding figure clad in black.   
Her heart skipped a beat, only to return at double its original pace. Her breath caught and she saw Ben slowly turn to face her just as Padraig spoke up.   
“Miss Rey has arrived, Your Highness.” He said as he bowed his head in reverence.   
Ben’s eyes locked with her and she felt it’s intensity hit her like a lightning bolt.   
“Thank you, Padraig. Tell the kitchen staff to start preparing our supper. We will be having it in the master suite, two hours from now. Now leave us.” He addressed the servant calmly. Never once did his eyes waver from hers.   
Rey felt her stomach quiver. Her breath caught in her throat as she stood there, staring at him.   
This was the first time she had seen him in person since the Throne Room Fiasco. That’s how she referred to it.   
He was still staring deeply into her eyes, his gaze so intense it was almost scorching.   
“Hello Rey.” He said softly, his deep voice reverberating in her womb. Delicious tingles flitted across her nerve endings, causing goosebumps to form on her arms. Thank the Maker for the bindings that hid them. She swallowed over the lump in her throat.   
“Hello Ben.” She breathed.   
A small smile played at the corners of his mouth.   
“And here I was, thinking you’d come running to me the moment you saw me…”  
His voice trailed off and he pushed his tongue to the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.   
Rey, on the other hand, did no such thing. She just started laughing, a sound he hadn’t heard directed at him before. If he hadn’t been trembling with anticipation before, he would be now.   
It was a beautiful sound, like a melody produced by delicate wind chimes. It made his insides clench.   
“Well, I didn’t want you to think it would be that easy…” she said coyly.   
He felt himself harden with arousal at the sight and sound of her.   
She felt it through their Bond, and felt her body respond in kind.   
Heat pooled between her thighs and her stomach quivered. She felt her breasts grow heavy.   
He moved towards her, his steps slow and deliberate. Like a predator sneaking up on his prey.   
Anticipation.   
There was no better word for this feeling that overpowered any other feeling in their Bond.   
Anticipation. Desire. Need. Desperation. Longing.   
All these feelings coursed through them, drove them forward.   
He stopped right in front of her, a mere two inches of air separating them.   
He still held her gaze. The intensity she saw there should have scared her. It didn’t. Instead, it merely excited her even more.   
She started trembling in earnest, her breath coming in short gasps.   
For a moment, they just stood there, toe to toe, staring into each other’s eyes.   
His stomach clenched and he felt an overpowering need to reach out and touch her. To kiss her.   
But he knew that if he touched her here, they would never make it to the bedroom.   
His desire for her was too strong. He wouldn’t be able to contain himself.   
She felt his need through their Bond and was left in awe by its power. She felt something inside her echo it.   
“Follow me.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.   
She couldn’t speak to save her life, so she merely nodded.   
She had expected him to take her hand, but instead he walked past her and lead her back through the sun room, the parlor and the hallway.   
She followed him up the wide stone staircase to the first floor. He took a right turn and continued through a large corridor that made several turns. They passed several doors before they stopped at large double doors at the very end.   
He opened the door and let her walk past him, careful not to touch her in the progress.   
When she was inside the room, she was astonished.   
She couldn’t utter a single word, her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as she took in the sight before her.   
Large floor-to-ceiling windows bathed the room in golden sunlight, provided by the setting sun. The view was dominated by the lake and the green hills in the distance.   
A very, _very_ large bed dominated the entire right side of the room, while a small sitting area with a fireplace and soft sofa’s sat to the left. A large en-suite bathroom could be seen at the far end.   
The fire was burning and there were vases filled with the most beautiful and fragrant flowers she had ever seen.   
The large bed caught her eye again. The matrass was thick and the satin coverings looked soft and indulgent. She had never seen a bed like it. Her breath caught again when she noticed that someone had turned the covers down.   
She felt Ben behind her, the heat from his body radiating to her back.   
She felt his warm breath near her ear and neck and a shiver ran down her spine.   
Ben felt her wonder through their Bond at the sight of this room. He could feel her innocent delight.   
She had never seen this kind of luxury before, and he couldn’t help the desire to want to indulge her as much as he could. His need for her overshadowed all else at this point though.   
“You do realize what is going to happen now, Scavenger?” he whispered in her ear. His voice was low and seductive and she felt her entire body turn soft and pliable.   
“I am going to make love to you.” He said, just the slightest bit louder.   
“I am going to make you mine. Completely. I will brand you as my own, as much as you made me yours on Starkiller.”   
The sound of his voice and his breath on that sensitive strip of skin, combined with the words he was saying and the passion in them caused her to shudder involuntarily.   
He let his hand trail from her shoulder down to her hand. She was pleasantly surprised to discover he was not wearing his gloves.  
When his fingers touched hers, she felt that same electric current run through her as she had on Ahch-To. Just as she had then, she gasped at the shock of his touch.   
“Ben” she whispered as she shivered again.   
He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and gently turned her around to face him.   
She closed her eyes as feelings she had never felt this strong before overtook her.   
She had felt his touch before, through their Bond. But this was no comparison.   
This was a thousand times more intense. Every light touch of his finger pad felt as if he lit a fire in her pores. In her very soul!  
“Look at me.” She heard him say.   
She opened her eyes and her breath caught when she saw the look on his face.   
The tenderness she saw reflected in that dark gaze took her breath away.   
“Say it.” He said softly.   
“Say that you want to be mine. _Only mine_.” He whispered vehemently.   
She felt and saw his desperation. She understood his need for this, for this confirmation. For her to acknowledge that she wanted to be with him.   
She placed her hand on his chest, right over his heart and did not break their gaze.   
Her tongue darted over her suddenly parched lips and she swallowed past the lump in her throat.   
“Ben…” her voice trailed off softly. “I cannot become what I already am.” She said earnestly.   
She watched as a thousand thoughts and emotions flitted across his face and in his eyes.   
And then she felt it. His determination. His need.   
He cupped her cheek and lowered his mouth to hers.   
He kissed her hungrily.   
A groan erupted and she couldn’t tell if it was his or hers.   
She fisted his tunic and pulled him closer until there was no more space between them.   
His left arm came around her and his hand grabbed her ass while his right hand moved from her cheek to tangle in her hair.   
He pulled her hair and her neck arched, breaking their kiss. His lips then made contact with her throat and she let out a small cry.   
She arched her neck even further, granting him better access. Her arms slipped around his waist and she let her hands slide across his butt. She caressed it and it was his turn to utter a soft growl.   
He let his mouth move up her neck again and rained kisses across her face as he murmured softly.   
“I promised myself I’d take this slow.” He captured her lips in a slow, deep kiss. It rendered both of them breathless when he finally tore his mouth from hers.   
“But the way this is turning out, I guess slow is hardly an option.” He had trouble drawing enough air in his lungs.   
The air around them crackled with energy, with the intensity of their desire and something else.   
She smiled up at him through heavy lidded eyes.   
“That’s allright. We’ll go slow next time.” She said huskily.   
The little control he had left over his brain eluded him at her words. His mouth went dry and his blood coursed down to his groin at a frightening speed.   
He started moving them towards the large bed, and started loosening the belt at her waist.   
She got on her tiptoes and kissed him as she started returning the favor.   
Both belts came loose at the same time and they carelessly dropped it on the spot.   
Ben pulled at the long flowing fabric that hung from her shoulders and it fluttered to the floor.   
Rey took the edge of his tunic and impatiently tugged upwards, trying to get it off, frustrated when it got stuck. Ben helped her by grabbing the edges himself and pulling it over his head. He wore a soft shirt underneath.  
He made quick work of her arm wraps, tearing them off as fast as he could.    
Ben pulled the edges of her vest aside and pushed it off her shoulders with ease. A soft, crème colored chemise was all she had left covering her chest. It was so sheer he swore he could see her nipples underneath. He had trouble breathing as he realized that he was about to make love to Rey. His Rey. _Mine.  
_ He reached out and cupped her neck, pulling her towards him. She went eagerly and he crushed her lips in a kiss so passionate it made her toes curl.   
His other hand cupped her breast and the impact caused her to break the kiss with small scream.   
She looked into his eyes deeply.   
“Ben.” She whispered and he saw the depth of her emotion in her hazel eyes. He felt it resound in his soul and felt her feelings through their Bond. He felt the jolt that went through her as he touched her breast. It was a powerful aphrodisiac. To feel her desire so strongly.   
He lifted her in his arms then and carried her to the bed, never breaking eye-contact.   
He gently laid her down on that soft matrass. He leaned over and touched his lips to hers with the most tender of touches.   
_Rey. My Rey._  
She could hear him through their Bond, his soul echoing inside hers.   
_My Ben._ She whispered back.   
He sat back, took his shirt off and then kneeled down before her.   
He gently tugged her boots off, first one then the other.   
He rolled her socks down with equal attention. He toed off his own boots and socks impatiently, the contrast stark with the patience he had shown her.   
He let his hands slide upward over her heels, up her calves and over the back of her thighs.   
By the time he reached her bottom, she was shaking with the strength of her desire.   
He showed her no mercy. As he continued to travel up her body, he let his mouth trail over her stomach, between her breasts and along the curve of her neck to find her lips again.   
His body completely covered hers now, his weight pleasantly heavy on top of her.   
She buried her hands in his glorious crop of hair, loving the way the silken tresses felt against her calloused fingers.   
“Ben” she gasped just as his mouth found her nipple through the fabric of her shirt.   
As his lips covered the rosy peak, his tongue flicked over the pebble-like bud.   
She couldn’t help the squeal that escaped her at the sensation. His fingers dug into her hips as her body seemed to pulse with life.   
He turned his attention on her other breast and let his hands slowly slip under the chemise.   
She arched her back off the matrass as the foreign sensations overtook her. His hands caressed her ribs and his mouth was at her breast and his hair tickled her throat.   
Suddenly her hands were at his shoulders, tugging impatiently at his shirt and mumbling something he didn’t comprehend.   
He sat up briefly and she quickly took advantage of that move to get up on her knees. As she sat kneeling before him, she grabbed his shirt and in one fluid movement they worked in unison to pull it over his head.   
The broad expanse of his chest made her breath catch, much as it had before. But now she was closer.   
She saw all the little scars that covered his skin. The weblike scar at his left side, right above his hip, from where he got hit by Chewie’s bowcaster. Several scars covered his arms. And then there was the large scar from where she had slashed him with the lightsaber. She felt a brief surge of remorse and guilt. Sensing it through their Bond, he took her hand and kissed it gingerly.   
“I wear it proudly.” He said softly. “It is the mark you left on me.”  
She gulped and felt a tear spill. He leaned forward and kissed it off her cheek.   
He then unbuttoned her chemise slowly, pushing it off her shoulders and flinging it across the room.   
He pushed her back onto the matrass and let his lips drag across the exposed skin.   
He kissed her navel, letting his tongue dip into the small crevice as he started to undo her trousers.   
The impact of what they were doing suddenly hit her full force.   
“Ben, wait.” She suddenly said.   
The instant her words left her mouth, she felt him tense up. She felt his alarm course through her as if it were her own. He feared her rejection more than anything. Already she could feel his anger bubbling up.   
He looked up at her and the apprehension in his eyes made her feel stupid for going about it this way.   
“I need to tell you something, before we…” She lowered her eyes, heat creeping in her cheeks.   
“I mean, what I want to say is…”   
She felt his wariness increase. He was starting to pull back from her. She met his gaze and felt incredibly ridiculous.   
“I’ve never… I mean…” She couldn’t say it.   
“You’ve never what?” he all but growled.   
_I’m a virgin._ She whispered through their Bond. _I’ve never done this before.  
_ Surprise marred his features. When he was over his initial shock, relief coursed through him.   
He drew himself on his forearms, his face hovering mere inches above hers.   
“So am I.” he whispered softly, looking into her eyes with so much intensity it made her stomach tremble and her womb contract. At the look in his eyes, she felt a heaviness settle between her legs, and a need she had never felt so desperately before lodged deep inside her.   
“You are?” she asked, confusion clear in her gaze. “Really?”  
And just like that his anger and his fears were eradicated.  
She sounded so flustered, he couldn’t help the laughter from bubbling up.   
“Have I ever lied to you?” he asked quietly, amusement still apparent in his eyes. But there was an honesty there, a light she had never seen before. It touched her soul in a way she could not even begin to describe if she had knowledge of every word in every language known to the universe.   
She smiled up at him and her heart was reflected in her eyes. She couldn’t speak for the life of her.   
So she just reached up and brushed her lips to his.   
_Make love to me, Ben_ she whispered in their Bond.   
His heart fluttered at those words.   
He deepened the kiss and gathered her close, taking the time to learn every detail. The taste of her lips and the contours of her mouth. The curve of her lips and the texture of her tongue.   
He was suddenly overcome by emotions so strong he had trouble containing them.   
He trembled as he reached down between them and undid her pants.   
He slid his fingers under the fabric and gently pushed it down her legs. He threw the garment to the side and looked at her naked form.   
“Kriff, you’re beautiful.” He choked out.   
As his gaze met hers, she felt his emotions through their Bond clearly. It mimicked her own.   
He undid his own trousers and took them off and she couldn’t drag her eyes away from him.   
He was a perfect specimen of masculinity.   
His erection stood proudly, like a sentinel at a temple, waiting to comply to the Godess’s every whim.   
She reached out at him and he gathered her in his arms.   
The moment their naked bodies touched, their skin tingled. Every inch that touched seemed to ignite sparks of awareness and pleasure and it was almost more than they could take.   
Their need for each other obliterated every rational thought and they were soon immerged in caresses.   
They kissed each other, their breaths coming out in ragged bursts, their murmurs becoming frenzied.   
He laved her breasts as she writhed beneath him. His hand found her core, his fingers slipping between her warm folds and he felt insanely proud that she was already slick and wet and ready for him. He rubbed her clit gently and she cried out. Her legs parted instinctively, granting him better access.   
Her hands gripped his shoulders in an iron clutch, grateful for his muscular build. She felt him smile against her skin. He sucked on her breast as she felt his finger slip inside.   
She let out a low moan and her eyes rolled back in her head at the sheer exquisite pleasure.   
He started a slow rhythm, and soon her hips bucked with him.   
She felt something inside her start to build. She absolutely loved what he was doing to her, how he made her feel. But she wanted more. She could feel him holding back to favor her. But she wanted him. All of him.   
He felt her grow more frustrated with every passing second. He felt her pressure build as sure as he could feel his own heart beating in his chest. She wanted more. _Needed_ more.  
Just as he was about to act on it, he heard her murmur through the Bond.   
_Ben, please… More. I need more… Give me more… please._  
She sounded so desperate. He felt her agony.   
He kissed her lips and then dragged his lips down her body.   
_Ben, what are you…_   
Her voice dragged out into a scream as his mouth had found her most sensitive part.   
He licked and sucked on her clit, as he added another finger and matched his pace to his mouth.   
It took her less than a minute before the pleasure built up so unbearably that she felt herself coil tighter than a rope, only to snap and shatter into a million tiny shards. She cried out in ecstasy and grabbed a fistful of his hair while her other hand fisted in the sheets. She lifted off the matrass and cried out his name.   
She collapsed back onto the bed and drew in a few deep breaths.   
Ben was kissing his way back up. He reached her lips and took her mouth in such a sweet, deep, slow and passionate kiss it left her breathless and wanting all over again.   
“Are you allright?” he whispered tenderly against her cheek as nuzzled her face.   
A broad smile split her face as she whispered: “No. I’m not. And I hope I never am again.”   
She turned to him and kissed him as her fingers touched his scar gently.   
“Ben?” she asked softly. “I still…” she trailed off, frowning as she tried to find the right words.   
“I still need more.” She admitted.   
He smiled at her and whispered: “I know.” As he caught her lips again.   
He positioned himself between her legs and she felt his cock at her entrance.   
He was trembling with the effort to keep himself from plunging in deep.   
Sweat was beading on his brow, his hair damp from the strain he was putting on himself.   
“I’m sorry Rey, I’ll be as gentle as I can.” He ground out as he gently pushed his way inside.   
She felt an uncomfortable little stab of pain, barely worth the thought of it.   
What amazed her, was how she felt herself being stretched out to accommodate him, and the pleasure that came with it.   
He let out a fierce growl as he was fully sheathed inside her.   
“Kriff, Rey!” he shouted. He rested his forehead against hers and tried to regain some of his composure.   
It was pointless. He felt her pleasure and her sensations and they mixed with his own. He could feel her feel filled by him just as he felled her tight grip around him.   
If he wasn’t careful, he was going to come right now. And that would be embarrassing as Hell…   
“Ben!” she cried out as she wiggled beneath him, restless and anxious for more.   
He leaned forward and kissed her neck as he started to move slowly.   
Rey whimpered at the delicious friction it caused. She wrapped her arms around him, her palms spread wide on his back. As his strokes became stronger, as he picked up the pace, she couldn’t contain her cries, groans and whimpers. She felt the pressure start to build again, but she knew this would be different.   
The air around them swelled, crackled with energy. They could feel it. The Force.   
It surrounded them, enveloped them, intensified _everything._  
She felt her body start to tense, she was so close to it, something very much like the release she had felt earlier, but much more powerful. Much More powerful.   
Ben was panting, groaning with every thrust. He chanted her name through their Bond, and she could feel he was just as close as she was.   
He shifted a little, wrapping her legs around his waist and grabbing her ass.   
And just like that, everything changed.   
Suddenly his thrusts pounded against a very sensitive part of her. He seemed to be able to fill her more, to stretch her to the point of unbearable pleasure.   
She dug her fingers in his back and his ass, and she caught herself begging Ben to not stop, no matter what he did.   
She couldn’t help the cries that she let out with every stroke, with every thrust. He hit that sweet little spot every time and she felt that same pressure build with every move he made.   
He dug his fingers in her ass and bit her neck and just like that, she snapped.   
The Force literally trembled around them, causing the building to shudder.   
She let out a primitive scream as her orgasm overtook her.   
As he felt her inner muscles clench around him, he let out a feral cry of his own.   
He dug his feet in the matrass and pushed into her as far as he could, feeling his own orgasm explode deep inside her. He felt every spasm of her orgasm clench around him, milking every drop of his cum from him.   
He collapsed on top of her, breathing hard, sweat slicking their skin.   
Tremors went through him at the intensity of what they had just experienced.   
They both simply lay there for a moment, trying to catch their breath.   
Rey touched her forehead to his and brushed her lips against his.   
Too spent for anything else, they fell asleep in each others arms, overcome by an otherworldly peace.   
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a lot longer than I had anticipated. Life kept getting in the way... :p   
> I'm going to start the next one asap! And hopefully this time, I won't stray from my goal because of sick kids, storms and broken shingles... 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this, and if you do, be sure to leave me some love!

A soft knock woke her up.   
For a moment, she was completely disorientated.   
When she noticed a heavy arm draped across her waist, she remembered. _Everything….  
_ The knock sounded again.   
She gently slipped out of bed, trying not to wake him. She quickly picked up his shirt and tugged it over her head as she tiptoed towards the door.   
She opened it carefully and peered through the slit.   
“Yes?”   
A young woman in a long gown stood on the other side holding a large silver tray laden with the most delicious smelling foods Rey had ever seen. Several plates were covered with a silver dome.   
“Your supper, Miss. His Highness told us to bring it up.”  
Surprise marked Rey’s face and her mouth formed a perfect O.   
“Yes, he did.” She all but whispered.   
Strange to hear them call Ben “His Highness. She’d have to ask him about that.   
She opened the door to take the platter from the young servant, but instead the woman just walked past Rey and placed the tray on the low table near the fireplace.   
She turned and addressed Rey formally, only briefly flicking her eyes up and down at Rey’s appearance.   
“Is there anything else I can get you, Miss?” She inquired softly.   
“No thank you… I’m sorry, I did not catch your name?” she replied.   
“Moira, Miss.” The young woman said with a small smile. “The name is Moira. Should you need anything, just ring the bell.” She said as she pointed towards an ornately woven cord near the bed and then curtsied and left the room, closing the door with a soft click.   
Rey couldn’t contain herself. She lifted one of the lids and what she saw made her mouth water.   
Steaming bowls of soup with small balls of bread on the side. Beautifully cooked slices of tender meat, an exotic and colorful arrangement of vegetables and something fluffy that looked like a type of grain or something. A wide variety of fresh fruits along with something soft and creamy she didn’t know. Completely unfamiliar, but very appealing and extremely decadent. Especially to someone who had been starving most of her life…   
She was about to dig in without thinking, when a low voice startled her.   
“Aren’t you even going to wait for me?”  
She jumped and looked back at the bed.   
Ben was leaning his head on his palm, raised on his elbow and looked at her. Lying in the midst of twisted sheets, with his hair all ruffled and messy and looking all sleepy and mussed, she finally understood why women went crazy over men. She finally understood their appeal, something she had never considered before.   
Her mouth went dry and she felt her body respond, even more so than before. She knew what would happen now. She knew what pleasures lay ahead. Even so, she was not going to be some spineless woman. She would never yield without a fight.   
“And let the food grow cold?” she quipped with an arched brow.   
To make a point, she took one of the breadrolls and bit into it.   
Now he was the one to raise an eyebrow.   
“I guess table manners were irrelevant on Jakku?” he asked dryly.   
She would have been offended if she hadn’t seen the twinkle in his eyes.   
“They only mattered when A. you weren’t starving, and B. when you had an actual table to sit at.”  
He smiled.   
“Touché.”  
She inclined her head to acknowledge her small victory.   
She bit into the roll again when she noticed him watching her very closely.   
There was something very disconcerting about the gleam in his eyes.   
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she said with a tilt of her chin.   
_Another easy smile…  
_ “You’re wearing my shirt.” He said in a soft voice.   
“And?”  
“And… I like it. I like seeing you like this.” His smile faded slightly, but not in a bad way. More as if he were lost in thought.   
Rey felt at a loss. She wasn’t accustomed to this type of conversation. She was direct, to the point, sometimes brutally so. She wasn’t flirty and seductive and soft.   
So she shrugged a shoulder and simply stated: “It was either put your shirt on or open the door naked. I figured the person on the other side of the door would have preferred this.”  
She turned and sat down on one of the sofa’s in front of the fire.   
She heard the sheets rustle softly and then the sound of his bare feet after some rummaging.   
She felt him lean over her and put his arms around her.   
He kissed the side of her neck and whispered in her ear: “Still, I like the way my shirt looks on you.”  
Other words tumbled into their Bond as he kissed her neck and ear.  
_Soft, vulnerable, feminine and very enticing…  
_ “Aren’t you hungry?” she breathed, trying to focus on the food. The effort was making her voice tremble. It only got worse when he whispered in her ear.   
“Starving…”  
She closed her eyes and let her head fall back against his shoulder.   
He nibbled her ear, kissed her neck and pulled the shirt aside to rain kisses on her shoulder.   
She started to tremble and her breathing became faster. He was so gentle! Of all the things she had expected, this gentleness he was showing her was far beyond her expectations. And yet, what she felt wasn’t gentle. Not all of it. It was raw and rough and very addictive.  
He placed a kiss on her cheek and softly spoke, effectively bringing her attention back to the present.   
“You’re right though. I’m going to need all the nourishment I can to keep up with you…”  
He sat down next to her on the sofa, letting out a sigh as he lifted the lids off the plates.  
She noticed he was wearing his trousers. These weren’t nearly as high as the ones she had seen him wear before, when she was still on Ahch-To. These stopped just over his hips, revealing his very chiseled abs. Again, that heavy feeling returned between her legs. She decided to ignore it. For now…  
They ate in silence for a while, simply enjoying the exquisite food and each other’s nearness.   
When they were done, he pulled her close to him. He tucked her under his arm and kissed the top of her head. His fingers trailed her arms absently and Rey felt him becoming lost in thought.   
Rey had to keep herself from looking into his mind. It was mighty tempting, though. She didn’t know how to handle dark, brooding men. Every man she had encountered so far had been easy enough to understand. They were open and clear and opened up to her easily. Ben had trouble letting people in. Something she could relate to. Something she could understand, knowing how conflicted he was and how he had been used and abused for years.   
When she could not handle the silence anymore, she threaded her fingers through his and softly asked: “What are you thinking of?”  
She felt him draw in a deep breath and listened to his sigh. He was weary.   
“Anything and nothing.” He murmured against her hair.   
She frowned, not knowing how to respond to that.   
He chuckled softly. She felt it rumbling through his chest and vibrate through her own.   
He kissed her crown again and whispered: “Oh Rey…”   
She felt him smile.   
And she felt… Balance.   
She was happy in his arms, in this easy companionship they shared. She felt… at home.   
Instantly, that made her think of the Resistance.   
Of Leia and Finn and Poe. Of Rose and the droids and everyone else.   
_What am I doing?_ She asked herself. She was being selfish. Allowing her own happiness to take precedence over all else. How could she do this? This wasn’t right! And still… it felt more perfect than anything in her life ever had…   
Ben felt her stiffen in his arms. Felt her mood switch like a shift in the tide.   
“Rey?” he asked, concern in his voice.   
“I have to go.” She muttered and tried to get up. He stopped her by holding on to her hand.   
“Rey, sweetheart, what’s going on?”  
He got up off the sofa and looked at her, but she avoided his gaze.   
“It’s getting late. I have to go.” She said and shook off his hand.   
He panicked.   
“Don’t go. Not yet. We have a little more time.” He said softly, as seductive as he could.   
She looked at him then.   
She watched him swallow and do that incredibly cute thing with his mouth. A strange sort of pursing his lips. It always tugged at her heartstrings. A sign of his insecurity, although he obviously wasn’t aware of it. It made her want to run to him and hug him close and tell him everything was going to be alright.  
She shook her head.   
“No we don’t. For all we know, Hux has already discovered our location. He could be attacking the base as we speak.”   
“He’s not.” Ben spoke quietly. Confidently.   
“How do you know that? How can you be sure of that when you are here?” she argued.   
He stepped a little closer and let his eyes bore into hers.   
“Because I gave him strict instructions to hold off any attacks or Battlefront decisions until I returned.”  
His calm voice made chills run down her back. She frowned and studied his face.   
“He’s already found us, hasn’t he?”   
Ben swallowed over the lump in his suddenly constricted throat. He couldn’t lie to her. Even if he wanted to. And right now, he would have given everything to be able to tell her a white lie.   
“Yes.” He swallowed again. “I believe he has.”  
Rey felt as if the ground beneath her feet had disappeared and she was falling down into a dark abyss. Her mind raced. She looked up at him accusingly.   
“Is that why you wanted to see me? To keep me away from the Base?  So they can attack without me being there?” Her nostrils flared in anger, her eyes were flashing, cheeks flushed with indignation.   
“No!” he yelled. “He hasn’t been given authorization to attack yet! They were told to refrain from action for the duration of my absence!”  
She stepped back as if he had slapped her. Her eyes narrowed and her lips were drawn in a tight line.   
“So as soon as you return, they’ll begin their offense.” She stated calmly.   
“Rey…” he started, but she interrupted him.   
“I cannot believe this!” she said venomously. She stared him in the eye and conveyed every emotion she held inside through their Bond.   
Anger, frustration, helplessness, disappointment, hurt, trepidation, fear, disillusionment, hopeless.   
And pity.   
_Pity?!  
_ She pitied him? He lifted his chin in defiance. He was the Supreme Leader! He controlled the Galaxy. Entire systems bowed before him. He had the power to…  
“You have the power to do good, more power than anyone has ever seen! You have a good soul inside you, I can feel it!” She shook her head and made a face as if she were tasting something foul.   
“And yet, you choose to go down the Dark path! To instill fear and terror wherever you can. To bring destruction and death and so much fear! How can you do this?” she was yelling at him now.   
“How can you leave here, knowing that in a few hours you’ll be giving the orders to destroy and kill an entire community of people, _to kill your mother_!” she continued heatedly, “Simply because they do not agree with you? When you know, _YOU KNOW_ , that you are better than that?”   
He simply looked at her.   
He wouldn’t even try to explain.   
“I am the Supreme Leader of the First Order now, Rey.” He stated coldy.   
“I have a vision for the galaxy. I will bring order and peace to our Universe. I will build a new world upon the ruins of the old ways. I vowed to do whatever necessary to reach those goals.”  
“By killing anyone who opposes you? By destroying anyone who questions your vision or tactics?” She asked quietly.   
“If that is what it takes, then yes!” he said. His voice rung loudly in the silence that followed.   
They stared at each other for what felt like eternity.   
She then nodded. “Fine.” She walked across the room, picking up her garments along the way, shrugging them on impatiently. When she had tugged on her boots, she turned back.   
He was still in the same spot, watching her with hooded eyes. Not a single sign of emotion. Not anything to be felt through their Bond.   
Her voice rang hollow in the room, bouncing off the walls and reverberating in the silence.   
“We both took great risk in coming here. We both thought it was worth it. And it was.” She spoke confidently.   
“But now I fear we’re even further apart than ever.” She studied her fingernails briefly, took a deep, shuddering breath and then looked up at him again.   
“You’ve made your choice.” She stated coldly. “When we meet again, we’ll be enemies again. Because I will never turn. I refuse to join you if you insist on going down this path. You’ll have no choice but to kill me.”  
A tear slipped down her cheek.   
“Goodbye Ben.”  
She turned and walked out the room. The door closed with a loud click.   
Ben was left standing in the middle of the room, looking at the spot where she had just been, and felt himself torn between running after her and letting out his anger at the bed where he had allowed his weakness for her to take over.   
Instead, he simply stood there and felt his heart grow heavy and emptiness eat away at his soul.   
  
  
   
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this was a challenge...  
> A lot of stuff has been happening the past week or so, a big storm blew a part of our roof off among other stuff that kept me occupied.  
> But I loved writing this chapter and I hope you like it.

Rey stormed out of the mansion as fast as if the entire First Order was on her heels.  
Darkness was growing around her, and it suited her just fine.  
She rushed towards her ship, jumping in and starting the proper sequences without thinking.  
She was about to take off when she felt it. His presence brushed against her. She hesitated.  
_Don’t go, Rey. Not like this. Not again._  
His words spilled into their Bond. She could feel his anger, his frustration, his remorse.  
Her heart lurched. By allowing their bodies to merge, so had their souls. Even more than before. She could feel _everything_ he felt. Every nuance, every flimsy emotion, every intent. She could feel it all if she wanted to. Their Bond had intensified to the extreme. They were even more part of each other now than ever before.  
She knew just what he was asking her now. He was asking her not to leave him, not to block him out like she had on Crait. To not abandon him.  
She closed her eyes and felt sadness wash over her. Loneliness. His or hers, she couldn’t tell.  
Finn’s face swam before her mind, as did Leia’s, and Poe’s, and Rose’s and…  
She felt her resolve strengthen.  
She cared for Ben, more than she wanted to acknowledge. More than she dared to examine.  
But she cared for her friends, for the family they had become.  
She could not, _would not_ let anything harm them if she could help it.  
She took a deep, fortifying breath and spoke clearly, calmly into their Bond.  
_As long as you insist on forcing your warped idea for the Galaxy upon innocent people, as long as you prefer to instill fear instead of respect, as long as you keep choosing the Dark Side over the Light or even over common decency, I have nothing to say to you._  
_Rey…._  
_Leave me alone, Kylo Ren._  
She pulled her mental walls up, effectively blocking him out. She wouldn’t look back. She wouldn’t crumble. She pushed the buttons and took off.

  
Ben stood at the edge of the balcony, watching her X-wing ascend slowly, turn around and then after a short flight make the jump into hyperspace.  
_Leave me alone, Kylo Ren._  
The words danced around in his brain, bouncing off the reverberations of the figurative echoes of her slamming the door on him. Again.  
She had called him Kylo Ren.  
Not Ben.  
Kylo.  
Never before had he hated the name until he heard it roll off her tongue so coldly.  
He wanted to destroy something. He wanted to hurt something. He wanted to roar.  
So he did.  
“REY!!!” he screamed at the retreating X-wing. She couldn’t hear him physically, but he knew she could feel it, even through those barriers she was pulling up faster than he could blink.  
His heart felt as if it had been ripped from his body, as if a chunk had been taken out of his soul.  
Shamefully, he admitted to himself that he wanted to fall to his knees and bawl his eyes out.  
And that admission caused him to become angry.  
Anger was good.  
He could channel anger. He knew how to handle anger. He was used to anger. He was used to pain as well, but this type of suffering was completely new to him. It was worse than anything he’d ever felt.  
Even compared to the worst torture Snoke ever put him through, worse than Luke’s betrayal or his parents leaving him behind.  
_Leave me alone, Kylo Ren._  
The finality in her voice gave him steely resolve, even as it caused a tremor down his spine.  
Enemies.  
They were back to being enemies.  
_Or are we?_ He thought quietly.  
Despite his anger, despite his anguish, he knew that when the time came to confront her, he could not kill her. He would not be able to take her life.  
She was meant to be with him. He had seen it in every vision he had ever had of her.  
_Don’t make my mistakes._  
The strange voice snuck in again. Ben frowned at the faint memory. He didn’t recognize the voice, nor the images that had flashed before him in his vision earlier. But they were important. Vital.  
He looked up at the darkened sky.  
She was out there. Somewhere amidst those stars.  
She was off to Dantooine. To the Resistance Base. To warn her friends of an impending attack from his troups.  
Heaviness settled in his soul as he found himself on strange crossroads.  
He should head back and give his orders to Hux. There was no way around it if he wanted to retain any sort of credibility with his men. They were already losing patience, he knew. Chomping at the bit to do more than train. To get some action. Any more idling about and they would lead a mutiny. Probably with Hux leading them on.  
A vicious sneer curled his lip at the mere thought of the redhead.  
How he hated that little weasley mutt!  
The man was an underhanded, arrogant little shit, but he served his purpose. Ben had to admit that he did excel in warfare. He had a vicious streak that had proven its worth in the past. It would come in handy again, along with that tactical mind of his. He really shouldn’t waste any more time.  
But if he left now, Rey wouldn’t stand a chance. She would have no time to escape.  
He frowned and felt a headache build behind his brow.  
He could not hold his decision off for long.  
But he decided that he probably had enough time for a quick trip to the fresher before he left.  
He headed inside.  
_The fresher it is._ He thought. _After all, it wouldn’t do to return looking like disheveled and smelling like her._  
_And if I just happen to linger a little, it won’t have anything to do with a certain Scavenger having the time to get away…_  
His thoughts were traitorous, even to himself. But as long as Rey was safe, he would be able to live with his self-disgust.  
He picked up his clothes off the floor, where they had been thrown haphazardly.  
He headed for the bathroom and quickly shucked his pants. He threw everything on a pile on top of a small stool in the corner. Mild irritation at his own carelessness pricked at him. He usually would fold or hang everything with military precision. He decided he couldn’t care about it right now.  
He stepped into the fresher and turned it on.  
For a few moments, he allowed himself to stand there and feel the rays of water pelt down on him.  
The hot water briefly scalded him, then blissfully numbed him. His throat constricted painfully and his eyes burned. But it was from the hot water. That was all it was. That was all it could be.  
Rage shot through him again, white hot and blinding and he felt the obscene need to act on it.  
He grabbed a washcloth and started rubbing his arms and chest with a vengeance. He would scrub her memory from his body, scrub away the pleasure and happiness she had brought him if it killed it. He didn’t stop until the combined sting of hot water, soap and skin scrubbed raw to the point of bleeding pierced his momentary lapse of sanity. He looked down and saw tiny red rivulets run down his arms and chest and drip down to the floor, only to disappear down the drain.  
_Pain is a good teacher, Kylo Ren. Pain leads to anger. It will fuel your power in the Dark Side…_  
The sound Snoke’s voice echoed in his mind. Panic flashed through him briefly, before he realized it was a memory and not his Master, back from the grave.  
Disgusted with his own twisted behavior and thoughts, he turned the spray to cold. The shock helped clear his mind and his system, snapping him back to the present.  
He turned the fresher off and stepped out.  
He quickly toweled himself off and started to put his clothes back on. It didn’t take him long to realize that his shirt was missing.  
_Rey has it._  
The idea that she had it, was both a comfort and a source of irritation.  
_Would she sleep in it? Keep it because it was mine?_  
He scoffed at himself for such frivolous and pointless thoughts.  
With every piece of clothing he put on, he felt some of his former self click back into place.  
With every piece of clothing, his resolve to not crumple because of her grew.  
When he was fully clothed – minus the undershirt – he felt exactly that what she had called him.  
Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader of the First Order.  
He would do whatever he had to do to realize his plans for the galaxy.  
As he put his left glove on, he gave it an extra little tug.  
Determination made his jaw clamp down and his mouth twist as he exited the room and left straight for the front door.  
He _would_ make his vision a reality.  
And she _would_ rule at his side.  
Just a matter of time…  
He stepped out and went straight for his ship. He quickly got everything in position and took off without looking back.  
_Just a matter of time…_

Rey once again broke records in getting back to the base.  
Poe and Finn were in the hangar, both men scowling at her, one more intently than the other.  
As she climbed down from the X-wing, Finn didn’t even wait for her feet to hit the ground.  
“Where on earth have you been, Rey? Why did you take off like that? We’ve all been worried sick about you!” He walked up to her with his arms outstretched, just ready to pull her in.  
She sent him an apologetic look and simply brushed him aside.  
“Not now, Finn, I’m sorry. I’ll explain later.”  
Still walking as fast as she could without breaking into a run, she addressed Poe.  
“Where’s Leia?”  
His eyes were still trained on her with a strange expression, but he answered in a neutral voice nonetheless.  
“She’s on the bridge.”  
She frowned as Poe’s face scrunched up in a frown of his own. She had a distinct feeling that he knew more than he let on. She tried to shake it off, but the uneasy feeling stayed with her. She nodded and started running inside the base.  
She headed straight for the bridge and found Leia standing with a small group of officers. They were hunching over a table, studying something that didn’t interest Rey in the least.  
“General Organa!” she shouted at the top of her lungs to be heard over the hubbub and commotion that was the Command Bridge.  
The silence that followed was almost surreal.  
The moment seemed frozen in time, everyone looked at her, what felt like a thousand eyes staring at her in question and surprise.  
She felt it, but ignored them all as she sprinted across the room. Leia took several steps in her direction, meeting her in the middle of the room.  
“Rey?” she asked with a worried expression. “Are you allright? What’s wrong?”  
Rey felt panic bubble up, the anxiety she had tried to keep in on the way back to the base no longer contained.  
“Leia, we need to evacuate.” She sounded slightly breathless, a combination of fear, stress and the physical exertion of running as fast as she could.  
“Rey, calm down. What is going…” Leia said softly, but Rey interrupted her, grabbing her arms in a viselike grip.  
“The First Order. They know where we are. They’re going to attack any moment. We need to evacuate the base. NOW!” she insisted in a loud voice.  
Leia’s eyes instantly grew hooded and wary.  
“Rey, come with me.” Leia said softly as she turned.  
“Leia, there’s no time!” Rey’s face was scrunched into a mask of impatience.  
“We have to start the evacuation NOW! They could be here any minute. We need to get everyone out!”  
Leia stepped closer. She stared Rey in the eye and the look she gave her would have given her pause if she had had the time to think about it.  
“How do you know this?” she asked softly, barely above a whisper. “Who told you?”  
The older woman’s stare was hard but Rey was just as tough. A small frown and a tiny pull at the corner of her mouth were all that showed her vulnerable emotional state. No one would have noticed, but Leia saw it.  
“Ben.” Rey whispered so softly it was barely audible, but Leia heard it as if she had been shouting the single syllable from the top of her lungs.  
Leia showed no emotion whatsoever, but Rey picked them up nonetheless.  
“How can you be sure he was telling the truth?” she whispered back.  
“I…” she started.  
Rey averted her gaze briefly and heat climbed in her cheeks as she remembered what had transpired. How he had tried to seduce her to stay with him a little longer. How tempted she had been for a split second, before reality came crashing back with a vengeance…  
Leia sighed when she realized what Rey couldn’t bring herself to say.  
“He had no reason to lie.” She whispered. She was about to say more, but Leia cut her off unceremoniously.  
“Save it.” She muttered to Rey before raising her voice and pushing a button.  
“Code Red. Start evacuation mode immediately. I repeat: Code Red. Start evacuation mode immediately!”  
She turned back to Rey and said: “You can explain later.”  
Rey simply nodded and followed the instructed protocol of evacuating the premises.

 

By the time he returned to the Finalizer, he was in full Kylo Ren-mode.  
Or mostly anyway.  
As soon as his ship landed, the officer at the control panel alerted Hux, as the man had requested.  
Kylo Ren emerged from the fighter and with forceful, determined strides walked towards the Command Bridge. He pinned the officer with a look that could easily rival his Force Choke.  
“Have General Hux meet me in the conference room and have him assemble his Commanders.”  
He strode past it without another word, not waiting for a response but instead heading straight for the elevator.  
He punched the button for the right level and watched the doors close.  
Again, that irritating niggle of doubt wiggled in.  
_Why are you doing this?_ That voice inside his head whispered again. _You don’t want this. You’ll hurt her. You’ll lose her if you do this. Is that what you want?_  
He could feel his heart tug and squeezed his eyes shut in response.  
He wanted to get this fucking see-sawing behind him!  
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth… Over and over and over again!  
Anger at his own weakness made bile rise in the back of his throat.  
Why was he doing this to himself?  
The voice was right though. If he did this, Rey might get hurt.  
He had already pushed her away. If he did this, he might lose her forever.  
He tried to ignore the painful spasm in his chest.  
The elevator stopped its ascend and the doors opened.  
_No time for doubt._  He told himself. Steeling his resolve, he stepped out of the elevator and walked through the double doors leading into the conference room.  
Hux was standing near the door, waiting for him.  
_Showtime…_  
“Ah, Supreme Leader!” the obnoxious twerp greeted him with fake enthusiasm.  
“So good to have you back. I hope your trip has been worthwile.” He continued.  
“You may disperse with pleasantries, General Hux.” Kylo Ren spoke forcefully. He stared at the man with ice in his eyes.  
“Before my departure, you informed me that you believe to know where the Resistance is residing.” He said cooly, his voice matching his demeanor.  
“Yes, Supreme Leader. Our sources have informed me that they have struck up a new Base at Dantooine.”  
Careful not to show anything in his face or stance, the knowledge there was a traitor within the Resistance registered.  
“Very good.” He said. “Tell me, General…” he continued in a professional, detached tone, “how fast can our troops be readied and present at the target?”  
Hux lifted his eyebrow and in a very smug manner stated: “Our men are ready, Supreme Leader. They can be shipped out in a matter of minutes. They could be at the target within three standard hours.”  
The prick looked happy. The thought of his glee made Ren sick to his stomach. He had no intention of pleasing this pawn in any way, but it was not to be avoided.  
“Excellent.” He muttered.  
“You may ready your men, General Hux. And prepare my shuttle. We are to leave within thirty minutes.”  
If possible, he watched as Hux grew even more smug. As if he had been waiting for this very moment.  
Kriff, he probably had!  
“Anihilate that base. Reduce it to nothing. But…” he let his voice trail off as he walked towards the doorway.  
He had his hand on the doorknob when he turned back and addressed Hux one more time.  
“You will spare General Organa, Poe Dameron, FN-2187, the Wookie and the girl.” He spoke slowly, intently. An icy glint shone in his eyes and he made sure everyone in the room knew exactly how serious he was.  
“You will capture them and keep them unharmed.” He narrowed his eyes and allowed a sick little smile to play with the corners of his mouth.  
He watched Hux become slightly rattled at the sight of his smile, much to Ren’s delight.  
He decided to add to his General’s discomfort.  
“I have…” he trailed off and allowed a real grin to break through, menacing and foreboding, “special plans for them.”  
Hux stood rooted in his spot. Ren watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down behind the collar of his uniform.  
“As you wish, Supreme Leader.” He said neutrally.  
Without further ado, Kylo Ren left the conference room in lieu of his private quarters.  
He knew what he had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... 
> 
> What do you think about that?  
> Let me know how you think things are gonna evolve! I'm dying to know your ideas :)  
> If you loved this chapter, show me some love and leave me kudos or a comment!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit 'bout to go down... (pardon my frnch)

****

In the privacy of his quarters, he let go of his façade.   
He returned to being Ben here. Hated that he did. Willing himself to remain detached, failing to do so.  
He was breathing harshly, torn apart by his own conflict.   
He had given his men permission to start a full-out war.   
_As long as you insist on forcing your warped idea for the Galaxy upon innocent people, as long as you prefer to instill fear instead of respect, as long as you keep choosing the Dark Side over the Light or even over common decency, I have nothing to say to you.  
_ The words washed over him again and again.    
He swallowed back the anxiety and the bile rising in the back of his throat.   
Fear clouded his judgement. Worry for her, for her safety. Something else, something he didn’t quite understand, that he knew but didn’t know. Something he couldn’t fight feeling, but refused to name.   
His desperation grew. She had to get out. He needed her to be safe.   
He reached out with his feelings, trying to connect with her.   
_Rey.  
_ Barely a whisper, but he needed to get through to her.   
When he felt her mind resist, he simply pushed harder.   
_Rey!_  He shouted out in their Bond, desperate to get her attention.   
When once again he felt her trying to ignore him, he decided to use another tactic.   
_Rey, please listen to me!_  He took a deep breath.   
_Get out as fast as you can. You have less than three hours to evacuate. You need to get out NOW!  
_ This earned him a response at last.   
He could feel it, the change in her demeanor. She seemed to allow a tiny crack in that wall she’d pulled up against him. Her anger and her disappointment washed over him, and he simply accepted it.   
_You have some nerve to say that to me!_ She raged into their Bond. _This is your fault! You ordered the attack. You do not have the right to…  
Rey, please! _ He interrupted her. A deep sigh trembled through their Bond, and he couldn’t tell if it was his or hers.   
_I know what I said and I know what I am doing. But we both know we can’t deny this, Rey. We can’t fight this Bond between us._ He continued in a soft voice. _  
Well, I can sure try!_ She spat out.  
_Rey…_ he sounded weary. He was weary. She could feel it course through her own veins, he was sure of it. Just as her own apprehension and pain was flowing through his.   
_Please?_  He begged her softly. _Listen to me and trust me on this. Get out now while you still can. If not for your own sake, then for that of those friends of yours…  
_ He realized he’d made a mistake when her fury wrapped itself around his ribs and seemed to squeeze all the air out of his lungs.   
_I did trust you!_ Her words actually crackled because of her vehemence.   
_Over and over and over, I trusted you. When everyone told me I was a fool for it, that I would come to regret it, I still trusted you. It was a mistake I won’t make again.  
Rey, try to understand…   
No I will not try to understand! You made your choice. You chose war over peace. That puts us on opposite sides. I will not run away.   
_ Ben sighed again and tried to reason with her once more.   
_Rey, you need to evacuate. We will arrive in less than three hours and I can’t risk you getting hurt!  
We??? _ She barreled through his head, her voice screaming, making his head hurt.   
_You’re coming with them? You’ll actually take part in the attack?  
_  He wasn’t going to try and explain why he was coming when it was clear to him she wouldn’t listen anyway. She wouldn’t accept that he was coming along to make sure Hux followed his orders and refrained from harming them.   
She was livid. Wave upon wave of white hot fury washed over him, threatening to take him under.   
His heart – or what was left of it after all these years of darkness - twisted painfully in his chest when he realized that it was over. To discover that despite his caution, he had allowed hope to blossom in his soul.   
_If you come here to attack us, Kylo Ren, I swear I will fight you till my last breath.  
_ The sound of that name rolling off her tongue with such bitterness and hate stung.   
Had it only been a few hours ago that she had moaned his name, _his_ name in ecstasy?   
He lost his patience and his temper at the same time.   
_With what? You don’t even have a lightsaber anymore!  
_ Her angry growl reverberated in his chest, as if it was his own.   
_I will fight you with my bare hands if I have to.  
Oh puh-lease… _ he muttered. _I don’t have time for this. I have to go._ He clipped.   
_I’ll be there soon. And you’d better be gone when I get there.  
_ Another burst of anger banged into him.   
_Don’t count on it!_ She bit back and then gave his presence a great big shove.   
He almost physically tumbled back from the strength of that push.   
Frustration clawed at him, and he roared with it. He thumbed his lightsaber to life and once again resorted to destroying his furniture and his walls.   
When he felt that some of his anger had abated, he turned it off and shoved a hand through his hair.   
He let out a deep, shuddering breath and made a decision then and there.   
Without further thought, he opened his closet and took out another one of his helmets.   
He briefly looked at it, remembering his reasons for wearing it before.   
Those reasons had changed, he had changed.   
But the fear that mask invoked had not…   
Determination strengthened his resolve and without hesitation he clicked it in place.   
He turned on his heel and left his quarters, heading for the hangar where he knew Hux to be waiting for him.   
A familiar voice sounded in his head, the memory of the man it belonged to causing his steps to falter…   
_I have a bad feeling about this…_

 

 

Rey was left standing to the side of the hangar, gripping one of the crates with a white-knuckled grip and breathing heavily.   
She felt sick to the stomach and was trying really hard to return her breathing to normal.   
She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to ignore the pain that was wrecking her from the inside out.   
_Why???_ Her mind screamed.   
She was careful to keep her guard up, but she could still feel him there, on the edge of her consciousness. Barely noticeable, but there nonetheless.   
Why would he do this? After what they had shared at Varykino, why would he do this? What kind of twisted plan was he concocting?   
Rage filled her again.   
_Careful, Rey. Anger leads to the Dark Side…_    
Master Luke’s voice rang in her head, his lessons flitting through her memory.   
She lifted her head, straightened herself and turned to inform Leia of the amount of time they had left.   
She noticed Poe standing a few feet away, watching her.   
The look in his eyes was making her feel uncomfortable.   
Gone was his usual friendly, open gaze. He was staring at her with a guarded, almost hostile look. Distrust dripped from his entire stance, his usually smiling mouth was drawn into a grim line.   
She frowned in response, feeling tension build in her stomach, making her nervous.   
“You okay?” he asked her. There was nothing seemingly out of the ordinary. But still, something was wrong.   
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little rattled.”  
She watched as Poe’s lips flattened in a thin line. He nodded once and quickly got on with whatever he had planned on doing.   
Her frown deepened as she tried to shake off this uneasy feeling. She hadn’t taken more than five steps when she almost ran into Chewie.   
The Wookie looked her up and down and groaned at her, basically asking her the same question Poe had.   
“Yes, Chewie, I’m fine. We’re in the middle of an evacuation. Why does everyone keep asking me that? And why are you looking at me like that?”   
The Wookie stepped a little closer and with softly murmured groans stared down at her. _You’re wearing Ben’s shirt._  
Her eyes almost bugged out at his words. Her mouth formed a perfect O.   
she opened and closed it several times.   
Chewie, sensing her many questions, just shrugged a shoulder and softly grumbled his response.   
_“I’ve known him all his life. I was there when he was born. Took care of him as a kid. I’d know his scent anywhere.”  
_ That made her clamp her mouth shut. She started breathing hard through her nose, nostrils flaring in irritation.   
Her reaction was not what Chewie had expected. He drew himself straighter, and growled in a low voice. “ _Did he hurt you?”_  
Rey’s eyes flew up to him. She saw nothing but concern and protectiveness in his hairy face.   
Chewie was the only one who really knew what had happened between her and Ben. What they had done. That they had teamed up against Snoke.   
Come to think of it, the Wookie had always had her back. He had protected her from Unkar Plutt at Maz’s Cantina without a moment’s hesitation… He had come to her rescue at Starkiller. He had taken her to Ahch-To. He had taken her to see Ben, even if he didn’t agree with her decision. He had been there to pick her up afterwards.   
Suddenly overcome with love for this big lug, she shook her head and whispered that he hadn’t. And before she could think twice, she hurled herself in Chewie’s arms.   
The Wookie seemed to have anticipated her move, because her momentum didn’t even cause him to wobble.   
He let out a series of grunts. _“Good. Cause I don’t feel like tearing his arms off.”  
_ Rey laughed at that.   
He looked at her and then softly told her in no uncertain terms that she should best take off the shirt before heading back in. Not everyone would be as supportive or understanding as him.   
Color rose in her cheeks and she ducked her head, but she readily agreed.   
She stepped inside the Falcon and quickly took off the shirt. She was about to leave, but something halted her. She looked back at her bunk, Ben’s shirt tossed there carelessly.   
And her heart gave a little tug.   
She gathered it up and lifted it to her nose. She inhaled deeply and Ben’s scent still clung to it.   
Spicy, slightly musky and that special thing that was entirely Ben’s. Memories of his lips on hers, his hands on her skin, rushed back with vivid clarity.   
She choked back a sob and squeezed her eyes shut. She willed herself not to cry.   
Ben was gone. Replaced by Kylo Ren. She would do well to remember that. She would only get hurt if she held out hope.   
Still, she couldn’t bring herself to put the shirt down.   
She tucked it inside her vest, strangely fortified that she had been able to take something, _anything_!, that belonged to him. It seemed only fitting when she had left behind so much.   
Taking a deep breath, she turned and quickly went to find Leia.   
The entire Base was in a frenzy. Several ships were already starting to take off.   
The General had never been one to stand by idly while others did all the work. She was first and foremost a hands-on type of leader. She was busy hauling crates and equipment around, directing anyone around her, telling them to hurry and get away as fast as they could.   
When she saw Rey appear, she excused herself.   
“Well?” she asked brusquely, without preamble.   
“They’ll be here in less than three standard hours.”  
Resignation flashed in the older woman’s eyes. Steely resolve straightened her back, adding several inches to her hunched over form.   
The woman was tired. Worn out. Weary.   
She let out a sigh and despite the fact Rey knew this tough little lady seemed strong enough to carry the world on her slim shoulders, she could feel the weight of her heartache weigh her down.   
“Then we need to keep moving.”   
Rey nodded and started to turn away, when Leia’s hand touched her arm.   
“Rey…” she started softly. She halted and smiled sadly when Rey frowned at her.   
“Sweetheart, I have a strange feeling about this. All of this.” She kept her voice down, and with the chaos around them, she was pretty sure no one was paying them any attention anyway.   
“There is more to it than we think.” She studied Rey’s face intently. “He told you about their plans.” She said. Rey simply nodded.   
“My son may be many things, and Han and I made a lot of mistakes, but we didn’t raise a liar.” She stated dryly. Her chin lifted and Rey could see that it was pride.   
She grudgingly admitted to it. “That’s true. He’s never lied to me before.”  
“Which means that he has ulterior motives for telling us. For trying to get us out of here.”  
Rey saw the tiniest flicker of hope in the older woman’s eyes. For a split second, she looked years younger and her appearance truly was that of royalty. Those sharp eyes once again studied Rey with agonizing scrutiny. A huge smile lit her face. She nodded once.   
“When you see my son…” she started, her smile turning sad once more. She took a deep breath and carried on in a stronger voice “When you see my son, tell him I love him. That I always have, and always will. And nothing will ever change that. Despite all he has done, he is still the light of my life.”  
Rey grew restless, standing there on that command bridge, with everyone around her buzzing like bees.   
She had a niggling feeling, a premonition almost. Unease filled her at hearing Leia’s words.   
“Well, General Organa,” she said with every ounce of conviction she could muster, “you can tell him yourself when you see him, because there is no way that I am ever wasting my breath on the likes of him again.”  
Rey couldn’t help the bitterness and hurt from seeping into her tone.   
Leia’s smile turned amused in the blink of an eye. Rey could hear her “yeah right” hanging in the air.   
“Sweetheart, I’ve been there and done that. It’s what Solo-men do. They drive you crazy.”  
She chuckled, the sound felt strange and inappropriate considering their current circumstances.   
“You love him too.” Another thoughtful gaze. “Maybe even more than I loved my Han.”   
A whistful expression clouded those wise dark eyes that resembled her son’s so much.   
Rey opened her mouth to protest, but was quickly cut off by Leia.   
“I expect you to tell him what I said.” She said with authority, picking up her role as Leader of the Resistance again.   
“Promise me, Rey.” She said, her eyes glinting hard. “Promise me you’ll tell him what I said when you see him and the time is right.”  
Everything in Rey screamed to rebel. She wanted to cry out, to lash out, to tell Leia she could tell him herself, because if _she_ ever saw that man again, she would just as soon kill him.   
But there was something that kept her from doing so.   
A chill ran up and down her spine and she heard a faint whisper around her. Unrecognizable words, but a feeling rather. Foreboding. The Force was telling her to pay attention.   
Grudgingly, she nodded.   
“Yes, General.”  
“Good. Now, let’s continue with our evacuation. We’re wasting time.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I just love, Love, LOVE where this story is taking me!   
> My Muse, I pay you respect! ;) 
> 
> If you enjoy this fic, be sure to leave me a comment :)   
> it'll help me along :) 
> 
> Next chapter coming up soon! I promise!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy...

Good time was made.   
They had just sent away a handful of ships already, loaded with equipment and volunteers.   
They could still be seen just inside the sphere, not yet jumping to hyperspace.   
Just one more shuttle to go, their shuttle, and the evacuation would be complete.   
It was down to the “core” now, as Rey liked to call it.   
General Organa, Poe, Finn, Chewie, Rose, Connix, C’ail and the droids. A handful of the newbies that recently joined them. They were trying to get the last of the equipment on board before taking off.   
As they were hoisting one of the hologram projectors up the ramp, the first Star Destroyers appeared from hyperspace.   
In the blink of an eye, there were seven looming over them, casting long shadows and bringing darkness with them.   
Rey and Leia both had a premonition simultaneously. Leia shouted and Rey barely had enough time to pull Poe away from the shuttle with the Force before a blast of gunfire hit it.   
The craft exploded, the backdraft pushing them to the ground.   
Their only way off the planet had just been obliterated before their eyes.   
Finn and Poe shared a look, both fierce and despaired.   
They did not have long to ponder the hopelessness of their current situation.   
Several shuttles ejected from the Star Destroyers, shuttles that undoubtedly held several squadrons of Storm Troopers.   
Fire was opened on the Resistance shuttles, easily taking them out one by one.   
Horrified by the sight of their small, struggling fleet being picked off, the remaining Rebels only grew more determined. They would probably not survive this final attack, but at least they would go down with a fight!   
Grabbing their blasters and basically any weapon they could get their hands on, they assumed positions.   
As the First Order shuttles touched down, their ramps lowering on Dantooine soil, squadron after squadron of Storm Troopers emerged.   
They immediately launched into gunfire, blasters going off on either side of the conflict.   
The sound of roaring engines, the acrid scent of the burning shuttle, the flashes of laserguns going off…   
It was both surreal and impressive.   
The Resistance Fighters were able to pick off more than a fair amount of Storm Troopers, valiantly struggling to hold their own.   
Orders were shouted on both sides. Screams could be heard, bloodcurling screams that were distorted through the sound of their helmets.   
Several Fighters, new to the Resistance and not yet trained to fight, also lost their lives.   
Poe let out a low growl, Finn gave a fierce battle cry, both men firing their blasters and taking down one Storm Trooper after another.   
Rose managed to take out a few more, Leia continuously fired without hesitation or relent.  
Rey refused to give in to her despair and tried to fight the overpowering desire to give in to the Dark Side, to give in to this all-consuming anger.   
Things were escalating quickly.   
The pace with which blasts were fired increased, more victims fell on both sides.   
Chewie was able to do some serious damage with his bowcaster. Finn and Poe were firing away in a rhythm that would have been almost poetic if their situation hadn’t been so dire.   
Lieutenant Connix went down, shot in both the thigh and shoulder. Rose was at her side in a heartbeat, trying to stop the bleading and stabilize her. C’ail was killed by a single shot between the eyes. Another fighter, by the name of Emsil, got caught in some crossfire and she too was wounded. A blasterbolt had hit her in the stomach.   
The remainder of the Resistance Fighters were suddenly and briefly distracted by the sight of a familiar shuttle approaching fast.   
Rey felt despair claw at her heart, a feeling of foreboding crawling into her soul. She felt Ben’s presence, but he was blocking her just as effectively as she was blocking him. No doubt, that was a good thing considering the current battle.   
But their Bond trembled with their nearness, unable to deny or to ignore.   
Finn and Poe felt their anger increase, the need for retaliation overriding all else.   
Rose was obviously daunted, but not easily backed down. Her efforts to fight off their enemy and to take care of the injured remained her first objective.   
Kylo Ren’s Command Shuttle touched down, its ramp lowering even before fully landed.   
Leia, sensing her son physically closer than she had for years, reacted out of instinct.   
And sure enough, the figure of her son slowly but surely emerged from its black interior.   
She stood up and lowered her weapon for the briefest of moments, softly whispering.   
“Ben…”  
In that brief moment, time seemed to slow down to a halt.   
Kylo Ren, in his full glory, wearing his dark robes, cloak and mask firmly in place, seemed to hear her whisper as if she had shouted out to him. His head whipped around and stared right in their direction.   
Right at that exact moment, a blaster bolt ricocheted off a nearby casing, hitting Leia straight in the chest.   
Rey saw it happen, but was unable to stop it. A scream was wrenched from her lungs.   
“No!!!!” she cried out, dropping her blaster and moving towards her.   
Poe, who had been standing next to her, noticed it.   
He too let out a cry of disbelief, almost catching her as Leia went down.   
Chewie let out a howl, exactly the same as he had when Han had been killed.   
Finn, Rose and the few others that had been standing their ground froze in their tracks.   
And then they ALL froze in their tracks.   
Everything halted.   
The Storm Troopers ceased fire. Even the wind had stopped blowing, the flames from the burning shuttle didn’t flicker.   
Deafening silence ensued.  
Rey couldn’t breathe as she was overcome with an obliterating pain.   
Her head was filled with frantic screams. From her friends, her own.   
But the most frantic one was that of the man standing motionless on the battlefield across from her.   
Physical pain racked through her, washing over her in waves. But that wasn’t hers either  
She was frozen in place by the Force, as were the others.   
Leia was lying on the ground, Poe frozen halfway down while trying to catch her.   
She felt the need to run to Leia’s side, but recognized it wasn’t her own.   
Still, she watched as in horrified slow-motion the figure of Kylo Ren – not Ben! – seemed to walk the distance across the battlefield.   
Leia was still holding on, fighting for her life.   
Suddenly, there he was, appearing in front of them.   
In that moment, he seemed larger than life and yet…   
So much pain flowed from him. So much anguish.   
Rey had trouble keeping her sanity, had to fight to keep her mind her own.   
“Ben…” Leia muttered as she reached out for him.   
The man cloaked in black seemed to be in total control on the outside.   
But Rey knew better.   
Slowly, he knelt down at Leia’s side.   
“The mask…” she croaked, and her breathing labored.   
Rey felt only the briefest flit of hesitation, but his hands went up and unlocked the helmet, removing it. His face was stoic, not a single emotion showing.   
Leia smiled.   
“My boy…”   
Her hand touched his and she was struggling to hang on.   
“I…” she started, her breathing coming in short bursts and her voice grew even hoarser.   
“I… love… you.” She pushed the words out painfully, but her eyes were soft, misted with unshed tears.   
Everyone watched powerlessly as they saw Leia draw one final deep breath.   
“Ben…. Light.. Come… back…”  
Just like that, her last breath left her in a soft sigh and the light in Leia’s eyes faded.   
And then there was nothing but silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, despite it's short length, had me struggling.   
> I ended up writing this with the words blurring because my eyes were filled with tears.   
> For a while there, I hesitated changing things.   
> I decided against it in the end, feeling that this would not add anything valuable and that it would not make the story better.   
> I hope you loved it.   
> It sure broke my heart. 
> 
> I hope I did right by her.   
> In loving memory of our beloved princess - Leia Organa Skywalker -Solo  
> In loving memory of Carrie Fisher, actrice extraordinaire


	17. Chapter 17

Rey watched helplessly as the light went out of Leia’s eyes.   
Felt her passing tear her soul apart, punctuated by the tremor in the Force.   
Pain engulfed her, both emotional and physical.   
She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came.   
She could not move and could not speak. None of them could. Only a few grunts and slight groans broke the all-encompassing silence.   
Everything and everyone was frozen on the spot. Even the droids.   
It was a surreal sensation, far stronger than anything else she had ever experienced.   
Well, except for Varykino… But that been an assault on her senses of a different kind.   
She had been frozen in place by him before, on Takodana.   
But that was nothing compared to now. The only thing she could move now was her mind. And said mind was going at a thousand miles a minute.   
Not a single emotion could be detected on Kylo Ren’s face.   
A stoic mask, indifferent, beautiful in its cruel detachment. Just like he had seemed that day on the Supremacy, when she had gone to see him and he had taken her to Snoke. He had seemed ruthless and completely insensitive and oblivious to anything around him but obeying his master.   
He looked like that again. Like a statue, like a beacon of the Darkness.   
Like a Supreme Leader of the First Order.  
No one would be the wiser.   
_Except for me_. She thought.   
He was broken inside. He was blocking her, and she was glad that he did. If he wasn’t, she would be crippled by them, she suspected. He tried to reign in his pain and anger and despair, but his feelings poured into her nonetheless.   
They were slowly suffocating her, shattering the very last pieces of her heart.   
And at the edge of her mind, another emotion rose. Something she had not felt for him in months.   
Not since she had been able to turn his own tricks against him, after that she had been strengthened, sensing her own powers. She had fought him and won. Inexperienced as she had been. But now…   
_Fear._  
She was afraid.   
The amount of power he showed in this single moment far surpassed anything she had ever witnessed.   
She knew she was strong with the Force. She had felt it growing steadily within her with every passing day. She had started considering herself his equal.   
But this….   
This was anger and pain and Darkness at its purest. This was unprecedented.   
This was even more than what she imagined Snoke would have been able to do.  
She watched in horror as he slowly stood, raking his eyes over Leia once more. He almost nonchalantly waved his hand slightly, almost as if he were bored, unfreezing the Storm Troopers behind him.   
They were smart enough to stay were they were and keep quiet.   
He motioned a few of them closer.   
“Take General Organa’s body and put it in my Shuttle. Make sure it remains unharmed. Take the rest on board. Have the med-droids tend to anything life-threatening. Burn the rest of their base down.” With a menacing look at their group, he finished with in a decidedly bored voice. “Take special care with the Jedi. I know what she’s capable of.” Looking her in the eye, she felt goosebumps rise at the ice in his gaze.   
“We’re done here.”  
With that, he turned on his heel and headed for his shuttle. He didn’t look back. Simply strode away with confident steps that ate away the distance to his ship.   
The Troopers rushed to their group and made quick work of clipping them with restraints. They were none too gentle, but it barely registered.   
Two Troopers went down and gently picked up Leia’s body, careful and what seemed with respect.   
Who knew Troopers would act that way? Then again, Finn had been a Storm Trooper once…   
They quickly followed the Supreme leader to his Commander Shuttle, taking care walking up the ramp.   
Rey was functioning on autopilot.   
Leia was dead. The Resistance had been destroyed except for one small shuttle that had gotten away. All the others had been shot down.   
So many of their group had been wounded or killed. The rest of them, barely a handful, had been captured. Their future was uncertain at best.   
They had lost.   
_We’re done here.  
_ His words kept droning through her head over and over again.   
Suddenly without warning, the Forcehold was released. It took every ounce of her strength not to let her legs buckle and hit the ground.   
As the Troopers – she had SIX of them escorting her no less! – shoved her into motion, all she felt was the memory of ice in his eyes stealing over her entire body.   
_We’re done here._  
The words sliced through her, maiming her in ways she had never thought possible.   
Only a few hours ago, she had stared into those same eyes filled with fire and heat.   
More memories flashed before her mind’s eye.  
_Don’t be afraid. I feel it too._   
The gentle pull she had felt when he had murmured to her during the interrogation.   
_We’re not done yet. It’s just us now.  
_ Starkiller. Despite her anger and hate, his words had stirred something in her, deep and unsettling.  
_You need a teacher!  
_ His confidence and his insistence that he could teach her about the Force and how she had felt him guide her in that moment.  
_Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours. Just you…_ _So no, this is something else._  
The discovery of their Bond.   
_You’re not alone.  
_ After her ForceVision, when she had felt more alone than ever before, he had been with her. Stayed with her. Listened to her. Comforted her. _Understood_ her.   
_I know what I have to do….  
_ When he chose her over Snoke.  
_You have no place in this story, you come from nothing, you’re nothing. But not to me. Join me. Please?  
_ The Supremacy Throne Room.   
The fevered whispers while he was making love to her rang in her head.    
_Don’t go. Not yet. We have a little more time.  
_ A last final attempt to keep her with him… __  
The memories kept flashing before her eyes and she squeezed them shut, trying in vain to stop her train of thoughts.  
His pain washed over her again in a new wave of despair that he could not hide or keep behind the barriers of his mind. It spilled into their Bond.   
She barely noticed the tears streaming down her cheeks as they led her up the ramp of the Trooper shuttle.   
Her eyes searched the crowd, saw and recognized her friends. Every single one of them was taken in a different shuttle, separated from each other.   
As the ramp went up, the dark and dim interior was only lit by a few overhead lights.   
The shuttle was soon lifted into the air, and within less than a minute, they took off into hyperspace, heading back to the Finalizer.   
She felt herself overcome with despair, loneliness and failure, and Leia’s loss hit her full force.   
She sagged down on the floor of the shuttle and bawled her eyes out.   
The Troopers simply watched.   
  


Kylo Ren boarded his Command Shuttle. Once inside, he waited for the Storm Troopers to carry the body of General Organa on board. When they appeared at the entrance, he told them to put her in his private quarters. They proceeded without question. He stood by motionless as they placed her on the narrow bunk and left. He entered the small room and closed the door.   
_Mom.  
_ In the privacy of this tiny room, he could briefly abdicate his pretense.   
The entire scene played out before him again.  
  
_His shuttle was touching ground. The ramp had barely lowered to the ground or he was already stepping down._  
He sensed her the moment the ship had broken the atmosphere, and her presence slammed into him the instant his feet touched the soil.   
Ben.  
He had heard her whisper as if it had been shouted at the top of her lungs.  
And he hadn’t expected the rush of warmth that filled his soul. He felt her affection and her happiness at seeing him crash into him, leaving him stunned.   
His head whipped around, his eyes finding hers with ease.  
What happened next was nothing short of a nightmare.   
He witnessed a blasterbolt ricochet off a nearby crate. He was too late to stop it with the Force.   
It hit her right in the chest. He felt it as if it had slammed into him. His mind screeched to a halt, his heart seemed to lurch out of his ribcage and a frantic cry got stuck in his throat. He wanted to scream “Nooooo!!!”.  He couldn’t even utter a single sound.   
His shock reverberated off of him, causing a massive reaction. He created a giant ForceHold, unprecedented in history. Everything and everyone around him froze in their tracks. Blaster bolts hung midair, Troopers and Resistance Fighters alike stood motionless like statues. No sounds could be heard, the silence was deafening, not even the wind stirred.  Only Leia and him seemed to be able to move, as if the world did not exist except for the two of them.   
He watched as she crumpled to the ground and felt the need to run to her as fast as he could.   
His body had a mind of its own, it seemed, for his feet moved slowly and calmly.   
She’s dying! She’s not gonna survive!  
 Desperation and anguish clouded his judgment. He needed to keep himself in check. He was losing his mind. He tried frantically to keep a leash on his emotions when she spoke.  
“Ben…” Leia muttered as she reached out for him.   
He walked up to her and kneeled next to her.  
“The mask…” she croaked, and her breathing labored.   
He felt the briefest flit of hesitation, but his hands went up and unlocked the helmet, removing it. What would she see when she looked at him? Would she see the monster he had become? Would she see this overwhelming Darkness that had haunted him for so long? He was no longer the boy she had brought into this galaxy, his innocence long gone. In that moment, he felt shame.  
The thought of her disappointment, of causing her such pain in her last moments was more than he could take. He remembered Snoke’s training. He closed himself off, exerting himself to become insensitive. His face was stoic, not a single emotion showing.   
Leia smiled.   
“My boy…”   
His surprise was genuine, his heart clenching painfully.   
Mom…  
He communicated with her in that special way they had always been able to. Not unlike his Forcebond with Rey, but softer, subtler, just a flow of words.   
His face remained a hard mask.  
Her hand touched his and she was struggling to hang on.   
“I…” she started, her breathing coming in short bursts and her voice grew even hoarser.   
“I… love… you.” She pushed the words out painfully, but her eyes were soft, misted with unshed tears.   
He felt his world crashing down in that moment. Her words cut through him, sharper and more violent than any torture he had ever experienced.   
I… love… you too… Mom.  
Even thinking it sounded rusty. But he was shocked that he meant it. He loved her.   
Leia gave him an almost imperceivable little nod, acknowledging that she had heard him.   
She draw one final deep breath and he watched helplessly as she struggled to hang on just a little longer.  
“Ben…. Light.. Come… back…”  
Just like that, her last breath left her in a soft sigh and the light in Leia’s eyes – so much like his own- faded.   
And then there was nothing but silence.   
Her hand was still touching his, warm and gentle.   
His heart stopped and then returned it’s beating with a vengeance. His blood was rushing through his veins, the sound of it thundering in his ears.   
Everyone was watching him. Both sides eyeing his every move. He needed to keep his dignity.   
He continued to school his features into a display of indifference, when inside he felt as if he had died with her.   
He slowly stood and looked down at this amazing woman. A woman who had given birth to him. A woman who had always tried to understand him, but had felt stronger obligations to the Rebel cause than to her child. All of his memories of her were warm and loving and infinitely tender, except for the ones that were linked to his parents’ decision to send him to Luke’s academy. A strong warrior, a leader, a woman to look up to, to revere. A woman to love…   
A muscle ticked in his jaw, and he felt his resolve grow.   
A small gesture of his hand unfroze the First Order side of the battlefield. The Troopers were smart enough to keep their distance unless called upon.   
He motioned a few closer and barked out his orders.   
“Take General Organa’s body and put it in my Shuttle. Make sure it remains unharmed. Take the rest on board. Have the med-droids tend to anything life-threatening. Burn the rest of their base down.”   
He looked around at this group of Rebel Scum, felt his rage peak when his gaze landed on the Traitor. It became a raging inferno when he saw Poe Dameron standing near Leia, hunched over as if to catch her as she fell. Years of pent-up anger towards this man reached a boiling point, but he kept it down by sheer strength of will.   
His eyes found Rey’s, and she stared back at him with a mixture of fear, pain and remorse. And something else…   
Compassion.   
The feeling of utter betrayal washed over him, wrenching his insides like an old rag, spiking his fury.  
With a menacing look at their group, he decided that he would not be trifled with. In a decidedly bored voice he addressed his Troopers.  
“Take special care with the Jedi. I know what she’s capable of.”   
 His eyes bored into hers, injecting his gaze with as much ice as he could. He would make her pay for this. He knew her intimately. Knew how to make her hurt. He needed to lash out.   
He spoke with finality.  
“We’re done here.”  
  
Now he stood in his quarters, looking down at his mother’s body.   
He remembered the look in Rey’s eyes as he had said those words. Had seen the effect. They had wounded her, just as he had wanted them to.   
But standing here, in the privacy of this little room, with his mother’s still form in front of him, he needed to be honest. Here, now, he could be Ben Solo again.   
And he could admit to himself he hadn’t meant them. Not really. Deep inside, he knew and felt that he would never be done with Rey. No matter how hard he tried.  
No matter how lost he would get in the Dark Side, he would still be drawn to her. She would still be his weakness. That fact scared him.   
He shouldn’t be thinking about this now.   
He needed to close himself off. He needed to make plans. He needed a course of action.   
As soon as they would arrive back on the Finalizer, he would start by arranging a grand funeral for Leia. Out of respect for the woman she was. Because she was royalty. Because of her prominent place in the Senate when she was younger. Because she was the leader of the Resistance.   
But most of all because she was his mother. Although few people knew that fact.   
His mind raced in all directions, whirling like a tornado.   
But like any tornado, there was a silence in the eye of the storm.   
He found his as he walked closer to Leia and touched her hand.   
Even now, her warmth remained. He took a closer look at her face. She looked beautiful and peaceful. She had more lines in her face. Around her mouth and eyes, deep grooves could be seen, probably etched there through great sadness. But they were curved in the slightest smile. More silver threads could be seen in her hair, a lot more than when he had last seen her.   
A soft sad smile graced his own lips.   
She changed her hair.   
It was different. A mourning braid graced her crown, complying with old Alderanian custom. But it was pretty. It suited her.   
Guilt racked him as he realized why she wore it and that he was the cause of it.   
He gave in to his feelings then, leaning forward and kissing his mother’s stern, the gesture reminiscent of when he was a little boy.   
He closed his eyes, feeling a tear slip down his cheek. It trailed down his scar, down the mark that branded him as Rey’s, and it fell on Leia’s face.   
“I’m sorry, Mom.” He whispered. “Forgive me.”  
He stepped back and sat down in the chair next to the bunk, keeping vigilance at his mother’s side.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are killing me...   
> Writing them made me cry, because they are so intense. In my mind's eye, I can see every expression and feel every emotion take form.   
> i hope I am able to portray them so you - the reader - can identify and relate. 
> 
> I would love to know what you think!   
> If you liked it, if you have any reservations or suggestions, feel free to leave me a comment!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would not have been able to get this far without the love and support of a wonderful and very special friend, not to mention she's a brilliant author.  
> She has been an inspiration to me and my reason to keep going.  
> I would love to take this opportunity to thank her for everything she has done for me and for all that she is. 
> 
> Sweet Silmea, you are a muse!  
> Lots of love! from the bottom of my heart!

The flight seemed to go on forever, even if it took less than three hours to return to the Finalizer.  
The remaining Rebels were roughly pushed out of the shuttles into the brightly lit hangar.  
The light blinded them briefly, but no one cared.  
Finn felt a chill creep up his spine at once again standing here, in this place.  
Memories flooded him.  
Very few of them good. But things were different now. He was on the other side. He had gotten away. He was free to do his own thing and follow his own orders. He had friends. A family, not by blood but by choice.  
His resolve got stronger.  
He was Rebel Scum! This fight still was not over. Not as long as he drew breath. Not as long as his heart beat in his chest.  
He stood a little taller, lifted his chin in defiance. He glanced over at Poe, a determined glint in his eye and a challenge to stand up and fight till the very last.  
Poe took his cue and mimicked his stance. Soon Rose, Connix and Emsil did the same.  
Chewie seemed to be in too much of a shock. He simply followed the Storm Trooper’s directions. Not a single groan in protest or outrage left his lips.  
Rey was even worse for wear. She seemed downright lethargic.  
She had cried until she had no more tears to cry. Even long after that she continued sobbing.  
Now she was just spent.  
The Storm Troopers, all six of them, remained nearby, closing her in on all side.  
_As if I had anywhere to run to...  
_ They shoved her around, and all she could do was shuffle along with them.  
She just didn’t care anymore.  
Leia was gone. Their Base was destroyed. Most of their troops – or rather what they had managed to rebuild after Crait – were dead. And Ben… Ben was lost to her. That much was apparent.  
Her throat burned painfully, and it felt like a big ball of raw pain was stuck midway. Her heart thudded painfully. There was nothing left.  
Tears she hadn’t known she still had, filled her eyes. They spilled over and she hung her head in defeat.  
Several officers walked up to the Command Shuttle, one of them pushing a gurney.  
A tiny prickle at the back of her neck and the sense of her heart shifting made her look up.  
Kylo Ren, emerged from the bowels of the Command Shuttle, his mask once again firmly in place.  
He looked regal and poised and detached.  
He looked like… Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader.  
Despair flitted through her, her heart almost literally squeezing together quite painfully at the realization that her Ben was gone.  
_He’s gone. My Ben is lost…_  
In that instant, his head snapped around in her direction.  
Even despite the black visor, she could feel his scorching gaze. He held her eyes for a few moments.  
Whether they passed quickly or lasted forever, she couldn’t say. They just stared at each other.  
She knew he must have heard her. Or sensed her emotions.  
Either way, she was too wrought out to put up defenses as he seemed to look into her mind from this distance. A soft prodding sensation moved through her head. She just blinked up at him, fatigue taking over.  
_When was the last time I slept well?_ She asked herself in confusion, not really knowing the answer.  
The slight, gentle pressure in her head abated and Kylo Ren averted his gaze again.  
_What had he been looking for?_  
The remaining Rebels made a collective noise of misery as they watched two Storm Troopers carry General Organa’s body from the Command Shuttle.  
She too, turned her head and watched in absolute misery.  
_Leia…_  
They gently put her down on the gurney, heeding their Supreme Leader’s order that no harm was to come to her.  
The Supreme Leader approached General Hux, who was practically beaming with pride.  
The little weasel was gloating at the way things were unfolding.  
Finn’s eyes narrowed and his mouth curled in distaste.  
Hux looked at them with a similar expression, except that he seemed very pleased with himself.  
And truth be told, he probably had his reasons. He had achieved everything he had set out to achieve with this attack.  
The Resistance was all but annihilated. Their leader was dead. The remaining core was dead or captured. Their Base destroyed. As was their precious hope.  
From Hux’s point of view, life was looking up.  
The Storm Troopers came up behind Kylo Ren, tagging the prisoners along.  
Hux gave them all a thorough once over, his gaze lingering briefly on Rey.  
He could see why the Supreme Leader was so taken by her.  
Despite the obvious filth clinging to her, she would clean up nice.  
Dark hair, hazel eyes, sunkissed skin, a splattering of freckles across her nose.  
_Very nice indeed_.  
A small leeching smile played at the corners of his mouth. He wouldn’t mind teaching this desert rat a thing or two…  
Her spirit was already mostly broken. Just one little push and she’d be as complying as any faithful Trooper.  
He wouldn’t mind being the one to show her her place…  To whip her further into obedience…  
When his mind trailed off, he ordered himself to stay focused.  
“Supreme Leader, I see everything has gone according to plan.” He started smugly.  
He was about to say more when he was brought up short.  
“Has it, General? Has it really? Because I distinctly remember giving my orders that they were to remain unharmed.” His voice sounded menacing through his mask, it’s electronic hiss sounding pure evil and malice.  
“And yet, General Organa is dead.” He stepped closer to Hux and stared him down.  
“This poses a great hindrance to my plans, General Hux. I expect you to find out who is responsible for her death and take the necessary measures.”  
Hux did not cower, but it was obvious to everyone watching that he felt uncomfortable being put on the spot like that.  
With a sick little smile and a modest inclination of his head, he replied: “Of course, Supreme Leader.”  
Kylo Ren had had enough of standing about.  
“I suggest you start preparing for a State Funeral, General. Have General Organa’s body placed in the quarters adjoining to mine and prepared for burial. Keep it under tight security. Schedule a meeting in two standard hours so that I can relay my plans and to discuss the necessary details. Be sure that our prisoners are taken to their cells. Make them as comfortable as you can. See that they are cleaned up, fed and tended to by the med-droids. We need them in prime condition.”   
He didn’t wait for Hux to respond, simply lit off for his private quarters, leaving Hux staring after him in mild confusion.  
Rey could feel apprehension creep into her bones.  
What was he up to???  
She did not have long to ponder the matter. The Storm Troopers had been given their orders and they pushed them roughly into motion. They were taken to the upstairs cells. Those reserved for VIP’s – Very Important Prisoners, with their maximized security systems and closely monitored, slightly more luxurious cells.  
They had real beds instead of flat metal slabs. A table and chair. A separate toilet. A small fresher. A window to stare out into space. Quite a different take from the cells down below, which were barren and Spartan.  
They were all given a set of clean uniforms with instructions to clean themselves up, except for Chewie. Instead they simply gave the Wookie a brush. If she wasn’t so sad, it would have made her giggle.  
As it was, she failed to see the humor.  
Rey was the last in line.  
She watched as each of her friends were pushed inside a cell. Poe and Finn were defiant, and she witnessed how one of the Storm Troopers stomped on the back of Finn’s knee. He went down, crying out in pain and anger and they just threw him inside. Poe too, received his share of brutality. His own defiance was rewarded with a blow to the chin.  
When it was her time, they did not shove her in so violently. They didn’t have to. She clutched the uniform to her chest and simply walked inside.  
The metal door closed with a bang.  
The silence that ensued was deafening.  
She sat down and broke down in another bout of tears.  
  


He headed straight for the training facilities.  
Every cell in his body cried out for release. To be able to rid itself of these emotions, toxic feelings that were eating him alive.  
Upon his arrival, a team of Troopers were practicing close combat techniques.  
A low and menacing “Get out” had the effect he wanted. The Storm Troopers and their Captain quickly exited the room, leaving him to his privacy.  
As he dressed down to wearing nothing but his trousers, he told the supervisor to keep the Holo’s coming for a solid hour, and to get the Hell out, to leave him.  
The poor man was shaking so badly, he almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to leave.  
Kylo stood in the middle of the Dojo, took a deep breath and thumbed his lightsaber to life.  
He closed his eyes and allowed the Force to guide him, called upon the Darkness to focus his energy and anger. He felt the rage bubble up inside of him, his pain and anguish on its heel, and it wasn’t long before he sensed the first hologram.  
With tremendous ease, he mowed it down, the blue sheen flickering before disappearing again.  
Two more popped up to his right, one to his left. They too were taken down without so much as an effort.  
The holo’s kept coming, just as he had instructed the supervisor.  
He felt his anger and his rage and his pain combine in strength and resolve and he worked his way through those blue shimmering ghostlike holo’s.  
He broke into a sweat, his chest glistening, hair sticking to his cheeks and forehead.  
Stroke after vicious stroke, he landed terrible blows with more force than was necessary.  
The beep indicating that the training simulation was over sounded, breaking him from his trance.  
He was breathing hard and sweating profusely. He was exhausted.  
And still…  
Still the pain and remorse and guilt was crippling.  
Still he kept hearing Leia’s voice in his head. Kept hearing her words bounce off the emptiness in his chest.  
_My boy… I… love… you. Ben…. Light.. Come… back…  
_ The warmth in her eyes, the tenderness. The happiness she felt to see him. _  
_ The onslaught of his emotions was so overwhelming he closed his eyes to shut it out.  
Leia’s voice slowly trailed off. Only to be replaced with another voice.  
_No, it's not. Leave here with me._ Come home. We miss you.  
Han’s face swam before his eyes. Guilt combined with despair. He would _not_ go there.  
Han’s subject was even more complicated than Leia’s was. He pushed his fingers into his eyes, trying in vain to drive out those memories.  
But his mind would not listen. _  
He’s gone. My Ben is lost…_  
Rey.  
_My Rey._  
Beautiful, spirited, strong, powerful, stubborn cuss of a girl. She drove him mad.  
When he had heard her words like whispers through their Bond, he had trouble remaining upright.  
“My Ben” she had called him.  
_Just like she had whispered when I made love to her…_  
He had been unable to contain his reaction. He had almost fallen to his knees when he whipped his head around and saw her.  
She was a shell of what she had been a few hours ago.  
Her eyes were puffy and red. That luscious mouth, those beautiful plump lips that tasted sweeter than honey, was turned down. Those beautiful hazel eyes, that had managed to capture his attention so easily, were dull and no longer held any of it’s usual mischievous sparkle.  
And he hated it. Hated that this beautiful woman had lost her shine.  
Again, another tsunami-wave of anger and anguish and hurt washed over him.  
He let out a fierce shout and lashed out at anything within range of his lightsaber.  
Thrust after thrust after thrust hit its mark.  
Walls and floors and even training equipment got destroyed, reduced to nothing but smoldering molten clomps of wood and metal and fabric.  
When that final wave of frustration ebbed away at last, he took a deap, heaving breath.  
He thumbed his lightsaber absently, the weapon’s red blade retracting instantly.  
Chest still heaving, he pulled on his tunic and grabbed the rest of his things. He pushed the door to the training room open and stalked to his private quarters with large, intimidating steps.  
Once there, he continued in the direction of his fresher without hesitation.  
On his way, he disrobed again, allowing the garments to land wherever they fell, foregoing his usual tidiness for the second time.  
He stepped into the fresher and allowed the lukewarm water to pelt his tired, heated skin.  
He pushed his head under the stream, pointedly ignoring the tears that ran down his cheeks and mingled with the rays of water. A devastated sob wrenched from his lungs, drowned by the sound of the rush of water.  
He needed to keep it together. He had a meeting with Hux in twenty minutes.  
He couldn’t afford to let the man see his misery like this.  
He didn’t trust him.  
The gingerhaired jackass was up to something. He could feel it.  
He needed all of his focus to stay one step ahead. To keep his guard up. To stay sharp.  
He needed to keep his wits about him, or he would end up paying the price of his distraction with his life.  
He got out of the fresher and quickly toweled himself dry.  
Donning another set of his clothes, he meditated.  
And as he got ready for his meeting with Hux, he felt his equilibrium return. He became centered again.  
Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he wished he saw what he wanted to show the world.  
Instead, all he saw staring back at him, were his mother’s eyes, set in his father’s face and the lost expression of a scavenger girl…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> What do you guys think?  
> Drop a comment below if you loved it, if you liked it, if you hated it or if you have any questions. 
> 
> And don't forget to show your (other) favorite authors a little love by leaving them kudos and a comment too!  
> It can mean the difference between keeping the enthusiasm and deciding to quit... 
> 
> Lots of Love  
> X


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up!!! Shocker coming right up!

Kylo Ren arrived at the conference room on the dot.  
Hux and his Admirals and Commanders were already seated. They stood when he entered the room.  
“Good afternoon, Surpreme Leader.” They said in unison.  
He nodded and motioned them to take a seat.  
He walked up to the head of the table, where his more luxurious chair was. He lowered himself and glared at this assembly before him.  
He needed to be calm and collected. Needed to be in tune with the Force, so that he could detect any doubt and negativity within this leadership. He couldn’t afford to have them question his authority. He needed to be at his strongest. Or at least pretend to be.  
“Gentlemen,” he started in an authoritive voice, “today’s mission was a success.”  
He let his gaze roam over them, hard and unyielding and terrifying. He felt a twisted little pleasure bolt course through him as he watched them squirm.  
“The hidden location of the Resistance was found. Our attack lead to the annihilation of all but a few fighters and Commanders. We managed to capture the remaining leadership. And the Jedi. The Galaxy’s last shred of hope was destroyed. Our reign will be undisputed hence forth.”  
He took a breath and a muscle in his jaw ticked. The corners of his mouth turned down and the look in his eyes grew even colder.  
“However…” he started, his tone cold as ice. “I had given clear instructions before our departure. They were not followed.”  
His features twisted into a vicious mask of fury.  
“General Organa was killed during our offense.” His voice trembled with suppressed rage.  
_They killed my mother!_    
The room began to tremble with his anger, compounding the fear in his leaderships eyes. Only Hux seemed to remain his cool demeanor. Then again, Hux had been through a lot more at his hands. A little shaking around the room probably didn’t faze him anymore.  
“Despite my specific order, the General was wounded and died from her injuries.”  
He veered upright from his chair and slammed his hand down on the conference table. His voice boomed through the silence, reverberating off the walls. Fire burned in his eyes and the need for vengeance, to make someone pay, throbbed in his veins.  
“I cannot even begin to disclose how disturbing this is to my original plans. Needless to say, there will be a price to pay, and heads will roll.”  
One young man was suddenly lifted out of his chair. Every other officer turned and looked in horror as his feet hovered two feet off the floor.  
“Commander Loopin,” Kylo Ren spoke forcefully, “It has come to my attention that it was a Storm Trooper in your designated Squad who was responsible for the death of the General.” His eyes turned ice cold. The young man wanted to say something in reply, but Kylo didn’t even wait for a response.  
A loud snap was heard and the young man’s body hung limp in the air, then fell down with a sickening thud.  
Across the table, a sudden gurgling sound was heard. Everyone whirled their heads in this new direction, stunned into silence at this display of violence, of this display of the power of the Force.  
“Admiral Tennbrel,” Kylo Ren continued in a professional tone of voice.  
“It seems that Commander Loopin was under your command.” He said quietly. “Which means I also hold you responsible for his actions.”  
The choking sound grew louder and the clear discomfort of the man became very apparent. His face turned an alarming shade of blue as the Supreme Leader increased the pressure on his windpipe.  
With a vicious snarl, he squeezed a little harder and bit out: “Consider this as a warning. You’re to keep your men in check. If they disobey another direct order, you’ll pay for their mistakes too. Do I make myself clear?”  
The man was then released and he gulped in deep breaths, coughing and sputtering for all he was worth.  
“Gentlemen, this does not alleviate the fact that circumstances are different now.”  
He spoke softly, but the soft tone only added to his menacing impression.  
“And thus,” he stated icily with a clear reference to the former Supreme Leader, looking Hux straight in the eyes, “our strategy must now change.”  
Hux merely lifted an eyebrow and his mouth turned down in distaste.  
Kylo Ren drew himself up to his full, impressive height, puffing his chest so his shoulders seemed impossibly wide underneath his cloak.  
“I have already given it proper thought and decided on a new course of action.”  
He clasped his hands behind his back, displaying a suspiciously relaxed impression despite the fury roaring inside him.  
“We need to set an example. To let the Galaxy know the direction we will take. To convince the people that our way is the only way.”  He lifted his chin in defiance, knowing he was going to drop a bomb on their collective thinking.  
“We will give them something they have not seen before. We will give General Organa a State Funeral.”  
He watched with mild amusement as his leadership sputtered and gasped, surprise visible in their pale faces.  
The only one who was bold enough to react was Hux, of course.  
“Supreme Leader, really…” Hux gave him a look of bored contempt.  
He began to object when Kylo Ren interrupted him.  
“We WILL give her a State Funeral, General Hux.” He said with cold determination.  
“Fully decked out. Every important representative of every planet, every former Senator, every Royal will be there. So will our prisoners.” He cocked his head and challenged Hux to disagree.  
“We will bury her on Naboo, in her family tomb and heeding Alderanian customs.”  
He watched closely as Hux’s eyes widened and opened his mouth to object.  
“And we will broadcast the whole thing on the Holonet.” He added calmly with a whisp of a smile.  
Hux closed his mouth with a snap.  
Surprised marked the ginger’s face. Then a slow smile spread across his face.  
“We will show the Galaxy that their beacon of hope is gone, that resisting our reign is pointless and futile. That The First Order is stronger than ever before and that we will not tolerate any of this pitiful defiance.”  
He said this with more conviction that he felt, staring at each and every Captain, Commander, Admiral and General in the room.  
Hux gazed at him with the barest hint of admiration in his eyes.  
“Brilliant idea, Supreme Leader.” He said. “it is obvious you have thought this through thoroughly.” He continued calmly.  
“I would be more than happy to oversee the practical arrangements for you, Sir.”  
Kylo Ren hadn’t expected the little sting those words brought on.  
“Very well, General Hux.” He stated dryly, experiencing more difficulty to remain his detached frame of mind.  
“However, considering the importance of the message we will be relaying, I insist you keep me up to date on every development. We cannot afford to overlook a single detail. Do I make myself clear?”  
Hux gave him another appreciative smile.  
“Of course, Supreme Leader. I will send you an update every two standard hours.”  
Kylo Ren nodded sharply to indicate he had heard him.  
“Now, I have other matters to attend to. Captain Mitaka.” He addressed the young man who was making a valiant effort to disappear in plain view.  
“I am appointing you to retrieve a ship from the Resistance Base. It’s a Corellian YT Light Freighter, known as the Millenium Falcon. The same you’ve reported on before. You will travel with a regiment to Dantooine and oversee the retrieval personally. The ship is to be returned to our hangar with as little damage as possible. There are objects of interest to me on board. You will leave as soon as this meeting is over and make sure the ship lands in our hangar within a standard day. Preferably sooner that that.”  
He watched as Mitaka swallowed and stared at him, wide-eyed and frightened.  
“Yes, of course, Supreme Leader. Right away.”  
Again, Kylo Ren nodded.  
“Now, Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me. General Hux, do have this mess cleaned up.” He said with a small gesture at the body on the floor.  
“Meeting adjourned.”  
With that, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the conference room without looking back.  


 

Without thinking, Kylo Ren stormed through the corridors of the Finalizer. He stepped into the elevator and pushed the button angrily.  
When the doors closed, he closed his eyes and tried in vain to keep his emotions in check.  
The meeting had gone fairly well.  
But when he had caught tail of Loopin’s thoughts, of how it was one of his men who had fired that fatal shot…  
He’d been unable to contain himself from exacting some revenge.  
But now that the moment had passed, it left him wondering. The relief he had felt at snapping the man’s neck had been brief. Guilt and remorse still clung to his every fiber, no matter how hard he tried to shake it.  
So he figured he needed to vent some more.  
He opened his eyes again at the exact moment he arrived at the chosen floor.  
He was at the VIP-ward.  
The supervisor and Storm Troopers instantly snapped to attention.  
Schooling his features in an indifferent mask, he asked curtly: “Poe Dameron’s cell?”  
The older man seemed shocked out of his mind to see the Supreme Leader in person.  
He reacted properly however.  
“Good afternoon, Supreme Leader. Cell 1331. Second last on the right.”  
Without acknowledging the man, he simply thundered down the narrow corridor.  
He paused briefly, drawing a deep breath.  
He didn’t righteously know what the Hell he was doing. But he needed to do this now.  
If he waited, he’d burst.  
He pushed the button and the door slid open.  
Without any preamble he walked inside.  
Poe was sitting on his cot, staring out in space, looking miserable for all he was worth.  
He looked up at the sound of the door opening and immediately straightened at the sight of Kylo Ren himself in his cell.  
The Supreme Leader closed the door behind him and waved his fingers.  
Poe knew he did that to disturb the security cameras.  
“Poe Dameron.” Kylo started in his low voice. “Back on my ship again.”  
This earned him a small cocky smile from Poe.  
“We gotta stop meeting like this.”  
Kylo Ren noticed a bruised on the pilot’s jaw, slowly blooming, a small bloodied cut in it’s center.  
His eyes narrowed.  
“Where did you get that?” he inclined his head to indicate the injury.  
“One of your goons.” He said as he leaned back against the headboard. “Might wanna tell them not to hit my face. Women don’t like their men black and blue.” He said in an arrogant little tone.  
Kylo immediately noticed Poe’s thoughts drifting to Rey. Concern for her was apparent, as was obvious affection. And also… Attraction.  
“I strongly suggest you to direct your attention elsewhere, Dameron. The girl is not your concern. Unless you crave more bruises on that pretty face of yours.” He sneered. His lip curled viciously. The memory of Poe asking Rey to join him for dinner still stuck in his mind. The fact that Rey smiled at Poe constantly as well as the fact that they were obviously getting pretty close, made him insanely jealous.  
Poe watched him closely for a second or two, the silence seeming to drag the moment out indefinitely.  
_He likes Rey…_  Poe realized with a shock.  
The men stared each other down.  
Poe narrowed his eyes and got up from his bed. He walked over until he was about three feet away.  
“Why are you here, Ben?” he asked quietly. His eyes reflected his every emotion.  
Poe Dameron was hurting. He was grieving. He was angry and defiant.  
“Have you come here to rub it in?” He lifted his chin and searched the other man’s face, looking for a smudge of the boy he had once known.  
“To tell me how I failed? How the Resistance is gone? How you wiped us out? Is that why you’re here? To tell me you finally got back at me?”  
Kylo Ren was shocked by the audacity.  
Hearing Poe call him Ben brought back memories with a flash. A mixture of anger and something else coursed through him. He remained quiet, losing some of his pretense. He switched back from his Kylo Ren mode, that had been necessary to get through the meeting with Hux and the other leadership, to being Ben. The transgression went far too easy. He carefully kept his expression aloof.  
Poe continued, his voice gradually picking up on volume and determination.  
“Well, congratulations, Ben, you finally got me!” He shouted. His face contorted into a semblance of defeat for the briefest moments.  
“At this exact moment in time, I will gladly admit that you have brought me down.” He took a deep breath and got one step closer, all but getting in Ben’s face.  
“But I promise you, I will not stay down for long. And I will avenge Leia, if it’s the last thing I’ll do.”  
His expression was fierce, unyielding, defiant.  
Qualities Ben could appreciate.  
_What the Hell am I doing here?_ He wondered for the umpteenth time since entering the cell.  
“That won’t be necessary.” He said calmly.  
“What?”  
“I said that won’t be necessary.” He repeated in the same calm tone.  
“Both the trooper who was responsible for the blaster shot that killed her as his Captain in Command were executed.” He said.  
Poe’s face scrunched up. Then his anger took over again.  
“YOU killed her, Ben!” he shouted.  
“Part of her died years ago, when you turned to the Dark Side and ruined Luke’s temple and killed off his students! YOU were the one who ordered the attack on our Base. YOU are the one who killed our mother!”  
Ben’s temper flared. It exploded.  
“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare call her our mother! She was MY mother!” He shouted, his fists clenching at his side, itching to hit Poe in the face. It didn’t worry Poe in the least.  
He’d seen plenty of Ben’s tantrums before he got sent off to the Jedi Academy. He wasn’t about to be intimidated now.  
“She may not have been my mother by blood, but she sure as Hell was my mother just as much as she was yours!” He looked Ben up and down with open disgust.  
“Maybe even more so…”  
Ben had had enough. With a loud roar of frustration, he Force-pushed Poe back, slamming him into the back wall, making him collapse on the bed with a pained grunt.  
Grabbing his ribs, he pushed himself in a sitting position.  
“What happened to you Ben?” he asked quietly, misery obvious in Poe’s dark eyes.  
“You were such a sweet kid. We were so close.” He sighed. “You were my brother, Ben. I loved you. We all did.”  
His eyes searched Ben’s, eyes that were staring at him with a mixture of hatred and fury.  
“Why?”  
Ben finally let it all out.  
“I hate you.” He said, his voice trembling with emotion.  
“You stole everything that ever meant anything to me. Took away everything I loved, got to do everything I ever dreamt of.” He felt tears sting at the back of his eyes, but forced them down.  
His voice sounded detached, as if he were simply a viewer of this twisted scene.  
“When you came to live with us, I looked up to you. But the longer you stayed, the more they pushed me away. My mother preferred your company because you ‘understood the cause’.” He spat.  
“Han took you along on his trips, while I was forced to stay home.”  
He swallowed and his mouth twisted into a vicious sneer, the muscles around his lips and beneath his eyes twitched furiously.  
“They decided they didn’t want me. So they sent me away and kept you on. Replaced one kid for another. They made their choice.”  
Poe looked on with confusion.  
“What in the Galaxy are you talking about?” he murmured pensively.  
“Han and Leia loved you, Ben! They did whatever they could for you. They honestly believed they did the right thing when they sent you to train with Luke!” He continued heatedly. “If you had only seen the bigger picture… When you turned, it all but destroyed them!”  
“Don’t you dare lecture me on seeing the bigger picture, Poe!” Ben raged back.  
“I’ve been seeing the bigger picture for years! This Rebellion of yours, that precious cause of yours, is worth nothing! It’s a dream, a fantasy, a mirage! You want the Republic back? Well guess what, Flyboy, it was never pure to begin with! Blackmail, bribes, false committees… It was a cesspool and the Galaxy should be grateful to be rid of it! I will bring a new order to the Galaxy, and I will instigate peace at last.” He shouted.  
“Spoken like a true dictator.” Poe sneered.  
This earned him a punch in the jaw and another push.  
Poe staggered back and burst out in laughter.  
Confusion racked through Ben at Poe’s laughter.  
_What the…_  
“What’s so funny?”  
“Well… I must have hit a nerve for you to actually punch me instead of using your little Force-tricks on me…”  
This snapped Ben right back out of his stupor.  
“You mean like this?” he asked coldy. And applied the slightest pressure on Poe’s throat, the Force choke making him gurgle.  
“You… can kill… me.” He managed to croak. “But you… will never… destroy… us!”  
Ben dropped him, releasing his hold on him.  
An icy chuckle pierced the brief silence Poe’s words had ensued.  
“That may be true, Dameron. But I’ll still enjoy it.” He said as he let go of his Force choke.  
He smiled viciously.  
Poe smiled back engagingly.  
“You won’t kill me, Ben.” He said hoarsely.  
“You’re my brother, and whether you like it or not, family still matters.” His smile grew smug.  
“And if you try, Rey will kick your ass again. She wouldn’t let you hurt me. She cares about me.”  
The mention of Rey sobered Ben instantly. Surprise flashed in his eyes briefly, before jealousy took over despite his best intentions.  
He let out an incredulous little half-laugh.  
“Sure.”  
“I’m serious. She wouldn’t let you hurt me. Me and her…we’re pretty close.”  
Poe searched Ben’s face. He knew this man, knew his features, had known them as well as his own at a certain point. He saw what Ben was trying to hide. And he noticed the possessiveness, the territorial tendency, the fury and the jealousy even before Ben shot him his parting words.  
“Not as close as I am.”  
He straightened to his full height and gave Dameron his most intimidating stare.  
Poe returned it with a glare of his own.  
“Don’t get too comfortable, Flyboy. I have big plans for you.”  
And with that, he opened the door with the Force and slammed it shut behind him.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got inspired for this specific little twist by watching TFA and TLJ so often. 
> 
> If you paid attention, you will have noticed in TFA that Poe can get away with having a big mouth, while others would never live to tell the tale (the "So who talks first?" and "You might wanna rethink your technique" lines e.g.).  
> In TFA, Leia slaps Poe and Poe shows his obvious affection for Leia multiple times. 
> 
> If I look at my own family dynamic, my brothers can get away with far more crap than anyone else ever would...  
> So I thought I'd add a little sibling spice to the mix...  
> I'm curious to see what you think! 
> 
> Were you surprised? Did you like it? Do you think it's absolutely insane?  
> Let me know in the comment section! And if you loved it, be sure to leave me some kudos!  
> x  
> B


	20. Chapter 20

Rey sat on the bed, staring out into blank space.   
After the most miserable night of her life, the only thing she felt like doing was absolutely nothing.   
Nightmare after nightmare had tormented her, alternating with flashes of memories too sweet and precious. The mixture was volatile and she had been unable to get the rest her body desperately needed.   
It left her feeling raw and spent, uncapable of much less anything.   
How had everything been able to go so awfully wrong in such a short amount of time?   
One minute, everyone had been safe, out of harm’s way, she’d been in Ben’s arms and the galaxy had seemed at peace.   
The next, they were torn out of their illusion, and they all had to scramble for their lives. Never before had she been involved in such a large fight, never before had she felt so overwhelmed by the odds.   
And when Ben – no, Kylo! – showed up and Leia had died before her eyes…   
A single tear slipped down her cheek and she absently wiped it away.   
_Save your sorrow for after the fight,_ Leia always said.   
Except now, there was no more fight.   
They had lost.   
_We’ve lost…  
_ She couldn’t even muster the spirit to be angry. Or sad. Or bitter.   
She was just empty.   
She was isolated from anyone who had grown to matter to her. She didn’t even know if they were allright.   
Why it was so difficult, she had no idea. She had grown up on Jakku, alone. She was used to being alone. To having no one but herself to keep company. No one else to worry about. She had survived it for years.   
_So why is this so difficult now?_ She thought.   
_Because now,_ a little voice inside her head whispered, _you know what it can be like to have friends, family, lo…  
_ She halted her train of thought abruptly. She would NOT go down that path.   
Only heartache and misery were to be found at the end.   
She closed her eyes as a wave of anguish threatened to overtake her. She breathed in, the stale air of the Finalizer not nearly filling her lungs in a satisfying way. How she longed to be back on Ahch-To or Takodana, with it’s lush greenery and clean fresh air…   
She heard some sounds outside of her cell, and sure enough, the door soon opened with a mechanical whoosh.   
Except, instead of an officer with a plate of food, she stared straight into the cold and calculated eyes of General Hux.   
“Goodmorning.” He said politely.   
His voice caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand and goosebumps to cover her arms.   
There was something in it that instantly made her apprehensive.   
She kept her features carefully schooled in a mask of indifference, not giving away any of her feelings.   
A sick little smile played with the corners of his mouth.   
If not for the pasty color of his skin and the absolute aura of pure evil cloaking him, he might have even been passably handsome according to average standards.   
Hers had been forever altered because of Ben.   
But that was another train of thought she needed to block.   
“I do not believe we have ever been properly introduced.” He said calmly.   
“I am General Hux, High Commander of the First Order and right hand to our Supreme Leader.”  
He looked her up and down, his eyes uncomfortably intimately roaming her body and face.   
“And you…” he started in a low voice with a strange undertone of appreciation, “are the famous girl Rey.”  
He smiled again, a little wider this time.   
“The powerful last Jedi…” He said slyly.   
He entered the room a little further and she noticed the three Storm Troopers behind him. Two of them pointing their weapons at her, while the third one held two pairs of restraints.   
She swallowed and her eyes found Hux’s again.   
“You’ll forgive me, of course.” He continued rationally.   
“After hearing how you bested our Supreme Leader, not once but twice! And killing our former Supreme Leader, you will surely understand that certain security measures are necessary.”  
He motioned for the third Trooper to proceed, and he walked up to Rey without a single word.   
She allowed him to clip on the restraints on her hands and feet without a fight, knowing it would be pointless.   
If her friends were still alive, they would need her. She would not risk her life at this point.   
When the Trooper was done, he stepped back.   
Hux smiled again, and it made Rey’s skin crawl.   
_Something is going on. He’s up to something._ Her mind was whirling.   
“You may return to your post. I will bang on the door when I am finished.”  
Rey’s stomach lurched in her throat at those words.   
She watched silently as the Storm Troopers turned and left the cell without so much as a word.   
The door to the cell closed once more with a metallic clank.   
Hux clasped his hands behind his back and visibly relaxed.   
“Well…” he started softly.   
“Alone at last.” He murmured.   
Again, a sense of alarm crept through Rey as she watched him take a few steps towards her.   
He regarded her quietly, studying her with an intensity that would have either scared or infuriated her at any other point in time. Now, however, she felt only resignation.   
His eyes narrowed and he proceeded to talk with a little more depth to his voice.   
“I can see why Ren is so obsessed with you.” His eyes raked over her again, and this time there was no mistaking the blatant sexual undertone in his gaze.   
“I can almost understand and forgive him for getting so distracted that you managed to almost kill him twice…”  
His gaze became lecherous. He smiled as he walked over to stand less than two feet away and slowly licked his lips.   
He crouched down in front of her, cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes slightly.   
“How did you do it? Hmm?” He whispered.   
Rey could do nothing but stare at him.   
Her mind was racing. She’d been in similar situations before.   
Jakku wasn’t a safe little haven. It had been a junkyard with nothing but the scum and slime of the galaxy thrown together. She had a pretty good inkling of what was going to happen if she didn’t find a way to get out of here or defend herself. Unfortunately, she was wearing restraints. She wasn’t sure if the Force would be enough to unclip them, or if she could use the Force when she was bound this way…   
There was only one thing she could think of, but she didn’t know if it would have any effect. She could try to reach out into the Bond. But if he was still blocking her…   
Hux lifted his hand and let a finger slowly trail down her arm as his gaze was transfixed on her mouth.   
“How did you manage to distract a Dark Knight, skilled by years of training, hardened by years of discipline?”   
He bit his lip and let his finger trail up her arm again, slowly rounding the curve of her shoulder and moving towards her collarbone.   
“Did you seduce him?” Hux whispered and his eyes locked onto her breasts beneath the bright orange uniform.   
For the first time since stepping on board of that First Order Shuttle, she felt anything else except indifference or hurt.   
She felt panic.   
Her breathing quickened, making her chest rise and fall faster. Hux’s eyes seemed to glaze over and fixated on her chest even more.   
_Ben… where are you? I need your help! Please? Hurry…_   Her mind and heart shouted, reaching out into their Bond frantically. She felt he was close, their Bond acting like an elastic rubber band, stretching and relaxing at their nearness.   
She had no idea whether or not she would be able to use the Force to keep Hux away. She needed to find another way and hope that Ben would react to her plea.   
“Don’t touch me.” She said, her voice hard as steel.   
Hux looked into her eyes as she spoke. Another slow smile spread across his face, replacing his fascination with a strange sort of glee.   
“Ah…” he grinned arrogantly, “so you can talk… I was starting to wonder…”  
She lifted her chin in defiance.   
“Only when I see fit.” She spat venomously.   
“So much fire…” Hux murmured. He lifted his hand to her cheek and cupped it.   
“I’m very sure that our Supreme Leader will want to quench it…” he all but crooned as he rubbed the pad of his thumb across her lower lip.   
“I know I do…” he whispered.   
Another wave of panic crashed into her.   
_Ben! Please!_ Her mind screamed.   
Showing nothing of her growing fear she jerked her chin out of his grasp.   
“Never” she said through clenched teeth. Lightning flashed in her eyes and she spat at him. Right in his eye.   
She watched as his entire demeanor changed.   
Gone was his almost seductive manner.   
He straightened and took a handkerchief from his pocket. He meticulously wiped the spit from his eye and glared at her.   
“I hope you enjoyed that, little desert rat.” He grumbled darkly.   
“Because I promise you now that you’ll pay for it.”   
He was about to raise his hand when the door slid open, taking them both by surprise…

  
  
Angry, loud footsteps resounded against the walls of the Finalizer as he marched towards the elevator.   
He’d had a rough night. Kept reliving Leia’s death. Kept hearing her words. Kept feeling helpless and desperate. Angry. Hurt. _Remorseful.  
_ Mixed in with those memories was Rey. Her smile, her eyes, her tender gaze, her voice, her anger, her feeling of being powerless.   
Her emotions and thoughts merged with his own until he could not handle it anymore.   
He had gotten up and stepped into the fresher, preferring the water ice cold. He stayed there until his teeth were chattering and his skin felt like it was stung with a thousand needles.   
But even that hadn’t helped. The ghost of his nightmares still clung to him.   
So he had decided to go to the VIP-level and confront FN-2187.   
_Finn_.   
He had trouble fighting the small smile as he remembered Rey’s voice putting emphasis on his name.   
Exacting a little revenge on the Traitor would bring some of his spirits back, he hoped.   
He stepped inside the elevator and pushed the button for the designated floor.   
He could feel their Bond practically tremble with her nearness the closer he got.   
He suddenly felt something…   
_Panic._   
“What the…” he muttered to himself.   
it didn’t take long before he caught on to a faint whisper.   
_Ben… where are you? I need your help! Please? Hurry…_     
“Rey?” he said out loud, confused.   
Of course, she didn’t answer.   
The doors opened and he continued down the hallway, frowning and thinking he had imagined it. He approached the desk where the supervisor was, when another wave of panic crashed into him, stronger than before.   
Something was wrong! He could feel it.   
The supervisor addressed him, but Ben didn’t pay him any attention.   
_Ben! Please!  
_ The urgency in her voice and the panic he felt was enough to propel him towards what he instinctively recognized as her cell. Outside her door were two Troopers standing guard.   
“Move” He growled at them.   
They complied without question, their loyalty to their Leader never up for discussion.   
He opened the door without thinking and crossed the threshold.   
He walked in on Hux looming over Rey, about to raise his hand or so it seemed.   
Hux whirled around and looked up at him in surprise.   
Rey on the other hand looked up at him with obvious relief. _And trust._  
“Supreme Leader!” Hux exclaimed.  
Ben stared at him with flashing eyes.   
“General Hux.” He said through clenched teeth. “What are you doing here?”  
He could sense the little weasel scramble for an explanation.   
“I had a few questions for the girl.”  
Ben lifted a single brow.   
“I do not remember stating that these prisoners needed questioning.” He stated dryly.   
“And you needed to ask these questions in the privacy of a closed cell, with Troopers on guard and restraints on hands and feet?”  
He cocked his head and glared at the General.   
Hux seemed to have recovered from his initial shock and seemed prepared for the question.   
“You’ll forgive me for these safety precautions, Supreme Leader.” He said with an even voice.   
“But considering the fact that she injured you and killed Supreme Leader Snoke, I thought it would be wise to be prepared.”  
Ben’s eyes found Rey’s and he heard her voice in his head.   
_I killed Snoke???_  
He silently regarded her with a warning not to say anything at all.   
He returned his attention to Hux.   
“I understand.” He said. “But…” He continued in a voice colder than ice, “I did not give you permission to interrogate these prisoners yet. Nor have you asked me for it.”  
His gaze bore into Hux and he conveyed his dismay clearly.   
“Well, true, but I honestly did not think that…”  
“You’re correct, General Hux.” Ben continued through clenched teeth.   
“You didn’t think!” He bit out.   
Ben lifted his chin and regarded the ginger officer for a second or two. Time seemed to move slowly.   
“I’ll take it from here. Leave this cell, General.”   
Rey was studying Ben in silence. The muscles around his mouth and beneath his left eye were twitching again. She knew he was a lot angrier than he tried to let on. She felt his anger flow through their Bond.   
The distinct desire to slam him into a wall and squeeze Hux’s windpipe until it snapped filled her. She swallowed in response.   
She could not see Hux’s face, his back was towards her. But she didn’t have to see it to feel his contempt.   
“Of course Supreme Leader.” He said calmly. He turned around and looked her in the eye. His look was full of hatred and violence. A promise that he would finish what he started.  
“Good day, Rey.” He said, her name rolling off his tongue with a familiarity she hated.   
She shot him a defiant look and lifted her chin.   
A small smile played at the corners of his mouth. He inclined his head to Ben and left the cell.   
A small motion of Ben’s hand closed the door behind him. He made another gesture that confused Rey a little.   
They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither of them saying anything.   
Then Ben took a few steps in her direction.   
Meaningful steps full of purpose, no hesitation whatsoever.   
Her breath caught in her throat and she felt the need to put her guard up.   
But he surprised her.   
He suddenly knelt in front of her, going down on one knee.   
He touched the restraints on her feet and away they came with a loud snap. He tossed them aside carelessly.   
His eyes then wandered to the restraints on her hands.   
Unwillingly, his thoughts drifted…   
Rey could tap into his mind without even trying, seeing the images he was conjuring with stunning clarity.   
The image of herself, naked, pressed up against a wall with her restraints still clasped around her wrists, raised above her head. Ben’s hands linked with her own as he pushed into her body…   
She gasped and her breath caught in her throat.   
The sound made him look up and their gazes locked.   
He knew she had seen it. He saw the shock in her eyes, but also the anticipation, the fascination and the wonder. And her cheeks looked lovely pink, her flush covering her from neck to hairline.   
He chuckled.   
“I’m not going to apologize.” He whispered softly with a twinkle in his eyes.   
He touched the restraints on her wrists and away they came.   
She automatically rubbed them. She swallowed past the cotton in her mouth.   
She didn’t know how to respond to him now, so they just sat there looking at each other for what seemed like an eternity.   
His eyes were suspiciously soft.   
A small frown grazed his forehead as he finally found his voice.   
“Did he hurt you?” He was trying to stay calm, but his emotions spilled into their Bond regardless.   
He was angry at Hux, but most of all, he was concerned. For her.   
“No.” she said.   
He studied her face again.   
“You don’t belong here.” He said softly.   
This brought back some of the spunk he lov… _Whoa!!!! Slow down!_ His mind screeched.   
He couldn’t afford to think like that. That would get him in trouble…   
She lifted her chin and her eyes sparked.   
“Neither do you.” She shot back.   
He averted his eyes and this gave her all the encouragement she needed.   
“When are you going to admit that this is not what you want, Ben?”  
His eyes found hers again.   
“We can’t always have what we want, now can we?” he asked bitterly.   
The Throne Room Fiasco flashed before both their minds.   
_Not this again._ She thought.   
“We both know I couldn’t accept, Ben.” She whispered with obvious sorrow.   
“I can never turn to the Dark Side.”  
The muscle under his left eye ticked again.   
He lowered his gaze and slowly stood, summoning the restraints to his hand with the Force.   
He turned to leave, but paused just before opening the door. He looked back at her and he looked heartbroken.   
“Did it ever occur to you, Rey, that I never asked you to turn to the Dark? Just to join me.” He said softly.   
_To choose me. Just me._  
“You could have changed things from the inside out, you know…”  
He shook his head as if he were forlorn and walked out of the cell, leaving Rey stunned.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day!  
> Thank you for your patience :)

Rey was left behind, staring at the door of her cell.  
Her mind was reeling with the events that had just taken place.  
Thank the Maker Ben had shown up when he had!  
She didn’t even want to contemplate what would have happened if he hadn’t…  
She had been in that place before. On Jakku. Too much scum gathered in that Hellhole.  
But that had been different.  
That had been pure survival. She had always been armed with her staff.  
She had been able to build quite the reputation among the other scavengers.  
No one was stupid enough to attack her after a while.  
But this…  
She had been in restraints, in a cell that was built to contain screams. No one would have come to her rescue, and nobody cared anyway.  
Chills ran up and down her spine as the image of Hux licking his lips reentered her mind. As the memory of his finger trailing her arm ghosted across her skin.  
She squeezed her eyes shut.  
The moment she did, Ben’s words slammed into her again.  
_“Did it ever occur to you, Rey, that I never asked you to turn to the Dark? Just to join me.” To choose me. Just me. “You could have changed things from the inside out, you know…”  
_ How could she have been so stupid? To not have considered that?  
That all he had wanted was for her to choose him over all else, as he had just done for her?  
But when he had asked her to join him in that Throne Room, she had not been able to see beyond the moment.  
She had been too engrossed in the idea of saving him. Of turning him. Thinking it was the only way they could win.  
Of thinking that because he had chosen her over Snoke, all would be well.  
He would come back to the Light and that would be the end of it.  
Never once did she think of him. Not even until now, had she given it any thought. Of how he must have felt, having killed his master, of relinquishing everything that had been familiar up to that point.  
Of what he must have gone through at the hands of that awful creature. Of how he had been manipulated and abused for years, never having a way or reason for escaping the chains he was bound by. Never thinking of his possible fears or insecurities. Of his pain.  
She had been overzealous. She had been trying to push him forward way too fast, because he had gone to that length for her. Crossed that line.  
She had been wrong.  
Wrong to want to push him. Wrong to push him away when he reached out. Wrong to run from him, accusing him of things that she was to blame for.  
She had known it instinctively at the time. Had been so incredibly tempted. Knew his sincerity. Felt it.  
Things might have turned out so differently if she had just taken his hand.  
  _Leia might still be alive…_  
It was a mistake she hadn’t realized before now. One she would forever regret.  
But she had been blinded by the idea of the Light and Dark Sides, of wrong and right. All she had been able to see was the glove on his hand. The symbol for his alter ego. And all she had wanted, was Ben’s hand reaching out.  
It had taken Leia’s death and their defeat and basically her losing everything that mattered to her to understand. By turning away, she had failed. Both him and herself.    
Silent, bitter tears ran down her cheeks.  
It was too late now.  
It was over.

 

 

 

Ben returned to his quarters.  
By the time he actually reached his room, he was furious.  
For a whole list of reasons.  
He should have killed Hux on the spot for raising his hand to Rey. Or even attempting to.  
He wanted to.  
_Kriff! How I want to kill him._ He thought.  
But he wasn’t a fool.  
He needed Hux. Needed his tactical mind. Needed his devotion to the cause.  
_For now…  
_ But as soon as the changes he wanted to make were implemented, he would get rid of the lousy little chit.  
_Good riddance…  
_ Once more his mind trailed to the scene he had stumbled upon.  
He shoved a hand through his hair, disheveling it even more.  
“I need a haircut.” He mumbled to himself.  
_Rey…  
_ The memory of her panic overflowing their Bond still sent ice down his nerve endings.  
He got angry all over again, with both Hux and himself.  
How did that bloody girl get under his skin so badly? Why were they bound by the Force? Why did she move him, make him say and feel things he didn’t want to?  
He shouldn’t have admitted that last bit to her.  
Should have kept his mouth shut and his thoughts to himself.  
But the words had just poured out.  
What had he thought to achieve with that?  
Why did it matter so much? Why did _she_ matter so much?  
He was starting to come to grips with the reason, even if he didn’t want to actually say the words.  
He didn’t even want to think them, but he knew what it was.  
Compelled by something so strong he couldn’t fight it if he wanted to, he stalked out of his room again, only to walk up to the room next to his.  
He dismissed the guards who stood outside the door, keeping watch.  
He took a deep breath and was glad for his gloves. His hands were sweating and he had trouble keeping himself from shaking.  
After a moment’s hesitation, he opened the door and walked inside.  
He closed the door, locking it with a movement of his fingers and turned to face her.  
His mother.  
_Mom._  
Her lifeless form was laid down on a bed in the center of the room, as he had requested earlier that day, when he had quickly communicated some of his basic wishes to one of the officers working on the funeral plan.  
More wishes, and more elaborate expectations would soon follow. But he had already demanded this much.  
That she be put on a comfortable and colorful bed, instead of a metal slab.  
That her body be cleaned and prepared with the utmost care.  
That her facial expression be schooled in a small soft smile.  
That she be dressed in a beautiful and colorful gown, preferably a deep royal blue.  
That her hair be done according to ancient Alderanian custom, and keeping the mourning braid a focal point.  
He quickly motioned his hand, disturbing the security cameras for the duration of his visit.  
He took a few steps further inside the room, drawing closer.  
And felt his turmoil still. Much like he had in the Command Shuttle.  
_My eye in the storm. My peace.  
_ They had complied with all of his wishes so far.  
She looked absolutely beautiful.  
Peaceful.  
Lovely.  
She looked as sweet and gentle as the woman he remembered in his dreams. In his memories.  
His hand moved to touch her without thinking.  
He caressed her hair and her cheek briefly, only to rest his hand on top of hers. It was cold.  
He took another deep breath and pulled up a chair.  
As he sat down, a huge sigh escaped him.  
_What a mess I’ve gotten myself in huh…  
_ He smiled sadly at his own thoughts.  
_Oh Mom… What in the Galaxy happened?_ He sighed again.  
_How did things get so screwed up? I used to be so focused! So sure of everything.  
_ He shook his head as he continued this discussion with her in his mind.  
_I can blame Snoke for manipulating me. I can blame you and Han for sending me off to Luke.  
I can blame Luke._  
A snorty chuckle escaped him.  
_Actually, I do blame Luke… He did try to kill me in my sleep, after all…_  
He smiled grimly, realizing that it lacked the fervor the thought had held before. He frowned at the implication.  
_I can even blame Rey, I guess, if I wanted to…_ he continued, the voice in his head went on softer.  
_For walking away, for leaving me when I needed her most. For pushing me away.  
But I can’t._  
His brow furrowed even more.  
_The thing is… You were right, Mom. The pull to the Light is only getting stronger. I feel like I’m being torn apart. Everything I had started to accept as my path got turned upside down. Now…_  
He turned away, glancing down at his boots and closing his eyes as a wave of pain and sorrow crashed into him.  
_Now, I don’t know anything anymore. What seemed right before, now feels wrong somehow.  
When I realized she was the girl from my visions, I thought things would work out for the best.  
That’s why I turned on my Master for her. I was sure she would stand with me. Choose me, as I chose her…  
_ To his dismay, a choked sob escaped his lips as tears ran down his cheeks.  
_What is happening?_  He thought angrily.  
_I want to be free of this doubt, of this pain!_  
Instantly his thoughts were pulled back towards those last moments with Han. He blocked them with every ounce of determination he possessed.  
_Mom… if a part of you is still out there… Help me. Tell me what to do._ His thoughts were whispered fervently.  
_Please…  
_ Suddenly he realized how desperate he seemed. How mellow. How soft…  
_You have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo…  
_ His master’s words rung in his ears, shrill like a banshee’s shriek.  
He inhaled deeply and steeled himself against his own emotions.  
_Dead men tell no tales.  
_ The old proverb coming to mind. His lip curled in distaste.  
He looked at her again. And he could feel the wall he tried to build around his heart crack again.  
He scowled, realizing that his weakness could be found in stubborn, headstrong and defiant women.  
Guess Snoke was right after all. He took after Han more than he thought…  
He turned on his heel and unlocked the door with a twitch of his fingers. Another hand gesture and the security cams would function normal again.  
He left the room, motioning for the Troopers nearby to stand guard again.  
He walked into his own private quarters, moving towards the large windows and staring into blank space.  
Frustrated beyond words, he felt the need to lash out.  
Gritting his teeth, he tried to swallow that feeling.  
He needed to think.  
He needed to refocus.  
He needed to come up with a plan.  
He needed to…  
_I need Rey…_  
If only he could make her see that she didn’t need to change! That he didn’t want her to change!  
They just needed to find some sort of consensus… A middle ground, so to speak…  
An idea hit him out of the blue. So sudden, that he could barely wrap his head around it.  
So brilliant, he wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before.  
Rey wouldn’t like it. But she’d go along with it. Eventually. He was absolutely certain of that.  
A trade!  
He would bargain her time, for time with her friends!  
A great big smile spread across his face.  
Somewhere, in a very small, deep and dark little part of himself, he liked the idea that Leia had come up with that crazy plan and put it in his head…  
He let out a small bark of laughter.  
He walked up to the communication unit near his door and contacted the VIP ward.  
“Yes, Supreme Leader?” a distorted voice sounded over the intercom.  
“Bring the girl Rey up to my quarters.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader. Right away.”  
He walked away from the intercom to stand near the windows again.  
Staring out at the inky darkness, dotted with a million stars shimmering bright, he realized he was still smiling.  
After what seemed like only a few moments, but must have taken at least ten standard minutes, a knock resounded on his door.  
He turned and opened the door with the movement of his hand, using the Force.  
The first thing he saw was Rey.  
AS his eyes locked with hers, her surprise was evident.  
“The girl Rey, as you requested Supreme Leader.” One of six Storm Troopers said.  
Her chin lifted in defiance, and her eyes finally had a little of her usual sparkle to them.  
He felt a familiar stirring in his belly. Excitement coursed through him, despite his best attempts to ignore it. Heat slowly spread through his veins. His eyes never left hers.   
“Let her come in. Then take your leave. I will call you when she is ready to return to her cell.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader.” The Trooper said and did as instructed.  
She stood halfway across his room, restrained and quiet. Watching him with suspicion.  
He motioned his hand with a nonchalant gesture and her restraints fell away.  
“You won’t be needing those.” He said quietly.  
He turned to the windows again, once more staring out at the universe before him.  
He felt her wariness creep into his soul, through their Bond.  
She wasn’t afraid.  
But her hesitation was very much apparent.  
After a few moments of silence, she finally decided to break it.  
“Why am I here?” she asked curtly.  
Her voice rung strangely hollow in his room, bouncing off the dark walls.  
She looked around, satisfying her own curiosity.  
_Everything is dark here…  
_ He could hear her thoughts as if she had spoken them out loud.  
He chuckled.  
“Like my soul, some would say.” He said without a trace of humor in his voice.  
It earned him a sharp look from her.  
She said nothing however.  
He narrowed his eyes and studied her.  
She had lost weight.  
Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, evidence of her tears clearly portrayed. Dark smudges beneath them, indicating her obvious lack of sleep.  
The bright orange uniform with its black stripes down the sides made her sunkissed skin look pale and ashen.  
She looked dreadful.  
_And still…  
_ “You haven’t been eating.” He started.  
“That’s beside the point.” She countered.  
“And you are obviously not sleeping well.” He continued in the same brisk tone.  
 Her lips tightened in annoyance.  He watched her work her jaw, the muscles in those pretty cheeks working as she fought for restraint.  
“Why am I here?” she asked again, sounding more persistent than before.  
He regarded her carefully for a moment, shielding his thoughts and intentions as closely as he could manage.  
Rey on the other hand, didn’t even bother to try. Which made him smile mentally.  
“I have a proposition for you.” He stated coolly.  
Her eyebrow raised slightly.  
_Again?_ She thought.  
He narrowed his eyes as that thought seeped its way into his mind.  
“A bargain, if you will.” He spoke as he started towards her.  
His steps were slow and measured.  
With every step he took, he felt their Bond tremble harder, felt his excitement grow. The possibilities of this bargain made his mouth as dry as the Jakku desert.  
He stopped not three feet away from her, forcing her to tilt her head up if she wanted to meet his gaze.  
“And what would that be?” She asked, her voice dripping with sass.  
The smallest of smiles played with the corners of his luscious mouth without even being aware of it.  
“Time.” He said softly.  
She frowned at the word.  
“I beg your pardon?” she said, scrunching her face into a semblance of confusion.  
“Time.” He repeated a little firmer. “I wish to bargain time with you.” He said with a great deal of authority.  
“I don’t understand.” Rey answered.  
“It’s quite simple.” He started.  
“I will trade time with me for time with your so-called friends.” He continued dryly.  
“For every standard hour you spend with me, your friends will be allowed to spend twenty standard minutes in relative freedom in an area that is specifically designed for leisure the very next day.”  
Rey looked at him as if he was speaking a foreign language.  
“I’m sorry, I still don’t understand…” She murmured.  
“You will grant my friends twenty minutes of freedom for every hour I spend with you?”  
His eyes twinkled with amusement.  
“And here I was, thinking you didn’t understand…” he muttered sarcastically.  
His tone reminded her of Luke, but she was bright enough to hide that thought from him.  
She lifted her chin in defiance, her eyes sparking with anger.  
“You would use my sense of guilt to your benefit?” she bit out.  
He sobered somewhat at the look in her eyes.  
_That look…  
_ It would be his undoing someday. She’d looked at him like that twice before. Whenever she called him a monster. She didn’t say it, but she must be thinking it… Cut right into his soul every time. He was careful not to give her that insight though.  
“What did you expect?” he countered casually and turned away from her.  
He walked up to a small table near the far wall. He poured himself a glass of water and took a small sip.  
“I guess I figured you wouldn’t want to miss out on the opportunity of helping your friends.”  
He spoke softly, almost intimately.  
His voice, with that deep and gentle tone, reminded her of their time on Varykino. Memories flooded her, and caused him to whip his head around. His eyes found hers and she knew he knew what she was thinking. Her body responded to him. Her blood started to thrum, transformed into liquid heat. She started to tremble ever so slightly. Heat pooled between her thighs, and she felt his own excitement grow. She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to hold his gaze.  
_Finally!_ She thought as a sliver of his emotions flowed through their Bond.  
Trepidation… Excitement. Quickly followed by determination.  
“It’s fairly simple, Rey.”  
Her name on his lips, uttered so softly, caused her body to tremble harder.  
“One hour with me will buy your friends twenty minutes of relative freedom. You may even join them, if you wish. The choice is yours. Yes or no?”  
He tried to remain aloof and indifferent, to keep his thoughts and feelings hidden from her, to keep them shielded from the intimacy of their Bond. But he knew some of it slipped past the barriers nonetheless.  
She swallowed again as her thoughts raced.  
“What would I have to do?” she spoke softly, barely above a whisper.  
“Keep me company.”  
He hated how desperate he sounded.  
Her eyes searched his.  
“Is that all?”  
He was starting to have difficulty breathing. To keep his walls in place.  
“For now.” He said. He was quick to add: “I won’t force you into doing anything you don’t want to.”  
His eyes locked onto her lips involuntarily.  
_Kriff, how I want to kiss her…  
_ Her lips parted on their own volition. Her tongue darted out, wetting them, making them look shiny and luscious and delicious.  
“Do I get to think about this?” she asked.  
This time, her eyes drifted to his mouth. And he felt she wanted to kiss him too.  
“No.” He sounded colder than he intended.  
“You decide now.”  
She averted her eyes, her ambiguity flowing through their Bond.  
He hated her indecision.  
_It should have been easy…_  
Suddenly, her gaze clashed with his again, and he felt that contact down to his toes.  
“Allright.” She said.  
She sounded breathless.  
“I agree. Twenty minutes for them for every hour with you.”  
He couldn’t believe this.  
She had agreed to his crazy little plan. He’d expected as much, however he had also expected her to fight him more.  
The ghost of a smile played with the corners of his mouth.  
“Very well. Shall we start now?” he whispered to a stunned Rey…  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter.  
> Was harder to write than I would have expected, but still pretty fun!
> 
> Let me know what you think and leave me a comment!  
> I appreciate the feedback! 
> 
> x  
> B


	22. Chapter 22

“Very well. Shall we start now?”  
His whisper sounded very loud in the empty chamber.   
She stood in the center of his room and watched him turn around as if they had just discussed something as common as the weather.   
Her head was spinning and she was trying to come to terms with everything that had transpired in the last forty-eight hours.   
She watched as he walked up to the intercom again, stood motionless as he punched a button.   
A distorted voice immediately responded.   
“Yes, Supreme Leader?”  
“Have two meals prepared and sent to my chambers as soon as possible.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader. Do you require anything else, Sir?” the mechanical voice asked cautiously.  
“No, that will be all.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader. We’ll take care of it right away.”  
He turned and saw Rey watching him like a vulptex. Ready to run at the slightest threat.   
Time crawled by in absolute silence. Unsure of how to proceed, he walked back towards the table on the far wall.   
“Would you like something to drink?” He asked calmly. “Some water? Caf?”  
She frowned.   
“Why are you doing this?”   
She watched his expression shift to guarded again.   
“Why am I offering you refreshments?”   
Feeling shy all of a sudden, she lowered her eyes, hiding her embarrassment.   
“Why are you being so…” she frowned again and pursed her lips as she searched for the right words.   
When she found it, she lifted her eyes and met his gaze again.   
“Hospitable?”  
His face remained an impassive mask. His voice was pleasant though. Almost conversational and kind.  
“Perhaps it will work to my advantage?” he countered as he sipped his water. His eyes locked with hers over the rim of his glass. The look he gave her was pure mischief.  
“You didn’t respond to my question.” He said softly.   
“What question?” she asked in a confused tone.   
The corners of his mouth twitched, although the movement couldn’t be defined as a smile by any standard.   
“Would you like something to drink?” he repeated slowly.   
She wanted to decline. Out of defiance. Out of spite.   
But she had grown up on a desert planet.   
She knew water was precious. Hydration was essential in survival. She would be stupid to pass this chance up.   
“Yes, thank you.”   
He arched a brow in question. She immediately caught on.   
“Water, please.”  
He turned and poured her a glass. He held it out for her, forcing her to take several steps in his direction to accept it.   
She nodded as she took the glass from him. Their fingers touched briefly and she felt the contact like an electric current, coursing through her body like lightning.   
She was careful not to show it.   
She was still so confused.   
_Why is he doing this? What does he have to gain? What is he up to?  
_ Question after question swirled in her head, making her dizzy with their changing speed and direction.   
“Relax, Rey.” He said in a soothing voice. “I won’t bite.”  
The memory of him biting her neck flashed before her, stunningly vivid. The sensation seemed to resurrect on her skin, causing her breath to catch and goosebumps broke out on her arms.  
Her eyes flew up and collided with his.   
His eyes flashed with heat. There was not a doubt in her mind that she hadn’t flashed that memory through their Bond. He seemed equally effected by it.   
“That’s the second time you did that.” He said in a voice so low, it trembled in her womb.   
She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat as his eyes seemed to burn a hole in her very soul.   
He took two steps in her direction, stopping two feet short of her. She had to tilt her head to hold his gaze, but she couldn’t seem to look away.   
“I suggest you try to shield your thoughts, Rey.” His voice sounded reprimanding and seductive at the same time. His words were laced with a dangerous combination of temptation and warning.   
His eyes dropped to her lips again. She could feel his every emotion, his desire through their Bond. It matched her own. It made her tremble again, although she would not show it.   
“If you don’t, I’m not sure I can be held accountable for my actions.” He continued softly.   
“I’m just a mortal man, Rey.” He murmured huskily.   
Now he was the one putting images in her head, all of the two of them making love. All very different, but incredibly arousing.   
_On his bed, straddling on the chair, bent over the tiny table, pressed up against his wall, in the fresher…  
_ Every image was more vivid than the next, and she could feel her body respond to them with its usual enthusiasm. The memory of the pleasure he could bring her made her mouth go dry.   
She closed her eyes briefly and tried to clear her mind. When she opened them, his eyes had gotten a desperate gleam to them. He felt the same. She knew it. Felt it.   
Her breath quickened.   
Her mouth opened to say something, then closed again.   
She frowned as words eluded her.   
She was about to step closer and say something when a knock sounded on the door.   
Their gaze disconnected briefly as he focused on the door. When his eyes met hers again, they were cool and calculated. Guarded.   
“Excuse me, Rey.” He said calmly, and started for the door.

 

_Kriff!  
That woman will be the death of me…_ he thought as he strode towards the door.   
He picked up the restraints and threw them on the bed nonchalantly on his way over.   
When he opened it, an officer stood on the other side holding a large platter laden with food.   
“Your meals, Supreme Leader, as you requested.” He said humbly.   
Ben directed him to the table.   
The young officer made quick work of unloading the platter and arranging the dishes on the table in a neat and attractive fashion. When he was done, he tucked the platter under his arm, made a small inclination with his head and demurely asked: “Is there anything else you require, Supreme Leader?”  
Ben’s thought immediately turned to Rey, but he didn’t let on.   
“No. Leave us.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader.” He said, nodded again and stalked out of the room.   
The door closed with a loud click.   
Ben’s eyes found Rey. She had moved to the windows and stood there, hugging herself.   
The bright orange prisoner’s uniform looked ghastly on her. The color looked horrible on her, the past few days had obviously taken their toll on her and still she managed to look beautiful.   
Just having her so near gave his arid soul a respite. Her nearness was a breath of fresh air, a balm to his scarred heart.   
Her eyes never left him.   
The intensity in her gaze made his breath catch.   
He ignored it and walked over to the table.   
Without looking at her, he sat down and addressed her.   
“Sit down, Rey. And eat.”  
Her expression didn’t change, she made no move.   
“You’re enjoying this immensely, aren’t you?” she said bitterly.   
He looked at her then. There was misery in those hazel eyes. Something in his chest pulled tightly at her discomfort. Again, he showed no signs of emotion.   
“And what are you referring to, exactly?” he said coolly as he picked up his fork and started eating.   
Her jaw worked, her eyes flashed.   
She was obviously angry.   
“The power.” She bit out.   
“You’re enjoying it. You revel in it. Their compliance to your every whim, their submission…” Her eyes traveled up and down his form.   
“Is it everything you had expected?” her voice sounded hoarse with emotion.   
She made no move to join him.   
And their Bond was wide open. He suspected she was too tired and too spent to even try to guard her thoughts and emotions. They all spilled over, making their Bond tremble and shudder.   
She felt angry and hurt and sad and disappointed and defeated.   
He sighed and put his cutlery down.   
He leaned back into his chair and looked her in the eye.   
“Yes, I do.” He said quietly.   
The look in her eyes could only be described as shocked. He watched as a frown furrowed her brow, and that luscious mouth draw into a tight line. It reminded him of the look she had given him in the interrogation room.   
_Stubborn, feisty little firecracker…  
_ “Would you rather I lied about it?” He asked her softly as he tilted his head.   
“Would you rather I deny it?” His eyes narrowed ever so slightly and he leaned forward, resting his weight on his forearms. “I have never lied to you before, and I’m not going to start now.” His voice was low, his gaze intense as he continued.   
“I do enjoy it. I do revel being in control. I relish their submission.” His eyes bore into hers. He got up and walked up to her, his gaze never leaving hers. He stopped a few inches short of touching her.   
“I have been controlled most of my life. By my parents, by Luke, by Snoke… To be the one in control now, is very satisfying.”  
He had that look in his eyes again. Determination and just the slightest hint of viciousness.   
“ _Very_ satisfying…”  
Her frown deepened. She got the feeling there was more to it than this. That it was more complicated.   
But that look in his eyes made heat pool between her thighs, despite her better judgement.   
Something told her that being under his control wouldn’t be so bad in certain situations…   
She stopped her train of though before her mind could go haywire again.   
She would never grant him complete control. She couldn’t help it. All those years alone on Jakku had formed her personality, kneaded her into the woman she was today. She would never relinquish complete control. No one would be her master. She would not cower before anyone.   
_But it’s still mighty tempting…_   
Deep down inside she knew why he felt like this. Could relate. She would not give him the satisfaction of her compassion right now, though.   
She lifted her chin and her eyes flashed defiance.   
“Was it just as satisfying to murder so many people?” She bit back.   
“To kill your mother?” she whispered vehemently.   
He reeled back, as if she had slashed him with a lightsaber again.   
He actually stumbled back a step. His eyes widened and then narrowed dangerously.   
In a low and menacing voice, he growled: “Don’t!”  
His breathing quickened, his nostrals flaring. His anger slammed into her, as did his pain and she knew she had made a mistake.   
“Do not even mention my mother!” he whispered. His eyes became haunted for the briefest of seconds, then became angry again.   
“You didn’t wait for an explanation at Varykino. You didn’t want to know my motivations when I warned you before the attack.” He let out an angry sigh before he added in an icy tone: “You are not entitled to it now. And you certainly aren’t entitled to lecture me on something you clearly do not understand.”  
The muscles beneath his left eye and around his mouth trembled, a telltale sign of his anger if ever there was one.   
Remorse shone in Rey’s eyes, but she said nothing.   
It sobered him somewhat. It surprised him how much he wanted to give her his reasons, despite claiming she had lost her right to know. But he didn’t say anything. It would not make a difference now.  
He straightened, drawing himself up to his full height. He turned on his heel and calmly walked back to the table. He sat down and picked up his cutlery again.   
“Sit down and eat, Rey. The food is getting cold.”  
He sounded detached.   
This time however, she did as he instructed. She sat down across from him and started eating in silence.   
This was not how he had imagined his time with her would go…   
The meal went on without another word.   
Rey picked at her food, her appetite disappeared by her own rash behavior.   
She knew Ben hadn’t wanted to kill his mother. She had felt his turmoil and heart-shattering pain when Leia was hit and died.   
But _kriff_ , she was angry and hurt and confused. And she needed some relief, in any way she could.   
And so she had lashed out at Ben, knowing he would respond in kind.   
And the moment she had, she had regretted it instantly.   
The look on his face had torn her heart and conscience to shreds.   
Now he sat across from her, like a granite statue.   
Ben’s mind kept hearing her words.   
_So that’s how she sees me. How she still sees me…  
_ Anger swirled in his chest, threatening to overtake him. It formed a great big ball of fury and rage, leaving him restless and distraught, with a distinct need to inflict as much damage as he could.   
He was having trouble keeping his breathing under control when he heard her voice.   
“I’m sorry.”   
He looked up and saw her staring at her plate.   
“What?” he growled.  
He watched as she swallowed.   
“I’m sorry.” She repeated, just as softly. “I shouldn’t have said that.”  
She looked up at him from underneath her lashed and continued quietly.   
“I know you didn’t mean for Leia to be hurt. I know…”   
She sighed softly as she lowered her eyes again and the words reached him across their Bond.  
_I know it almost killed you when she died…  
_ “I’m not dealing with things very well.”  
He watched her stumble over the words. She was obviously not used to admitting she was wrong.   
He needed to say something.   
But he couldn’t say what he was thinking. That would create an even bigger rift between them.   
He sighed and for the first time in his life, wondered what Han would have said. For all his faults, the man seemed to have had a way with women, but his loyalty to his mother had never been questioned. Leia had affectionately called it “the Solo-charm” and had seemed amused rather than jealous.  
So he said the most “Han-thing” he could think of…    
“I know.” He said softly.   
Her head lifted and her eyes found his. Surprise was evident in those hazel depths. The sight of those beautiful eyes rimmed red caused him more turmoil than it should. The freckles on the bridge of her nose stood out sharper against the pallor of her skin. Her lips were parted softly, and he tried not to notice how lush they were or how her bottom lip pouted ever so slightly.   
This time, he was the one to avert his eyes.   
“Neither am I.” he said quietly. He frowned.   
Rey watched as he did that unbelievably cute thing with his mouth. The gesture he made whenever he was insecure.   
_This isn’t going very well._  He thought.   
He was admitting a lot more things today, on purpose and otherwise. He needed to change the tide.   
“Do you think you can handle more of my company?” he asked.   
He looked up at her, and those dark eyes seemed softer, lighter somehow.   
“I want to show you something.”  
She frowned, and for the first time since leaving Dantooine, she felt her lips curve into a smile.   
“Only if you think you can stomach more of mine…” She let her words trail off.   
Something showed in his gaze, but she couldn’t tell what it was for the life of her.   
He nodded and stood. Rey followed his example.   
He walked over to the bed and picked up the restraints.   
Rey’s sharp intake of breath caused him to look back at her.   
Her eyes seemed heavy lidded and her chest was heaving slightly with her quickened breathing.   
Blood rushed straight to his groin when he recognized the look in her eyes.   
Another vision popped in his head. Almost identical to the one he had had in her cell earlier.   
He could feel her excitement rise. He tamped his own down. He would not get distracted, dammit!   
His voice sounded rusty and hoarse when he spoke up.   
“I told you to stop doing that.” He chastised her.    
“Raise your hands.”  
She swallowed.   
“Is this really necessary?”  
“Yes.” He said roughly as he clasped the restraints on her wrists.  
“Seeing as how you’ve tried to kill me more than once and considering current circumstances, I’m not going to let you run around this ship unbound.”  
Her face contorted at those words.   
“You don’t trust me?” she exclaimed.   
He actually had the nerve to smile at her.   
“No.”  
For reasons unknown, that actually hurt her.   
He tugged the restraints, testing if they were on properly.   
“Fine.” She bit out. “But just so you know, I wouldn’t escape. I don’t have anywhere left to go, remember?”  
A twitch near his nose was the only indication he’d heard her.   
“Shall we?” he asked as he grabbed her upper arm gently and guided her towards the door.   
“Where are we going?” she asked.   
“You’ll see.” Was all he said.   
The walked through corridors and intersections, and took the elevator down.   
They passed several Troopers and Officers, but aside from a curious glance or two, no one paid them any attention except get out of their way.   
She was “The Jedi Girl’ walking down the hall with the Supreme Leader himself after all.   
Nobody wanted that kind of trouble on their hands…   
The ended up in the large hangar. Several large ships, shuttles and TIE-fighters were docked.   
The frown on Rey’s face was adorable, but Ben was very careful not to let it show.   
She was busy looking around at all these huge ships. She’d seen similar, older models on Jakku, buried in the sand where they had crashed. She had rarely seen one in it’s real scale, and she was in awe.   
Suddenly they stopped and she looked at Ben first and then looked ahead.   
Her mouth fell open when she saw where he had taken her.   
There was a large open area in the middle of the hanger. In it’s center, a large ship was stationed.   
_The Falcon…  
_ It looked pretty much the same as it had when they had left Dantooine.   
He pushed the switch to bring the ramp down. When it touched ground, he led her up the ramp.   
She paused inside and he stopped next to her.   
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.   
He watched her face closely.   
Her eyes were misted when she reopened them.   
She loved this piece of junk as much as Han had.   
_As much as I did once._  
She looked up at him, the question clear in her eyes.   
“You brought back the Falcon?” She asked quietly.   
He merely nodded in response.   
“Why? And why are we here?”  
He took a deep breath.   
_Damned if I know…  
_ “Because there are things on this ship that are of interest to me.” He replied calmly.   
She frowned at his mysterious answer.   
He took a few steps and turned to look back at her over his shoulder.   
“I have reason to believe you took Luke’s precious Jedi Texts on board.”  
The surprise on her face would have been funny if it hadn’t been quickly followed by her suspicion.  
Her stance got defensive.   
“How do you know that?” She asked in an angry voice.   
He needed to deflect her mood if he wanted this deal of theirs to grow into something positive.   
“Don’t look at me like that, Rey.” He spoke gently.   
“They were in your room that day Leia caught us…” His voice trailed off when he remembered what they had been doing when his mother had burst through the door.   
Her cheeks flamed, but her demeanor did not change.   
“Why do you want them?”  
The corners of his mouth turned up slightly.   
“We’ll be spending a lot of time together, I presume. I won’t always have the time to entertain you, though. I thought perhaps you might like something to read.”  
She frowned at his response.   
“Also, I’m pretty sure my lightsaber is on this ship.”  
“It won’t do either of us any good.” She was quick to interject.   
“That lightsaber was broken in half when…”   
Again her voice trailed off, not wanting to relive that painful memory of when she had failed this man before her because she had been unable to see beyond her own truth.   
“When you tried to take it from me.” He finished harshly.   
“That doesn’t diminish its value to me. I can probably repair it. Or if it is beyond repair, I can build a new one with the same kyber-crystal.” He added dryly.   
He watched her closely as she took in that information. She nodded to acknowledge what he had just said.  
She lowered her gaze and linked her fingers together. A strong feat, considering the restraints on her wrists.   
“It’s in my room.”   
_You’re in my old room…_    
The memory creeped in without warning.   
She blushed as a thought came to mind.   
_Our room…_  
He gestured his hand and let her lead the way.   
It was a strange sensation to actually be in this room in person again, after all these years.   
The last time he had been on this ship in person, had been on Starkiller Base, when Han had come to Rey’s rescue. He’d been inside the cockpit, but had been too overtaken with memories to travel further down the ship.   
It was smaller than he remembered. Then again, he hadn’t been quite as tall or broad back then.   
He watched as she bent over and reached underneath the thin matrass.   
“I can’t get the second half with these restraints on.” She said as she looked up at him.   
He walked over and she stepped aside, having to stand with her back against the wall.   
He reached underneath the matrass and took out the second half of the lightsaber.   
He straightened and stood closer than he had anticipated.   
The familiarity of the scene slammed into both of them.   
Their heartbeats seemed to merge into one and they could only stare at each other.   
Rey’s breath caught at the look in his eyes.  
Her voice was filled with wonder when she whispered his name.   
“Ben.”  
The sound of his name on her lips so softly, combined with that gentle look in her eyes and the nearness and warmth of her body made his resilience crumble.   
Tossing the lightsaber on the bed, he lifted her restraints over her head and pinned her to the wall with his bigger frame.   
His heated gaze bore into hers and he almost growled her name affectionately.   
“Rey.”  
And then he took her lips in a kiss so passionate it made her toes curl.  



	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! SMUT-alert!   
> If you are not into explicit details, please skip this chapter...

The moment his lips touched hers, time froze.   
The sensation of having his mouth on hers again, of that incredibly delicious friction of his lips against hers, was overwhelming.   
She let out a low moan, one that came from somewhere deep within her.   
He kissed her hungrily, like a starving man. As if he hadn’t kissed her in eons, rather than only forty-eight hours ago. As if he’d die if he didn’t have her lips against his.   
He braided his fingers with hers over her head and deepened his kiss even more, opening her mouth wider and letting his tongue caress hers in maddening strokes.   
_Never enough!_  
The words spilled into their Bond, but neither knew which one had thought them.   
Their world spun out of control.   
Their Bond was humming and singing load and clear, as if to say it was about time they were this close again.   
_More…_  
He made a low growling sound at the back of his throat and the sound reverberated in her own chest, all the way down to her womb. It made her whimper.   
Her whimper made him moan.   
_Always more…_  
Their breathing grew ragged and heavy.   
Desire coursed through their veins like liquid fire. Being so close again was like a drug.   
His lips left hers and she made a sound of despair at the absence of his mouth on hers. It quickly morphed into a purr as he trailed them across her cheek, to her neck.   
He nipped it with his teeth, then laved it with his tongue, causing her to tremble violently.   
He drew his lips towards her ear and whispered seductively.   
“Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll back away.”  
His hot breath on her ear made a shiver run down her spine.   
She felt him smile against her skin and could imagine perfectly how seductive it would look.   
“Do you want me to stop, Rey?” he whispered softly.   
His voice was smooth as silk, soft and gentle and tender. But she felt the despair behind it. The need.   
She shook her head and then whispered back: “Don’t stop.”  
_Never stop!_  
He drew back slightly so he could look her in the eye.   
When his gaze met hers, there was nothing but this moment. Just the two of them. The world, their circumstances… it all melted away until there was nothing but the two of them, right now.   
He nodded once and then his gaze burned into hers.   
“I’m going to make love to you, Rey. Right here, right now.” His eyes searched hers for any uncertainty, any lingering doubt. Instead, all he encountered was anticipation and excitement.   
“I’m going to make you forget everything.” He continued softly, his voice barely above a whisper.   
“And I will make you scream my name. Over. And. Over. That is a promise.” He said with the hint of a snarl.   
He watched as her eyes grew wide with surprise, and then heavy-lidded with her desire. Her mouth parted and her breathing accelerated.   
She felt his need through their Bond. It was just as strong as her own. It was both comforting and disconcerting that he wanted her so much as she wanted him. The power of this desire would have scared her, had it been with anyone else. But not with Ben. _Never with Ben…_   
“We’ll see…” she said slowly, with a seductive little grin and a lift of her eyebrow.   
Now it was his turn to be surprised.   
With a loud growl, he leaned in and kissed her again.   
“Keep your hands above your head, do you understand?” His voice sounded pinched, as if it was costing him a lot of effort to get the words out. She nodded in response.   
He let go of her hands and started drawing the strings on the side of the uniform shirt achingly slow. Once they were untied, he pushed both sides aside and his hands slid inside to settle at her waist. Her body arched up to him involuntarily, craving more of his touch. She moaned and writhed against him, eager for more.   
_More.. need more…  
_ He complied, putting both of his hands on her breasts and squeezed, flicking his thumbs over her nipples. The sensation caused her to break their kiss, as she threw her head back and gasped loudly.   
He bent and took one in his mouth, sucking and laving at it. Rey let out a small cry that sounded almost like a sob.   
His hands pushed her pants down her legs in one fluid motion, the cold rush of air causing goosebumps on her thighs. He stepped his foot on the crotch and she lifted her foot intuitively, fumbled for a few moments before effectively stepping out of the ugly orange trousers.   
He went down on one knee, grabbed her bare buttocks and squeezed, making her whimper again.   
“Ben…” she moaned softly as his mouth trailed up and down her thighs. He would get close to her core, only to draw back again. Before long, she was shuddering violently from her desire.   
His breath was hot on the tuft of downy curls at the apex of her thighs.   
Rey closed her eyes in agony. She was slowly but surely losing her mind.   
“Rey, look at me.” He said with authority.  
Without even hesitating, she did as he asked.   
A mischievous glint shone in his eyes.   
“Beg me.” He said, the challenge in his eye unmistakable.   
As much as she wanted him to put his mouth on her, she knew what he was doing.   
She lifted her chin and met his stare head-on.   
“No.” she said, the same twinkle in her eye.   
He smiled, his face so handsome it made her toes curl and she dug her fingers in her palms to prevent her from doing just that.   
He slowly rose and stood before her, raising himself to his full, intimidating height.   
It only aroused her even more.   
His smile still in place he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. His eyes were too soft to make his next words sound like a threat.   
“I’ll make you beg yet.” He said with determination.   
She smiled back at him and whispered back.   
“You can try.” Her eyes too were too gentle to be deemed fully defiant.   
His other hand trailed down her chest, over her stomach and down that mound of pure heaven he knew.   
“Oh, I will.” He smirked and kissed her again while his fingers played havoc on her most sensitive part.   
Her breathing came in short bursts as his fingers found a rhythm that drove her wild. He left her mouth and trailed down her neck once more, to rain hot wet kisses on her neck, collarbone and shoulder. His right hand kept touching her in that maddening way while his left fondled her breast.   
He could feel her excitement build, both around his fingers as through their Bond and he knew she was close. Her cries got louder with every stroke. He watched with fevered eyes as her fingers bit into her palms harder, her knuckles turning white.  
“Ben!” she screamed.  
Right before she was to find her release, he withdrew from her, leaving her shaking.   
her eyes flew open, despair shone in them.   
She had been so close!  
“Ready to beg yet, Scavenger?” he said affectionally.   
He saw her conflict. Her body was straining, craving the release she knew he could bring her.   
Her pride would not allow it.   
She lifted her chin and looked him straight in the eye.   
“You’ll have to do better than that…” she shot back.   
Everything about her demeanor and body language defied her words. He wasn’t offended.   
This was the game.   
“As you wish.” He growled, his voice a low rumble.   
He lifted his tunic slightly, opened the button and lowered the zipper on his trousers slowly. Her eyes were on him the entire time.   
He shoved his hands in his pants and with a quick push shoved them halfway down his muscular thighs.   
The thought of making love to him, against a wall on the Falcon, with their clothes still on…   
“What are you afraid of, Scavenger?” He asked softly as he stepped closer.   
He stood a hair’s breadth away, his heat seeping into her, the cold surface of the wall behind her in shrill contrast. His erection brushed against her stomach and she trembled even harder.   
“Afraid? I’m not afraid of you!” she countered.   
“No?” He asked again in that low voice, smooth as silk. “You’re trembling. You’re out of breath.”  
His eyes roamed her up and down, his gaze leaving her nerve endings on fire wherever it touched.   
“You’re either afraid or aroused…” he mused with a slight smile.   
She met his gaze and bit her lower lip, somehow sensing how much he liked it when she did that.   
“I’ll leave that to you to find out…” she trailed off.   
Without warning he lifted her off the floor.   
A sound of surprise slipped from her mouth, but she quickly recovered. He pinned her up to the wall and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist.   
“You know…” he started in the softest tone she’d heard from him so far, “I’ve been dreaming about this ever since that time we first kissed through our Bond.”  
He let his hands slide down over her butt, his fingers skimming over her cleft.   
She was more than ready for him.   
“And now…” he whispered as he gazed into her eyes with passion blazing in his own, “I make you mine again.”  
In one swift movement he thrust into her.   
They both cried out, throwing their heads back at they were suddenly overtaken with sensation.   
Once more, she screamed out his name.  
The intensity of their joining seemed to rock the very core of the Falcon. Their bodies, as well as their minds and souls seemed to merge and they were no longer able to tell where one of them started and the other ended.   
_More! Always more! Never enough…_  
Driven by the passion they had tried to suppress, they started moving.   
Soon they found a wild rhythm, his thrusts becoming frantic.   
Their cries and moans and roars seemed to echo and bounce off the walls, the power of their Bond and the Force combined into a surge of energy. The bedding and various objects lifted into the air, floating around, but neither of them even noticed.   
Engrossed in each other, they were oblivious to anything around them.   
Their mouths met again in a volatile kiss as the pressure began to build unbearably.  
They were both so close. _So very close!_   
He whispered against her open mouth.  
“Beg me, Rey.”  
She felt his desperation through their Bond, felt that he desperately _needed_ her to beg him. Needed her to need him. It was what drove her over the edge.   
“Please, Ben.” She said on a sigh. “Please, please, please.” She said, punctuating every word with a brush of her lips against his.   
She felt his relief flow through the Bond and he smiled gently, content.   
His right hand cupped her butt and squeezed while his left hand slowly crept up her body, to intertwine his fingers with hers above her head.   
He shifted his pelvis and slowed down ever so slightly, hitting her in that sweet spot only he could reach. Every single thrust of his hips was intentional and with precision and banged her further up the wall.   
She whimpered and writhed and it took no more than fifteen seconds before she came undone.   
“Ben!!!” she screamed out his name as passion overtook her. Over and over again, just as he had said she would.   
“Rey.” He growled out low as he too was overcome with his orgasm. Her inner muscles clamped down on him and he pushed into her as deep as he could, sheathing himself fully. He spent himself deep inside her, pulling her down on his cock as the last spasms wrecked through him.   
Breathing hard, he rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.   
The words were on the tip of his tongue.   
He almost said them.   
Almost let them tumble through their Bond.   
He caught them just in time, just barely managing to shield his thoughts from her in his weakened state.   
But he thought them all the same.   
_I love you, Rey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it hot in here, or is that just me??? ;-)
> 
> Let me know what you think!   
> leave a comment and share your thoughts on this chapter!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I want to do a few acknowledgements before I continue...
> 
> I want to thank the beautiful artist Panda Cappucino for her beautiful artwork that heavily inspired my previous and current chapter.  
> I want to thank the gorgeous Emma for being my right hand in creating this fanfic. 
> 
> And I want to thank you. My readers.  
> For sticking with me all this time.  
> I hope my story is compelling and believable and that I'm doing right by you!  
> Thanks for your support

Ben let his hand travel up and pulled her hands down to rest on his shoulders.  
Instantly her arms pulled him closer.  
His forehead rested against hers, and they were still fitted snugly together.  
They stayed that way until their rapid breathing and heartbeats had slowed down.  
His eyes were still closed when he broke the silence.  
“Rey…” he started, his voice hoarse, “I’m sorry. This wasn’t what I had planned, I swear. I…”  
He was interrupted by the touch of her lips on his.  
After a brief brush, she whispered against his lips.  
“I know.”  
Her mouth captured his again in a sweet, slow kiss. Her emotions flowed through their Bond, and it left him stunned.  
_She’s happy. Content._  
He felt it then.  
It wrapped around him like a cloak, like a soft blanket warming him down to his insides. It glowed like a beacon, radiant like a sun. Familiar and oddly welcome.  
_The Light._  
The temptation to go with it, to let it manifest and blossom in his chest was strong.  
That thought, that feeling, was enough to rouse him from his stupor. He ended the kiss gently and grabbed her waist, stepped away from the wall and slowly let her slide down.  
He looked down and she was smiling at him. A real smile. One that made her eyes sparkle and changed her appearance from beautiful into breathtaking. She was back to being his Rey, the Rey she should be, with her spunk and her sass and that incredibly sexy confidence, instead of that broken mess she had been yesterday and this morning. And it was because of him.  
_I made her happy._  
His mind was reeling. The thought that he could make someone else _happy_ , that he could make _her_ happy, was startling.  
The confession of his feelings for her still burned on his tongue, threatening to rush out and tell her how he felt still a very dangerous thing.  
He couldn’t tell her now. He couldn’t let her know. Confessing it to himself was bad enough. If she knew, if she knew of his weakness for her, surely she would exploit it. It’s what people always did.  
And if others found out, they would _definitely_ take advantage of the fact. Hux would turn it into a weapon against him, using it as a tool to overthrow him and his power as the Supreme Leader, claiming that Rey’s influence was leading the Order into chaos and anarchy.  
Besides, he wasn’t sure she felt the same way. Well, she felt _something_ for him, he knew that much. But he didn’t know if she could ever grow to love him back. Not like he loved her. She’d already turned him down twice. He couldn’t stand for a third.   
It would kill me.  
But then, there were the visions… Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard that child’s giggle again…  
He shouldn’t be thinking of that right now. He had to protect himself. Had to keep his guard up, no matter what. He needed to stay focused on his goals, on the present.  
He cleared his throat.  
“Rey…” he said as he lowered his eyes.  
“Don’t to that, Ben.” She said sternly.  
It caused him to look up into her eyes again.  
She was still smiling, but there was a hint of worry in those hazel eyes again.  
He frowned.  
“Don’t do what?” He braced himself for whatever she was going to say.  
“Don’t close yourself off from me again.” She said softly. Her hands came up to bury themselves in his hair, difficult as it was with her restraints still in place.  
Her eyes were soft, her lips swollen from their heated kisses, a gorgeous flush still on her cheeks.  
“I know you, Ben. I feel everything you feel. Remember?” she said with a small grin and a twinkle in her eyes.  
“I know you’re conflicted still.” She continued in a soft voice.  
“But I would like it if you tried to be yourself when we’re in private. No pretending. No holding back.” She gazed deeply in his eyes and he felt his heart give a tug.  
What she whispered next made his heart jump even more.  
“We’ll just be ourselves. Just me. And just you…” she smiled and her emotions slammed into him. And not for the first time, he wished he could be the man she wanted him to be.    
“Can you do that for me?  
He swallowed several times, his Adam’s apple bobbing furiously, before he was able to find his voice.  
“I can try.” Was all he said.  
A wide, uninhibited smile was his reward.  
She nodded and got up on her toes to press her lips to his again.  
He kissed her back and felt that familiar hunger starting to claw at his belly.  
He pulled back reluctantly and looked into her eyes. His passion was reflected in her own eyes, and he knew they could get in a lot of trouble. With more determination than he felt, he spoke up.  
“We should go.”  
He ducked so her arms could go over his head, then knelt at her feet to help her but her pants back on.  
As he worked quickly to get her dressed again, as he was tying the strings on the side of the wrap around uniform shirt, he kept feeling her excitement through their Bond.  
He ignored it, and the effect it had on his own body.  
He quickly straightened his own clothes, gathered the broken lightsaber, handed her a few of the books and carried the others.  
“Shall we?” he asked bluntly.  
She nodded and together they exited the Falcon in silence.

 

General Hux walked up into the main hangar’s command post, to find several of his officers staring out the view console.  
“What in the Galaxy is going on here?” He raised his voice, sadistically enjoying seeing them scramble and jump at the sound of his voice. Several of the officers turned an embarrassed shade of red, trying to find their voices.  
One young man straightened his shoulders and addressed him crisply.  
“Beg your pardon, Sir. We were all just astounded, General Hux.”  
Hux clasped his hands behind his back in his usual manner and lifted a single red eyebrow.  
“By what were you all astounded, if I may ask?” He said in a derogative tone.  
Another young man piped up from the back of the crowd.  
“By that ship, Sir.” He said squeakily as he pointed out at the Millenium Falcon. “It just started acting strange all of a sudden.”  
Hux immediately glanced out at the ship Ren had insisted on retrieving. The same “piece of junk” he had ordered them to shoot out of the sky at the battle of Crait.  
_The failure of Crait..._  
What he saw, made his frown deepen.  
The Falcon seemed to be shaking or trembling rather. The lights seemed to sputter, a low rumble could be heard all the way down to the command post.  
“Is someone trying to steal the ship?” He barked tersely. “Did one of the prisoners escape?” He continued with mild alarm in his voice. “Who is on board of that freighter?” he all but shouted.  
“No one is trying to steal the ship, Sir.” The officer who had spoken first said calmly.  
“The Supreme Leader came here with the Jedi Girl and they boarded the ship not fifteen minutes ago. The ship started acting like that about five to eight minutes ago.”  
Hux’s eyes narrowed to slits.  
A sick sense of foreboding crept over him.  
_Ren and the Girl… Together... On board of her ship…_  
Fury coursed through his body and he had trouble maintaining his cool façade.  
That girl was Ren’s weakness. Supreme Leader Snoke had known it. Had discussed it with him before, after Ren had been unable to obtain the map from the girl who had resisted him. Neither Snoke nor Hux himself had understood why Ren had not followed the original plan and gone after the droid. But Snoke soon knew what Ren’s motivations were. He was intrigued by her, by her power. And now that he had seen her from up close, Hux admitted that he understood why Ren was more than likely attracted to her physically as well. The desert rat cleaned up well. Too tanned and too lithe for his own taste, but nothing he couldn’t get past.  
As he watched the Corellian freighter rumble and shake, he could very well imagine what was going on.  
_She is seducing him_. He thought.  
Several minutes ticked by in silence as they watched the Falcon.  
A muscle twitched near his nose and he had to reign himself in, or it would have become a snarl.  
“Well…” he stated dryly, infecting as much indifference in his voice as he possibly could, “If the Supreme Leader is there, I’m sure it’s allright. Whatever it is, it must be a show of his mighty power.”  
As he spoke, the rumbling noise silenced, and the shaking of the ship subsided. The lights no longer flashed.  
He stuck his nose in the air and sniffed loudly.  
_They must be done…_  
He quirked another brow and his mouth pulled down.  
“The Supreme Leader knows what’s best. If he is down there with the girl, then we will not interfere unless an emergency occurs.” He turned and addressed the officer.  
“I have decided that there is need for more patrols in the area surrounding Naboo. General Organa’s funeral will no doubt attract a lot of spectators and sympathizers. We need to be prepared for trouble. Prepare sufficient ships. The patrols need to start tomorrow morning at eight o’clock standard time and will continue for the duration of another standard week.”  
the younger officer nodded in agreement and said: “Yes, Sir.”  
As Hux was about to leave, a movement in the hangar caught his eye. Ren and the girl emerged from the freighter.  
_What in the galaxy…_  
Both the girl and Ren seemed to be carrying a pile of books. Ren also held something in his left hand, but Hux could not identify what it was.  
Bitterness and pure hatred rose like bile in the back of his throat.  
_Soon…_ he thought to himself. _Soon, I will rid the galaxy of that arrogant piece of Bantha excrement and his whore. I will wipe the galaxy clean of Resistance scum and I will rule the First Order. Patience._  
Good things come to those who wait.  
He watched as the pair exited the hangar, both seemed uptight and serious. Perhaps he was mistaken?  
_At least she’s still wearing her restraints…_  
Hux lifted his chin, gave a few final orders, then turned on his heel and left for his private chambers.  
_Soon…_

  
Ben and Rey returned to his chambers in silence. Not a single word was said.  
Once they were inside his room, he walked over to a large cabinet on the left wall. He opened it and she saw several books and what looked like a calligraphy set and scrolls inside. He plunked his half of the books in and then motioned for her to hand him her pile.  
She frowned at him and said: “I thought you said I could read them?”  
“I did.” He said as he walked over to her and took the books from her hands.  
“I also said you could read them when you were with me and if I wasn’t able to entertain you myself.”  
A deep crimson blush crept high on her cheeks at the mere thought of what his ideas of ‘entertaining her” could entail. The visions he had put in her head earlier flashed before her.  
_On his bed, straddling on the chair, bent over the tiny table, pressed up against his wall, in the fresher…_  
Pressed up against his wall… Check!  
“Rey, stop it.” He sounded slightly angry. Pained almost.  
He shoved the books next to the others on the shelf and all but slammed the door shut.  
She frowned at his display of irritation.  
He looked up at her and his eyes were guarded again.  
She felt her heart tumble at the sight.  
_You promised you’d try._  
“Rey…” he started, and she saw how his nostrils flared slightly as he let out a heavy sigh.  
“What happened in the Falcon, shouldn’t have happened. We both know that. However enjoyable, that was not what our agreement is about.” He said stoically.  
It felt like a slap in the face. Her defiant nature be damned, but she couldn’t help herself.  
“Do you regret it?”  
His eyebrows shot up briefly. He tilted his head slightly and asked: “What?”  
She lifted her chin and gave him her haughtiest look.  
“Do you regret it?” she repeated slowly, pronunciating every word clearly.  
He gave her an angry look, but did that sweet thing with his mouth, where he seemed to be chewing on the inside of his lower lip.  
“Whether I regret it or not is beside the point. It shouldn’t have happened. We both know it.” He said firmly.  
“This was not what I had in mind when I offered you that deal. You were to keep me company, not to warm my bed.”  
Again his mouth and the muscle beneath his left eye twitched.  
Rey looked at him and shook her head.  
“Perhaps you’re right.” She started calmly.  
“Perhaps it shouldn’t have happened. Perhaps we both know that.”  
She stepped closer to him, and his mind immediately took him back to that moment they’d shared in the elevator when she had come to see him on the Supremacy.  
“But we both also know that it’s inevitable.” Her eyes fell to his lips briefly, then locked with his gaze again. The intensity and sincerity in them scorched his soul.  
“It would have happened sooner or later anyway. And probably will happen again too.”  
Her lips parted and he felt her heartbeat pick up its pace through their Bond.  
“We are drawn to each other, despite our will. We are bound by the Force. We…”  
“We need to get past it.” He interrupted abruptly.  
“There is a lot on my mind right now.” He continued with steely resolve.  
“I have a galaxy to rule, a council to reform, a legion to train and a funeral to plan. I don’t have the time or the luxury for this kind of distraction.”  
Rey’s eyes widened in surprise. Then narrowed them as her anger quickly took over.  
It radiated off of her in waves, and once again, Ben found himself secretly glad that this woman hadn’t fully mastered her powers yet.  
“Fine.” She said with a little inclination of her head.  
Ben’s mind was a wondrous thing.  
He could remember most anything from his life if he wanted to. And in that very moment, he remembered every single occasion when Han and Leia had fought. And he remembered every time Leia had said ‘Fine’ in that exact same tone. He also remembered how Han had always scrambled to make it up to his wife after that. Either that or take off on one of his trips. One memory in particular crashed into him with ferocity…  
  
_Another fight._  
 _Another shouting match._  
 _The little ravenhaired boy sitting on the floor couldn’t tell how many times they’d fought this month._  
 _He watched as his mother, with his father on her heels, stalked into the living room where he was playing with his miniature falcon._  
 _“There’s no kriffing way in Hell that I’m coming with you to that banquet, Leia! Your snooty senator friends always make me feel like I’m some sort of alien species insect that needs to be examined under a microscope. Take someone – Amilyn, Ackbar, Poe, … anyone! – else, I don’t care, but don’t count on me to go with you, sweetheart!”_  
 _His mother whirled around and narrowed her eyes at Han._  
 _“Is that your final answer?” she asked coolly._  
 _“Yes.” He said, and twitched his lips._  
 _Leia raised an eyebrow and smiled sardonically._  
 _“Fine.”_  
 _“Fine.” He responded._  
 _“FINE!” she shouted back._  
 _She turned around and stalked into her bedroom, slamming the door and locking it._  
 _Han stood in the middle of the living room, his hands on his hips, hanging his head._  
 _He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. As he turned to walk out, he noticed his son sitting crosslegged on the floor, looking up at him with those big soulful dark eyes. His mother’s eyes in his father’s face. That’s how people described him._  
 _Han smiled at him and some of the tension seeped from his father’s shoulders._  
 _“Hey there, kid.”_  
 _“Hi.”_  
 _“You okay?”_  
 _He could only shrug his shoulder._  
 _Han crouched down, and then sat down on the floor with him._  
 _“I’m sorry you had to see that.” He said gently. “Again…”_  
 _He looked at his son, and they both chuckled a little at that._  
 _“Look kid, your mom and I, we…” He heaved a heavy sigh._  
 _“Your mom and I are like oil and vinegar. We go together, but we don’t mix well. One isn’t the same without the other, they complement each other, but they only blend for small periods of time.”_  
 _The little boy looked up at him with those big eyes, so much like his mother’s and Han melted every time._  
 _He reached out and put his hands under his armpits, easily lifting him off the floor and rolling onto his back, making the kid ‘fly’._  
 _The boy laughed and giggled, as only five-year old’s can.  After a few moments, his father rolled back into a sitting position and put him on his lap._  
 _“Ben, let me tell you something, son. A little early advice from your old man.”_  
 _He looked into his son’s eyes earnestly._  
 _“When a woman says ‘Fine’, like your mother just did, it’s NEVER fine. When a woman says ‘Fine’ in that tone of voice, you better remember that you’re in a lot of trouble. That’s the moment you need to keep your guard up and that you have to realize you did something wrong. And that you need to figure out a way to make it right. Because otherwise, you’re in for a loooooooooong time-out. Do you understand, son?”_  
 _He blinked. He was only five. What was he supposed to understand about women at that age?_  
 _But he didn’t want to cause more trouble than necessary._  
 _So he just nodded and dutifully said “Yes, daddy.”_  
 _Han smiled at him and nodded in response._  
 _“Good.” he uttered as he kissed the top of that unruly mop of raven hair._  
 _“Now I’d better get packing.”_  
 _The boy looked up at him with alarm._  
 _“Are you leaving again, daddy?”_  
 _His father lowered his eyes and nodded._  
 _“But you just got back!” he complained._  
 _“Ben, I have a delivery to make.”_  
 _Big, silent tears started down the boy’s face._  
 _“I’ll be back before you know it! Next time, we’ll go out and do something fun. I’ll let you fly the Falcon, what do you think? And I’ll bring you something special. Is that a deal?”_  
 _The boy simply nodded and hung his head._  
 _Han kissed the top of his head again and walked away._  
 _Unknowingly breaking two hearts in the same day._  
  
Ben was pulled back into the present with a violent shudder.  
Han’s words rung in his head.  
_When a woman says ‘Fine’, like your mother just did, it’s NEVER fine. When a woman says ‘Fine’ in that tone of voice, you better remember that you’re in a lot of trouble. That’s the moment you need to keep your guard up and that you have to realize you did something wrong. And that you need to figure out a way to make it right. Because otherwise, you’re in for a loooooooooong time-out._  
And Rey had used the exact same tone…  
“Rey…” he started.  
She took a step back and he had the feeling she would have crossed her arms if she hadn’t been wearing restraints.  
She looked away, towards his window and said in a collected voice.  
“I would like to return to my cell now.”  
Her mouth was drawn into a grim line, her eyes flashing with anger. Even if they weren’t exactly looking in his direction, they were as intimidating as his Knights.  
Her words cut through him, but he realized he only had himself to blame.  
He drew himself to his full height and inclined his head.  
“As you wish.” He said calmly, even as his mind raced and his heart protested.  
He walked over to his intercom and within the time it took to breath, an officer sounded through.  
“Yes, Supreme Leader?”  
“The prisoner is ready to return to her cell. Please arrange for an accompaniment of Storm Troopers to assist her on the way back.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader. Right away. Is there anything else you require?”  
“No, that will be all.”  
“Very well, Sir. We will send the Troopers over immediately.”  
He paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to rectify the situation at hand.  
He turned and was about to speak when Rey spoke up.  
“If the chrono on your wall is correct, I have been in your company for three hours and a half. If I’m not mistaken, that entitles us to one hour and ten minutes. Am I correct.”  
He breathed in deeply, steeling himself against the onslaught of his own turmoil.  
“Yes, that is correct.”  
“What time and where are we allowed to spend that time?”  
She still wasn’t looking at him. She was studying the floor at her feet.  
He let out a silent sigh, and tried to sound detached.  
“There is an inside garden next to the prison warden’s cafeteria. I will make arrangements that you and your friends may have your lunch there. I will be there myself to escort you to the area and to lay out a few ground rules. ”  
She was shielding her thoughts and emotions well, but still her surprise slipped through their Bond.  
She looked up at him, and this time it was her gaze that was guarded.  
“And you will not go back on your word?” she asked quietly.  
His anger spiked. His muscles around his mouth, nose and left eye twitched and he was silent for a moment or two.  
“I don’t see why.”  
She nodded.  
She was about to say something when there was a knock at the door.  
He looked at it and then his eyes found hers again.  
“It seems your escort has arrived…” his voice trailed off.  
They walked over to the door in strained silence.  
His eyes bore into hers and for once there was nothing shielded in his gaze.  
“Goodnight, Rey.” He whispered.  
She inclined her head.  
Then the door was opened and she was ushered outside by the Troopers.  
As he closed it again, his room felt lonelier than ever before.  
He grit his teeth.  
Filled with determination, he walked over to his intercom again.  
“Yes, Supreme Leader?” the mechanical voice of the officer sounded once more.  
“Arrange for an Holo-meeting with my Knights on Mustaphar.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader. They should respond in mere seconds, Sir. Do you require anything else, Supreme Leader?”  
“No.”  
The contact was broken.  
He walked over to the Hologram Projector on his desk.  
It was time for his Knights to come back home.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, reader mine ;) 
> 
> Just a little note from me...  
> I loved writing this chapter, loved not knowing what was gonna happen (because honestly, I am clueless when it comes to the storyline. it just takes me wherever it wants to go).  
> And I absolutely adored writing Ben's memory of Han.  
> I hope I did right by him, that I got his character down and that I stayed within (or as close as possible) the canon-rules. 
> 
> If you liked it, please leave me a comment! It always brightens up my day to get your feedback.  
> Have a nice day!
> 
> x  
> B


	25. Chapter 25

Soon the blue grainy image of his knights appeared on the Hologram projector before his eyes.   
All six of them stood assembled, then simultaneously bowed their heads and knelt.   
“Hail our Master.” The robotic voices sounded in unison through their masks, the low grumble reaching into Ben’s insides and fortifying his resolve.   
“Rise, my Knights.” He said automatically.   
The knights rose back up, obeying him without question.   
Bade Ren, who went by the nickname Monk, spoke up.   
“How may we serve you, Master?”  
The loyalty and dedication of his knights never failed him.   
“The Resistance has fallen. Their leader has perished, their base destroyed, their remaining leadership was taken prisoner.” He stated coolly. He continued in an equally detached voice: “A grand funeral will be orchestrated to show the Galaxy that further defiance is pointless. I require you to join me for this occasion, to demonstrate our ultimate power. Prepare yourselves and meet me on the planet of Naboo.”  
“Yes, Master.” Monk said and all knights bowed with their hand fisted on their chest.   
“We will ready ourselves. When would you like us to arrive?”   
He heard devotion in Monk, the devotion to him as Master of the Knights of Ren and to their purpose.   
Before he had been selected to become a Knight of Ren he had been a priest, not much different from Lor San Tekka, hence the nickname.   
“As soon as you are able. My ship docks there tomorrow afternoon.”  
Monk cast a quick look at Ishwar, better known as Eager. He was the one who piloted their ship.   
Eager merely nodded at him, and Monk readdressed his Master.   
“We will be there when you arrive, Master.” He said with a respectful inclination of his head.   
Ben nodded in response.   
“Good. Until tomorrow. Power and Purpose.” He said in parting.   
“Power and Purpose, Master.” His Knights replied once more in unison.  
“End of transmission.” He stated, and the Hologram projector was deactivated.   
He let out a deep sigh and turned to his windows once more.   
He frowned at the bundle of tense complications that was his life.   
How things had gone so awry, he had no idea.   
At least, when he was still under Snoke, he hadn’t been required to trouble himself with details.   
He put his left hand on his hip and pinched the bridge of his nose with the other. A headache was coming.   
He looked at the chrono near his bed and saw that he had another meeting with Hux and his officers about the funeral in five minutes. He’d better get going.   
Just the mere thought of having to spend time in Hux’s presence now put him in a bad mood.  
He scowled and balled his fists at his sides.   
_The headache is about to get a whole lot worse…_  
  


 

Rey calmly followed the Troopers down to the VIP-floor.   
She did not protest when they pushed her along and she walked into her cell without so much as a word.   
They unlocked her restraints, all the while pointing blasters at her.  
When the door finally closed behind them, she quickly changed into the nightshirt they had provided along with her uniform and settled on top of the cot.   
Her head was pounding with all the thoughts running through them. Her heart was thumping with all the emotions she had felt the past few hours. Tears pricked at the back of her eyes, and she willed them away.   
Unfortunately, her body didn’t seem to cooperate.   
They soon fell, trailing down her cheeks hot and slow.   
It was just too much. Eventhough she hated the repetitive nature of her thoughts, they swamped her over and over again over the course of the past few days.   
Leia was dead. Their Base destroyed. Their friends and allies killed, wounded or imprisoned.   
A treacherous thought crept in.   
_But my Ben is not lost!  
_ So what if he had surprised her with his “proposition”? So what if he had made love to her in the most exciting way she had ever imagined? So what if he made her feel alive and powerful and lov…  
_WHOA!_  
She reined in that thought before it got out of hand. She redirected her mind to remember his words.   
_“We need to get past it. There is a lot on my mind right now. I have a galaxy to rule, a council to reform, a legion to train and a funeral to plan. I don’t have the time or the luxury for this kind of distraction.”  
_ That treacherous, secret part of her, the tiny voice buried deep inside her felt pride and satisfaction at him calling her a distraction.   
_So, I’m a distraction to the Mighty Kylo Ren…  
_ Unwillingly, she smiled through her tears.   
Perhaps that was a position she should use to her advantage?   
No! her mind cried out. He’s been hurt and used enough.   
Anger surged through her again.   
She closed her eyes and tried to even out her breathing.   
Tomorrow she would see her friends again.   
Tomorrow, she would be able to talk to them and try to come up with a plan.   
She continued to focus on her breathing, and slowly but surely, she felt herself find her center again. Oddly enough, even here in this barren cell, she could still find the Force. She continued to meditate, to try and find meaning in all of this, to find her purpose.   
Finally, after what must have been several hours, fatigue overtook her. She fell asleep on the cot and slipped into peaceful dreams and gentle slumber.   
  
She woke up in the middle of the night, or so it seemed.   
She frowned, completely confused and disorientated.   
_What in the…  
_ Her thoughts trailed off as she heard it again.   
A groan. A moan. Gasps. Hisses. And then a bloodcurdling scream.   
What was even stranger were the movements she felt. The entire bed shook with the strength of it.   
She quickly turned around and was shocked by what she saw.   
She realized with a start where she was.   
_Ben’s room…  
_ She was lying in his bed next to him, covered by deliciously soft black satin sheets and warmed by the heat of his body so close.   
He was thrashing and suddenly his body went completely rigid, his back arched up from the matrass as he let out another scream.   
Panic slashed through her and she had to take a deep breath to steady herself.   
“Ben! Ben, wake up!” she said softly as she brushed a lock of hair that had fallen over his forehead, simultaneously using the Force to make his body relax enough to let up it’s cramped position.   
His breathing was still very ragged and he was still groaning.   
She let her fingers caress his brow and said his name again.  
“Ben? Ben, wake up.”  
His eyes opened suddenly and he veered upright in a flash.   
He was panting, his expression pained and horrified. He drew up his knees, rested his elbows on them and pressed the heels of his palms in his eyes.   
He didn’t seem to notice her.   
Torn by her concern for him and the fear of startling him even more, she sat there for a moment, biting her lower lip. Deciding on her course of action, she took a deep breath and steeled herself.   
“Ben? Are you alright?” she asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper sounded loud in the quiet room.   
He had in fact not known she was there.   
_How did I get here? she wondered.  
_ He jumped at the sound of her voice and turned a quarter in her direction.   
“Rey?” he asked with a frown.   
“Yes, it’s me.” She said softly, trying to inflict as much peace and tranquility in her voice as she could.   
“What are you doing here? How did you get in?” he snapped.   
She was not offended since it probably had to do with his nightmare.   
“I don’t know. As far as I remember, I was in my cell.”  
He was still very confused, but he said nothing.   
Then they both realized the truth.   
She wasn’t really there.   
_The Force Bond.  
_ He threw the covers back and sat at the edge of the bed, dragging his hands over his face.   
She wanted to comfort him so bad!   
Sure, she was still miffed because of the “distraction” remark, but she felt bad for him. That nightmare was pretty intense if his reactions and his screaming were any indication.   
Tentatively, she put a hand on his bare back, gently rubbing circles with her palm.   
“Are you okay?” she asked softly.   
“It’s nothing.” He said roughly and shook off her touch.   
She felt strangely hurt at his rejection, but tried to remain rational.   
“Don’t lie to me, Ben.” She said and earned herself a sharp look.   
She sighed and cocked her head at him.   
“I heard your screams. I felt your body tense up and shudder. Don’t tell me that was nothing.” She said adamantly.   
He did that cute thing with his mouth again, where he seemed to bite the inside of his bottom lip. That gesture alone told her that he was shaken worse than he wanted to admit.   
“It was just another dream, Rey.” He shrugged.   
She frowned at his nonchalance.   
“Does this happen often?” she asked, her worry evident in her tone.   
He regarded her cautiously, obviously contemplating how much he should tell her.   
Resigned, he nodded briefly.   
“What was it about?” she pressed.   
She looked into his eyes and saw his haunted gaze. The pain and shame and suffering in them was almost overwhelming.   
Once more, he moved his mouth and she watched as he swallowed several times. In the end, he only had one word for her.   
“Snoke.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.   
At the mention of that name, shreds of his nightmare flashed before her eyes.   
Ben was being tortured in them, not once or twice, but continuously, time and time again.   
Force Lightning, Force Holds, Snoke even broke his bones and burned his flesh without touching him.   
_Due punishment for your weakness, Kylo Ren. An apprentice of mine should know how to overcome them after all this time. Perhaps this will help you remember your objectives more clearly._  
Bile rose in the back of her throat. The impact of his submission to Snoke had never been this clear to her.   
Never before had she considered him to actually suffer so greatly at that monster’s hands.   
She looked at him and felt her heart swell.   
She acted on instinct.   
She got out of bed and walked up to him. She grabbed his upper arm with her left hand and kissed his bicep gently. Her right hand rubbed circles on his back.   
She looked up at him and softly whispered: “Come back to bed, Ben.”  
He looked down at her and she could clearly see his reservations.   
She decided to overrule his hesitation and let her hand slip down his arm to link with his.   
She tugged and despite his better judgement, he allowed her to pull him back to the bed.   
They crawled into the bed and then Rey did something unexpected from his point of view.   
She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer, letting his head rest on her shoulder. She kissed the top of his head and played with his hair. It was out of pure instinct that he returned her embrace.   
“Just go back to sleep, Ben. I’ve got you. No one will hurt you ever again.”  
His chest squeezed at her words.   
He said nothing, just lay there.   
Wrapped in her arms, he soon drifted off in the most peaceful sleep he’d had in years.

 

When he woke up early the next morning, he was alone again.   
Had he imagined the whole thing?   
He tentatively reached out across their Bond, and found her asleep still.   
He frowned.   
I must be losing my mind. He thought to himself.   
Still, he could not help the silly smile that played with his mouth as he remembered how she had held him close and played with his hair.   
How gentle she had been… How right it had felt…  
He got out of bed, feeling his mood foul.   
What a fool he was. It was but a figment of his imagination. A dream.   
She would not be so gentle. She was probably still pissed off because of his blunder yesterday.   
He padded to his fresher and took a cold shower to dispense all the warm feelings she stirred in him.   
He had an entire morning filled with meetings today. About matters of state, about the funeral, about the treatment and future of their prisoners. After that, he would go down to the indoor garden on the VIP-floor to tell that Rebel Scum what they could expect.   
He needed to be cold and aloof. He could not allow himself to be distracted today.   
He got out of the fresher and quickly dried himself off and shrugged on his clothes.   
A dull headache lingered behind his brow, a remnant from the memory of his nightmare. It astonished him that Snoke’s memory still had such a firm grip on him.   
Straightening his shoulders and steeling himself for the things to come, he left his chambers and headed for the conference room.   
Hours passed tediously, and the constant droning of Hux’s irritating nasal voice and pinched accent made him want to squeeze the air from his lungs and crush his windpipe. _Again._  
But the meetings had brought clarity on a lot of points.   
Leia’s funeral was all but fully arranged. His wishes had been taken into consideration. They had discussed every detail. From security measures to guests, to flowers to eulogies. It was all settled.   
He could let it go.   
_I can never let it go._  
When the chrono on the wall showed it was five minutes to twelve, Ben straightenend.   
In his most intimidating Kylo Ren voice he addressed this leadership.   
“Now that we have settled all that needs to be addressed, I will leave you to your designated tasks. I still expect a report on your progress every two hours. That will not change. In a few hours, this ship will arrive at the planet of Naboo, home of Leia Organa’s biological mother Queen Padmé Amidala, where she will be placed in her family’s tomb. We will begin practical arrangements immediately upon our arrival. We have two days. Let’s make them count and make sure that we do not miss a single detail. We will show the entire Galaxy that our reign is undisputed hence forth. Meeting adjourned.”  
He did not wait for their reaction. He simply stalked out of the conference room.   
He headed towards the elevator that would take him down to the VIP-floor.   
He tried to ignore the slight tremble in his stomach at the thought that he would see Rey again.   
His dream had seemed so real… He knew it was a dream. Or perhaps another Force Bond moment, but it didn’t diminish the fact that it had been one of the most moving, tender things he had experienced in almost two decades. It left him feeling vulnerable and frazzled and he didn’t know how to handle it.   
He arrived at the level where the VIP-cells were and addressed the officer.   
“Supreme Leader!” The man veered up at the sight.   
“Officer Hillwest.” He said calmly, enjoying the flustered look on the man’s face.   
“How may I serve you, Supreme Leader?” the man said quickly.   
“You may have your Troopers retrieve all the prisoners from the Resistance Base, and have their meals served at the indoor garden.”  
He had already given the order to leave the indoor garden next to the cantina and secure it with Troopers on patrol, but had not given them a reason yet.   
The officer blanched, but merely nodded in acquiescence.   
He quickly gave his orders to his men, and sure enough, they sprung into action.   
He saw the surprise and apprehension on everyone’s face.   
The traitor looked at him with open hostility. Poe glowered at him.   
His eyes then met with the Wookie.   
_Uncle Chewie…_  
Memories swamped him, and except for being shot by Chewbacca’s bowcaster when he had killed Han, all of his memories were surprisingly… pleasant. The Wookie had always been gentle, friendly, caring.  
_Loving._  
And despite the infinite sadness he saw in those blue eyes, he also saw something familiar lingering there.   
Something that looked an awful lot like… affection.   
Chewie was quiet. Too quiet. Especially for a Wookie that had been captured.   
Resignation shone in his eyes, and it did something to Ben. It twisted his stomach in a tight knot of nerves.   
He lifted his chin and then a movement behind the Wookie caught his eye.   
_Rey._  
There she was, his Scavenger.   
The only one who knew what was gonna happen now.   
Their eyes met and the air seemed to crackle with energy.   
She’d known he was nearby, as he had felt their connection tremble and grow stronger with every step he took.   
Her hair was down, like it had been when she had come to him on the Supremacy. Her complexion had come back a little, making her look a little healthier than she had when he had seen her yesterday.   
Her eyes shone with a curious light.   
_“Are you alright?”_  He heard her whisper in their Bond.   
_“Yes.”_ Was his answer.   
She nodded her head once in affirmation.   
_So much for last night being a dream..._  
He scanned the small crowd before him. He had little sentiment for them. Barely worth the trouble of keeping them alive for all he cared. But they mattered to Rey.   
She had been willing to trade her time for them, so he would keep his word and not only keep them alive, but allow them this small slot of temporary freedom.   
He addressed the Trooper Captain.  
“Follow me.” He said as he turned on his heel and headed into the direction of the indoor garden.   
When they entered, every single member of the Resistance was taken by surprise.   
The indoor garden was a beautiful oasis of green grass, fragrant flowers and even small trees, framed by clear glass walls. A small body of water wound its way through the lush grass. The lighting had been carefully staged to imitate the sun. Benches and tables were scattered here and there.   
It looked so out of place, considering the starkness of the rest of the ship.   
Rey’s mind whirled. A bright smile was plastered on her face. Poe and Connix looked stunned. Rose was taking everything in with wide eyes and wonder in her features. Even Finn, try as he might, could not hide the fact that he was impressed. Chewie remained stoic.   
Ben watched them silently, fascinated at their reactions.   
He clasped his hands behind his back and widened his stance, looking the part of the intimidating leader.  
In a clear, low voice, he spoke up.   
“Sit down.”  
Those who did not comply instantly, felt the pressure of a Troopers hand clamped down on their shoulder until they succumbed.   
He looked at each and every one of them.   
Waves of fear reached him, but also defiance. Hostility, mainly from Finn. Curiosity, coming from Poe and Chewie. The biggest surprise was the wave of compassion and support. Coming from Rey.   
“Most of you are wondering why you are here.” He said once more in that low rumble that was so typically his.  He narrowed his eyes at them and the muscles near the corners of his mouth twitched.  
“Allow me to explain.” He took a deep breath and launched into his explanation.  
“Yesterday, negotiations were discussed between myself and Rey. After careful consideration, I have agreed to allow you to come here and mingle, thus providing a relative form of freedom. The time you are allotted depends on the meeting of certain criteria, and therefore can fluctuate.”  
He paused and narrowed his eyes again.   
“Today, you will be allowed to spend one hour and ten minutes in each others company. You will be unrestrained for this duration” he said as he gestured with his hand and the restraints fell away from every prisoner and two Troopers stepped forward to retrieve them.   
“You will be served your midday meal here. When your time is up, you will be restrained once more and return to your cells.”   
A muscle ticked near his nose, a telltale sign of his impending anger.   
“Should any of you cause any trouble or try something as dumb as to escape, not only will you be shot down on sight, but you will also ruin the chance of a repetition. Do I make myself clear?”   
His voice rung loudly in the silence that followed. Everyone nodded to indicate they had heard him.   
“Captain, time starts now.” He said and stalked away from the indoor garden, leaving seven very shocked Resistance Fighters behind to stare at his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So???   
> What do you think?   
> let me know by leaving me a comment!   
>  And if you like this story, don't forget to click the kudo's and help a struggling author retain her drive to finish what she started ;-)
> 
> x  
> B


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty fast update (only one day in between :O )  
> But sometimes you get lucky and your muse is actively helping out ;-)   
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :-)

Poe watched the scene before him with caution and interest.   
Something was definitely up when they were ushered into the garden, something he had never in a million lightyears expected to be on board of this stark warship.   
He glanced over at Ben – who was in full Kylo Ren mode – and noticed that his eyes kept flickering to Rey. And knowing him the way he once had, he saw something he hadn’t seen in a long time.    
It slammed into him that Ben wasn’t just interested in Rey because of physical attraction.   
_He cares for her. Deeply.  
_ It made him frown. This was… unexpected, to say the least. _  
_ Ben kept up with his imposing speech. Even to him, who was not easily fazed by Ben’s temper or intimidation tactics, it sent shivers of trepidation down his spine.   
He stiffened at the mention of “negotiations with Rey” and “meeting certain criteria”, and felt Finn display the same reaction as he did. He narrowed his eyes slightly and carefully looked over at Rey.   
The faintest of blushes graced her cheekbones, and the sight instantly soured him.   
_What has she done? What has she agreed to? No! She wouldn’t… Would she?  
_ Then again, he knew she would do anything to save them.   
He stole another glance at her.   
Once again, he was surprised. Because he noticed that she stared back at Ben with a guarded expression. But despite trying to hide her emotions, Poe was an excellent observer. A trait that had kept him alive so far. And he noticed the little things.   
She had the hint of a smile about her lips. A tenderness she could not completely hide shone in her eyes.   
Another frown creased his brow. His lips flattened.   
_What the Hell is going on here?_  
He remembered how Ben had reacted when he had come down to his cell.   
Remembered the possessiveness, the territorial tendency, the fury and the jealousy even before Ben shot him his parting words.  
_“Not as close as I am.”_ He had said.   
To this very moment, he had wondered what Ben had meant by that.   
He looked at both of them again.  
_No way…_ he frowned as an idea popped in his head.  
He was interrupted from his musings when he heard Ben say that time starts now, and then watched him spin on his heel and leave the garden without looking back.   
The Troopers assumed positions at the glass walls, their blasters ready to aim and fire at the first sign of defiance.   
The small band of Resistance Fighters were stunned into silence for several minutes, all lost in their own thoughts.   
Then all of a sudden, Finn turned on Rey.   
“What did you do?” he asked, his tone harsh and demanding.   
“Finn…” she started as she shook her head.   
“Rey!” he raised his voice, stunning the rest of them.   
“What did you do? What did you agree to?” He asked angrily.   
She looked around and saw curious eyes regarding her every expression. She glanced at the Storm Troopers standing near the glass walls. She didn’t want them to overhear.  
“I made a deal with him.” She said calmly in a voice barely above a whisper.   
Finn’s eyes narrowed, as did Poe’s and Rose’s. The others just seemed shocked.   
“What deal?” he ground out through clenched teeth. His nostrils were flaring and his eyes were flashing.   
Never before had anyone seen Finn this angry. This livid. Not even on Crait, when his anger had risen to a whole other level.  
Rey swallowed hard, but lifted her chin. Looking straight into Finn’s eyes she took a deep breath and launched into her explanation.  
“Time.” She said calmly.   
“What?” Poe and Finn said at the same moment.   
Rey took another deep breath.   
“Time.” She repeated in the same collected tone. “I traded time with him.”  
Finn exhaled loudly through his nose, almost resembling a snort. He was getting exasperated.   
Poe decided to step in, thinking about how Leia would have handled the situation.   
“What do you mean you traded time with him?” he said as calmly as he could.   
“Rey, please explain, because my buddy here is gonna lose his mind if you don’t…”  
She sighed and started talking quietly as six pairs of eyes watched her with varying degrees of curiosity.  
“He and I agreed on exchanging time. Time with him in exchange for time with you. Here. In this garden. For every hour I spend with him, we get to spend twenty minutes here together.”  
Rey looked from Poe to Finn, only to have her eye caught by Rose. Her eyes were filled with understanding and compassion.   
_She would have done the same.  
_ “Rey!” Finn all but shouted.   
“How can you do that? How can you agree to this? The guy is a monster!” Finn gestured wildly.   
“He’s slaughtered entire villages, he’s killed men, women, children… He murdered his own father in cold blood! And now Leia…” His voice trailed off…   
His face contorted in a semblance of grief and pain and anger. He took several calming breaths.   
“Rey, something is up! You have to know that! Kylo Ren NEVER does anything without a reason. He probably has some evil plan to use you and your powers to his advantage. And when he has what he wants, he’ll discard you like old rags! Don’t you see that? You’ll be hurt or worse, killed! And then where does that leave you? Where does that leave us? You have got to back out of that deal!” He ranted on and on and Rey could do nothing but stand there and listen.   
She had known he would react this way. Knew Finn would be angry when he found out. Furious.  
What she hadn’t expected was Rose’s understanding, or Poe’s lack of reaction. He seemed to be pensive, and he was looking at her, his mind so guarded she figured not even The Force would know what was going on inside that head of his.   
The others watched their interaction with curiosity.   
“B..” she caught herself just in time. Only Poe seemed to notice.   
“He wouldn’t hurt me, Finn.” She said soothingly.   
“Yes, he would.”  
“No, he wouldn’t!” she shot back, finally showing a little of her usual spunk.   
“He has had plenty of opportunities to hurt or kill me before, and he never so much as tried!” She spat back, keeping her voice down so the Troopers wouldn’t overhear.   
“Finn, don’t you see that I _have_ to do this? That this is the only way to make sure we have some control left?”  
She felt Finn’s desperation before she saw it reflected in his dark eyes.   
“He’ll try to turn you, Rey.”   
She smiled.   
“No he won’t.” she said confidently. “He’s tried it before and it didn’t work. And even if he tries again, it would be a lost cause.  I’ve only grown stronger since.”  
She stepped up to Finn and put her hands on his cheeks in a comforting gesture.   
“Kylo Ren is curious about me, about my powers. He won’t harm me. He’s been nothing but courteous to me so far. I doubt it will change.”   
She smiled again and continued softly.   
“This is my way to protect you. All of you. The only way. I am not changing my mind or breaking this deal.”  
He shook his head but kept quiet.   
“Now,” she said firmly, “are we going to stand here and argue or are we going to make as much of this time we have as we possibly can?”  
They all nodded at her, as if suddenly realizing their time was ticking away fast.   
Mere moments later, several officers entered the garden with their midday meals.   
They started eating and chatter picked up softly, their friendship proving stronger than their anger. Rey had just lifted her fork to her mouth when she heard someone speak.   
“So, if I’m not mistaken, our time together depends on however long you stay with… him?”   
The timid sound of Emsil’s voice piped up. Rey’s eyes met the young woman’s.   
She barely knew her, she had been a new recruit who’d joined them shortly after the battle of Crait. Rey regarded her closely for a spell.   
They had to be about the same age, and Emsil was only slightly taller than she was. Same build, although Emsil was slightly curvier than she was. Her lightbrown hair had lost some of its shine, but her bright blue eyes sparkled with intelligence and purpose, determined to make it through this ordeal.   
“Yes, that’s correct.” She replied evenly.   
The young woman frowned.   
“How does it work? Do you decide when and how long? Or does he summon you and decides when you leave?”  
Nothing but curiosity there…   
Rey answered in a light tone.   
“Well, we’ve only done this once before, so it’s still pretty new. But he summoned me yesterday afternoon. We had supper together, then he took me to the main hangar. Turns out he has retrieved the Millenium Falcon. He let me take some personal items and then we went back to his quarters. I asked to return to my cell, and he let me.”   
She shrugged a shoulder and picked at her food as she said this. She hadn’t realized how she had just shocked most of the people in that garden.   
Rose was the first one to respond.  
“Oh my stars, Rey!” she exclaimed with excitement. “Do you have any idea what that means?”  
She took a deep breath and rattled on as only Rose could.   
“This could be a very valuable asset! We could use his fascination with you to…”  
“No.”   
All eyes turned back to her at the sound of that very firm, very decisive word.   
“What?” Rose asked, her confusion clear in that expressive little face.   
“No.” Rey repeated just as strongly.   
“This deal was forged by trusting each other enough to go through with it. I won’t abuse that trust.” She said with a great deal conviction.   
Poe was still scowling silently.   
Chewie grunted in what translated as “I agree with Rey. This trust – or whatever it is – will be more helpful to us at another point in time. If we act on it now, if we use it to press our advantage, it will only blow up in our face.”  
Rey nodded at him, knowing he was the only one who truly understood what was going on with her and Ben. She was grateful for his support.   
They finished their meal and they started grouping together, under close scrutiny from the Troopers.  
Finn and Rose clasped hands and went for a stroll beneath the trees near the water.   
Emsil and Connix were sitting at their table, silently talking about Maker knows what.   
Poe was standing near one of the huge windows looking out into space. Obviously lost in thought.  
She had gone to Chewie and hugged him close, thanking him for being there for her.   
He murmured some things in her ear, as quietly as he could.   
About how she should be careful nonetheless. How she should be cautious not to hurt Ben, because he knew how vulnerable the boy had been.   
And how she needed to be careful that her feelings didn’t get in the way of her logic.   
She smiled and kissed his cheek and snuggled in his embrace. They stayed that way for several minutes until Poe walked up to them.   
“Rey, do you have a minute?” he asked quietly.   
She looked up into his face and was alarmed by something she saw there.   
“Sure.” She extricated herself from Chewie’s embrace with a smile and stood.   
They walked a few steps until they were standing in the same spot he had been standing a moment ago.   
“What is it, Poe?” she asked in hushed tones.   
He stared at her hard, with that same look in his eyes as he had when she had returned from Varykino.   
“What’s really going on with you two, Rey?”   
His eyes bore into her and she _knew._  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said with a lift of her chin and stubborn defiance glinting in her eyes.   
“No?” he said as he stepped closer.   
He wasn’t as tall as Ben, which meant keeping his stare was far easier because she didn’t have to tip her head so far back.   
There were other resemblances there, too.   
Dark, wavy hair. Dark, penetrating eyes and lush lips. The stubborn tilt of his chin. The way he glared at her, knowing she was lying and calling her out on it. It reminded her both of Ben and Leia.   
They could have been related, she thought. Brothers, cousins… She steeled herself.  
“It’s none of your business, Poe.” She clipped.   
She was about to walk away again, when he grabbed her arm.   
“You almost called him Ben, Rey.” He whispered.  
Her eyes flew up, colliding with his angry scowl.   
_Oh Kriff…  
_ “You left with an X-wing, stayed away for hours on end and then returned to the Base wearing _his_ shirt and telling us we have to evacuate as soon as possible.”   
He leaned in and whispered vehemently.   
“We are captured, and as if by a miracle are kept alive and treated well.”  
Poe was breathing through his nose, trying to contain the anger she felt rolling off of him in waves.   
“And now this deal?” he sounded as if the mere thought made him choke.   
“Don’t you dare tell me nothing’s going on!” he spat. He gripped her shoulders firmly.  
“I know you, Rey! And what’s worse, I know Ben. A lot better than you think.” he was struggling to keep his voice in check. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to restore his tranquility, but failing miserably.   
When he opened them again, she saw his determination to get to the bottom of this.   
“I’m not letting this go until you tell me exactly what’s going on, Rey. Ben hasn’t shown this kind of interest or even kindness on anyone in years. Not since he turned to the Dark Side. Which means you’re different in more than one way.”  
Something familiar trembled in her chest, making her frown. But then Poe’s actions distracted her.  
His tone became softer, gentler and his gaze did the same. He lifted his hands to her face and cupped her cheeks. His eyes beseeched her to tell him.   
“Please Rey.” He begged. “Tell me what’s going on?” he whispered.   
She looked away briefly, but when she looked back at him her eyes reflected her confusion.   
“You wouldn’t understand.” She whispered back as she gripped his forearms.   
He smiled at her, and it warmed her from the inside out as it always did. His smile reached his eyes.   
She understood why so many women went weak when he turned that smile on them.   
“Try me.” He said with that roguish smile in place.   
She smiled back against her will, shaking her head softly.   
She took a deep breath.   
_I have to tell him._  
“Ben and I share a Force Bond.” She whispered.   
She could tell by his reaction that she’d shocked him.   
“What?” he asked on an exhale. His eyes grew large, his eyebrows shot up only to be lowered into a frown immediately.   
She licked her lips and repeated herself.   
“Ben and I share a Force Bond.” She searched his eyes and when she realized he was waiting for her to continue, she complied.   
“It was forged on Starkiller Base, when he probed my mind and I probed his. We think…. Anyway, it’s a long story, but the heart of the matter is that we’re linked. Forever. It cannot be broken. And…”  
She looked down for a moment, not knowing if she should stop herself, but her feelings poured out.   
“I believe there is still Light in him, Poe! I feel it. I feel it when we are together. When he is with me, he is Ben Solo! Not Kylo Ren. He is so conflicted still.” She swallowed and she looked deeply into Poe’s eyes.   
“You care about him.” He said softly with a nod that she returned with one of her own.   
“I _can_ turn him. I know I can. Maybe not all of him, but I can bring his Light out again! And I have to try.”   
Eyes burning with conviction, she continued in a firm voice.   
“I will never give up on him. Ever.”  
Poe simply stared back and watched as emotions and thoughts flitted across Rey’s pretty face.   
_So that’s what he meant…_ he thought.   
And then another realization dawned on him.   
_Rey loves him._  
Not a silly, childish infatuation. But a deep and compassionate and unconditional love.   
And he understood.   
But damn if it didn’t hurt…   
Over the past few months, he’d started to get to know her. Started to grow close to her.   
She was something really special indeed. She’d made him think of things he’d never even considered.   
A quick flare of jealousy burned through him, not unlike what he had felt back in those early days, when he had come to live with Leia and Han.   
The kid always got the best of everything. Even if he failed to see it… And Rey sure was the very best.   
But then again, he had been a fool to think…   
He saw her heart in her eyes and knew that it belonged to the man he had once considered his little brother.   
With a loud sigh, he gathered her close and pulled her into a tight hug.   
“I understand. I just hope he realizes what a gem he’s found… ” He said as he kissed the top of her head as she curled into him with a small smile at his sweet words.   
As she snuggled closer, a wave of anger crashed into her, and she looked up instinctively.   
She fought down the urge to jump away guiltily from Poe’s embrace at the sight.  
Ben was standing outside of the garden, past its glass walls, glaring at her and Poe with a murderous glint in his eyes.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...  
> do you like the cliffhanger??? ;-)   
> What is going through your mind right now?   
> Did you like it? Did you hate it?   
> Let me know by leaving a comment! 
> 
> And if you have a favorite story out there, be sure to show the author some love by giving them lots of kudos and comments, because they DO make a HUGE DIFFERENCE! 
> 
> x  
> B


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT ALERT!   
> If you do not enjoy smut, please refrain from reading the second half of this chapter

Frustration and irritation coursed through his limbs as he headed down to VIP-floor again.   
Over the past hour, he had tried to focus on the various jobs at hand. The tediousness of this daily routine usually appeased him. They reminded him of the order he wanted to create. Today, it only added to his restlessness. His mind kept going back and forth.   
Had he made a mistake in allowing the Resistance Fighters to group together?   
They would try to scheme up something, no doubt. It was ridiculous and stupid if they did, for it would never end in the results they craved.   
Was he crazy to allow them this much freedom? To go to such lengths? To grant them the luxury of not only being alive, but also his protection to an extent?   
But the outcome of the war inside his mind always came down to the same conclusion.   
_It’s all for Rey._  
He didn’t care about the others. Or at least, he pretended he didn’t.   
But Leia’s death had shaken him more than he wanted to admit.   
To see Poe again had brought back memories.   
_And then there’s Uncle Chewie…_  
Once again, his mind flashed back to the past.   
In some ways Chewie had been more of a father figure to him then Han had.   
The Wookie had visited with him whenever he could when he and Han were in town.   
Ben couldn’t count the times when the Wookie had gotten his bulky frame down to sit cross-legged on the floor with him to play with his miniature Falcon, replicating the sounds as well as he could with his Wookiee sounds. Couldn’t count the times he had been held and lifted in those hairy arms, nor could he count how many times the furball had come to his school plays, had put his ugly childish drawings on the wall in the cockpit of the Falcon or told him bedtime stories whenever Han and Leia had gone out for diplomatic outings.   
He had pushed the memories from his mind for so long, but after looking in those blue saddened eyes filled with affection, they came crashing into him like a dam had been broken.   
He had eventually given up on the pretense.    
He had found himself walking towards the quarters adjoining his own, to the room where his mother lay.   
He entered and found several female officers standing nearby. They were going over a list of things that still needed to be done before their arrival at Naboo in a few hours.   
With an authoritive voice and a hard glint in his eyes, he told them in no uncertain terms to leave.   
They almost tripped over themselves in their haste to exit.   
He locked the door behind them with the Force and gestured his hand to disable the camera’s.   
He sighed, pulled a chair close to the bed and sank down as if all the worlds of the Galaxy weighed down on his shoulders.   
He looked at her beautiful face, so serene in this eternal slumber, and felt some of his calm return.   
He reached out and touched her hand, before putting his other arm on the side of the bed and lowering his forehead to lean on it.   
He closed his eyes and for a few moments simply focused on his breathing. His composure returned.   
When he felt balanced enough to face the rest of the day, he stood, put the chair back in its place.   
He walked up to the bed, looked down on his mother once more.   
“Thank you, Mom.” He whispered and he leaned down to press a soft kiss to her stern.   
 He moved away, reactivating the camera’s and unlocking the door.   
He strode down the corridors with purpose, determined to be there when the prisoners’ time was up.   
But that hard-won moment of peace he had experienced in the presence of his mother faded as quickly as he took his steps.   
He rounded the corner of the hallway and saw the garden appear in front of him.   
And just like that, he froze in his tracks.   
Disbelief hit him like Chewie’s bowcaster, what he saw causing almost as much pain.   
He saw Rey, _his Rey,_ with Poe.   
The pilot had his hands on her face, cupping her cheeks with a familiarity that made him want to roar. He watched as she gripped his forearms. They were discussing something intense from the looks of it.   
Then they smiled at each other. The kind of smile that hinted at an intimacy and closeness that could not be denied.   
What happened next made his blood freeze in his veins.   
Poe pulled Rey in a tight embrace, kissing the top of her head and rested his chin on her hair. And Rey… Rey snuggled closer and smiled as if she hadn’t a care in the world.   
A raging jealousy overcame him, crashing into him like a tumultuous sea, thundering in his ears like the sound of a thousand AT-AT’s firing at once, making him see everything in a red haze.   
The thought of another man touching Rey was infuriating enough, but the image of Poe touching _his_ woman made him manic, downright livid. The thought that Rey let him, made him sick.  
_I’m gonna kill him._  
Rey looked up at him then, surprised and guilty.   
She must have made a sound, because Poe looked down at her and then followed her gaze until it landed on him.   
He was scowling, his mouth twisted in a cruel and vicious snarl, his murderous intent obvious for all to see.   
He watched Poe’s mouth move. _“Oh Shit…”  
_ Ben – in full Kylo Ren mode – stalked into the garden with only one intent.   
_I’m gonna kill him._  
He lifted his hand and started a Force Choke.   
Poe’s hands instinctively reached for his throat, scratching at invisible hands.   
Ben watched Rey’s eyes widen, then narrow to slits. She let go of Poe and went to stand in front of him, using her own power to deflect his.   
“ _Ben, no!”_ he heard her say through their Bond.   
_“Step aside, Rey”_ he snarled.   
_“No! This is not what you think!”  
“This is exactly what I think! And I’m going to kill him for it. Step aside.”   
‘No! I will not. You will have to go through me before you can get to him.” _ She lifted her chin and stared him down. She walked a few steps closer and took on a battle stance, legs spread wide.   
Poe’s words screamed in his ears like the screeching of a hundred TIE-fighters.  
_And if you try, Rey will kick your ass again. She wouldn’t let you hurt me. She cares about me. I’m serious. She wouldn’t let you hurt me. Me and her…we’re pretty close._ ”  
It only fueled his anger more. He stopped a few feet short of her and fixed his angry gaze on her.   
_“Don’t worry. You’ll get yours too.”_ He snarled.   
His face was a mask of pure rage, his handsome features twisted in a grim caricature filled with loathing and disgust and fury. _  
“Ben, please!_ She pleaded. _This is not what you think. Don’t do this.”  
_ He shifted his angry gaze from her face to Poe’s.   
“I told you, Flyboy, to direct your attention elsewhere. That the girl is not _your_ concern. Seems you still have trouble obeying orders.” He spat the words, as if they left a foul taste on his tongue.   
His mouth and nose and cheeks twitched as he tried to reign in his anger, knowing it wouldn’t do to display his weakness for all to see. But _karabast_! This was making him lose his damned mind more than anything he’d ever known. Even more so than being confronted by Luke and finding out it was just projection…  
“Always trying to claim what isn’t yours…” he snarled softly, for their ears only.   
The man simply stood there resigned, looking at this dark figure he had once called brother, almost expecting his punishment on the spot.   
“Stop this.” Rey said in a strong voice. “You don’t…”  
But she was interrupted by the sound of Poe’s voice. Grainy still from being choked, but strong and determined. It rang through the air.   
“Some things have never been nor will ever be mine to claim and you know it.”  
Ben advanced on him slowly, and Rey kept taking steps backwards, keeping herself between her and Poe. Ben then shoved Rey to the side, though gentler than she would have expected.   
“Then why do you keep trying?” Ben replied through gritted teeth.   
The two men stood nose to nose, Ben looming over Poe who had to look up to hold his gaze.   
“Poe!” Finn shouted as he came barreling across the pretty pavestones.   
Without even looking up, Ben froze him in place.   
“Surely you remember what happened last time you charged at me, FN-2187?” He said in a deceptively conversational tone.   
“I would have thought you would know better by now…” his voice trailed off.   
Rey was fed up. She gave both men a great big shove against their chests and they took a step back.   
“Ben, enough!” she said softly, making sure no one but Poe could overhear.   
His angry eyes found hers and she was surprised by the intense fury she saw there.   
“You don’t get to call me that anymore.” He snarled viciously. The menace in his voice was emphasized by the fact his voice was barely above a whisper.   
“You’ve lost that prerogative.”  
Shock overwhelmed her. Anguish washed over her in violent waves.  
And then she felt it… He wasn’t just angry. He was hurt. He felt betrayed.   
She frowned at him and it was impossible to respond. Her throat clogged up and her eyes misted with tears.   
His mouth did that delicious lip-biting thing again, the muscles beneath his left eye twitched again. His breath was ragged and his nostrils with every in- and exhale.   
She swallowed.   
“Let Finn go. He has nothing to do with this, he’s just trying to help his friend.” She said.   
Still glaring at her, he made an offhand gesture. Finn, who had not expected to be released at that exact moment, crumpled to the ground. Rose immediately rushed over. Poe lifted an eyebrow in surprise.  
_Ben, please don’t be like this. I can explain._ She tried through their Bond.   
His lip curled in distaste.   
_I meant it. You don’t get to call me that anymore._  
“Playtime is over.” He said grimly.   
“Captain!” he called out.   
The Trooper stepped forward and responded “Yes, Supreme Leader?”  
“Their time is up. Put their restraints back on and escort them to their cells.”   
“Yes, Supreme Leader.” The Captain responded and motioned his men forward.   
They started to put the restraints on the prisoners.   
Rey threw him a withering look and stepped towards one of the Troopers with her wrists up in surrender. Poe took advantage of the moment.   
He stepped up to Ben, almost cramping his personal space.   
He shook his head and made a soft tsk-ing sound.  
“Oh, Benny-boy…” he started in a voice so low he was certain no one was able to overhear.   
“You really have the wrong idea about me and her.” He said as with a lopsided grin.   
“I may have been interested in her before, I’ll admit that much.” He saw Ben’s eyes reflect that lethal glint again, so he was quick to add : “But that was before I realized she was my brother’s girl.”  
The surprise on Ben’s face would have been comical if their situation wasn’t so damned serious.   
“But, to show you I mean well, I’ll give you a little bit of brotherly advice.” He whispered and added a little dramatic pause, just for the heck of it.  
“You’re an idiot. You just blew it. You know that, right?” He pursed his lips and made a half-shake.   
“If I was you, I’d reach inside and find my inner Solo-charm. I’m pretty sure it’s in there, somewhere… That’s the only thing that can save your ass right now.”   
Ben’s temper rose. And the little chit made it worse by winking at him before turning to saunter after Rey to have his restraints clamped back on.  He stared daggers at Poe’s back, while simultaneously realizing that the schmuck was right. Anger still swirled and churned in his gut.   
As the group of Rebels were lead out of the garden, Ben spoke up.   
“Captain.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader?” he answered immediately.  
“Have the Jedi brought up to my chambers instead of her cell.”  
“Yes, of course, Supreme Leader. Right away.”  
With that, Ben turned around and stalked out of the garden, gritting his teeth and flexing his fists all the way back to his room.   
He immediately walked up to a small cabinet in the far wall, taking off his gloves on the way and throwing them on his table carelessly. He removed a glass and a tumbler with amber colored alcohol and poured himself a drink. After the day he’d had, he felt he deserved it. He downed it in one gulp and poured again.  
He had only been in his room a full two minutes before there was a knock at his door.   
Using the Force he opened the door and cut the Captain off.   
“Let her come in and leave.” He said without even acknowledging them.   
He lifted the tumbler to his lips and heard the door close.   
He felt her anger and her confusion, but she would not move.   
He looked up and she was standing in the middle of his room. Her hands bound by the restraints, her eyes modestly downcast in submission. But then, there was the defiant lift of her chin and the stubborn flattening of her lips.   
Despite the anger that still rocked him to his very core, despite the feelings of hurt and betrayal that swirled and clenched in his chest, he could not help admiring her fiery spirit.   
He wanted to say something, but the words stuck.   
He swallowed several times, the silence growing heavier and tenser with every passing second. He took another sip of the whiskey, hoping it would help.   
When he trusted himself enough to speak, he held the tumbler with an iron grip.  
“Why?” he asked stoically.  
Despite his best efforts, he felt his anger spike yet again.   
“Why him?”  
Her eyes shot up then. Her anger matched his own.   
“Why him what?” she quipped.   
He slammed the tumbler down on the table, the amber liquid spilling onto its surface. He took a few steps in her direction and her chin just lifted in response. _Daring him…  
_ He breathed in deeply, trying in vain to steady himself. He worked his lips and hated that he did. He knew it was one of his telltale signs that he was emotional or insecure. Luckily, not too many people knew or were allowed to see him like that.   
“Out of every man in the galaxy, why do you allow _him_ to touch you like that?”  
She narrowed her eyes at him and glared.   
“Maybe because I care about him?” she said with half a frown.  
“Because I _like_ it when he holds me like that? Because he makes me feel safe and cherished?” She watched as his eye twitched and decided to push a little more, even if she was fully aware she was playing with fire.  
“I could have done a lot worse. He’s handsome and strong and brave and kind. He’s very much respected among the Resistance.” She said with a little sigh. “And he’s an amazing pilot…” she continued in a wistful tone.   
Ben snorted in contempt.   
“You forgot arrogant, reckless and twice your age…” he sneered.   
“Well, that can only mean he knows what he’s doing.” She spit back.   
She felt and saw his shock. An angry flush crept up from the neckline of his tunic. She watched in horrified awe as he started trembling with rage and felt the room start to rumble.   
Slowly, he started towards her, his steps measured and with purpose.   
He stopped only when they were standing two inches apart. He stared down into her eyes, his gaze burning a hole in her very soul. His smile was ice cold.   
“A man like him will never be able to please a woman like you. You need more than what he could ever offer.”  
His words stung. Because they were true.   
Her life would have been a lot easier if she had been able to love someone like Poe. Or Finn. But she knew instinctively that they could never offer her _enough_. Not like he could. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she would never meet another man who moved her like Ben did. But she wouldn’t grant him the pleasure of admitting to that ugly little truth.   
“That’s alright.” She said with a sweet fake smile of her own.   
“There’s always Finn.”  
His eyes widened and she could hear his internal roar as if he had actually let it out.   
Instead he just leaned a little closer and pushed the words out through clenched teeth.  
“Funny. But let’s get one thing straight, Rey.” He paused and swallowed.   
“It won’t happen again. As of this very moment, _I_ will be the only man allowed to touch you. If I find out Flyboy or Traitor touched you again, I’ll kill them.” He searched her eyes and with the same conviction he had once admitted that yes, he was a monster, he said: “I don’t share what I consider mine.”  
His words sent shivers of pleasure down her spine, even as her rebellious and independent nature revolted.   
“I am not a commodity!” she shouted. “I am not an object you can claim as your own.”  
She felt his emotions as if they were her own, and she was more than sure that the opposite was just as true.   
Right now, he was angry and hurt and confused. Furious at himself for allowing her to mess with his head and his heart like this.   
His eyes raked her from top to bottom slowly and she hated the fact that it was all it took to make her blood boil and her womb contract in delicious anticipation of what he could do.   
“What happened to _“I cannot become what I already am.”_?” He said as he stared deep into her eyes.   
Her breath caught, and she was instantly transported back to the moment she had uttered those words. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and frantically thought of a witty comeback. Her mind went blank for a split second, while remembering that first time when he had made love to her.  It was less than a week ago, and yet it felt like ages ago.   
He looked at her with expectation and she realized he demanded a reply.   
“That was before you started acting like a simple-brained primate.” She said smugly.   
“At least Poe knows better than to act like such a nerfherder with me.”  
  
It was the last straw!   
With a ferocious growl he gathered her in his arms and picked her up as if she weighed no more than a feather.   
A surprised little yelp escaped her.   
A few strong strides with those long legs of his and they were at the edge of his bed.   
With her hands bound by the restraints, there was very little she could do to fight him. That didn’t stop her from trying to shove him and wriggle her way out of his arms. It was pointless, like trying to make a mountain move.  
He threw her down on it with little consideration.   
She tried to sit up but he quickly straddled her and grabbed her restraints, effectively pinning her hands above her head.   
A low growl of anger rumbled in her throat and was reciprocated with one of his own.   
“I’ll make you partial to nerfherders yet!” he exclaimed, his voice low and menacing.   
And then his lips found hers in a punishing kiss, his mouth crushing her lips.   
The assault on her senses was both intimidating and extremely arousing.   
All thought fled from her mind as his lips devoured her, as his weight kept her pinned to his soft matrass.   
His low moan made her tremble, and his possessiveness seeped through their Bond.   
It excited her way more than it should. She should feel anger or indignation because of it.   
But the thought that the Mighty Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, former Padawan of the legendary Luke Skywalker, son of Leia Organa, princess of Alderaan and grandson to Queen Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One, was possessive of her – a simple scavenger from Jakku - to this degree, made her desire and her emotions soar.   
His lips tore from her lips and dragged down her neck and up to her earlobe.   
He furiously whispered in her ear.   
“I’ll make you forget about him. About every other man. You’ll only think of me and us and what we can be. I’ll make you crave me as I crave you.”   
“You can try.” She bit back.  
He took her lips again with a ferocious growl and the rage on his tongue made her excitement soar and she trembled even harder. She bit his lower lip hard, heard him hiss and tasted the metallic taste of blood as she drew it in her mouth. She laved her tongue across it, a sweet caress that undid the cruelty of her action.   
He pressed a button and her restraints gave way. They fell from her wrists and he threw them across the room, not caring where they landed.   
The moment her hands rediscovered their freedom, they immediately tangled in his dark, luscious locks, pulling it hard, drawing him closer.   
He went straight for the strings on the side of her waist and tugged them. They gave without much restraint and he soon peeled the wrap-around shirt away from her. He lifted her off the matrass and pulled it away completely, throwing the shirt over his shoulder without caring where it fell.   
He quickly grabbed her wrists and pinned them next to her head, bending down to trail his lips along the slender column of her throat. She fought against his hold on her, determined not to simply bend into submission. But then his teeth scraped along her shoulder and he nipped at her collarbone.  
She gasped and her fingers clenched.   
She fought harder to free her wrists from his grasp, but his hold on her was too strong. She was sure it would leave bruises come tomorrow.   
“Ben!” she exclaimed, despite herself, as his mouth found her nipple and drew on it. He sucked, softly bit it, then laved it with is tongue in an exciting pattern until she thought she would explode.   
She arched her back as far as she could with him sitting on top of her.   
His erection pressed into her thigh, arousing her to the point of madness.   
“Do you think your precious Flyboy could make you tremble like this?” he sneered, his anger still unabated. “Do you honestly believe he could bring you pleasure as I can?” he asked angrily.   
Unfortunately for him, he didn’t think of their Force Bond being alive and kicking.   
His every insecurity, his every doubt, was highlighted because of it. Luckily for him, Rey didn’t think twice about it. She was too consumed by her desire, by her affection for him, with reveling in his adoration of her, to even try to prey on those emotions.   
His mouth found her other breast and taking full advantage of their Force Bond he now acknowledged as his aid, he kissed and licked and bit and caressed her until he felt her wild abandon slither through.   
She writhed beneath him and he finally let up.   
He captured her lips again, cupping her cheek much as Poe had done earlier. The gesture was too kind considering the rage that still coursed through him.  
For the briefest of moments, she felt his tenderness weave through that kiss, through that gentle gesture. Then it was back to mindless passion and he reached for her hands again.   
She twisted her wrists just so, that she was able to break his hold on her. She rose in a half-sitting position and gave his chest a big shove so he leaned back a little  
She immediately grabbed the edges of his tunic and tugged it up. He broke their kiss and she pulled it over his head, tossing it aside.   
He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her hair, bringing her against him while running his fingers down her spine.   
Both of them were gasping at the contact of bare skin against bare skin.   
“Rey…” he gasped hoarsely.   
She answered him with a gruff mumbling of his name.   
“Ben…”  
He couldn’t hold back any longer. With an impatience he did not recognize in himself, he let go of her hair and pulled her pants down and shoved his own down his thighs.   
With a primitive groan he nudged her legs apart and settled in between.   
“Say it!” he demanded roughly.   
“Say you’re only mine.” He breathed, settling himself at her entrance, teasing her with his nearness.   
“Say it, Rey!” he snarled.   
She looked at him then, her eyes heavy lidded and her pupils dilated in desire.   
“I will never be another’s.” she whispered.  
“No!” he all but shouted. His anger was still there, but there was a desperation lingering at the edges.   
“Say the words, Rey.” He hissed. She felt his fingers dig into her hips. There was a twinge of pain, but oddly enough, it excited her even more.  
He tilted his hips and she felt the tip of his cock tease her folds. She was so incredibly wet. A shiver coursed through her, almost violently so. His need for her, his jealousy because he believed she cared more for another man washed over her and she understood.   
She _had_ to say those exact words. It was the only thing that would appease him. That would calm him down.   
_That would reassure him._  
She took a deep breath and cupped his face.   
Staring into his eyes, she relented.   
“I am only yours.”  
His eyes widened and his lips parted as he let out a sigh of relief.   
But the storm wasn’t over yet.  
His despair caused him to grit his teeth and he pushed inside, not waiting to see if she was ready for him or not.   
She cried out and clung to him. To his surprise, she was more ready for him than she ever had been, and that was saying something.   
He let out a hoarse cry and was almost brought to tears by the sheer pleasure that wracked his body as he claimed her once more. His body trembled uncontrollably.   
They both whimpered and he froze, unable to get past the fact that he needed her as much as he did.   
He withdrew and drove into her again, with the same fervor as before.   
She shuddered and murmured his name.   
And soon, they were lost in a frantic rhythm, one where they didn’t know how to fight their desperation.   
He needed her and she needed him, far more than words could ever describe.   
He slammed into her again and again, driving himself as deep as he could and she met him thrust for thrust.  
“Rey..” he whispered feverishly  against her throat as he wrapped his arms around her waist. His lips found hers and he kissed her as if he wanted to suck her very soul from her.   
Digging her heels in the matrass, she pushed up against him. He was caught off guard and she was able to use the momentum to gain the upper hand. Now she was straddling him.   
The surprise in his face was quickly replaced with pure unbridled lust as she took his wrists and pinned them next to his face like he had done to her earlier.   
A small smile played about his lips. He could break free from her hold without much effort and they both knew it. He started to push against her.   
_Oh no, you don’t!_ she yelled into the Bond.   
Before he knew what was happening, she froze him in place with a Force Hold.   
His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He was stunned beyond words. He tried to fight her hold on him, but she would not relent.  The look in his eyes could only be described as amazed admiration.   
She stared into his eyes fiercely, her breath escaping in tiny ragged bursts that made her chest rise and her breasts quiver. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes on fire. Her teeth were bared and she all but snarled at him.   
“Your turn.”  
He lifted a single brow in question.   
“My turn to what?” he quipped, staring up at her expectantly.   
“Your turn to say it.”  
His eyes narrowed slightly.   
“My turn to say what?” he retorted in a low voice.   
She swallowed and pushed her doubts aside. If he could make demands, then so could she.   
“That you’re mine.” She said with a determined glint in her eyes.   
His expression fell. He became obstinate in the blink of an eye. Once more he tried to move, but she kept her Force Hold firmly in place. Unable to move for the life of him, he pressed his lips together in a grim line.   
“Give me one good reason why I should admit such a thing.”  
Anger and hurt mingled in her chest, but she refused to let it show.   
Instead, she did as he asked. She gave him a reason. A good reason.   
She gently lifted her hips and brought them down excruciatingly slow and felt an insane surge of pride as she watched his eyes roll back and his face contort with undisguised pleasure. His groan was loud in the silence. When his eyes opened again, they locked onto hers.   
“How’s that for a reason?” she retorted. To her satisfaction, he made a strangling noise in the back of his throat. Feeling bold and confident and empowered, she leaned forward and let her lips hover just over his mouth.  
“Say it.” She whispered, her lips ghosting over his.   
She watched indecision flit across his face.   
In a low voice, he ruefully admitted defeat.   
“I have always been yours. Ever since Takodana.”  
She drew back in shock.   
She had released his wrists and her Force Hold on him and he took full advantage of it.   
He arched up to her, grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her down roughly.   
“Now…” he said as he started to nibble down her throat, “show me those reasons again...”  
Their lips met and merged, hungrily and passionately.  
His other hand slid down her back and cupped her butt as she started moving.   
Before long, they found themselves in the throes of passion once more.   
Their cries and screams and moans reverberated of the walls, echoing in the silence.   
The frantic nature of their coupling, the anger mixed in with the lust, the desperation and the absolute need for one another, drove them to a very intense and very swift release.   
Her fingers dug in his shoulder and chest, scratching him, drawing blood. His fingers bruising her where he grabbed her hips and guided her movements.   
As their orgasm overtook them simultaneously, they cried out and time stood still.   
As rough and uncivilized as their coupling might have been, it had been the most emotional as well.   
Because as shudders wrecked their spent bodies, Rey swore she heard his soul whisper. And felt her own reply in kind.  
_I love you…_   
_I love you too…  
_ They were left on that bed, half-dressed and spent, his weight crushing hers in the most pleasant of ways.  
her head rested in the crook of his neck and he lazily ran his fingers through her hair and over her back.   
They stayed that way until their breathing returned to normal and their heartbeats had slowed down some. And then they slipped into a deep silence, both their minds working overtime, their bodies still joined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy out of my comfort zone.   
> Hope I didn't fail this... 
> 
> What do you guys think? Does this qualify as jealous, angry hotness?   
> Let me know! 
> 
> x  
> B


	28. Chapter 28

Silence stretched uncomfortably.   
And just like that the mood changed.   
He stopped caressing her back and toying with her hair.   
She felt his anger return. With a vengeance...   
Without any preamble, he all but shoved her off of him and got up off the bed. He stood and pulled his pants back on, bending down to pick up his tunic.   
“I’m going to take a shower. Get dressed.” He said coolly.   
Without even looking back, he started walking towards his fresher.   
Shocked, she sat up in a flash.   
“Ben, what…”  
She was interrupted before she could even ask him what was going on.   
“I told you before, you’ve lost the prerogative to call me that. I’ll disregard it when you’re in the throes of passion, but I’ll not stand for it otherwise.”  
His face was a mask of indifference, but his emotions flowed through their Bond.   
He was angry. Furious. Livid.   
But when she tried to pry, his mental defenses clamped down.  
“Get dressed.” He tossed back at her as he left the room and headed for the fresher.   
Rey was left, sitting upright in the middle of his bed, half-naked and confused.   
She let out a grunt of disbelief and shook her head.   
_What in the world is going on?_  
Had she imagined it when she heard him whisper words of love through their Bond?   
Despite the anger that had led them to this point, hadn’t it been a mutual desperation that had driven them? Hadn’t they been honest with each other about how they really felt for the first time?   
A strangled sound of disgust escaped her and she inched towards the edge of the bed, straightening her trousers on the way. She looked around and then got up and retrieved her blouse that had been flung a lot further than his tunic had been.   
As she put it on and quickly tied the strings at her waist, she felt her own dismay build.   
She briefly stood there with her hands on her hips, breathing hard and feeling a headache build slowly. She looked back at the bathroom, where he was taking his time with his shower.   
She didn’t understand any of this.   
Her eyebrows drawn into a tight frown, her mouth flattened in a thin line, she made up her mind.   
She stomped over to the fresher and without thinking, she pulled open the glass door.  
He flinched briefly, but quickly recovered.   
“What?” he barked.   
“What is going on?” she said through clenched teeth.   
“I am taking a shower.” He said in detached, practical, bored tone.   
“Do you mind?” he said with a lift of an eyebrow.   
Her eyes flashed.   
“Yes, I do!” she shouted.   
He lifted both his eyebrows and his lips turned down in a classic study of contempt.   
It only fueled her anger more.   
“Why are you acting like this?”  
He simply stared at her in response.   
She exhaled through her nose, frowning in frustration.   
“How can you act so cold after…” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Her heart was aching. She fought the urge to scratch at her chest.   
“After what we just shared?”  
“You mean after having angry, vindictive sex?” He sounded bored, returning to his shower.   
She looked at him as if he had just slapped her in the face.   
“Angry, vindictive…” her voice trailed off incredulously.   
“Is that what we’re calling it now?” she said as she grabbed his arm and spun him around to face her.   
A strange sort of desperation clawed at her heart.  
_You said you loved me._ She whispered through their Bond.   
His eyes flinched ever so slightly. If she hadn’t been staring into them so intently, the movement would have been lost on her.   
He shrugged off her grip on his bicep and she could see the storm brewing in his eyes.   
“You sure have an active imagination… I could never love you, Rey.”   
His voice dripped with ice. His face was set in stone, except for his eyes. They burned through her, two dark orbs of anger and frustration.   
She stumbled back. His words had hit her like a blaster, wounding her down to her very soul.   
Again, she frowned, not understanding.   
She tried to probe his mind to understand where this was coming from. But his mind was as impenetrable as it had been in Snoke’s throneroom. She shook her head gently in denial, tears filling her eyes and spilling down her cheeks.   
“Now…” he started in a superior voice as he squared his shoulders, “get out of my fresher, so I can finish my shower. You may wait in one of the chairs near the table.”  
Completely shell-shocked, Rey threw him one last desperate, tortured, confused look and spun around quickly to do as he told.

 

Ben watched as shock registered on that lovely face. And the anguish that followed was even more difficult to take.   
_Stupid fool, why did you say that???_   
But she turned and left the fresher without another word, giving him some semblance of peace.   
_I should have kept quiet…_  he thought to himself.   
But he had lain there, on his bed, holding her, feeling her heartbeat in tune with his own. He had felt her contentment and happiness, had heard her say that she was his, and felt his body relax in that blissful state only she could ever get him in. Felt the joy and the happiness and the love… _The peace…_   
And he had given in.   
The words that had been on his lips for so long just tumbled off through their Bond.   
And he had been unable to take them back.   
He closed his eyes as a sob threatened to overtake him. The water washing away the angry tears that spilled down his cheeks.   
To make matters worse, she’d said them right back. Without any hesitation.   
He had felt the happy smile against his throat.   
_I love you too._  
His feelings in that moment had been overwhelming.   
The Light had blinded him, scorched him, made him feel something that was far worse than anything else ever could be.   
_Hope._  
Their lovemaking had been angry, vindictive, even violent almost… And she had not pushed him away. She had matched him stride for stride, thrust for thrust. Gave as much as she took.   
It was shocking to think that his Rey of Light could not only recognize and accept his Darkness, but that she could fully embrace it – him! – without losing her Light. That she could return it to him, and still be herself. His beacon.   
It gave him hope that he could, in fact, truly end up being the man she wanted him to be. That he could embrace the Light, without totally being consumed by it.  Dangerous thinking, that was…   
_I love you too._  
Her words swirled in his head, crushing his heart.   
He could never love her. He shouldn’t! He mustn’t!   
He felt his anger build again.   
_In the end, it’s always anger. It’s the only thing I remember how to feel, how to handle…_  
Everything he’d ever loved or cared for ended up hurting him. Everything and everyone he’d ever loved had been harmed or destroyed because of it.   
He had loved Han. And he had abused that love, killed him with it.   
He had loved his mother deeply. And now she lay dead in the room next door.   
He had loved Chewbacca. He’d ended up being shot by his bowcaster.   
He had loved Poe, and he had stolen his dreams.   
He had loved Luke, and he had tried to kill him…   
But…   
He loved Rey more. _So much more…_  
So, logically, she would either wind up dead or abusing his love, killing him along the way.   
Another sob wrenched from deep within him and he was unable to fight it back this time.   
He had finally found what he had been longing for his entire life.   
Someone who thought he was worth the trouble he caused. Someone who cared enough to fight for him, despite the odds. Someone who loved him unconditionally, who made him feel a sense of belonging.   
And he couldn’t risk it.   
Her death would kill him. Her betrayal of his love to suit her own purpose would destroy him.   
He could not let that happen. He needed to shield himself. And anger was a good cloak…   
He cupped his hands, let the water fill them and then splashed it in his face for a few seconds.   
Resigned to his miserable fate, he turned the fresher off. He grabbed a towel and quickly dried himself off. Wrapping it around his waist, he padded back to his room.   
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Rey standing near the window. He tried to ignore her as he quickly shrugged into a new set of clothes, identical to every other set he owned.   
Her sharp intake of breath caught his attention. He felt her awe through their Bond and looked up.   
They were entering the Naboo atmosphere. Bright blues and greens swirled ahead of them.   
Her almost childish delight was so easy to pick up. She just couldn’t get used to the color in the galaxy after a lifetime of barren desert. But it faded quickly, replaced with the same sadness he had felt from her before.  
He felt the insane desire to walk up to her and stand behind her and wrap his arms around her.   
He even felt the need to apologize, to beg for her forgiveness. To get on his knees and grovel at her feet.   
He did love her. Very much. Beyond anything else he’d ever experienced. Always had, always would.   
And he knew deep down that she cared for him too. Possibly, she did love him back, as she thought se did.  
Perhaps that was why they had been connected by the Force.   
But he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t go back to her.   
She looked up at him then. Her eyes wide and luminous and shiny. Trails of tears ran down her cheeks, and she did not even try to hide them. The misery she felt, the hurt, the confusion, the despair… They slammed into him. And so, he slammed down the gates to his thoughts once more.   
_Tell me you lied._ She said in their Bond as she wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself.   
_Please, Ben._  She continued in a hushed tone.   
_Please tell me you’re lying._ She sounded as desperate as he felt.  
Another tear slipped down her cheek.   
He felt himself start to crumble. So he took a deep breath and steeled himself.   
He walked over to where the restraints lay on the floor, discarded in their moment of frenzied passion. He walked towards her, motioning her to present her wrists to him. She complied without a sound.  
“We will arrive at Naboo’s capital in one standard hour. I will call for the Troopers to escort you back to your cell. Once we land, you and the other prisoners will be taken to the palace, where you will be shown into new quarters until the funeral. Please don’t make a scene.” He said in a bored tone as he clicked the restraints in place.   
He turned away to the intercom, summoning the Storm Troopers to pick up the prisoner.   
The tension between them was so dense you could cut it with a lightsaber.   
The Troopers arrived soon, relieving them both of more strained silence.   
They took her away, leaving Ben alone with the most dangerous of weapons… His own thoughts.

 

There was not much time to stand around and think.   
Rey was shown to her cell, and not ten minutes after that, they were all told to grab their personal belongings and prepare for transport.   
They were gathered in the wide corridor, and then taken to the main hangar. Several shuttles were prepared for take-off. None of them spoke, the gravity of the situation weighing heavily on their souls.   
They stood there, their small assembly a motley crew against the austerity and uniformity of the First Order. They were waiting for Maker knows what.   
They didn’t have wait long, though.   
Kylo Ren appeared, followed by his chain of command and several Troopers who were pushing Leia’s remains. It was not a gurney, that much they could tell. But they could not see Leia. A large black sheet of fabric was draped across the transportation aid, covering her body from head to toe. Rey and Poe heaved a heavy sigh of relief, that Kylo Ren had had enough sense to shield his mother’s body from prying eyes.  
They boarded the Command Shuttle without even looking in the prisoners’ direction.   
Soon, they were pushed inside several shuttles, much as they had been upon their capture.   
The flight to Naboo’s capital and it’s landing pad only took thirty minutes.   
When they landed, they were quickly ushered outside, into the warm sunlight.   
It was bright and warm and pleasant, the air around them sweet and fragrant. The streets were wide and colorful, and they were still very much the same as they had been back in the Old Republic days.   
Their grandeur was still very much alive, their pride tangible in everything. Even the soft breeze that played with their hair.   
A large number of people had already gathered in the streets, stricken by grief and curious.   
They were pushed to the side of the street, held at blasterpoint by a Storm Trooper per prisoner.   
Suddenly, their attention was riveted upon a sight that defied every imagination.   
Kylo Ren was an intimidating figure to behold.   
But this….   
Six figures, clad in black, heavily armored and wearing protective gear, walked up the street in perfect unison. Their black and metal masks, some very similar to that of Kylo Ren’s, reflected the sun in a menacing glare. Their black visors and the air of superiority could strike the Fear of the Force into the toughest of warriors.   
_The Knights of Ren…_  
So these were Kylo Ren’s precious fighting machines…   
Their heavy boots made their footsteps ring loudly in the absolute silence.   
They stopped in the middle of the street, right in front of where the prisoners were gathered.   
They were waiting for their master to disembark.   
One of them, the one closest to the prisoners, turned its head to face Rey.   
Rey could definitely feel the glare. The Knight was female, from the feel of her. Although she was slighter than the rest of them, Rey had the distinct impression that she was also the most dangerous one.   
The Knight cocked her head slightly, watching her with both curiosity and open hostility. Her soul seemed to focus on Rey and her Force signature. As if recognizing her as a threat, but still fascinated by her.   
Her attention was drawn away by the appearance of her Master.   
The Knights immediately went down on their knees.   
“Hail our Master!” they said as they placed a fist over their hearts and bowed their heads in unison.   
Kylo Ren, too, was wearing his mask, his voice sounding as robotic as theirs through his vocoder.   
“Rise, my Knights, and follow me inside.”  
“Yes, Master.” They replied without hesitation, their voices an assembled rumble. They rose and fell into step with him.   
They were followed by the First Order Leadership, with Hux and – much to Finn’s surprise – Captain Phasma leading them.   
Leia’s body was pushed along after that, and the Rebels were shoved into motion to fall into step behind it, with an entire regiment of Storm Troopers on their heels.   
Their collective mood was gloomy.   
They could no longer fight the fact that they really truly were defeated now.   
As they started walking, the onlookers started to grow restless.   
Then one person started clapping.   
And then another.   
Then a few more.   
Kylo Ren stopped and looked out at the crowd.   
_They are honoring my mother…_  
A strange sort of pride squeezed his chest.   
“Supreme Leader, this cannot be tolerated. Shall I have my men squelch this disgusting display?” Hux was quick to throw his two bits in.   
The Supreme Leader swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of the emotions clogging him up.   
“No.” he said as dispassionately as he could manage.   
“Let these people have this moment. It will be the last time they’ll have to feel their preposterous hope.”  
He turned and continued on.   
This encouraged the people to join in the applause with gusto.   
Soon a rhythmic clapping accompanied them right into the palace at the end of the wide avenue.   
The Resistance Fighters rediscovered their inner strength because of it.   
They may have lost the fight, and they may have lost the war, but Leia was right.   
She had always been right.   
Hope was like the sun. And it was still shining bright.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps! 
> 
> I don't know if I've mentioned it officially before, but I honestly NEVER know where this story is going to take me.   
> The scenes, the dialogue... it surprises me as much as it does you, most of the time.   
> So when I wrote the Rey-Ben-dialogue, I ended up being mad as Hell...   
> I was furious with Ben. I actually hated him, and had murderous tendencies :p   
> But at the end of the day, I can relate. This young man has never gotten anything out of loving someone. So this is bound to bite him in the tuchers...   
> That being said, I'm not gonna give up on my OTP.   
> Not just yet.   
> After all, Hope is like the sun. And it is still shining bright


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers, 
> 
> I have two things to say:  
> I cannot begin to find the right words to describe the support and love I have been getting from you all.  
> To have so many of you leaving kudos and comments, of so many of you reaching out to me through the various facebook groups, is incredible.  
> To be able to feel your enthusiasm about my story and hearing how much you enjoy what I come up with, is so incredibly encouraging!  
> I wish it upon every author! It makes me happy and grateful and very VERY emotional.  
> Thank you! 
> 
> And once more, I would love to give credit to the beautiful and amazingly talented author, Silmea.  
> Her dedication and her encouragement guide me through any rough patches I may encounter.  
> I hope everyone checks out her wonderful story, called Unleashed.  
> She is my backbone, my safety net and my sanity when I feel like I may very well lose my mind.  
> Thank you, my darling!!!  
> Love you always!

The grandeur of Naboo was unrivaled.  
Not even Coruscant, the throbbing Capital of the Galaxy was as regal as this pretty little planet.  
This was a planet, inhabited by people who obviously had a great sense of pride in regard to their customs and history.  
And it showed very clearly in their buildings.  
The Resistance Fighters were very much aware of the publicity their display was receiving. Several cameras were set up at different angles, so that their procession could be recorded and distributed through the Holonet.  
But that didn’t stop them from admiring the stunning architecture, the palace being the most prominent example.  
Not only the size of it was impressive, but the interior awed the Rebels more than anything else.  
Marble floors, marble columns, large stone stairways, fresco’s, paintings, statues…  
The entire building oozed opulence.  
Rey was taken aback.  
She was quiet, as were the others.  
Poe kept darting glances at her, Finn was staring daggers at Phasma’s back. Rose and Connix gawked at their surroundings. Emsil kept up with Chewie and stared at Poe every now and then.  
They stopped in the middle of the large hall, where the party was greeted by the current “Queen of the Naboo”. This was no longer the official title, Snoke having dismissed such ranks officially. But the aura of authority and pride surrounded her like a cloak. Everyone would pay her respect, simply by the way she held herself.  
As customs dictate, the two ‘leaders’ approached each other. The queen was flanked by her handmaidens, The Supreme Leader had his Knights at his back.  
Queen Ferya inclined her head but did not bow before him. He outranked her, so he was not required to show her any form of courtesy. He did however return the favor, respecting the fact that this woman was executing the same position as his grandmother had once upon a time.  
“Supreme Leader, welcome.” She droned in that typical flat voice, required by her vocation.  
“I hope your flight has been pleasant.”  
“Thank you, Queen Ferya.” He answered politely, his electronic sounding voice making it sound menacing none the less.  
“I found it tedious and exasperating. But a necessity, nonetheless.”  
“Then I hope you will find your stay here a little more invigorating.”  
Rey felt his thoughts shift to her briefly, before he remembered to block them.  
“I have many issues to attend to, Your Majesty.” He said respectfully.  
The queen inclined her head to acknowledge his current agenda and knowing the struggles that implied.  
“The people of Naboo are proud and honored that you have decided to return our prodigal daughter to us. To allow her the courtesy of being buried with her kin, according to our customs. As she was the only daughter of our beloved Queen Amidala, we thank you for this incredible gesture.”  
The Supreme Leader took a deep breath, the sound noisy and raspy through his vocoder.  
“Please make no mistake, Your Majesty.” He started, and even with his mask on his irritation and boredom was unmistakable.  
“This is not simply a kind gesture from the First Order. We do not bother with this kind of emotional fodder. This State Funeral is intended to show the Galaxy that there will no more Resistance, that their leaders have perished and their last remaining fighters at our mercy. They will see that we are not unreasonable, and that our plans for the future of the Galaxy are a lot more prosperous and beneficial than it believes them to be.”  
He lifted his chin, glaring down at the queen through his visor.  
Her face as unreadable as his own mask, she returned his stare.  
“We have prepared several quarters for you and your leadership. We have also prepared quarters for your captives, as you have requested. Should anything else come to mind, please do not hesitate to let my people know, and we will arrange it.” She motioned for several servants to step forward.  
“Please escort our Supreme Leader and his entourage to their chambers.”  
“Thank you, Queen Ferya. Once we are settled to our satisfaction, I shall call upon you to join us for a final meeting to discuss all details for tomorrow’s event.”  
“As you wish, Supreme Leader.” She inclined her head.  
Kylo Ren returned it and they then were guided towards the West Wing of the palace, where their chambers had been prepared.  
Kylo Ren and his Knights and leadership were pointed left, when they were taken to the right after Kylo Ren had quickly spoken to the Captain in charge.  
The small group of Rebels were then taken down a corridor to a cluster of rooms at the end, built in a semi-circle. They were quickly appointed to their new quarters. Doors were opened and they were pushed inside, barely stopping long enough to take off their restraints and their personal belongings shoved in their arms before the doors were slammed closed again.  
Much to their collective surprise, the rooms were just that.  
Rooms.  
And quite luxurious to boot. Each room held a large, comfortable bed, a small en-suite fresher, a desk, a sofa or chaise longue, and had beautiful views of the city. Plush area rugs, vases with fresh-cut flowers, figurines and paintings decorated them, each room a different color scheme.  
Their windows had been secured, to ensure that they could not escape that way. It would have been suicide anyway, considering the fifty-feet drop to the streets below.  
Two Storm Troopers were to stand guard at their door at all times.  
Rey was put in a room that was decorated in soft greens and blues. She adored the color, and she had the strangest sensation that this choice for her had been deliberate.  
But she shrugged it off. Such a trivial coincidence was not worth the insertion of emotion.  
She walked up to the window and stared out at the skyline of this beautiful capital.  
The wide avenues, the elegant buildings with their aquamarine colored rooftops, the lush greenery and the sparkling fountains and waterways… it would have been a dream if their situations had been different.  
She wrapped her arms around her waist and felt the ache that had been gnawing at her gut steadily for the past two hours compound to a feral attack on her heart.  
_“You sure have an active imagination… I could never love you, Rey.”  
_ She couldn’t fight back the sob that suddenly brought her to her knees. Tears streamed down her cheeks, hot, angry and full of pain.  
_How could he have said that? Why?  
_ Question after question coursed through her tired brain.  
She got to her feet and stumbled over to the bed, pulling one of the thinner throws over her and snuggling deep.  
this whole situation just didn’t make sense. Her mind kept coming up with rational explanations, but her heart always kept coming back to the same conclusion.  
He was lying.  
She felt it. She had heard his soul whisper to hers. She felt his affection every time they touched. It was tangible in so many little things.  
She didn’t understand why he would lie to her. He’d never lied to her before. The only thing she could think of, was that he was scared.  
_Kriff, so am I…  
_ But the truth could no longer be denied.  
She loved him.  
She’d finally dared to face her feelings. To name it. After all this time, it was almost a relief.  
She had been intrigued by this monster called Kylo Ren, had felt the pull from the start.  
Had been curious about him thanks to that glimpse of his soul she had seen during her interrogation. Had discovered there was so much more to this monster-façade he tried to uphold along the way. Had fallen head over heels in love with Ben Solo, that softer side of him. She had finally understood that both Kylo Ren and Ben Solo were two halves of him. That it was impossible to eradicate one side of him without losing the other as well.  
Somewhere along the line she had grown to appreciate his Dark Side. Knew he had the potential of controlling it if he wanted to. She no longer wanted him to give it up. Didn’t want to turn him anymore. Not completely anyway.  
She had seen his soul. Knew there was more Light to him than he would ever admit to. Knew that he felt it deep down and that he could learn to embrace it without losing his sense of self. As she had come to realize that she had a Dark Side that surfaced now and then. But that she too could control it if she wanted to.  
She thought they had finally come to a new start.  
A blank page.  
That they would be able to start over, to begin anew.  
_“You sure have an active imagination… I could never love you, Rey.”  
_ His words had cut her down to her very soul.  
The ice dripping off of every syllable was a stab to her heart.  
She somehow managed to crawl in, quickly toeing off her shoes and pulling another one of the soft quilts up over her head, nestling as deep as she could.  
How she wished she had never met BB-8. How she had simply stayed there, sitting at her old AT-AT and looking at the Jakku sunset, ignoring his beeps of distress.  
But then, she would never have discovered this side of her. She would have always been alone. She would not have gotten to know Finn, Han, Chewie, Leia…  _And Ben._  
She would never have dared to care about anything or anyone, let alone dare to love.  
She remembered arriving at Naboo, the people applauding. For Leia. For them.  
Hope was alive, even now, when she and the other Rebels felt so defeated.  
She took a deep breath and willed herself to find herself again.  
Sure, she allowed herself to cry about being hurt as long as she needed to get it out of her system.  
But it would not bring her down. She was a scrapper. A scavenger from the Jakku desert.  
She had faced graver situations than this.  
So after she had allowed herself this moment of bawling her eyes out and feeling sorry for herself, she would shake it off and figure out a plan.  
She would never use her connection to Ben as a weapon.  
But the Galaxy be damned if she wasn’t going to make him feel her resentment about his behavior.  
Her sobbing subsided, the tears stopped rolling down her cheeks and she felt her entire body relax.  
Soon, blissful darkness descended upon her, providing her with the much needed sleep she so sorely had been lacking since since Varykino.  
The last coherent thought that crossed her mind was that she would find a way to make him realize how terribly he messed up…

 

Ben was in full Kylo Ren Mode.  
He couldn’t afford not to be.  
He was with his Knights. Hux and Phasma, who had fully recovered from her injuries on the Supremacy, were watching his every move and cameras were aimed at them, recording and transmitting everything through the Holonet. He couldn’t afford to make a single mistake.  
Once Queen Ferya had her servants guide them to their rooms, his mind wandered however.  
When they came to a junction of hallways, he briefly talked to one of the Storm Trooper Captains.  
“Captain Gabbet, escort the prisoners to their rooms.” He then turned towards the left and went down the hallway, preceeded by the queen’s servant and followed on his heels by his Knights and Hux and Phasma. Hux and Phasma and some of the other higher ranking officers were granted chambers lined along the hallway. The Knights and Kylo Ren were taken further down the hall to a cluster of rooms at the end, built in a semi-circle. The entire palace had round, almost dome-like appendages at several sections. This suited him and his Knights perfectly.  
They would be close by, providing both security and nearness, the architecture mimicking one of their battle stances.    
“Her Majesty hopes that these quarters will be to your liking, Supreme Leader.” The servant said timidly. “I’m sure they will be adequate. Has the Queen also provided us with an undisturbed, private training area as I requested?”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader.” The servant continued softly. “Her Majesty has arranged for the enclosed courtyard and the training facilities for the Naboo guards to be at your disposal whenever you wish, for the duration of your visit.”  
“Excellent.”  
He turned towards his Knights. All six of them regarded him calmly, awaiting his orders. He quickly reassessed them, mulling over their characters.  
Bade Ren, known as Monk, was the calm one.  
Always pensive, always one step ahead of the others. Collected, rational and the most reliable one. He preferred his time in solitude and meditation. For someone who was a Dark Warrior, he was still very much in tune with his Light side. A dangerous combination if ever there was one.  
Jens Ren, known as Sniper.  
His nickname came from his ability to use his rifle and being so light on his feet. He could sneak up on anyone, get a hit when it seemed impossible. He was quiet and intelligent, but sometimes arrogant when it came to his abilities.  
Ryoule Ren, was known as Armory.  
His love of weapons and his extensive collection were only exceeded by his loyalty to his master. He was the one with the most combat technique, the one with the most bloodlust. He was fierce in battle. Lethal. Good to have by one’s side in a fight. He enjoyed sparring immensely and loved to boast about his kills among his peers.  
Burr Ren, known as Heavy, was the loud one.  
Out of all his Knights, he could be considered as the most social. His bulky frame would automatically make people assume he was slow. The opposite was the case. He was light on his feet, his fighting style almost comparable to dancing. He used his physique to his advantage, either by confusing his opponents or by using its sheer size to intimidate and overpower.  
Ishwar Ren, known as Eager, stood directly to his left.  
His nickname came from his enthusiasm to get down to business. Always ready for a fight, extracting pleasure and energy from it. Whether it be sparring or actual combat, he was always the first to rush in.  
And then, to his right, stood Djaleesa Ren.  
Also known as Rogue. The only female warrior in their midst. Tall, lithe and feral. Aside from Monk, his most loyal Knight, she was also the most dangerous one. She was impulsive. Although never disobeying his orders directly, but she was very creative in her interpretation of them. She was wild, fierce, vindictive and downright enjoyed inflicting as much pain as she could. Out of all his Knights, she was the darkest of them all. She took risks at every opportunity, going “rogue” and putting herself on the line time and time again, when she believed it to be in the best interest of her brothers in arms. She had fought and clawed her way into the position she was in and instilled the most fear out of all of them. Even amongst themselves, the other Knights were careful not to anger her. Only Kylo himself was able to keep her in line. She was also the only one who was almost always called by her nickname, even in private.  
All were Force sensitive, but deliberately undertrained in their understanding and application of it.  
As he looked at them, he decided who he would send along with the servant to scout the training facilities.  
“Sniper, Eager.” He said sternly.  
“You two join this young man and inspect our training facilities. You will return and report to me. After that we can commence our first training session.”  
They put their fist to their chest and bowed their head as they simultaneously uttered: “Yes Master.”  
They were shown to their rooms, and Sniper and Eager quickly took off with the servant.  
Ben was restless, a result of taking on his Kylo Ren persona and his personal turmoil.  
Rey had been quiet. Too quiet. His words had wounded her deeply, and eventhough he didn’t want to admit it, he was sorry. He needed to put more distance between them, but _kriff_! Hurting her, seeing her so miserable because of his actions, was worse than anything he’d ever endured.  
He dumped his cloak on a nearby chair and walked back out of the room, not even sparing it a cursory glance.  
He’d been in this palace so often as a child, played in every room and hallway. Nothing had changed.  
He stood in the middle of the circular carpet, so lost in thought, he had not even noticed Rogue stepping out of her own room.  
“Master, you are troubled.” She said quietly, her voice but a soft rumbling through her vocoder.  
He looked up and she was standing close. _Too close…_  
“There is a lot on my mind.” He replied with a nod.  
He felt her narrow her gaze at him.  
“Forgive me, Master. But I sense it has to do with one of the prisoners.”  
Once again, her voice was quiet, soft, as if she was trying to keep it between them.  
“With _that_ girl.”  
He felt his body tense and his mood become even fouler than before.  
“She is very strong with the Force. Her power will continue to grow. I feel that she poses a great threat. I do not trust her.”  
Her voice was suddenly infused with bitter contempt.  
Kylo Ren angled himself towards her, in his most intimidating pose and with a glare that burned through his visor.  
“I do not require you to trust her. I expect you to trust me.” He leaned in slightly, rasping through his mask.  “So trust me when I say the girl is of no concern. Yes, she is very powerful. But there is no need to worry. She is nothing I cannot handle.”  
He kept his emotions locked down, for Rogue was intuitive and would pick up on the slightest hesitation.  
And if there was one thing he wasn’t sure about, it was about being able to handle Rey.  
He sensed Rogue’s disagreement, but she was wise enough to not argue.  
“Forgive me, Master. I do not question your judgement.”  
He nodded and studied her with scrutinizing eyes.  
“I sense envy and resentment in you, Rogue.” He grated through clenched teeth, the sound menacing through his mask. “Such weakness will not do.”  
Rogue inclined her head and bowed slightly, as the others also emerged from their rooms one by one.  
They were soon joined by Eager and Sniper, and together they headed for the courtyard and training facilities.  
When they arrived, Kylo Ren nodded in approval.  
Both the courtyard and the indoor training room were large and spacious. No unnecessary clutter, no frills. Basic and well equipped.  
_This will do. This will do very well_. He thought to himself.  
He stood in the center of the indoor training facility, staring at his surroundings. He briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he felt his focus sharpen, a slight smile played with his lips.  
Without warning, he unclipped his lightsaber, thumbed it to life and launched at Jens in one fluid movement.  
The Knight was prepared. He blocked the attack but staggered back by the force behind the strike.  
Within the blink of an eye, the other Knights were poised to attack. They charged at him in unison, all coming from different sides. Before long, the silence was filled with the sounds of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber armor clashing, heavy breathing, grunts and battle cries.  
They fought him in group, the threat of six-to-one thrilling and exciting. They fought each other as if it were real combat, getting nicks and scrapes in the process.  
They slashed at each other with their staffs, their swords, their daggers, never striking true, but close enough for it to be dangerous. They dealt out blows and kicked, fighting dirty.  
They were all Force sensitive and trained to fight together, to complement each other, to be one in battle. They knew the next series of attacks instinctively, anticipating them. Effectively blocking them before they were wounded severely.  
Blow after blow after blow, they continued their sparring, exerting themselves.  
Kylo Ren felt his confidence return. Felt his power in the Force hum and throb in his veins. Felt his focus grow with every hit, felt his anger and his pain and his despair channeled with every strike, felt his power manifest with every swing of his lightsaber.  
They had been training for over an hour, but instead of growing weary or tired, he became fiercer. Stronger. More determined. His purpose renewed.  
He hadn’t felt this alive and powerful since…  
_The Supremacy.  
When Rey and I took on the Praetorians._  
Just like that, his attention slipped and he got nicked in the upper arm by Rogue’s blade.  
 And he heard her…  
_Ben!_  
His name was said with a sense of alarm, a sense of pain and anguish, which raised his own sense of urgency.  
Was she in trouble? Was she hurt? What if Hux had gone back?  A thousand thoughts ran through his brain, confusing him.  
He held up his arm, balling his fist to signal his Knights to halt their training.  
He removed his mask, and his Knights did the same.  
He cocked his head and listened again.  
Nothing.  
He frowned and reached out through their Bond.  
Nothing. Just a low hum, as if their link was open, but not actively used. He pushed a little harder, reached a little further. He could feel her. She was sleeping. Dreaming.  
_Dreaming of me…  
“Tell me you lied. Please, Ben._ _Please tell me you’re lying.”_ _Her voice sounded pained._  
Just like that, he tapped into her dreams, and felt her pain, her heartache slam into him. And then he felt her determination slam in place. She would keep him out. He took a step back from the sheer Force of it.  
Rogue, who stood in front of him, tilted her head in confusion.  
“Master? Are you allright?”  
He looked up and stared into her bright green eyes. For the first time since she joined them, did he look at her as a man looked at a woman. And she was breathtakingly beautiful. Skin as pale as his own but her complexion was flawless, a perfect oval face with high cheekbones graced with a pretty pink flush from her training. Her long curls, the color of brightly stoked fire, fell over her shoulders down to her waist. Green eyes sparkling with the remnants of adrenaline and just the hint of concern.  
She truly was a beauty.  
But she wasn’t Rey. His thoughts instantly wandered towards a bedroom in one of the upstairs corridors, where he knew her to be sleeping.  
_My Rey..._  
A pang of need coursed through him. The need to be with her, to hold her, to beg her forgiveness.  
Once again, he realized in how deep of a mess he had gotten himself.  
She would be the death of him.  
He brieftly closed his eyes, willing his focus to come back, to hang on to his role as Master.  
“Here you stand before me, the mighty Knights of Ren.” He started with an iron voice.  
The Knights all squared their shoulders and raised their chins.  
“Recite your oaths, my Knights.” He droned. It was a habit after their sparring to let them repeat their oaths, to remind them of their allegiance.  
The Knights dropped down on one knee, placing their hand over their hearts.  
“"I hereby pledge my allegiance to the Knights Of Ren, And to kill or be killed for whatever reason appropriate to let the Knights stay triumphant. My loyalty lies with my Leader, the Master of the Knights of Ren. He guides us with his wisdom and his passion. I shall obey his orders, never shall I doubt his judgement. This Oath of Strength will be my creed. Peace is a lie. There is only Passion. Through Passion, I gain Strength. Through Strength, I gain Power. Through Power, I gain Victory. Through Victory, my chains are broken. The Force will set me free. Through these oaths, I am bound to the Knights of Ren. In unison, we will stand, we will conquer, we will be immortal.”  
“Session adjourned. We will return to our quarters. Freshen up. We have a long day ahead of us. Rise, my Knights.”  
He watched Rogue’s mouth flatten in disagreement, but like the others she got off her knee, merely put her hand over her heart and bowed.  
They quickly put their masks back on and returned to their chambers.  
Before entering his room, he reached out across the Bond again. She was awake now. But at the first caress against her mind, he felt her push him out. Her defenses came down like the blow of a hammer, shutting him out effectively.  
He felt his anger swell in his chest at the ferocity with which she had rejected him, at the way she had denied him access to their connection.  
He motioned one of the Storm Trooper Captains near.  
“How may I serve you, Supreme Leader?”  
“Bring me the Jedi Girl. Now.” He all but growled.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> What do you think???  
> There's a lot of stuff coming up, most importantly Leia's funeral.  
> I'm curious to see how that's going to evolve!  
> And I'm just as curious as you are about the Knights of Ren.  
> I was very heavily inspired by an article that I read online about them. Eventhough it's not an official Star Wars sourced article, there were many points that I could definitely agree with.  
> If you are interested in my inspiration, here's the link: http://robloxfirstorder.wikia.com/wiki/The_Knights_of_Ren
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter by leaving me a comment!  
> And don't forget to do this for any other author whose story you might like. You may not fully realize this is what we sometimes need to keep going! 
> 
> x  
> B


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a member of a lovely fic rec group on Facebook, and they have very generously voted my story to be featured in a collective read-along event.  
> I am honored and blessed and I hope that I don't let anybody down.  
> So I would like to take the opportunity to thank the admins and everyone who voted for my story.  
> I am blessed for your support.

Rey awoke from her deep slumber and felt him reach out through their Bond. His mind touched hers in the gentlest of caresses, almost asking for her permission to do so.  
Remembering her decision to make him feel her displeasure, she slammed down her mental defenses and pushed him from her thoughts roughly.  
She knew it would anger him, and sure enough she felt his fury and his sense of rejection course through her as if it were her own.  
Since Varykino, since joining her body with his - along with her mind and her heart, their Bond had only grown stronger. Sometimes she had trouble discerning her own emotions from his, interwoven as they were.  
She would sometimes be overcome with sensation, with emotion, not knowing where it came from.  
And then she would realize that it was his experience she was feeling too.  
It was confusing and annoying, but somehow it was also comforting.  
After the loneliness on Jakku, after a lifetime of seeking belonging, she somehow felt happy and safe knowing she had this unbreakable connection with him, that he would always be there.  
Even if she didn’t always want him to.  
As his anger reverberated in their Bond, she knew that he would summon her.  
She got off the bed, straightened the covers and sat down in the middle of the room in her meditation pose. The guards would be here soon to take her, she might draw upon the Force to strengthen her determination.  
She guided herself through the steps Ben had taught her first on Starkiller and that were perfected by Luke’s teachings. Before long, she was in that peaceful state where she could feel, hear, taste and sense the Force flow through her and all living things around her.  
And she had been right.  
Before long, her door was opened without warning and a small group of Storm Troopers entered her room.  
“The Supreme Leader requests your presence.” Their Captain said simply.  
She nodded and got off the floor in one fluid movement.  
She lifted her wrists up in a submissive gesture, not wanting to complicate matters even more than they already were.  
Recent events had made her realize that these Storm Troopers were in fact just men and women, doing as they were told. Brainwashed, raised to do one thing only: to obey their commanders, to serve and take orders. Finn had shown her that they were human, that they too could be valuable.  
The Captain flinched as she walked up, but quickly recovered.  
He clasped the restraints on her offered wrists and she was taken down the corridor.  
_Stay strong, Rey. Keep up your defenses. He will not get the upper hand today._  
She repeated these words in her head over and over.  
The walk to his chambers did not take long.  
When they arrived, his door was open.  
He was standing near his bed with a woman mere inches apart. She was clad in black, but her long curls were a vibrant red. Not like Hux’s monotone color. These locks were the color of all-consuming fire, shimmering bright in the sunshine that shone through the windows. Her complexion was fair and unblemished, as if she had not seen the sun in years.  
They heard them approach and looked up. The woman had the most beautiful face Rey had ever seen. Eyes the color of emeralds, sharp and hard as durasteel shreds locked with hers.  
They pierced her, her gaze narrowing and clearly communicating distrust and raw hatred.  
_The Knight…_  
She would have recognized that burning glare anywhere, even without the protection of her visor. She had not expected her to be so beautiful, however.  
She blinked at the surge of an unfamiliar emotion that passed through her at the sight of the woman standing so close to Ben.  
_The cad is smiling at her!_    
Something feral and wild clawed at her insides, and her need to attack the woman was almost overwhelming.  
She tamped it down, regarding both her and Ben with cold indifference. She kept her mental walls up, struggling to keep her feelings in check.  
She succeeded.  
Sort of.  
It continued to churn inside. But she managed not to show it.  
“Supreme Leader, the Jedi Girl, as you requested.” The Trooper said as he knocked on the door, unnecessarily indicating their arrival.  
“Let her come in.”

Ben took off his mask as soon as he entered his chambers. He went into his adjoining fresher, splashing water on his face and neck. He squeezed his eyes with his fingers, trying to quell his anger.  
It would not do to get worked up again.  
He heard a knock at the door.  
He quickly dried his face and hands, still encased by his leather gloves, and walked over to the middle of the room.  
“Come in.” he growled.  
The door opened, but the sight that greeted him from the other side was not what he had expected.  
“Rogue?” he asked blandly.  
“Forgive me, Master.” She said as she bowed her head in deference. “May I enter?”  
Confusion entered his mind, but he kept his thoughts shielded.  
“Of course.” He said and continued to walk towards his bed.  
Rogue entered and was about to close the door.  
“Leave it.” He said briskly.  
“I’m expecting someone.”  
“Yes, Master.” She said meekly as she let go of the door handle and took a few steps further in the room. _  
Too meekly…_  
After a moment of silence, Ben decided to get answers to the questions in his head.  
“Why are you here, Rogue?” he asked as halted near his bed.  
She looked up at him, those green eyes sparkling.  
“Master, forgive my impudence.” She said as she briefly averted her eyes again.  
“But I need to speak with you.” Her eyes found his once more.  
“I sense much distress in you. Great conflict. I all but fear that you are not yourself in more ways than one.” She stepped closer, cramping his personal space, stopping only inches away.  
_She is much taller than Rey is_.  
Strange that this was the only thought that crossed his mind as he looked at her.  
“Master, I worry. I feel that you are distracted and blind to the danger that I sense coming. “  
She gazed into his face and tried to convey her sentiment.  
She adored her Master. Probably more than she should. But the Dark Side gained great power from passion. And she would do anything for him.  
He just stared at her without showing any sign of his own distress, even if she could feel it build.  
“It is the Girl. I am sure of it. She is the reason why you are troubled. She is very powerful, the Force is extremely strong with her. I feel she poses a great threat for all we stand for. She could bring ruin upon us all.” Rogue sounded softer than she ever had without the vocoder. Her voice was almost imploring.  
There was a stubborn tilt to her chin, but as always he was not impressed.  
“What makes you think this?” he said in a low menacing voice.  
“What gives you the right to question my motives?” he continued through gritted teeth.  
“What does or does not trouble me, what or who has me conflicted is none of your concern.” He spoke softly, his voice barely above a whisper. But it was more than he needed to reach her. Her nearness and the quiet of his chamber more than making up for the hushed tone he used.  
“I owe you no explanations, Rogue. But since I am in generous mood, I’ll provide one nonetheless… I am now more than just the Master of the Knights of Ren. I am the Supreme Leader, ruler of the Greater Galaxy. A ricocheted blaster bolt ruined my initial plans for the Resistance scum I have deterred. I had to reassess and alter my method of Operations to gain a similar effect.” He took half a step closer, leaning in intimidatingly.  
“The Girl is a distraction indeed, but not great enough to deter me from my goal.”  
_Liar!_ His brain screeched.  
“She is indeed very powerful. The Force is indeed very strong with her. I intend to turn her. When she turns, she will be a great asset to our ranks.”  
He straightened again, lifting his chin and looking down at her haughtily.  
“They all will be. Or they will be dead.”  
Rogue frowned, her disagreement reflecting in those emerald depths and in the flattening of her lips.  
“Master, there is more to this than meets the eye.”  
“Then I will unveil it, Rogue.” He said with half a smirk.  
A knock sounded and they both looked up simultaneously.  
“Supreme Leader, the Jedi Girl, as you requested.” The Trooper said as he knocked on the door, unnecessarily indicating their arrival. He had already felt her Force signature, felt the tug in his chest from their Bond, felt her nearness in his soul.  
“Let her come in.” he said clearly.  
The Troopers escorted her inside the room, making her wait in the middle of the large area rug.  
“Is there anything else you desire, Supreme Leader?” The Trooper asked politely.  
“No. Take your men and leave us.” He said as his eyes wandered to where Rey was standing.  
He felt his body respond to her despite his will.  
He tried to reign in his reaction, especially with Rogue standing so close.  
“Jedi?” The redhead sneered viciously.  
Her eyes skimmed over Rey with blatant disgust.  
“I thought we killed them all…” she said sassily, her face contorting as if she had tasted something foul and disgusting. She turned back and then found Ben’s eyes again. She searched them, knowing full well she would not find the answers she sought in his steady and aloof gaze.  
“Guess you’re not as mighty as urban legends make you out then. You missed one…”  
She turned back to Rey, sizing her up. Rey simply stared back with an eyebrow lifted haughtily.  
Ben sensed Rogue’s violence building. She was his Knight, they had sworn to protect him. And Rogue was fiercely protective of him. She would not hesitate to cut down anyone who even looked at him in a way that did not please her without remorse. He needed to deflect it, before it got out of hand.  
“Rogue!” He said sternly.  
She turned her attention back to him.  
“Yes, Master.” she said demurely.  
“Enough. Return to your chambers. Meditate on these things you have sensed.” He said with authority ringing in his voice.  
“We will talk about this when you have more clarity on the subject. It will not do to speculate.”  
His eyes darted to Rey quickly, before flickering back to her.  
“Now leave us. We have matters to discuss.  
“Yes, My Master.” Rogue said with venom in her words. He knew she did not like to be dismissed like this. Knew she hated to have her opinion swept off the table like this. To be disregarded like this.  
But it was nothing he could not handle.  
He watched as she bowed with her fist over her chest, then caught her glare when her gaze locked with Rey’s.  
Rogue’s outright and undisguised resentment made him grit his teeth, but she did as he requested and left the room, closing the door with a loud click.  
Ben stared at Rey and felt both his anger and his insecurity grow.  
He had let impulse make the decision for him by having her summoned. But now that she was here, he had no idea how to proceed. But as he looked at her, at that emotionless expression and that defiant lift of her chin he had come to recognize as her trademark, he felt his anger at her rejection bubble up again.  
His feet moved closer to her out of their own volition.  
He stopped less than one foot away, staring down into her face.  
_Sweet Maker, she is beautiful._  
He shielded the thought, but he couldn’t quite keep the appreciative gleam from his eyes.  
Even with her hideous orange prisoner uniform, her hair disheveled and her red-rimmed eyes, she was still the most beautiful creature this Galaxy had ever seen.  
“You will not deny me access to our Bond like that again.” He said coolly.  
She merely arched an eyebrow.  
“Oh?” she retorted dryly.  
The muscle under his eye twitched, and she sensed his anger build.  
“We were connected by the Force for a reason. You will not deny me that right.”  
She had to take a deep breath to maintain her calm.  
“I do not call it a right. I call it a privilege. A prerogative.” She said with a pointed look.  
_You don’t get to call me that anymore. You lost that prerogative…  
_ His own words were thrown back in his face and he narrowed his eyes at her.  
“Really? Is it? And you think you have the privilege to keep that prerogative from me? That it is your choice to make?” his voice became a harsh whisper.  
“Yes.” She said simply.  
“What makes you think that?”  
She swallowed. She needed her strength, now more than ever.  
“That connection is a link to my heart and soul. It gives away my thoughts, my emotions, my intent. I can only grant such a privilege to someone who is worthy of them.”  
He drew in a sharp breath and his eyes widened. His face contorted into a semblance of uncontrollable rage.  
“And you deem me unworthy, now do you?” he hissed.  
“I do.”  
He swallowed at her curt reply.  
She seemed completely dispassionate! Completely closed off.  
_Like on Crait…_  
His stomach dropped. His heart missed a beat. Fear crawled at his insides. Fear that he had lost her.  
He pretended to be just as unmoved.  
He lowered his gaze and reached out.  
His hands touched her restraints and they came off with a single soft snap. As he removed them, his fingertips brushed her wrists briefly.  
Their gazes locked again.  
He took a deep breath and pursed his lips in that endearing way.  
She steeled herself from the onslaught of emotions that coursed through her at that small contact.  
“And here I was, thinking that you thought I could be redeemed…” he whispered coldly as he dropped his hands.  
Hurt flashed in her eyes briefly, so fleeting he would have missed it if he hadn’t been watching her so closely.  
“That makes two of us.” She replied in kind.  
It was his turn to expose a sliver of pain as her words cut him. He lifted his chin haughtily.  
He snorted.  
“So you’ve changed your mind. I can’t be saved?” he asked softly, his eyes searching hers.  
He hated the flicker of hope that persisted in his chest. That tiny flutter that craved to hear her say that she wished he would still turn. That she still believed he could. It surprised and shocked him, how much he needed her to believe in him still.  
“Not by me.”  
Her words were like a slap to the face, burning across his skin as badly as her lightsaber once had.  
They stared at each other for a few moments.  
Tense minutes of silence stretched between them, uncomfortable and unnerving.  
Determination and sheer stubbornness made him break that impasse.  
“You cannot deny this, Rey.” He said softly.  
“This is bigger than both of us. We both know it. Impossible to fight…” his voice trailed off and his gaze dropped to her lips. She felt the longing in him. It mirrored her own. But she shielded herself from his prying.  
“Impossible to ignore…” His hand reached up and cupped her cheek so gently it made her eyes sting with unshed tears.  
“Impossible to break…” He whispered tenderly as he leaned down, fully intending to brush his lips with hers.  
Every fiber of her being yearned for it. Craved his kiss. To have the proof that he had been lying when he said he couldn’t love her. But if she let him kiss her, she would never make her statement. Never get the message across.  
If he wanted any kind of future for the two of them, he could not treat her like he did.  
She may come from nothing, Scavenger Scum from the hellhole of Jakku, but she deserved better than this.  
She twisted her face from his grasp.  
“I will try.” She bit back vehemently.  
He flinched and pulled back abruptly. And in that moment, she stared into the eyes of Ben Solo. The Ben Solo, whose hand she had touched on Ahch-to, who had stolen her heart and who was buried underneath so many layers of guilt and pain and despair it was all but impossible to resurface.  
He didn’t understand. And then the realization slowly dawned on him.  
And she watched the layers slip back into place one by one, until Kylo Ren was in control once more.  
“You can try. But the only way to break a Force Bond is through death.” He said matter-of-factly.  
“And even after that, you’ll never be the same. You’ll be left with a wound more painful than anything else ever could be. Like a part of your soul is ripped out viciously. It’s a phantom pain, one you’ll never be able to shake.”  
Her luscious mouth flattened into a grim line and her eyes flashed, despite her attempt at calm.  
“Then it won’t be much different from someone telling you they love you, only to then tell you that they never could.” She said icily with the lift of an eyebrow.  
She watched as he did that thing with his mouth again.  
He stepped closer and leaned towards her once more.  
“I’ve told you before, I can take whatever I want…”  
The words were whispered just a hair’s breadth away from her lips.  
“No.” she breathed. “You’ll only take what I am willing to give…”  
He brushed his lips against hers, unable to fight temptation any longer.  
For a moment, time seemed to stand still.  
Their lips touched, and their connection hummed. The Force seemed to sing and throb around them, almost rejoicing at their nearness.  
The desire to thread her fingers in his hair almost overwhelmed her. She longed for him to prove that he did care. She craved his affection like a desert flower craved the rain.  
It was exactly that desire that made her resolve harden.  
She turned her head, breaking the kiss.  
She felt his surprise through their Bond. Then his sense of rejection. Then his anger.  
His fingers caught her chin, forcing her to face him.  
Her stubborn gaze found his.  
He studied her face intently. What he saw, made his heart squeeze painfully.  
_I won’t do this anymore._  
“I wish to return to my room.” She said quietly.  
He watched her closely a little longer, then nodded. Pressing the intercom, he summoned the Troopers.  
They were quick and took her away.  
She left without looking back.  
_Kriff!_ He thought, shoving a hand through his hair as he went to stand near the window.  
A chuckle sounded from behind him.  
“That didn’t really go as planned, now did it?” a familiar voice rung clear in the silent room.  
He turned and his eyes all but bugged out.  
_No… That can’t be…_  
“You?”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A major shoutout to my Reylo-bestie, Silmea, once more.  
> Brilliant author and my Beta. Nothing gets posted until she's given her consent! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'll be working really hard on the next one and I hope you guys will stick around to find out what happens next. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter by leaving me a comment.  
> Your feedback encourages me to keep going! 
> 
> x  
> B


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The read-along project isn't finished yet, but I couldn't contain myself any longer...   
> Sorry!!!! 
> 
> Anyway, for those of you who are curious, I will put the link below to the wonderful Facebook community who is hosting the read-along.   
> If you love reading/writing Reylo fanfics, maybe this is a group for you!   
> If you join up, don't forget to participate in the read-along. There's probably still a chance to hop on the read-along-train... 
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/groups/1955640234755637/
> 
> Enjoy!

_No, this cannot be happening…  
_ Ben’s face twisted into a grimace when he recognized the figure reclining on his large bed.  The blue hue that surrounded him did nothing to lessen Ben’s reaction. His anger flared as it always did.   
“You?” he barked out through clenched teeth.   
His hand immediately hovered over his lightsaber instinctively.   
A chuckle sounded in the otherwise deadly silence.  
“You know it’s pointless, kid. You can’t kill what’s already gone.”  
Luke’s voice rang crystal clear, his amusement sounding through each word.   
The muscles underneath Ben’s left eye and around his mouth contracted, a sure sign of his fury.   
“What do you want?” he growled.   
Luke sighed and sat up straighter.   
“I could ask you the same question…” He asked quietly.   
“What are you doing, Ben?” He sighed.   
Ben’s mouth pursed as he narrowed his eyes.   
“Why won’t you admit it, at least to yourself, that this is not what it’s cracked up to be?”  
He watched in surprised horror as his uncle called him out on his biggest secret.   
He had thought being in control would be worth it. Be worth everything he’d killed and fought for. Worth everything he had denied himself over the past years.   
But it wasn’t. Not even close. It had been fun for a little while. But it wasn’t as fulfilling as he had thought it would be.  
_Not without Rey._  
“You’re wasting your time.” Ben snapped.   
“Haven’t you tormented me enough? Must you continue to harrass me, even in death?” He whispered vehemently, knowing that if anyone overheard him, they would think him insane.   
Luke sighed, his shoulders sagged.   
“I warned you that if you struck me down in anger, I would always be with you.” His blue lined figure got off of the bed and took a few steps in Ben’s direction, instantly putting the last one’s guard up.   
“Relax, kid.” He heard Luke say. “I’m dead. Not that much I can do from the Beyond, now can I?”  
He lifted his eyebrow and continued in that sarcastic tone that he had claimed his trademark years ago.   
“I’m not Master Yoda. Now there’s a fire-starter!” Luke laughed at what appeared to be an inside joke. Ben’s lips turned down in distaste. Luke didn’t seem the least bit fazed. He continued as if nothing out of the ordinary had been mentioned.   
“Besides, I’m not here to haunt you. Trust me. I’m just here to make you question your chosen path.”  
“Oh really?” Ben interjected.   
“Yeah.” Luke said calmly. “Really.”  
Ben snorted in dismay and rolled his eyes.   
“You know, it really is a shame…” Luke said so quietly it was hard to hear. His voice trailed off and he started shaking his head slowly.   
“What is?” Ben asked angrily.   
“That you don’t recognize what a gift you’ve been given. If only you would embrace your true self and the truth that entails, you could fulfill your destiny.” He said as he stared into the dark eyes of the boy he had once known.   
Said dark eyes conveyed boredom and contempt.   
“Could you be a little more cryptic?” he said sarcastically.   
Luke had the audacity to chuckle.  
“Well, I would be if I thought you'd be smart enough to decipher it’s true meaning, but the way you've been going about things lately makes me wonder if you take more after Han's side of the family after all....”  
Ben’s eyes narrowed and Luke was certain that if he wasn’t already dead, his nephew would sure try to achieve that goal.  
Ben let out a roar of frustration, thumbed his lightsaber to life and swung wildly at Luke’s Force Ghost.   
The blade went straight through him, of course, making Ben stumble slightly because there was nothing to stop his forward motion.   
Luke rolled his eyes and let out a long exhale.   
“Careful, kid. You’re gonna pull a muscle if you’re not careful…”  
He saw fury flash across Ben’s face, heard the growl rumbling in the back of his throat and was absolutely certain Ben would hurt himself in his frantic need to get back at him. Which was impossible, since he was already dead… He needed to diffuse the situation. Now. He sighed deeply.  
“Look, it’s pretty simple. Put the lightsaber away and I’ll explain.” He said calmly.   
He spread his legs and clasped his hands in front of him, the epitome of patience.   
He watched as Ben took several deep breaths, his nostrils flaring in an attempt to collect himself.   
When he turned the lightsaber off at last, Luke released a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.   
He launched into his explanation in what he hoped sounded like a rational tone of voice.  
“Here you have this girl. Beautiful, smart, talented. Strong with the Force. Passionate. Impulsive. Stubborn. Your equal in all aspects.” He said and cocked his head. He could tell by the flattened line of Ben’s mouth and the narrowing of the boy’s eyes that he had his full attention.  
“She’s willing to risk everything for you, goes against every grain of common sense just because she sees something in you that most people aren’t even willing to look for. More than you care to see yourself.”   
He watched as Ben’s facial muscles twitched again.   
He secretly smiled. It was so incredibly obvious. These kids loved each other. They were two halves of the same whole. They would be able to balance things out.   
_IF_ he could get his lughead of a nephew to use his brain, that is…  
“She’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more. And yet you push her away time and time again. And what for?”  
Ben’s mouth worked, pursing and trembling, he hated that it did. It was a sign of weakness.  
Snoke had often ridiculed him for his ‘soft face’, that he was unable to keep emotions from showing. One of the many reasons he had worn his mask for so long.   
“Who says she is?” He said defiantly, unwilling to concede.   
Again, Luke rolled his eyes.   
“Oh, Ben, please…” he said with a distinctive bored undertone.   
“Did you forget I walked in on your little patty-cake scene?” He asked with a little lift of his eyebrows.   
His blue gaze homed in on Ben’s face, noticing how the boy’s Adam’s apple suddenly bobbed up and down furiously. The faintest flush graced his cheekbones. The kid was an open book.   
“The thing is…” he continued as if Ben hadn’t valiantly tried to dissuade Luke’s line of thought, “you were always such a bright kid. To be so incredibly obtuse now, seems a little strange to me.”  
“Enough.” Ben snapped.   
“I don’t know what your point is, Luke, but I can tell you this. You. Will. Leave. Now.”  
 He ground out every syllable through clenched teeth.   
“You will leave me alone. You will stay out of my business. You will stay out of my life. As of this moment, you will just be dead and nothing more. Understood?”  
Luke smiled in that annoying way of his.   
“Sorry, kid. That won’t be possible. Not unless you see the error of your ways. At the very least where Rey is concerned. I’ll cut you some slack on the whole ‘I want to rule the Galaxy-thing’. For now.”  
He sighed deeply as he watched Ben’s eyes burn furiously.   
“Look…”, he started as he lifted his hands up in surrender, “Just try to be a little nicer to her. Remember that she’s on your side. She will have your back, even when you don’t think she will.”  
His eyes became apologetic as he searched his nephew’s troubled gaze.   
“She loves you, but you can’t keep treating her like that. A woman like her won’t stand to be treated poorly for long. She knows she deserves better than that. You’ll end up losing her. And we both know that’s the last thing you want.”  
Ben’s eyes flashed, his entire body trembled with pent-up rage.   
“You don’t have a clue about what I want.” He spat through gritted teeth.   
A lopsided grin graced Luke’s face as he repeated himself once more.   
“Remarkable. Every word in that sentence was wrong…”   
His eyebrows lifted and he continued softer.  
“And we both know it. See ya around, kid. I’ll be back soon.” He winked and then faded.   
Ben was left in the middle of his room, feeling agitated and angry.   
_Kriff, but he was right.  
_ Deep down inside he knew Luke was right. He didn’t want to lose her.  
The desire to lash out, to destroy coursed through him, but he was able to contain it.   
He frowned and walked up to the window. Staring out at the city, with it’s blue-green rooftops, it’s wide avenues and lush greenery, he tried to calm himself. Watched as the river glistened in the sunlight of the slowly setting sun and let the scene imbed itself in his mind.   
So different from space. So different from Coruscant or Jakku or Dantooine.   
Naboo was a remnant of the old republic, with that ancient air of civilization and refinement still alive and thriving.   
A bright jewel in the crown that was the galaxy. It really was beautiful.   
_Like a certain stubborn Scavenger…  
_ His mind drifted back to Rey.   
_“No. You’ll only take what I am willing to give…”  
_ Her words still pierced his soul.   
What if she wasn’t willing to give him anything anymore?   
What if she gave up on him?   
What would he do then?   
His heart squeezed. He closed his eyes and reached out to her. Tugged on their connection as gently as he could. He felt her tug back almost subconsciously, right before he felt her retreat with ferocity.   
He felt her anger and her dismay through their Bond, even when she closed herself off this way.   
Luke was right.   
She would not stand to be treated like that. And he really didn’t want to treat her that way either. It went against everything he felt whenever he was with her.  
She _did_ deserve better than that. He just couldn’t help himself…   
But what if she grew tired and decided that he wasn’t worth the trouble anymore?   
He opened his eyes again and felt determination harden his heart.   
He would find a way.   
She belonged with him. He’d seen it. Time after time again, he’d had visions of her, of their future together.   
It had been solid and clear. She’d stand with him, by his side. His Queen, his Empress, his Goddess.   
His Love.   
He was no longer afraid to admit it to himself. He loved her. She belonged with him.   
He lifted his chin and spun on his heel, stalking towards the door.   
His mind was made up.   
Nothing would stop him now.   
He would find a way.   
  
  
The sun hung low in the sky, a brilliant sunset painting the city in glorious shades of red, orange and pink.   
Rey stood near the window, watching the sight before her silently.   
She was awestruck.   
It was unlike anything she had ever seen before. Sunsets on Jakku had been quick, it’s pastel colors only briefly transforming the sky before total darkness fell.   
The sunsets on Ahch-To were different as well. It was always reflected on the ocean. And it was rare, since it was cloudy or rained most of the time anyway.   
This…   
This was breathtaking. It transformed the entire city, washing it in different colors and making it look even warmer, more appealing.   
_Like Ben’s eyes when he smiles…  
_ The thought crept up on her out of nowhere. It threw her off balance. She tried her best not to think of him. Hated the fact that she did not succeed much. Whenever her mind quieted at last, memories and thoughts of him crept in when her defenses were down. Usually when she was incapable of keeping her walls up.   
She kept reliving that moment when she had walked up to his room and saw him standing there with the female knight. He had been smiling at the beautiful redheaded woman.   
Once more, she felt a foreign feeling creep in. It made her angry, set her teeth on edge. It was a strange sensation, and one she wasn’t particularly fond of. She tried to shake it, tried to redirect her thought, but to no avail. Her gut churned and twisted as she thought of the implications.   
The problem was taken out of her hands when her door opened without warning.   
Several Storm Troopers rushed in, holding restraints.   
She sighed and stepped away from the window with her wrists outstretched once more.   
This was growing tiresome. The difference with the last time was that now not a word was said. No explanation was offered.   
She was escorted out of her room and into the hallway, only to see her friends being taken from their rooms in a similar fashion.   
The small band of Rebels were then taken from their rooms and ushered down the palace corridors in absolute silence.   
After several minutes, they arrived at a large inner courtyard. A pretty fountain gurgled on one wall, several potted plants were scattered around the edges. The center of the courtyard was bathed in the light of the setting sun.   
A sense of foreboding slithered down her spine, and it was amplified when she saw the Knights of Ren standing in the shadows of the overhanging walkway.   
They were watching them with scrutiny, eyeing every movement. Their weapons were drawn, ready to pounce at the slightest provocation.  
She felt their curious gazes on her skin. Her attention was drawn to the female Knight – the one Ben had referred to as Rogue.   
Her hatred pierced Rey as if it were a lance of sword.   
Rey frowned, wondering where it came from. She felt something deep inside her echo Rogue’s sentiments.  
_Don’t worry, Rogue. I don’t like you either…_  
A movement caught her from the corner of her eye, and she watched as Ben emerged from those same shadows. He walked out into the center of the courtyard and Rey felt her heart contract violently.   
The way he had stepped out of the shadows, into the light, with such determination… The way the light from the setting sun glinted off his hair, the way the pink rays illuminated his handsome face, making it seem softer somehow…   
Her breath caught and tears pricked at the back of her eyelids.   
_If only he could step into the Light so easily in other ways…  
_ She felt something, a feeling and her eyes unwillingly searched for its source.   
They landed on Rogue.   
Despite the mask covering the redhead’s face, she could feel the woman’s gaze narrowing. She knew the knight had sensed her emotions, just as she had sensed hers.   
She swallowed and kept meeting her gaze, too stubborn to look away.   
She didn’t break the eye contact until Ben’s voice sounded in the air.   
“You are granted forty minutes today. You are allowed to spend it here, under the surveillance of both the Troopers and my Knights.” He said coldly.   
Rey’s eyes flew up to his face with a surprised frown.   
_He is still keeping the bargain?_ She mused.   
She watched as he nodded once and several Troopers stepped forward to unclasp their restraints.  
“I will take this moment to brief you on tomorrow’s events.” He continued calmly when they were done.   
“General Organa’s funeral is scheduled at two pm, standard time. You are allowed to be present for it, provided that you keep quiet and not cause any disturbance. My men will come for you at one pm standard time. You will be presentable. You will be subdued. You will show her your respect by obeying these rules, or you will be removed. Quite possibly with force. Do I make myself clear?”  
He seemed the very semblance of control.   
But Rey knew he was feeling anything but.   
His emotions were bouncing all over their Bond, she felt every single sentiment as if it were blown out of proportion. Her heart went out to him, despite the lingering anger that coursed through her.   
His eyes met hers then and she felt the contact flash through her like lightning.   
Her body responded instantly.   
Her mouth parted involuntarily, her breath hitched and her heart skipped a beat.   
For the briefest of seconds, she saw a similar effect in his face. But it disappeared just as quickly.  
“When the funeral is over, you will be returned to your chambers. You will then be given twenty-four hours to contemplate your future.” He continued in an icy tone.   
“You have two options.” His eyes found hers again and the intensity she saw reflected there caused goosebumps to break out across her skin.   
“You will either choose to join us. Or refuse and face the consequences. There is no alternative.”  
A shiver ran down her spine. That sense of foreboding niggled at her again.   
She swallowed hard but didn’t break eye contact. She felt deep down in her bones that he was mainly referring to her.   
“Time starts now.” He said clearly. Then turned on his heel and walked out of the courtyard, stopping briefly to speak with two of his Knights before stalking down the walkway back into the palace without looking back.   
She took a deep breath, feeling Rogue’s furious gaze on her the entire time.   
She ignored it and walked over to her friends, joining them on the soft grass.   
They exchanged hugs, embracing each other. Poe pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.   
She felt Rogue’s fury directed at her again, but she ignored it.   
The Rebels sat down on the grass and started talking quietly. They collectively decided not to cause trouble at Leia’s funeral, already discussing their options. They needed a plan…   
Rey kept mostly quiet, contemplating their situation. All around her, opinions were voiced, but no solutions were found.  
Their time together went by quickly.   
The Knights stepped out of the shadows and one of them spoke calmly.   
“Your time is up. The moment had come to return to your chambers.”  
Rey frowned slightly.   
There was something about this Knight that made her feel… comfortable.   
The Troopers quickly put their restraints on.   
But instead of her usual entourage of six Storm Troopers, the two Knights Ben had talked to before leaving now fell into step next to her.   
She lifted an eyebrow.   
“Wow…” she said in a low tone. “I must have done something right to deserve this Elite company…”  
She felt rather than heard the near chuckle coming from one of the Knights.  
“Don’t flatter yourself, _Jedi.”_ She heard the female Knight sneer.   
“We simply follow our Master’s orders.”  
Rey turned around and gazed up into the woman’s mask. They stared each other down, neither relenting.   
“Rogue, enough!” the one Rey liked said sternly. She squared her shoulders and tilted her chin haughtily.   
“Our Master instructed us to make sure you are returned to your chambers.” He addressed Rey blandly.   
“So let’s go.”   
He grabbed Rey’s arm right above the elbow. The other Knight mimicked his movement. They disappeared around the corner, leaving Rogue staring after them with a low rumble grumbling in her throat.   
_I’ll show her…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so???? 
> 
> What do you guys think???   
> Let me know, cause I'm dying of curiosity!   
> This story is taking me places and I love drifting along the tide... 
> 
> x  
> B


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you tuning in:
> 
> First of all, just a friendly reminder to give your favorite authors the encouragement they deserve by leaving them kudos and commenting.  
> Leaving them a comment, dropping them a line and letting them know what you think is extremely important!  
> I am not just talking about myself (although I do graciously admit that I thoroughly enjoy reading and replying to your comments ;-P ).  
> But there are so many wonderful, talented writers out there who deserve all the love and encouragement they can get.  
> It would be a shame to see them give up on stories we all love and appreciate, simply because we give them the feeling that we don't care.  
> So please, please, please! let your favorite author know how you feel about their story and shower them with love and recognition! 
> 
> Furthermore, I just want to tell you guys I had a lot of fun with this chapter.  
> And I hope you enjoy it!

After their time together, hours seemed to stretch.  
They were taken back to their rooms. Their meals were brought to them. She picked at her food.  
Rey was still surprised over the fact that Ben had ordered two of his Knights to accompany her to her chambers.  
She was even more surprised by the one they called Monk. For some reason, she knew his name.  
She couldn’t rightly explain why, but she knew.  
There was just something about him that made her feel comfortable. Compared to the other Knights, he seemed… less hostile. She remembered what had happened earlier, trying to figure it out.  
  
_When they had arrived at her room, Sniper had stayed outside, waiting by the door. Monk had taken her inside to remove her restraints.  
She had felt boldness and curiosity creep into her bones, and she couldn’t help herself. She turned to face him.  
“You’re different than the others.” She said calmly, her chin lifted in defiance and her shoulders squared.  
“You treat me different. You look at me differently than the others do.” She continued matter-of-factly.  
“Why?” She whispered as she tilted her head slightly and narrowed her eyes.  
She felt his smirk behind his mask.  
“Because, Jedi…” he spoke softly, as if whispering back, but the sound was raspy through his vocoder, “I sense that you are as loyal to Our Master as we are, albeit for different reasons.”  
He took her restraints and did not step down.  
“Our loyalty is what binds us. It is part of our Power.” He cocked his head and she felt his eyes pierce her, trying to figure her out.  
“I am not a youngling, like the others are. I have been around for many years. I know more. I have seen more. And I recognize.” He narrowed his eyes through his mask.  
“And you will not fail him. I sense it.”  
Rey’s expression fell. She actually took a step back and swallowed hard.  
He smirked, producing a strange sound through the vocoder.  
“That doesn’t mean I will lower my guard.” He lifted his chin, and his next words sent a chill down her spine.  
“And neither should you. I’m probably the only one who feels this way.”  
He turned and walked up to the door. As he held the handle, he faced her once more.  
“Watch your back, Jedi.” And with that he left, closing the door on the way out_.  
  
The encounter kept creeping into her mind, and she was left confused. Restless.  
Why did the Knight give her the benefit of the doubt? How much did he know about her and Ben? Had Ben confided in him?  
_No, he would never do that! He wouldn’t confide in anyone…  
_ The sun’s last rays turned the horizon bright red, creating a beautiful bright purple haze between the horizon and the midnight blue of a sky studded with millions of stars. Even here, in this brightly lit capital, they were clearly visible.  
She sighed.  
How long had she been standing near that window, staring out into nothing?  
Still confused and feeling restless, she picked up Ben’s shirt – the one she had taken with her on Varykino - and quickly went into the bathroom. She decided to take a long shower, still feeling overwhelmed by such abundance of clean water.  
She turned the hot spray on, stripped down and stepped in.  
As the warm water pelted down, she allowed herself to cry, to let her emotions run free. They mingled with the water streaming down her face and she felt relief flood her slowly. She felt herself relax and her restlessness evaporated a little.  
When she felt like lingering longer would be absolutely sinful, she turned the water off.  
She toweled herself dry and put on Ben’s shirt, briefly burying her nose in it. It was soft and warm and his scent still clung to it, despite the week that had passed since she’d taken it. Tears threatened to overwhelm her again, so she distracted herself with finishing her evening routine. She quickly brushed her teeth with the supplies they had been provided with. She fumbled with her hair but managed to braid it as Emsil had taught her. It hung over her shoulder. The wet strands dripped onto her breast, and she was suddenly overcome with fatigue. She padded into her room and was brought up short.  
Her sharp intake of breath sounded loud in the silence.  
Her breathing quickened and her heartbeat accelerated. After a few moments of strained silence, she spoke up.  
“What are you doing here?”

 

After the Rebels had been given their speech, Ben had been in a brief meeting with Hux, Queen Ferya and several others in charge of the funeral tomorrow.  
The final details had been discussed, they had gone over the timeline again, painstakingly slowly. Spoke about the ceremony. Rehashed the security precautions again… and again… Everyone involved was briefed and knew what was expected of them.  
He had tried to concentrate.  
Really, he had done his best to focus, but his mind was constantly distracted.  
It drifted to his nights on the Finalizer after Crait. When he had thought his connection with Rey had been severed. When he had been alone – really alone! - in his own head for the first time in his life. To the desperation he had felt at Rey’s absence, his anger at her closing their Bond, the fear that had clawed at him at the thought he might never see her again. To every encounter and every fight they’d had since they met on Takodana all that time ago. To every truth he had begun to doubt since then. To every time the Light had tempted him, how the intensity had only increased every time. How bright it shone inside him whenever he was with her…  
His attention flitted around uncontrollably, barely touching one subject long enough for it to register before moving on to the next.  
Memories of his childhood, of killing Han, Snoke’s tortures, of Rey, of Luke, of his mother.  
His mother…  
_Kriff, I’m burying my mother tomorrow…  
_ The thought burned his brain, proving to be its own specific type of torture…  
When the meeting had ended, he had almost escaped the Board Room as if Snoke was alive again and looking for revenge…  
He went back to his quarters, seeking solitude to find the silence he needed to put his mind to rest.  
He ended up pacing the floor like a madman. His emotions, his thoughts and his memories granted him no peace. He needed to find a way to get past it.  
He needed release.  
He needed distraction.  
He needed…  
_Rey_.  
He needed Rey.  
It was as clear to him as the Naboo waters that flowed through the capitol.  
He needed her. To be with her. She was his center.  
Without another moment’s consideration, he walked out of his room, and stalked down the corridors.  
He came to Rey’s room, and cursed. He hadn’t thought about the two Storm Troopers guarding it.  
He had to think of something, quick.  
_A mind twist!_ He thought slyly, half a smile gracing his lips.  
He walked up to them, and squared his shoulders.  
“Supreme Leader!” They snapped to attention.  
He concentrated and reached out. He grabbed hold of their consciousness. Focused on bending their perceptive.  
“I am not here.” He said slowly.  
“You will continue to guard this door. You will ignore the sounds that you hear inside without question.” He continued in the same manner.  
When the two Troopers didn’t respond to him in any way, Ben nodded once and simply opened the door and entered.  
He allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness. When they were adapted, he looked around.  
Surprise marred his features briefly.  
Rey wasn’t in sight.  
He wasn’t prepared for the surge of panic that coursed through his veins, freezing his blood.  
Then he heard water running in the bathroom.  
She was in the fresher.  
The images that came to mind made his mouth go dry.  
He was tempted to walk over and join her. But she’d probably find a way to Force Choke him.  
The thought made him smile despite himself.  
His little Scavenger was quite the woman. She took everything they threw at her and bended it to her own will. Put her own stamp on it. She surpassed it, didn’t let it overwhelm her. Not for long anyway.  
He sank down on the edge of her bed, feeling weary and tired and so very lonely.  
_Luke was right._ He admitted grudgingly.  
She was everything he’d ever wanted and more. And the thought of losing her…  
The water suddenly stopped running.  
His attention was riveted by the sounds of her getting out of the fresher.  
He was so focused he could hear her every move clearly. He closed his eyes and saw it almost as clearly as if he was in that room with her.  
Drying off. Putting her nightclothes on. Brushing her teeth. Brushing her hair.  
It was titillating and arousing but it was so much more than just that.  
It was _intimate_.  
He heard her sigh and she padded barefoot towards him.  
His breath caught at the sight of her.  
She seemed so fresh, so innocent, so wholesome.  
Her hair was braided and hung over one of her shoulders, and moisture was dripping down onto her breast. The dark shirt she was wearing had slipped off the other shoulder, baring the skin. It hung down to midthigh, leaving her legs visible to his hungry eyes. Her skin seemed to glow more silver than its usual golden hue in the soft moonlight.  
_Is that my shirt?_  
The thought crept into his mind as he looked at her and discovered that, yes, indeed it was his shirt. _The one she had taken from Varykino…_  
It did something to him, _moved him_ , that she slept in his shirt. A silly notion if ever there was one. But knowing she chose to sleep in his shirt made him ridiculously happy… _  
_ When she entered and saw him, she drew in a sharp breath.  
Her surprise was obvious. They could only stare at each other.  
After a few moments of absolute silence, she lifted her chin and she spoke softly.  
“What are you doing here?”  
Her voice did nothing to break the tension. If anything, it added more strain to an already strained situation.  
He hesitated.  
He wanted to be honest, to be open with her, but he didn’t know if she would believe him. Didn’t know if he could be open with her without getting hurt. Didn’t know what his honesty would mean to her. How far that would take them.  But he was tired of keeping up pretense. He was done pretending he was something he wasn’t. At least for now. When he was with her.  
“I needed to see you.” He said on a sigh.  
Her eyebrow quirked. She tilted her head slightly.  
“Very well. You’ve seen me. Now you can go. Goodnight.”  
She walked to the other side of the bed and pulled down the covers. When he didn’t move, she felt her ire rise.  
“Is there anything else I can do for you, _Supreme Leader_?” She asked vehemently.  
He looked up at her and saw the anger in her. Felt it. Even if she was making a point by refusing to look at him.  
And for the first time in days, he decided to actually make use of their Bond to communicate with her. He opened himself up, letting his emotions flow to her. His weariness, his loneliness, his confusion.  
She stilled, her hands frozen midair with the covers clutched tight. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to shut him out.  
“Don’t do that.” She whispered loudly.  
“Don’t do what?” he asked quietly.  
She looked at him sharply.  
“Don’t try to manipulate me like that.” She said bluntly.  
“I’m not trying to manipulate you.”  
“Oh really?” she countered as she threw down the covers and folded her arms in front of her chest.  
His eyes were drawn to her breasts, taking his mind down another path. He quickly pushed those thoughts from his head, lest he wanted to unleash her fury.  
_“You’re going to have to come up with something good…”_ The words filtered through their Bond.  
He sighed deeply.  
“I’m… sorry.” He started haltingly. She could tell the words were foreign on his tongue. His eyes met hers and she was shocked at the honesty she saw there.  
She frowned at him.  
“What?”  
She saw his pride flash in his eyes. Brief anger and embarrassment that he was being made to repeat himself.  
He did that adorable thing with his mouth again. That gesture in itself reassured her that he was being truthful, more than his words ever could.  
“I’m sorry.” He ground out.  
She could tell the effort it was costing him to repeat those words. She could feel the damage it was doing to his pride. She secretly smiled. The Supreme Leader of the Greater Galaxy was apologizing to a nobody Scavenger from the nothing-planet of Jakku…  
But she realized that he was being sincere. And she recognized the effort it was costing him.  
She also remembered her own pain and embarrassment at his words and actions. She wasn’t about to let him off the hook easily.  
“You should be.”  
His shame swamped her out of nowhere.  
“Rey…” he started to say but seemed to be at a loss for words.  
She watched as he appeared to be fighting himself, as if a war was raging inside of him. She sensed his turmoil, but he had guarded his thoughts once more. Shielded his emotions to a degree.  
She rarely ever saw all of him, as she had just now.  
She understood he was trying. That it wasn’t easy.  
He averted his gaze, turning his back on her. He was letting his forearms on his knees, letting his hands dangle. His head lowered.  
“I don’t know how to do this.” His voice sounded barely above a whisper.  
She felt his hesitation. As if he was doubting his decision to voice his thoughts.  
“It’s just…” he trailed off and shoved a hand through his hair.  
He jumped off the bed and started pacing. She waited him out, her arms still folded over her chest. Almost as if she needed the protection. To shield her heart from getting shattered again, like last time….  
He glanced at her and she saw him. _Him._  
She saw Ben Solo. His insecurity. His fear.  
It took her breath away. And she realized she needed to keep quiet and let him get this off his chest.  
He averted his eyes again, as if realizing he was giving away too much, too soon.  
“I don’t know how to handle what you do to me, Rey. How to handle what you make me feel…”  
He choked up.  
He couldn’t get another word out for the life of him.  
She felt it. He was telling the truth.  
He wouldn’t look at her.  
He pushed another hand through his hair, disheveling it even more. He looked haunted.  
He took several deep breaths as he paced the floor again, like a caged animal.  
He halted suddenly.  
“I don’t know how to fight this.” He said in a small voice.  
_“And it terrifies me…”_  
For some reason she couldn’t quite fathom, he had completely turned around again. From loving and gentle and caring to angry and cold and aloof. And now back to this vulnerable, gentle man- boy almost.  
It made her head spin.  
“And you think I do?” she started in an accusing tone.  
“Do you honestly think I know how to handle this? That this doesn’t scare me?” she all but yelled, and then looked at the door anxiously.  
“Don’t worry.” He said quietly, almost apologetically. “I’ve mind-twisted them. They won’t breathe a word.”  
Her eyebrows lifted and she said levelly: “You _mind-twisted_ them?”  
He averted his eyes briefly and ran a hand through his hair again.  
“Yeah. It’s like a Jedi Mind-trick. Like the one you did on Starkiller to JB-007?” He said with a slight smile and a smudge of pride. For her. That she had been able to pull it off that day…  
“But it’s different in the sense that…” His voice trailed off as he caught sight of her disgusted expression.  
“It seemed like the best thing to do at that time.” He shrugged.  
She scrunched up her face as if to say “whatever!” and then just launched back into her rant.  
“Seriously, Ben!” she spoke, “do you honestly think this doesn’t scare me? This isn’t exactly what one would call a normal situation!” she gestured wildly.  
“First of all, we are supposed to be mortal enemies. What I believe in and what you believe in are on two opposite sides!”  
He looked as if he wanted to interject, so she silenced him by holding up her hand.  
“Second of all, this Bond we have is not exactly common either. As far as I’m concerned, it only complicates matters even more!”  
“Rey…” he started.  
“No, Ben! I’m not finished yet!” she all but shouted.  
He looked as if he was about to either break down and cry or scream at the top of his lungs in frustration.  
“And thirdly, I can’t seem to get a hold on you!” she sighed and she was close to tears.  
“Every time I think I’m starting to understand you, you just turn the tables on me and I’m back at the beginning again.” She took a deep breath and said quietly.  
“I _want_ to understand, Ben. I _want_ to figure it out. But you won’t let me close enough to try.”  
She sighed and the sound was loud in the silence. The tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife.  
“I can’t keep this up.” She said with sad eyes.  
Her words pierced his soul. So he responded in the only way he knew how.  
With anger.  
“So, you’ll just give up? Is that it?” He spat the words as if they left a foul taste in his mouth.  
Rey walked around the bed and halted in front of him.  
His entire stance told her that he was more hurt than angry.  
“Not if you give me something worth fighting for.” She said as she stared into his handsome face.  
Her eyes begged him to understand.  
“I cannot keep up with your mood swings like that without knowing how you feel. How you _really_ feel.”  
She watched as his eyes reflected his conflict. His mouth did that sweet pursing thing she adored.  
“Search your feelings, Rey.” He said quietly. “You know the truth.”  
She shook her head and stepped even closer.  
“It’s not enough.” She let her gaze bore into his.  
“You hurt me, Ben.” She whispered. She saw how her words wounded him. She knew instinctively that it was the last thing he wanted to do. But he had nonetheless.  
He looked at her, unable to say the words he knew she wanted to hear.  
He swallowed past the lump in his throat. He nodded once, to acknowledge that he knew he had hurt her. His lips pursed again, for the umpteenth time since entering her room. He hated it, hated how it drew attention to his vulnerability, how it showcased his weakness.  
He averted his eyes briefly, trying to find the strength to tell her what she needed to hear.  
He looked into her beautiful face and fought the urge to touch it. To drag his fingers across her cheek, to tuck that strand of hair that escaped her braid behind her ear. She would shy away from him.  
He swallowed again and his voice croaked with emotion as he spoke.  
“I lied.”  
Her mouth fell open at the admission.  
“What?” she asked, her eyes narrowing and a frown creasing her forehead.  
She felt his hesitancy, but he drew in a deep breath.  
“I lied.” He spoke a little firmer. “And I honestly wish I hadn’t.”  
As if a dam had been broken by making that small admission, the words poured out.  
“I never lied to you before, and I shouldn’t have lied to you then. But I was overwhelmed by everything that had happened, and then when you were lying in my arms…” his words trailed off and she was stunned into silence.  
“I got scared. More terrified than I had ever felt. I didn’t know how to react.”  
Her eyebrows lifted.  
“Did you ever stop to consider that perhaps you could have, euhm, I don’t know, talk to me about it?” she gestured wildly.  
He rolled his eyes and reminded her of both Han and Leia in that moment.  
“If I had, do you think we would be in this mess?” he said sarcastically.  
She sighed.  
He sighed.  
She studied the floor. He stared out the window.  
Silence grew as they stood there next to the bed, both lost in their own thoughts.  
Something about the whole situation emboldened her.  
“So?” she asked bluntly.  
“What do we do now?” she continued firmly.  
“Do we continue to pretend there’s nothing going on? Do we fight this?”  
“What options do we have?” he countered smoothly. “It’s not like we are in any position to solve the matter.”  
“No, not since you thought it was a good idea to give us that ultimatum.” She remarked snidely.  
She felt his frustration grow, saw it in the twitch beneath his left eye and around his lips and nose.  
“I am trying to buy time, Rey.” He ground out between clenched teeth.  
“There are very few options right now. My leadership wants you executed. Hux in particular. He’s practically rubbing his hands and picking out the blasters himself!”  
“You are the Supreme Leader, Ben!” she shouted.  
“You are in charge. You can tell them whatever you want!”  
“And have a mutiny on my hands?” he shouted back.  
“What do you think will happen when I choose to set you free without further explanations? When I don’t provide the justice they expect? According to the Order, you are all criminals, Rey!”  
He briefly turned away, shoving his hand through his hand again. By now, it was all mussed and disheveled and it made him look rakishly handsome.  
“I am trying to figure out a way, Rey. But I need more time.” He sighed.  
She lowered her head in defeat, understanding where he was coming from.  
He put his index finger under her chin, lifting it to gaze into her eyes. The tenderness she saw almost made her knees buckle.  
“I’ll figure something out, Rey. I promise.” The look in his eyes was one of earnest concern and honesty.  
She sighed and looked up at him.  
“No more lies?” she asked softly.  
“No more lies.” He said in the same tone, the slightest of smiles playing with his lips.  
She acted on pure instinct. She stepped forward and closed the distance between them. She put her arms around his waist and pulled him into a tight embrace, resting her head against his chest.  
She felt his relief flood their Bond as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.  
She nestled closer and she felt his emotions tremble through her.  
She lifted her head to look into his eyes, and they seemed to _know._  
He bent his head as she got on her toes.  
Their lips touched in the softest of caresses. But the intensity of that soft touch crackled in the air, the energy making the room tremble and the lights in the hallway flicker.  
It was brief but felt like eternity. When the kiss ended they stared at each other in amazement.  
The kiss had been a promise. An oath. One that sealed their vow of honesty.  
He pulled her close again and wrapped her in his arms, as if to shield her from the world and its harm.  
They stayed that way for a while, neither one of them speaking.  
He let out a deep sigh and put her at arm’s length.  
“I should go.” He said begrudgingly. He started to turn when she spoke up softly.  
“You could stay.”  
He looked at her over his shoulder, his expression one of pure surprise and shock.  
“What?”  
“Stay.” She said quietly. She reached out and smiled softly.  
“Please?” she whispered.  
He looked at her hand and then stared at her with wide eyes.  
He frowned at the implication.  
_“Don’t get the wrong idea, Ben Solo.”_ She communicated through their Bond. _“I am talking about sleeping together in this bed. Nothing else.”_  
He swallowed hard and stared at her intently.  
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” She whispered, suddenly insecure.  
That seemed to shake him up a little.  
“No!” he barked. Then seemed to catch himself. Embarrassed he scratched the back of his neck.  
“I mean, I want to…” His voiced trailed off.  
They looked at each other and time stood still.  
Her hand was still stretched out in invitation.  
He looked at it and remembered how he had once held out his hand.  
He realized now that it had been wrong. They hadn’t been ready. Not yet. Not fully.  
His mouth twitched again and he reached out, taking her hand and lifting it to his lips. He pressed the softest of kisses to her knuckles.  
She smiled shyly and nodded.  
She crawled into the bed and held back the covers for him. He sat down on the edge again, removed his gloves, boots and his tunic.  
He hesitantly crawled in beside her but was quickly reassured.  
She nestled into the crook of his arm and hugged him close.  
“We’ll figure something out, Ben.” She whispered.  
She suddenly remembered Monk’s words.  
_“Because, Jedi… I sense that you are as loyal to Our Master as we are, albeit for different reasons. And you will not fail him. I sense it.”  
_ “We’ll find a way.” She said with determination, even as her eyes closed and blissful darkness slowly overtook her.    
_I won’t give up on you, Ben. Ever!_

Hux had just gotten out of the fresher. He had slicked his hair back and brushed his teeth and now sauntered back into his room like he owned the palace.  
As soon as he set foot in the bedroom, a slight tremor went through the building. The lights flickered.  
He sighed dramatically, letting his head fall back on his shoulders and groaned for good measure.  
“Dear stars, they’re at it again!” He grumbled with closed eyes.  
“What are you talking about?” a female voice sounded from across the room.  
“Ren…” he said with contempt lacing his voice. “And the girl.”  
“What of them?”  
“Don’t you feel the building tremble? Don’t you see the lights flicker? They are probably caving to their hormonal sorcery-induced physical cravings again.”  
He stared at the woman, sensually draped across his bed, curiously staring up at him from beneath lowered lashes. She quirked a brow in question.  
“Don’t look at me like that. This isn’t the first time this happens. I’ve seen it before.” He said as he started pacing the rug in the center of the room.  
“They went at it on the Finalizer too. In that hideous pile of metal they call a ship! Made the whole hangar rumble and rock like it was a see-saw! The officers in the control station were all taken aback! I swear, that overgrown, entitled, magic-sensitive, emotionally unstable child needs to be abdicated! He’ll bring us to ruin for sure! We mustn’t allow it, Phasma!” He said heatedly as he pointed his finger in the air, as if emphasizing his own words.  
“Armitage,” she said in a sultry tone, “come back to bed.”  
She smiled seductively.  
“There’s no need to get so worked up over Ren. I have better incentives for that…” Her voice trailed off.  
He looked at this amazing woman. This female warrior. The fearsome and indestructible Captain Phasma. He was the only one who ever got to see her like this.  
He did not even pretend to feign emotions between them, aside from honest admiration and sexual tension. She truly was a magnificent female. Tall, athletic, and with a face that was graceful if not classically beautiful. Her left eye was slightly slumped and still had some mangled skin surrounding it, just lingering traces that would never fully disappear. No matter how many bacta-treatments she would ever get. It only heightened her appeal.  
He sighed.  
“You’re absolutely right.” He said and stalked to the bed with determination.  
He took off the towel and climbed in the bed. He folded his arms beneath his head and let out a sigh of frustration.  
Phasma raised herself on her elbow, leaning on her hand. She trailed her fingers through the red curls on his chest.  
“I know I am. I always am…” she said with a sly smile and a twinkle in her eyes.  
Another rumble of frustration sounded in the back of his throat and his eyes flashed with repressed anger.  
“It just makes me so furious to have such an incompetent ass on the throne.”  
A short silence ensued.  
“Have you gotten any further with the security holo’s?”  
He sighed and closed his eyes.  
“I’ve gotten to the point where Supreme Leader Snoke tortures her and orders Ren to kill her. After that, the static got worse. I don’t know if I’ll be able to unscramble it further. Damn that ancient religion’s sorcery to Hell and back… ”  
“You’ll find a way, Armitage. You always do.” She said as she kissed his shoulder.  
“Yes.” He said evenly. “I most certainly will. And I will find a way to remove him from power. And then the First Order will see its full potential come to be!” His eyes burned with conviction.  
“Good. I hate to be on the losing side of things.” Phasma said coolly, earning a sharp look from the ginger’s icy blue eyes.  
“Enough of politics…” She smiled and lifted her eyebrow suggestively.  
Now…” she spoke firmly as she straddled his hips and rocked seductively, “Demonstrate the power of the First Order again.” She said huskily.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well??? What do you think???  
> I loved writing this chapter! It was moving and fun and it showed a new perspective on the characters we hadn't seen before!  
> I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! 
> 
> But on a true author's note:  
> I want to take the time to thank my Reylo-Bestie Silmea. Again!  
> Without her loving devotion, this story would not be what it is. To have her have my back is wonderful beyond words.  
> Thank you my darling! 
> 
> Ps: since Easter is around the corner... There's a little easter egg hidden in my story... Did you discover Silmea's cameo yet? ;)
> 
> Be sure to read and review her wonderful story, called "Unleashed".  
> In my humble opinion, it is thé best canon-verse Post TLJ fic out there right now.  
> If you haven't checked it out yet, be sure to do just that!  
> I promise you won't regret it! 
> 
> x  
> B


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps! 
> 
> I just want to say a big thank you to all of you for having such patience!   
> I exceeded my own allotted time between updates, but unfortunately my body crashed on me last weekend and I had to recuperate, so...   
> anyway!   
> I finished this chapter and I hope you guys like it!

Rey woke as the first tendrils of dawn barely touched the horizon.   
She stretched lazily and let her arm reach across the bed. When her hand came into contact with nothing but air, she opened one eye and instantly felt a sense of panic.   
“Ben?” she asked in alarm.   
“Goodmorning Rey.” His muttered grumble reached her ears and she looked in the direction of the sound. He was standing near the window, staring out at the city with eyes that saw nothing.   
His sadness overwhelmed her in that moment.   
His grief had always been with him since Leia had basically died in his arms on Dantooine, but it had been mostly dormant during the past week or so. Now, it was raging and clashing inside him, gripping his heart and twisting it. He tried very hard to contain it, but it flowed through their Bond, churning away.  
Without thinking, she leapt from the bed and walked up to him. Standing at his back, she wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him between his shoulder blades. She held him close and tried to convey without words that he wasn’t alone.   
“I’m burying my mother today.”   
His voice was gruff and quiet. Almost as if he wasn’t aware that he was actually saying the words.   
She took a deep breath and replied softly.  
“I know. I miss her too. So very much…” she all but whispered, close to tears herself.   
She felt a shudder go through him. His emotions were so close to the surface, she knew he was afraid they would show. She sent him a silent message.   
_“It’s okay to hurt. No more lies. No more pretending. Just you, as you are.”_  
He closed his eyes and whispered softly.   
“I don’t know if I can do this.”  
A single tear slipped down his cheek.   
“You’re stronger than you think.” She said with a frown. “And you’re not alone! I will be there with you. You can do this, Ben.”  
She had walked around to face him as she spoke and stared into his eyes.  
She reached up and wiped the single tear from his face with the pad of her thumb.   
He nodded hesitantly and stared out at the city below again. Dawn was quickly approaching.   
He took a deep breath and spoke gently.   
“I should go.”  
Rey felt his dread as if it were her own.   
She smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist again.   
“It’s only for a few hours.” She said with a soft smile.   
“We’ll be aggravating each other again before you know it.”  
He chuckled at her, making Rey feel very good about being able to draw his attention away from his own grief, if only for a few sparse seconds.   
“You’re aggravating me now.” He said, humor lacing his voice.   
She smiled broadly, scrunching her freckled nose.   
“I don’t hear you complaining.” She said sassily.   
“Yet. You don’t hear me complaining yet. Yet, being the definitive word here, Sweetheart…” His voice trailed off as he pulled her closer and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of her nose.   
She inhaled deeply and snuggled into his embrace.   
He kissed the top of her head and rested his chin on her hair. The feeling of being in his arms overwhelmed her. It felt so incredibly right. As if she had been waiting her entire life to be held by this man in this way. She felt cherished and safe and … loved.   
“Ben?”  
“Yes?”  
A small silence stretched, but not at all uncomfortable, as she searched for the right words.   
“I meant what I said though.” _About loving you.  
_ Her whisper through their Bond caused his heart to skip a beat. He was at a loss for words for a second or two before he decided how to answer.   
“So did I.” _The first time, that is._   
He felt her smile against his chest, and felt happiness spread through his veins, mingling with his sorrow, making it bearable.   
“I should go.” He repeated as he kissed the top of her head again.   
He looked down and she looked up at him with her heart in her eyes.   
_So innocent still, so full of trust…  
_ He put his forefinger beneath her chin and tilted her head upwards. He captured her lips in the gentlest of kisses and felt her practically purr at the touch.   
She sighed and whispered against his lips.   
“You should.”   
She smiled against his mouth.   
She wanted him to stay. He felt it through their Bond. He felt his body respond once more to her closeness.  
“I could stay.” He suggested with a lifted brown as he straightened a little so he could look in her eyes.   
She laughed, the sound delicate like wind chimes in a summer breeze.   
“You could.” She said with the laughter still laced through her voice.   
“But you should go.” She said, sobering a little.   
“Your Knights might not take kindly to your fraternizing with the enemy.”   
The vision of Rogue’s beautiful face suddenly swam before her eyes and she felt her mood sour instantly.   
He picked up on it.   
“Rey, don’t…” He said with a frown.   
“Don’t what?” she said as she turned away from his embrace and walked up to the bed to straighten the covers.   
“Don’t be like this. There is no cause for it.”  
She looked at him and lifted an eyebrow skeptically.   
“Oh, for stars sake!” He said as he threw his hands up in the air.   
A memory suddenly slammed into him.   
Leia wasn’t usually the jealous type, but there was this one time she was acting up after they got home from a party. About some woman named Qi’ra. Her behavior was pretty much the same as Rey’s now.   
The thought of Rey being jealous made him inappropriately flattered.  
It threw Ben slightly off however, that he had reacted _exactly_ like Han had back then.   
But then again, Han had been able to calm his mother down.   
He had taken her face in his hands and said a line that to this very day had been burned into Ben’s memory. He figured it was a good thing, so he would be able to say it to Rey now.   
He walked up to her, took her face in his hands and looked deeply into her eyes.   
“Rey…” he said on a soft sigh, “you shine brighter than all the stars in the galaxy when I look at you. Nothing even comes close to comparing what I feel when you’re with me.”   
As he said them, he knew he meant those words with every fiber of his being.   
“No one will ever be able to take your place.”  
He saw how her eyes widened. Heard how her breath caught. Felt her pleased shock ripple through her.   
She cast her eyes down and whispered.   
“What about Rogue?” she asked quietly.   
“What about her?”   
She looked up at him again. He was honestly confused. She felt silly, but she had to ask.   
“What is going on between you two?”  
He sighed and couldn’t help the corners of his mouth twitch.   
_So she IS jealous…_  
“Rogue is my Knight. I am her Master. She is fiercely protective of me and wary of you. She’ll grow out of it.”  
“And if she doesn’t?” Rey asked with an arch of her eyebrow.   
“Then I’ll make her.” He said sternly.   
In the meantime, the sun kept crawling higher in the sky, it’s brilliant rays starting to herald a new day.   
“And now, I have to go.” He whispered as he kissed her stern.   
“I’ll see you this afternoon.”   
With those words he turned around and stalked out of her room. She caught him performing another mind-twist on the two new guards outside her door just as he closed the door.   
She shook her head and smiled.   
She wrapped her arms around herself and looked out at the view before her. The sunrise brought with it the promise of a new day. A new chance. And eventhough there were events planned that would break her heart, she couldn’t help but feel a new hope course through her.   
Together, they would find a way to make things work.   
She felt it.   
Rey took her clothes – neatly washed and pressed, courtesy of the First Order – and went into the fresher.   
She would get ready and then meditate for the rest of the morning.   
Because she would need every shred of focus and equilibrium she could get to get through the day.   
Ben needed her to be strong.   
So, she would be.

 

  
Ben had been meditating most of the morning. Ever since he had gotten back to his room, his mind has been racing. He desperately longed for peace, to find his calm again. So far, it wasn’t working…   
He stepped outside of the palace, unaccompanied by his Knights or any Troopers. He wore a large brown cloak with a hood and had refrained from putting his mask on. This was personal.   
He trudged along a winding walkway through the gardens around the corner, his feet easily following a path his mind had chosen to forget a long time ago.   
Ben found himself at the entrance of a graveyard. He entered and without faltering, his feet found their way to the grand mausoleum. He remembered it vaguely from his childhood, but the memory didn’t do it justice.   
The large marble columns, the sheer size of it would have been mind-blowing in its glory days.   
Ben found himself standing in the middle of the large hallway and simply breathed for a moment or two. He slowly passed through the central archway and down a narrow corridor. As soon as he crossed the threshold, he felt that odd sensation in the pit of his stomach again.  
In the blink of an eye, years were erased…   
  
_“Why are we here, Mommy?”  
Leia smiled down at the little dark-haired boy that was hanging on to her hand for dear life.   
“Because this is where my mommy is buried, sweetie. And I need to do this. It wouldn’t be right if I was in Theed and not visit her grave, now would it?”  
The little boy scrunched his nose and looked around, intimidated by the large columns and arches. He huddled even closer.   
“But I don’t like it here, Mommy.” The little boy whined.   
“I know, sweetie. We won’t be long.”  
They walked through the central archway and down a narrow corridor that opened into a dome-shaped circular room. In it’s center was a large stone tomb with the Naboo Emblem. He had seen it on flags and buildings here and there. Three large windows formed a semi-circle on on end, and a large stained-glass window with the picture of a beautiful young woman was in the middle, pouring brightly colored light onto the tomb.   
The little boy was dumbstruck.   
He had seen many beautiful things so far, but nothing compared to this.   
The eyes of the woman in the window seemed to look back at him, very reminiscent of his own mother’s.   
Her smile seemed to be just for him.   
“Mommy, who is that?” he asked reverently.   
“That, my darling, is Queen Padmé Amidala. Ruler of the Naboo. My mother and your grandmother.”  
The boy’s mouth dropped.   
“Queen?” he exclaimed in a shrilly tone.   
“Then that makes you a princess!”  
Leia chuckled as she watched her precious little boy come to this revelation. Another would soon follow, she was sure. Ben was a clever young child.   
And sure enough, it took mere seconds before his eyes bulged.   
“Mommy…” his sweet little voice trailed off, “does that mean… I’m a prince?”  
His eyes filled with wonder and he stared at her as if he couldn’t believe his own words.   
She smiled at him and ruffled his hair.  
“It sure does, sweetie.” She said and had to suppress a giggle at the boy’s expression.   
“Don’t let it get to your head, Ben.” She said in a warning voice.   
“Being royalty – or any position of power by the way – is not all it’s cracked up to be.”  
The bitterness that crept in her voice was lost on the child, who was still staring up at the window with stars in his eyes.   
Leia motioned him to follow her, and together they sat on a low bench in front of the tomb.   
Silence stretched and Ben felt his mother’s sadness as if it were his own. She missed her mother.   
He scooted closer and wrapped his little hand in hers.   
“It’s okay, Mommy. I’m here. I'll stay with you.”_  
  
He was ripped from his daydream as abruptly as he had been thrust into it. As his mind was still reeling, he heard a voice whisper.   
_“Don’t make my mistakes, Ben… Remember! Make it right.”  
_ He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. His breathing was ragged, as if he had run for an hour without stopping or had been training with his Knights.   
He pressed his hands to his eyes and focused on his breathing. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest.   
He stood there for Maker knows how long before his breathing returned to normal somewhat.   
He walked towards the low bench where he had sat with his mother, over twenty-odd years ago.   
He was adding her coffin to this mausoleum today. To this very room.   
He looked up at the stained-glass window. The woman’s smile was still as beautiful, her eyes still as bright.   
However, now that he was older, he could recognize the sadness that shone through.   
Another window and tomb had been added on the left of Padmé’s tomb. The woman resembled Padmé. When he looked closer, he saw that it was Padmé’s sister Sola Naberrie.   
To the right, another window had been crafted in his command.   
A depiction of his mother in her younger days stared back at him. It was beautifully done and stunned him into silence.   
He was shaken from his reverie when he heard footsteps on the marble floor.   
His hand automatically hovered over his lightsaber, and he kept his eyes trained on the origin of the sound, even as he kept his face downcast.   
“I knew I would find you here.” A familiar voice said warmly.   
He turned his head in surprise, his hood sliding off his head.   
“You? What are you doing here?” he asked shocked.   
“Paying my respects, what else?” she quipped.   
He watched in stupefied surprise as the little figure hobbled over to him and adjusted her glasses.   
She studied his eyes in that intense scrutinizing way of hers and he knew to simply let her or else…   
“You’ve changed.” She simply stated.   
“So have you.” He replied.   
She chuckled and moved closed, sitting down beside him on the bench.   
“You sound just like your father.” She said with affection in her voice.   
“So I’ve been told.” He replied coldly.   
“No doubt by the girl.” She quipped.   
His head snapped in her direction and he narrowed his eyes.   
“Ooh, she’s something else, she is.” The little alien nodded in appreciation.   
She looked up at him with warmth in her eyes.   
“She’s a real scavenger. She finds things that are or seem broken and repairs them, making them better than they were.” She said non-too subtly.  
“Seems she’s found you, too.” She smiled at him.   
Despite himself, Ben smiled. He quickly caught himself, but too late to keep it from her.   
“Why are you really here, Maz?” he asked quietly.   
“Because it is time.” She said seriously.   
“You do realize how dangerous it is for you to be here?” he snapped.   
“I could have you detained. Everyone knows you’re part of the Resistance.”  
“Puh! Boy, please…” she waved her slender hand in front his face.   
“You can’t prove anything, and you know it!” she said as she tilted her head.  
“And as long as you can’t, you can’t hold anything against me. Besides… you owe me for letting your simple-witted goons destroy my cantina!” She hissed through gritted teeth and her eyes narrowed.   
“For a thousand years, my cantina was a respected place, neutral territory for people of all walks of life! Do you know how long it would take to rebuild?”  
Ben simply lifted an eyebrow haughtily.   
“My guess would be about two years. It wasn’t that impressive to start with…”  
Maz’s breath hitched and her eyes narrowed dangerously.   
“You cannot intimidate me with your faux arrogance, Benjamin Chewbacca Skywalker Solo!” she said with a lift of her chin.   
“Remember, I dealt with both your parents long before you were born. I changed your diapers. You don’t scare me.” She said with the kind of smile a grandmother might have. Benign, but firm.   
It mollified him.   
“The truth, Maz.” He said bluntly, knowing it was the best way to deal with her.   
“You need a plan. You came here in disguise, without guards or your Knights. You didn’t want anyone to know, but you’re looking for answers and solutions. I have them. And don’t worry, this is simply between you, your mother and me.”  
“Maz, I don’t know what your plan is, but I can already tell it won’t work.”  
“And yours will? Join or perish, right? They will never do that. Not one of them. Least of all Rey. We both know it.”  
His mouth drew into a taut line, the muscle beneath his left eye twitched.   
“How do you know about that?”  
She smiled mysteriously.   
“Ben…” she sighed, “I have my ways.”  
“That is no longer my name.”  
She eyed him, those enlarged irises glaring at him.   
“You need to find a way to save them, _Ben_.”, putting emphasis on his given name.   
He worked his mouth. To be seen with her was signing his own death warrant.  
This was risky    
They never had solid evidence, but everyone knew Maz was with the Resistance. It was common knowledge. It had never been proven, so no one could blame her or hold charges against her, but still…   
“I can help. I have connections.”  
“Are you insane?” He stood and looked down at her.   
His whispers echoed off the walls, emphasizing his vehemence.   
“If anybody finds out about any of this, Hux and his troops will destroy us all!”  
Maz raised her eyebrows and smiled.   
“I didn’t realize you would consider my help so fast.”  
Ben’s face fell.   
“I didn’t. I don’t!” he sputtered.   
“Maz, this is crazy. Suicide. It won’t work.”  
Maz simply smiled.   
“Sit down, kiddo. I have a plan. This is what we’ll do…”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So???   
> What are your thoughts?   
> Too mushy? Not mushy enough? Confusing? Farfetched?
> 
> Let me know what you think by leaving me a comment below!   
> And please, please, please!   
> From one author on the barricades for other authors: please do this for every author whose work you enjoy! You have no idea how much it means to a writer to get feedback from his/her readers! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!   
> I'm gonna go start another one :p 
> 
> x  
> B


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life was not kind to me these past two weeks, and this was a pretty tough chapter to write, but I want to let you guys know that I appreciate the support I've been getting from you.   
> Your comments, your kudo's and your messages warm my heart and pull me through, giving me the strength and encouragement i need to keep going.   
> I hope you enjoy this tidbit!

The hours crawled by.   
The captured Resistance Fighters used them as best as they could.   
They ate, they showered, they put on their clean clothes. Made themselves as presentable as they could.   
They would give their General the respect she deserved.   
Even in death, her influence was as strong as ever. She still dictated parts of their daily routine, their connection through their support of a collective cause defining them. They would make her proud.   
They would show the Galaxy that even in dark times as this, their Hope shone bright!   
They were ushered into the round hallway outside their rooms and restrained, and then taken down to the main hallway where the Supreme Leader, Queen Ferya and their entourage were waiting.   
They were quiet.   
Poe was brooding. Finn was angry and trying to stay calm, while Rose clung to his arm, tears already wetting her cheeks. Connix and Emsil were huddled together. Chewie seemed broken.   
Rey’s eyes immediately sought out Ben.   
He stood next to Queen Ferya, looking just as regal and composed.   
He wore a different attire than usual. It was more formal, more defined. And of course, all black although slightly more embellished with silver clasps on his shoulders. His cape flowed behind him, impressive and intimidating. His mask was firmly in place.    
And yet, when Rey looked at him, she saw right through him.   
He was keeping her out of their Bond, trying to shield her from his emotions. Probably thinking he was acting chivalrous and protecting her. But that was not how it was supposed to be.   
She stood there amidst her friends, staring up at him and felt his grief mingle with her own.   
He looked up and their eyes met, despite his black visor.   
A soft shiver ran down her spine from the intensity in that invisible stare.   
She couldn’t help herself. She sent him a message through their Bond.   
_Remember, Ben. You’re not alone. We’ll get through this. Together._  
He held her gaze a little longer. She felt his hesitancy down to her toes, but he finally relented.  
_I know._  He communicated with an almost imperceptible nod.   
Queen Ferya and the Supreme Leader and his entourage made their way towards the entrance, walking out into the bright sunshine. The Rebels were then led outside in their wake.   
Once their eyes had grown accustomed to the bright glare of the Naboo sun, they realized that Leia Organa’s open casket was waiting for them right at the bottom of the palace steps.   
On both sides of the wide avenue, the people had lined up. Different species stood side by side, their expressions varying from sullen to sad to grief-stricken.   
A deep, unsettling silence ensued.  
Almost as if the whole Galaxy had stopped functioning for the funeral of this grand lady.   
Rey felt Ben’s pain and grief wash over her, crashing into her like wave after wave at the sight of his mother. And when she followed his gaze, her own misery matched his. But she was also deeply moved.  
_She’s beautiful._

_  
_ Leia Organa looked radiant, even in death.  
Great care had been taken in her appearance. She was lain on the same hearse as Padmé Amidala and other important officials were transported on. Her hair was coiffed in an intricate style, but the Alderanian mourning braid was focused clearly. She was dressed in a deep-blue velvet dress, adorned with gold and silver embroidery. A dress fit for royalty.   
Flowers were placed around her body, the lining of the open casket making it seem as if it were a bed she was laying on. The small smile about her lips and the crinkles next to her eyes made it seem as if she weren’t dead at all. Merely sleeping. Dreaming soft and pleasant dreams.   
_Resting in peace_.  
Despite the pallor of death clinging to her features, there was something otherworldly breathtaking about her.   
_Like a princess…_  
A strangled sound came from behind her and she turned her head to see.   
She watched as Poe’s expression turned into a crestfallen mask of pure pain. She witnessed as his eyes locked onto Leia, saw his suffering plastered all over his handsome face, watched as his gaze turned glossy and bright with unshed tears.   
His shoulders slumped. His head lowered and Rey saw how the tears rolled over his cheeks in silence.   
Her heart went out to him.   
She was about to say something when they were suddenly nudged into motion.   
They walked down the wide avenue slowly, with all spectators watching them.   
Some with interest, some with suspicion, some with outright loathing.   
But she sensed it. Because of this public display, more and more people were feeling amicable towards these last Resistance Fighters. It made Rey stand up taller, lift her head higher and put up a brave façade, even through her grief.   
The others seemed to take their cue from her, because soon they were all walking along proudly, standing straight as Leia would have commanded.   
A large platform was placed in the center of an intersection, one of the arms leading towards the Grand Mausoleum where Padmé Amidala and her family were buried.   
They all walked up to the platform, and much to their surprise, they were ushered up the steps and into several chairs at the back.   
_In plain sight, for all to see. The captives, the Resistance in restraints…_  
That bitter thought crossed her mind briefly.   
Although she understood Ben’s reasoning more, she still didn’t agree with it.   
The droid-cams hovered in the air, recording every expression, every miniscule gesture. Broadcasting it live across the Holonet.   
They watched with pained expressions as Queen Ferya and Supreme Leader Kylo Ren approached the stand.   
The silence was deafening.   
Rey felt her gut clench with nerves, and then recognized the feeling was not hers.   
It belonged to the large, intimidating figure about to address the crowd.   
He allowed himself a deep breath and clenched his fists at his side.  
Kylo Ren spoke through his vocoder, infinitely grateful that his face was hidden behind his mask.   
“Today marks an important day for the history of the Galaxy.” He started with confidence.   
“Today, we bury a legend.”  
A lump formed in his throat, and he found himself wishing for strength. He took another deep breath and swallowed. He felt Rey’s encouragement flow through their Bond, and he somehow found the resolve he needed.   
“During a final battle on Dantooine, The First Order was able to defeat the final bastion of the Resistance. The remaining rebels were detained, and their Base destroyed. General Leia Organa was mortally wounded in battle and perished on site.”   
He lifted his chin and continued in a voice like steel, a deep menacing rumble through the mask.   
“The First Order has no tolerance for uprising. We have no patience for pitiful displays of rebellion.” He sneered softly, but quickly continued lest he lose his momentum and his nerve.   
“However, we can still acknowledge and respect the leadership General Organa presented. Her strategic mind, her knowledge of Battle Tactics and her determination for her cause. It was unfortunate that General Organa never realized the potential of joining The First Order, where her expertise would have been put to good use, and now we are left with our current situation.”  
He spread his legs slightly, put his hands on the stand and squared his shoulders. His entire stance indicated power and purpose, and it was intimidating and fascinating to see.   
“The Resistance is defeated. Their Base is no more. Their Leadership is gone.” He looked around at the crowd and hoped to the stars that people believed him, keeping up this arrogant performance as long as he could.   
“Now that there is nothing left to distract us, we _will_ implement new order in the Galaxy. There will be no more chaos. There will be no more anarchy. There will be no more corruption. And to show that The First Order means well, we have decided to grant General Organa a State Funeral. Consider it a final farewell to an Urban Legend, and a fitting end for a Royal of the Old Republic.”  
He ended his speech on that note, stepping back and inclining his head to Queen Ferya to take over.   
He sat down and felt his insides tremble.   
He had not expected this to be as hard as it was. He felt like turning around and running away, far from this public display of authority that he did not feel.   
He listened listlessly as Queen Ferya spoke of Leia’s life.   
“As our Supreme Leader said before, today marks an important day in the history of the Galaxy. For the people of Naboo, this is even more so, for she is the only daughter of our beloved former Queen, Padmé Amidala.”  
Queen Ferya gazed out into the crowd, allowing her words to register. She then looked straight into the cam-droids and continued in that monotone drone of a voice that typified her position as monarch of the Naboo.   
“Though she was born as the daughter of a queen and a most notorious Jedi, we know her as Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan. She grew up as a Royal in the Old Republic. As soon as she was old enough, she did what every Royal must. She put her own life aside and focused on the needs of her people. She fought against the oppression of The Galactic Empire by joining the Rebellion and was a key instrument in their victory. After the fall of the Empire, she became a well-respected Senator, until certain circumstances led to her resignation. From there on, she founded the Resistance and continued for the cause she believed in, never giving up on her hope for better times. She was an exceptional woman who made quite an impression, and who will continue to do so in times to come. She will be missed by many.”  
Queen Ferya’s voice resonated through the assembled crowd. Behind his mask, the Supreme Leader swallowed hard. He had approved of this line in the eulogy that Queen Ferya had supplied, against his better judgement and despite Hux’s passionate debate. To actually hear those words spoken out loud, made him realize he wasn’t so different from his mother after all…   
“Today, we return our Prodigal Daughter home and embrace her memory. We say our goodbyes to Leia Skywalker Organa – Solo, Princess of Alderaan, Senator of the New Republic, General of the Resistance.”  
Queen Ferya walked back down the platform, to sit next to the Supreme Leader.   
Several other Leaders, Senators and Royals got to testify to the life of Leia Organa Solo. Not a word was spoken outside of what had been approved by the First Order’s leadership in charge of the funeral, but there wasn’t anything they could have done to keep the warmth and admiration out of the voices of those who knew her.   
Beneath his outward appearance of Supreme Leader, there was no denying that it was Ben Solo inside the one known as Kylo Ren today.   
No matter how much he fought it, feelings and memories assailed him time and time again. He felt dizzy, as if his world had been spinning too fast and then brought to a sudden halt. His heart was beating fast, and his stomach clenched and spasmed as if it were dough being kneaded. He felt sick, as if he could dump the contents of said stomach any moment now. Perspiration was beading on his brow and upper lip and he feared he would pass out.   
Just when he feared he could no longer hold it together, a feeling ghosted across his skin. The softest of caresses skimmed across his nerve endings. It was gentle, but persistent.   
_“Just breathe.”_   
Her voice sounded in his mind and echoed in his heart.   
it was remarkable that she would be so mindful of him during something that was so rough on her.   
His head whipped around to stare at her. She met his gaze steadily.   
The tears on her cheeks were impossible to ignore, and they tore at his heart, but it was the concealed gentleness that shone there that had the most effect.   
The thought that she would be at his side, even when he least expected it, made him think of Luke’s words.   
_Remember that she’s on your side. She will have your back, even when you don’t think she will.  
_ He was once again grateful for the mask that hid his face, for surely he would not be able to school his features into indifference.   
His attention was drawn to a figure in black, standing a few feet from Rey.   
Rogue was looking at them. Studying them. He felt her narrowing her eyes, felt her thoughts form.  
Even from this distance, he could sense her displeasure.   
Warning bells went off in the back of his mind, the Force warning him to pay attention. Trouble was brewing. He would do well to be prepared.   
In the meantime, the last of the spokesmen had finished his speech. He thanked the crowds for their attention, obviously out of habit. It irritated Ben, but there was nothing he could do about it.   
They were supposed to simply end the ceremony there, but impulse made him stand and approach the stand once more. He ignored the surprised looks of his men and gave Hux a little push with the Force, making sure he remained seated until he was done talking.   
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.   
“The time has come to place Leia Organa’s remains in the midst of her kin.” He drew in another shuddering breath and much to his embarrassment found himself close to tears now that the final goodbye to his mother was so near.   
“As we take these final steps towards her final resting place, we will take a minute of silence out of respect for the woman she was.”   
It was the longest minute of his life, but everyone was silent.   
When he thanked the crowd and turned to leave the stand, a ripple of applause started among the spectators. It started softly, just a few claps here and there, but soon the sound swelled into a thundering ovation.   
The sound accompanied them the entire way to the Mausoleum.   
The Rebels were allowed to join the Supreme Leader and Queen Ferya all the way and were allowed to witness how Leia was transferred from the hearse into the tomb.   
When the tomb was closed before their eyes, they were given another minute to say their personal goodbyes.   
Connix and Rose cried. Finn just kept shaking his head. Chewie was still lethargic. Poe knelt in front of the tomb and completely broke down. Emsil knelt next to him and held him close, rocking him gently and kissing his cheek.   
Rey simply stood at one end, with her hand touching the cold stone.   
Tears ran down her face, but she did not speak.   
He stood there, watching.  
The Supreme Leader of the First Order. Surrounded by his mighty Knights of Ren.   
His display of power was just that. A display. A hoax.  
The Rebels all knew the truth. About who he was. Who Leia was to him. They didn’t understand though. Only Rey did, and even she didn’t grasp it all. To see their reactions to his mother’s passing…   
“Time’s up.”  
They all looked up at the harsh voice, rasping through the vocoder of his mask.  
Poe was so miserable and angry, that he came off his knees quickly and was about to swing at the man he used to call brother.   
Rey had felt his emotions and had foreseen his actions through the Force.   
She quickly walked up to Poe and put herself in his path. Her gaze bored into his and conveyed a silent message.   
_Don’t do this. Not now. Not here. You don’t stand a chance._  
She pleaded him with her eyes and slowly but surely she saw his anger abate.   
The wounded look he sent her matched her own feelings to a fault, but he merely nodded in acknowledgement.   
The small band of remaining Rebels exchanged a last look at their General, said a final farewell and left the Mausoleum. None of them looked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter, small as it was.   
> I hope to update a lot faster this time. 
> 
> Let me know what you think by leaving me a comment!   
> I hope to hear from you! 
> 
> X  
> B


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait guys!   
> I promise things are getting better, and I should be able to go back to updating every two or three days starting next week (hopefully this week, but still a lot of things happening for me this weekend).   
> I hope you guys enjoy this little chapter.   
> I know I did... :p
> 
> x  
> B

They were led out of the Mausoleum.   
Silence was their companion.   
Poe and Finn were still seething, Rose, Connix and Emsil were crying quietly.   
Rey and Chewbacca stayed close to each other.   
The walk back to the palace seemed to go on forever. The crowds had diminished to a trickle instead of a throng, only a few hundred where before there were thousands of onlookers. The busy avenue suddenly seemed as sad as the band of Rebels walking it.   
When they finally reached the palace, The Supreme Leader turned to his Knights.   
“Take the prisoners to the courtyard. They will take their supper there. They are granted two hours. When the banquet is over, I will join you there.”  
The Knights put their hands on their chest and bowed slightly.   
“Power and Purpose, Master.” They said in unison, their voices crackling over their vocoders.   
“Power and Purpose.” He said and then turned and headed for the grand hall where the banquet would take place.   
Monk’s voice grated through the quiet hallway.   
“Let’s go.”  
The Rebels merely started walking along, with the rest of the Knights on their heels.   
They soon ended up at the courtyard. Several Storm Troopers were already there, awaiting their arrival. A long table had been placed in one section, already set for their supper. Their restraints were taken off and they didn’t waste time. They simply rubbed their wrists and walked over to the table. They sat down and stared into nothing for a few moments.   
Their suppers were served, and even then, silence was their companion for a good long while.   
Their collective mood was heavily subdued, their sadness almost tangible, long after their meal had been finished and their dished cleared off the table.   
Chewie broke the silence first. His sad groans translated roughly into: “Well. That’s over now.”  
Rey looked up at him and his blue eyes gazed back at her solemnly. He was accepting it at last.   
She was happy to see a reaction in him. She had been worried about him, about this lethargic state he had been in almost constantly since their defeat at Dantooine.   
But she still wished he would get back to his old self, knowing full well it might never happen.   
“What do we do now?” Rose said in a broken whisper.   
Finn immediately put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.   
“I don’t know.” He responded just as softly.  
After a few seconds, Poe said quietly: “We won’t give up, that’s for sure.”  
He looked at Emsil, who smiled up at him shyly. He looked around the table, letting his gaze connect with each and every one of them.   
“We have to figure out a plan. There has to be something we can do.” He said and looked directly at Rey.   
Only he and Chewbacca knew of her connection to Ben. She understood what he was trying to communicate. What he was asking of her. She shook her head gently, inconspicuously, messaging him that she would not use it to their advantage. It would betray the fragile trust she and Ben had finally established.   
He sighed and looked at her with an exasperated glint in his eyes when her reply sunk in.   
“We’ll think of something.” She started haltingly.   
“But not today. It doesn’t feel right. We just put Leia to rest.” She said quietly, looking each and every one of her friends in the eye. Much as Poe had just done. They stared back at her and she felt they understood.   
“Today, we will just enjoy our time together, and remember Leia. Honor her memory. We’ll figure something out tomorrow or the day after that, but not now.”  
Rey heard heavy footsteps behind her, felt a pair of eyes burn in her back.   
_The Knight…  
Rogue._  
She was pacing the arched walkway close to them. Like a predator, sneaking up on its prey. Ready to pounce and sink her claws in when they were at their most vulnerable…   
“What about Kylo Ren’s ultimatum?” Emsil chimed in, her voice soft and hoarse from the tears she had spent.   
“What about it?” Rey said confidently, remembering what Ben had said behind closed doors.   
An amused chuckle sounded then, an electric and robotic sound that grated on Rey’s nerve endings, much like the Falcon had sounded when Chewie had flown it into the mineral mines and scraped it along the walls.   
She turned and saw that Rogue had indeed walked up closer to them.   
Annoyance and irritation at the Knight’s blatant display of distaste towards them flashed through her, rocking her to her very core.   
“Do you find this amusing, Knight?” Rey asked as she pinned Rogue with an angry glare.   
The Knight cocked her head slightly, and her voice sounded sly, even through the vocoder.   
“I do.” She said as she widened her stance slightly and lifted her chin. Her glare could be felt by all, even through the disguise of her black visor.   
“You all know that it’s pointless to resist our Master. You have no choice but to join.”   
She cocked her head again and the smile could be heard through the electronic ramble.   
“Or die.”  
Anger clawed at Rey’s insides.   
Who did this Knight think she was? What gave her the right to butt into their personal, private time like this?   
She felt Rogue’s eyes burn through her as she continued smugly.   
“I know what I prefer…”  
The remaining Resistance Fighters all felt their blood pressure rise.   
Rey’s heart started beating faster as her blood boiled in her veins. She tried to stay calm in vain.  
She could feel her chest heaving faster with every breath she took. The same sensations she had felt when confronted with Snoke started to manifest and she tried to tamp them down with a vengeance.   
“So do I.” Rey retorted flippantly. “But I would rather not do you any favors.”  
Rogue narrowed her eyes at this piece of Resistance filth.   
She still did not understand why her Master insisted on treating this Rebel Scum with such courtesy. She would love to be done with them now. They were hardly worth the time. Plus, there was something about the Jedi that set her on edge. Her Master’s fascination with her probably had something to do with that.  
Rogue chuckled at the response and took a few steps closer.   
“Oh, trust me, _Jedi,”_ she sneered, “the only favor you could do me is for you and your friends to drop dead.”   
Fury at the female Knight’s clear disdain of both herself and her friends gnawed at her. It tangled with her frustration at being powerless about their captivity, with her uncertainty concerning their future, with the weight of the burden of keeping her feelings for Ben a secret, turning into a great ball of rage that pulsed inside of her.   
The ferocity of the emotion made her reckless.   
Rey stood and shook off Poe’s hand as he tried to grab her wrist to keep her seated.  
She took a simple step forward and tilted her head up slightly to bore her gaze into the black visor.   
“You seem to forget who you are talking to.” She hissed. “I _am_ a Jedi. A protector of the Light.”  
One of the other Knights approached them cautiously, sensing the mounting tension between the two women.   
“Rogue, that’s enough. Stand down.” Eager, who was usually the first to jump on board when there was a fight brewing, was unusually subdued. As if he realized that this was a fight they would not want to have. The words were whispered, hushed as he addressed his comrade.   
But the women ignored him. They were oblivious to anyone surrounding them as they continued to bicker.   
“As far as I’m concerned, I’m talking to a nobody.” Rogue spat, the words sounding downright maleficent through that contraption of a mask.   
“And believe me, I will not hesitate to cut you down first chance I get…” The Knight whispered for Rey’s ears alone.   
Rey trembled with fury, her vision clouded with red rage. She stepped even closer, felt something familiar shift inside her chest but she ignored it. She narrowed her eyes and bit out through clenched teeth.  
“I would rather be a nobody with a mind of my own, than be a brainless sycophant acting on misplaced idolatry… Besides, you couldn’t cut me down if you tried. You’re not powerful enough.” Rey’s eyes blazed with fire and conviction, unwilling to let this woman get the best of her.   
Rationally, she knew she would do best to leave it well enough alone. But instinctively… She had to face this confrontation…   
She felt Rogue’s anger build through the Force.   
When she heard the beginnings of a shout rumble in the back of the female Knight’s throat, she also he heard heavy footsteps approaching rapidly.   
“Enough!”

 

Ben stood alone among the throngs of guests that had been invited to the banquet. A few hundred people were gathered in the grand ballroom to enjoy refreshments and political chatter.  
All very important people. Senators, Royalty, local Clan Leaders, high-ranked First Order Officers,…   
All of them had been invited with a purpose.   
To flatter them, to make them feel as if their presence mattered at an important affair like this.  
Ben hated politics.   
He always had.   
It only brought back unpleasant memories of a life he was trying to forget. He had accepted several compliments on the State Funeral. On how generous it was of him to have granted an enemy such a highly esteemed farewell. How wonderfully it had been planned, how meticulously every detail had been executed. He had grown tired of it after less than an hour. And now he stood there, lost in his own thoughts. His body language made it clear to anyone looking on that he was not in the mood for idle conversation anymore.   
He lifted his glass to his lips again, draining its remnants in a single gulp.   
He felt anger and resentment grow slowly and steadily in his gut.   
_Just another hour and this whole affair will be over and done with. Then I can join Rey again._  He thought to himself.   
The feeling in his chest grew uncomfortable. It gnawed at him, this strange mixture of frustration and fury. It was in no way equally related to his own annoyance at this mockery of an official and political affair.   
It went deeper than that.   
When he felt a strange tug at his insides and a mounting anger rush through, it dawned on him.   
It wasn’t his own anger.   
It was Rey’s.   
He closed his eyes briefly, grateful once more for the mask he wore.   
He sought her our through their Bond, and felt her anger hit him full force.   
His eyes opened with a flash. Something was wrong.   
Without even thinking, he turned on his heel, put his glass on a droid’s tray and stalked out of the ballroom, ignoring the baffled expressions of guests following him.   
He headed for the courtyard, his long strides eating away the distance with ease.   
Before long he arrived, and felt alarm course through him at the sight that greeted him.   
Rey and Rogue were all but standing nose to nose.   
Rey’s fierce expression matched the rage flowing through their Bond without hesitation. As if she wasn’t even thinking about him.   
He watched as Eager approached them, no doubt warning Rogue to be careful.   
He took several steps closer and caught tail of their conversation. He heard the word “nobody” and “sycophant” and knew that things were going to get ugly.   
He couldn’t help his own anger rise at someone else calling his Rey a nobody. The irony was not lost on him… But still.   
When things seemed to escalate and they were about to commence a fight, he intervened.  He quickened his pace, long strides closing the distance rapidly.   
“Enough!” he shouted.   
Everyone halted and looked up at him. Some with surprise, some with obvious relief. To his own astonishment, those looks were equally divided among both sides, he sensed it in both his Knights and the Rebels.   
He looked at Rogue. Her chin lifted in defiance.   
“Stand down, Rogue.” He bit out.   
He felt her reluctance and knew she was about to start a lengthy explanation. He held up his hand to silence her in advance.   
He looked at Rey.   
Her eyes flashed and color was high on her cheeks. She was breathing hard through her nose, her mouth flattened in a grim line and he knew instinctively he would not be able to quench her thirst for a fight.   
_“What is going on here?”_ he asked through their Bond.   
_“Your precious Knight has been needling for a fight since we got off the shuttle.”  
“And you want to grant her the pleasure?”   
“You know I do!”  
_ He huffed with exasperation, the sound contorting into a strange static rumbling through his mask.   
Both the Knights and the Rebels were staring at them, seemingly just staring at each other as they communicated in that silent way of theirs.   
_“If I allow it, what do you think will happen?”_ he asked her with a tilt of his head.   
_“It will bring her arrogance down a peg or two.”_ She retorted with another flash of her eyes and a twitch of her muscle in her jaw.   
He watched her closely. She could feel his gaze on her like a caress.   
He then switched his gaze to Rogue.   
The Knight was watching him with deceptive calm. He knew it was nothing but a ruse. She was seething. Hungry for a fight. Thirsty for bloodshed. He knew how her mind worked.   
He sighed silently.   
No good would come of this. He knew it. But he knew it would only continue to fester if he let things be.   
“I understand that this situation will only get worse if we ignore the matter.” He said calmly, in a voice as cold as ice.   
“If it is a fight you want,” he said on a tired sigh that thank the Maker didn’t sound through his vocoder, “then it’s a fight you will get.”  
The surprise in the womens faces would have been comical if the situation wasn’t as dire.   
Determination quickly replaced the surprise, their loathing for each other baring it’s ugly teeth again.   
A disturbing gleam shone in Rey’s eyes, much like the one she had had in her eyes when she called him a monster back on Starkiller.   
He knew that Rogue was not acknowledging the threat as she should.   
Then again, Rogue did not know what Rey was capable of.   
_“You do realize what you’re getting yourself into?”_ he whispered through their Bond.   
She looked up at him and a startling ferocity glinted in her hazel eyes.   
“What are the rules?” she asked.   
Rogue snorted, the sound twisted sardonically through the vocoder.   
Ben looked at Rogue sharply, then turned back to Rey and responded coolly.   
“There are no rules. You will fight until the best fighter prevails. No mortal blows.”   
Both women nodded in agreement. Ben started to turn when Rey’s voice sounded again.   
“I’ll need a weapon.” Rey said briskly.   
He looked at her over his shoulder. A movement of his hand and Monk’s staff came flying towards her. She caught it easily and her eyes met his through his visor. A mischievous glint shone in her eyes as she regarded him in silence.   
“Shall we?” his voice sounded grainy and deep.   
“Take your positions.”  
Rey and Rogue walked up to opposite sides of the courtyard.   
Poe tried to stop Rey as she walked past him.   
“Rey, don’t do this!” he implored.   
She merely smiled at her friends and then at him. She confidently said: “Don’t worry, Poe. I know what I’m doing.”  
She turned her back on him and took on her battle stance.   
She was surprised when Ben’s voice sounded through their Bond in an urgent whisper.   
_“Be careful, Sweetheart. Rogue is feral and wild. She is impulsive and unpredictable. Expectt anything at anytime, allright?”_  
A smile broke on her face, and she felt that strange excitement overtake her again. Like the sensation she had felt coursing through her veins when it was her and Ben against the Praetorians. She knew the Dark Side was tempting her to give in. And how easy it would be to do so, too… But she would simply channel what she needed to, and continue to keep her focus on the Light. It would work.   
_“Thank you.”_ She whispered back through their Bond.   
She closed her eyes briefly, and connected through the Force, as Luke had taught her on Ahch-To. It was easy now that she knew how.   
Things became clearer in the blink of an eye, and she could feel that familiar energy flow through her. She knew what was going to happen, knew what Rogue’s fighting style would be like.  
She recognized Ben’s Force signature, how he was putting bits of information inside her head without wanting to.   
It made her smile grow larger.   
“IS something amusing you, _Jedi_?” Rogue hissed.   
Rey enjoyed getting a rise out of the red-head.   
“Why? Does my smile make you uncomfortable?” she said as she grinned broadly.   
The red-head snarled.   
“Commence!” Kylo Ren’s voice sounded harsh through his mask.   
The two women started circling each other slowly, each of them taking in the other one, trying to determine what the other competitor was made of.   
Rey had a distinct advantage because of what Ben had done, but she considered it cheating to use that knowledge as her guide.   
She would win this on her own!   
Suddenly Rey decided to make a move. She motioned to advance on Rogue to the right, causing the Knight to respond, then quickly maneuvered to the left. Rogue had great instincts though and managed to block Rey’s almost-blow to her midsection with her staff.   
Before long, the sound of metal clashing, of grunts and cries and shuffling feet drowned out all else. The sparring was intense and fast paced, and Ben could only admire the determination and grace Rey fought with.   
She was in excellent shape, knew her techniques well, and was able to block almost every hit and blow Rogue threw at her. Luke had indeed taught her well after all…   
She was able to land in a few good blows herself, enraging Rogue further with every hit.  
Rey drew strength from the same well Ben did. Anger fueled her, rage added focus to her fighting skills and the Light kept her fighting fair. It was a potent combination and soon she was starting to gain the upper hand.   
Rogue on the other hand was suffering to stay focused. Her rage because she was unable to easily beat Rey caused her to act out rashly, unrefined blows were dealt and of course neutralized before they could do the damage she wanted them to do. It only infuriated her more with every passing second and she grew wilder and bolder with every passing second.   
Both the Rebels and the Knights could do nothing more than stare at these two women as they fought with all the Fury of Hell.   
The fight escalated, the pace picked up and they fought each other with fierce passion, yelling and screaming, locking blades every now and then.  They pushed and pulled and battled with an intensity only women seemed to be able to achieve.   
With a fiery battle cry, Rogue once more launched herself at Rey, who in turn was able to block the blow. Rogue spun around and knocked Rey’s staff out of her hands, making her stumble a few steps.. The staff fell in the grass on the other side of the courtyard, far out of reach.   
Rey was without a weapon, this was Rogue’s chance at victory. She charged forward, fully intent on taking Rey out.   
As Rogue charged at her, Rey reacted on pure instinct.   
Using the Force, she reached out and called Ben’s lightsaber to her hand, surprising everyone. Rogue was so stunned by the fact that his lightsaber responded to her, that she lost momentum and it was Rey’s turn to knock her weapon from her hands. The force of that blow literally knocked her over and Rogue found herself flat on her back with Rey hovering over her, Kylo Ren’s lightsaber ignited and aimed at her throat.   
“Enough!”  
Kylo Ren’s voice rang loudly in the silence that ensued.   
Rey’s chest was heaving, her eyes flashing with resentment and uncontrolled rage.   
“Rey!” He said with more authority in his voice.   
Her lip curled in distaste. If she pushed down only a little farther…   
“REY!” he shouted, both out loud and through their Bond.   
That seemed to snap her back to the present.   
She looked at him, staring straight through the black visor. Something in the feel of his gaze on her made her aware of how close she had come to fully throwing herself into the abyss.  
She looked down at Rogue staring up at her. The red crossguard sputtered and hissed at the female Knight’s throat and the woman kept herself frozen. One wrong move would end her life.   
It moved Rey down to her core.   
With a deep sigh, she thumbed the lightsaber, switching it off. She bent slightly and offered Rogue a hand to get up off the floor.   
She felt Rogue’s confusion through the Force.   
“Let me help you up.” Rey said softly, puffing through her lack of oxygen as a result from the fight.   
Rogue stayed on the floor unmoving for a few seconds.   
Rey cocked her eyebrow, urging the other woman to make up her mind.   
When she thought she would end up refusing, she surprised her. Rogue took her outstretched hand.   
Once they were both on their feet, Rogue removed her mask.   
Those glorious red curls came tumbling down to her waist, shocking most of the Rebels. The redhead’s alabaster complexion was flushed. Her green eyes flashed and her eyebrows were drawn into a tight line. Those emerald orbs searched Rey’s, looking for Maker knows what.   
“Why?” the Knight asked in a hushed whisper.   
“Why did you choose to fight me, only to extend your hand to me now?”  
Rey looked at the beautiful warrior in front of her and was at a loss for words.   
She let the Force guide her.   
“Because no matter how much I might resent your behavior, you’re still worth reaching out to.”  
Shock and surprise marred Rogue’s face and an unspoken truce was erected between the two women as they let go of the other’s hand.   
Kylo Ren walked up to them. No one had heard what had passed between them.   
“Are you both satisfied now?” He asked in a bored tone.  
Both women looked up at him and he switched his gaze from one to the other.   
His gaze lingered on Rey.   
“I’ll take that back now, if you don’t mind.” He said, his voice dangerously low. He took his lightsaber from her hand, and she didn’t even try to fight him. He clipped it back on his belt.   
“Don’t do that again, Scavenger.”  
His voice would have sounded menacing to anyone else, but Rey recognized the affection in his tone.   
So did Rogue…   
Her expression quickly went from shock to resentment to mistrust to acceptance. She looked at Rey and saw what she imagined her Master saw.   
The women’s eyes met and once more an understanding was conversed.   
He called Rogue’s weapon to his hand with the Force and handed it back with a word of caution.   
“I hope you learned your lesson, Rogue. I warned you before. Do not make the same mistake twice…”  
She looked up at him, her Master. And understood him more now than she had ever before, it seemed. A strange peace came over her. It grew stronger as she remembered the Jedi’s words.   
_“Because no matter how much I might resent your behavior, you’re still worth reaching out to.”_  
“Yes, Master. It won’t happen again.” She said meekly.   
He nodded once and addressed both the Rebels and his Knights.   
“Resume your activities. According to my chrono, you still have thirty standard minutes left. I suggest you enjoy them while you can.”  
He turned back to Rey and said sternly: “Don’t get any ideas, Scavenger. You may have bested one of my Knights once, but you’ll not stand a chance to all of them.”  
She lifted her chin in defiance.   
“Maybe. Then again, maybe not.”   
He scoffed at her real words.   
_“I bested you twice didn’t I…”_ She said teasingly through their Bond.   
_“Only because I could never hurt you and you know it…_  He answered with a chuckle.   
He turned on his heel and headed back towards the ballroom to finish his diplomatic assignment.  
But his Scavenger would hear about his thoughts about what just transpired tonight…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well????? 
> 
> What do you think???   
> Let me know how you feel about this in the comment section, because I'm dying to find out what this made you feel 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me and for your never-ending support, both on and off A03  
> It means the world to me!
> 
> x  
> B


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!!!! 
> 
> First and foremost:   
> Thank you for sticking with me, even when my uploading time has been diminished lately.   
> However, things are starting to look up again, and we'll be getting back to the usual updates as we did before RL kicked me in the face :p  
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Second:   
> A major shout-out to the people who have been keeping me sane behind the scenes.   
> My Reylo-bestie, Silmea.   
> The lovely Angie  
> And every wonderful author in our SW-author group chat enterprise :)   
> You keep me leveled and sane and in tune with my muse when I need the kick up the butt.   
> without you, I would definitely lose my kriffing mind... 
> 
> Thank you!!!!

As soon as Kylo Ren left the courtyard, time seemed to stand still.   
Rey and Rogue stared at each other some more, the Resistance Fighters were glued to their seats and the other Knights of Ren seemed to be extra vigilant.   
After a few long moments, they seemed to snap out of it and they resumed their activities as if the violent interlude never took place.   
Rey took her seat next to Poe, and Rogue went back to stand near the wall.   
The Rebels stared at her, various expressions on their faces.   
She took her cup of caf and started to raise it to her lips when an excited whisper piped up.   
“Oh my stars, Rey!”  
Emsil leaned forward and stared at her with those big blue eyes.   
“You took Kylo Ren’s lightsaber!” She whispered almost reverently.   
Rey didn’t even look at her as she lifted her cup of caf to her lips and sipped.   
“I know.”  
“I didn’t know that was possible!” she exclaimed. “I thought a lightsaber was something personal, that it doesn’t answer to just anyone. Especially with Kylo Ren’s. Everybody knows he has a special type of saber. It’s not even a traditional design. He’s fiercely possessive of that thing. It’s a miracle he didn’t attack you for taking it…” She said with a frown.   
Rey looked at her and then saw five other pairs of eyes looking at her at the same time. There were different expressions in them. Chewie looked pretty pleased and smug, Poe was obviously annoyed. Excitement from Rose, but the bubbly, happy kind. Suspicion, anger and apprehension from Finn. Connix was staring at her with confusion evident in her features.   
Emsil was excited too, her enthusiasm making her eyes sparkle.   
“I must have gotten lucky.” She said quietly.  “Now can we please change the subject?”   
There was an edge to her voice, which made Emsil frown. She was about to say something but Poe quickly put his hand on hers, the one that was gripping the table in front of him as she had turned to face Rey.   
“Emsil, she’s right.” He said gently.   
“We’ve had a rough day, and we only have a few more minutes left. Why don’t we spend it on more pleasant things than talking about the fight.”  
She looked up at Poe and Rey caught the glimpse of adoration in the young woman’s eyes as she looked up at Poe. A slight smile toyed with the corners of her mouth, so she quickly sipped her caf to hide it.   
If the girl knew how smitten she looked…   
Then again, she didn’t think Emsil would mind much. Although she was shy, she was strong.   
She had been through a lot these past few months, and she had weathered it all. She had come out stronger than before, even if she didn’t realize it. She was resilient and Rey couldn’t help but wonder if that tiny flicker she noticed now and then meant that she was sensitive to the Force. The more she interacted with her, the more Rey thought she was.   
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She heard the girl say.   
“So… what will we do tomorrow?” she started.   
Finn spoke up, his voice firm.   
“The same we always do.” He said with steel in his tone.   
“We fight. With words, with defiance, with anything we have.”  
Rose made an exasperated sound.   
“Fight what, Finn?” she countered.   
“We’re not exactly in a good place right now.” She said quietly. “We are outnumbered, we have no transport, no weapons… We don’t even have our droids.”  
Poe’s face contorted with a shrapnel of pain at the mention of the droids.   
Everyone knew how much he missed BB-8.   
Chewie let out a few groans.   
“You’re right, Chewie.” Rey said softly.   
“We still have allies. We still have sympathizers. They’re out there. But we have no way of getting in touch with them. Right now, we’re stuck.”  
They fell silent for a while.   
“We should all return to our rooms tonight and think this through some more.” Poe’s voice rang in the silent courtyard.  
“We have a little time left.”  
He looked at Rey.   
“Apparently, the deal between you and Kylo Ren still holds. Do you think you’ll be able to get to spend some more time with him?” Poe whispered so the Knights would not overhear.  
Rey looked up at him with wide eyes and tried to keep the color from rising in her cheeks.   
“I don’t know.” She whispered back. “I’ve never asked to see him. He is the one who decides when I go to him.”  
It wasn’t a lie. He did decide whenever she was summoned. Or when he showed up. She’d never asked to see him before.   
“Do you think you could try?” he asked.   
Five pairs of eyes were watching them intently and she felt their gazes burn into her.   
“I don’t see why not…” she started haltingly. “But I doubt that it would work. He has a lot of obligations he needs to tend to, I suppose…” Her voice trailed off as she watched Poe’s eyes twinkle with amusement.   
He knew better. He knew Ben would drop everything if she so much as crooked her little finger at him.   
Ben was completely taken by Rey. Perhaps even loved her. Poe had never seen Ben respond to anyone like that. Never seen him get so aggressive when another man came close to someone he was interested in. The boy who was once his brother had just never seemed to care. But now…   
He was possessive and protective of Rey. That was all he needed to know.   
“Please, Rey? Please try? We need the time together.” he said quietly.   
He watched as she swallowed.   
“You just fought a Knight of Ren and won. You’ve challenged him before. Don’t tell me this makes you nervous…?” he said teasingly.   
She sighed deeply and looked around the table. The expectancy she saw in their eyes made her aware of the fact that she was their hope. She looked at Poe and saw that he was goading her.   
“Fine. I’ll try to see him tonight. But you’d better get me chocolate after this is all over. Lots of it!”   
She’d had a taste of that delicious dark, creamy confection back at the base once, and then again when she had flown out to Varykino to meet up with Ben. The entire Resistance knew she had a weakness for the stupid candy.  
She punched his arm playfully and the entire table started laughing. And just like that the tension was broken.   
They spoke softly, their camaraderie filling the air with sounds of laughter and merit.   
Before long, their time was up.   
They were approached by the Troopers, who put their restraints back on. They were led back to their rooms, Rey receiving her escort from two of the Knights again. Monk and Heavy, this time.   
Heavy walked her inside the room and removed her restraints.   
To her surprise, he started talking.   
“That was impressive, Jedi.” He spoke boomingly, his voice contorted by the mechanics of his helmet.   
He was about as tall as Ben, she mused, but at least twice as wide. She didn’t underestimate him, despite his size.   
“No one has been able to beat Rogue before. Even we are wise enough to keep on her good side.”  
There was a semblance of respect in his tone.   
She looked up at him and was at a loss for words. So she nodded to acknowledge that she’d heard him.   
He stared at her and she could feel his apprehension. He knew there was more than met the eye. The fact that she had been able to take his Master’s weapon and use it, was troubling. But obviously, it must be something he shouldn’t worry about if his Master allowed it.   
He turned around and left the room without another word.   
Rey stood in the center of the room and stared after him.   
The events of the day had completely drained her.   
She walked over to the bed and flung herself on it, facedown. She toed her boots off, clumsily and grumbling the entire time.   
When they finally dropped to the floor with a soft thud, she groaned.   
In her current state, all she wanted to do was sleep. But she had never slept as well in her life as she had last night, in Ben’s arms. Just the thought of him holding her made her feel all warm and tingly.   
A soft smile played with her lips and she flipped over onto her back.   
She remembered Poe’s question, and she realized she had no problems with granting his wish. But she also had to admit it was purely selfish. She wanted to be with Ben. It wasn’t a task. It wasn’t taxing. Not at all.   
_“Ben?”_  she whispered gently as she reached out through their Bond. Finding that invisible cord between them, tugging gently, not knowing what he was doing or who he was with. She didn’t want to impose.  
_“Rey?”_ the answering tug came almost immediately.   
_“Are you alright?”  
_ The worry in his voice made her smile despite herself.   
_“Yes, I’m fine. Am I interrupting anything?”  
_ She felt his apprehension disappear in a whoosh. She also felt he would have smiled but didn’t because… well, because of something.   
_“No, you’re not. I am on my way to my chambers. Why?”  
_ She bit her lip, wondering if she wasn’t coming off as too bold or if he would read anything into it.  
_“I was wondering…”_ she started but hesitated.  
_“You were wondering?”_ came his reply. Sensations of mild alarm, of apprehension reappeared and she frowned.   
_“I was wondering if you wanted to see me?”_ she blurted.   
Surprise crashed into their Bond, with amusement on its heel.   
_“Careful, Rey.”_ His voice sounded as if he was containing a laugh. _“I just might get the impression that you are enjoying my company…”_ his voice trailed off and she could hear the smile behind it.   
She chuckled and continued with amusement in her voice.   
_“Well, I need more time with my friends, and according to our deal that means I need to spend more time with you…”  
“Well, if that is the only reason you want to see me, I might find some diversion for the time being…”  
_ She let out an exasperated sigh.   
_“That is not what I meant, I was just trying to… oh, forget it!”_ she exclaimed and was about to close the Bond when she felt his aura caress hers tenderly.   
_“I’m already on my way.”_ The ghost of a chuckle laced his voice as he spoke softly.   
She took a deep breath and swallowed hard at the intimacy in his tone.   
_“Alright.”  
“I’ll be there in a minute.”  
_ She didn’t get off the bed. She just stared at the ceiling, watching the shadows chase the light.   
_Like Ben and me…  
_ Funny thing, that was.   
She had never thought about it like that. There could be no darkness without light. They chased each other incessantly, always following the other around, no matter where they went. Sometimes their contrast was startling, other times they were barely different. But they always met at twilight and dawn, when the dark and the light met in harmony, inseparable.   
Lost in her own thoughts, she hadn’t noticed how time slipped past.   
Suddenly the door opened and Ben entered. It closed with a loud click.   
She lifted herself on her elbows in alarm, startled by the unexpected sound but soothed by his sudden appearance.   
“Ben…” she whispered in relief.   
“Rey.” He groaned her name and stalked towards the bed. He crawled on it and covered her body, claiming her lips hungrily.   
Startled at his display of impatience, she froze for the briefest of seconds. But as his lips touched hers, she felt the same desire course through her. She had longed to be with him for hours, craved to hold him, to have him hold her. To seek comfort and peace, the kind that could only be found with each other.   
Passion ruled for now, mainly because of his insatiable hunger.   
“Do you have any idea what you did to me? The effect it had on me when you grabbed my saber like that, in front of everyone?” He murmured in her ear, nipping and nibbling at her earlobe, her lips and jaw and neck.   
She tugged him closer, burying her fingers in his luscious hair and kissed him back with equal passion.   
It was more than just physical, this need that burned in her veins and she blamed the Force for that.   
Because it was the Force that had connected them, that had made it all but impossible to ignore him, that had made her aware of him and grew to know, like and love him until now, he was all she wanted.   
She craved his essence, his very soul, that was constantly warring with the Light and the Dark inside him. That monster who could be such an angel. This walking contradiction that defied and challenged everything she knew and believed. The man who made her realize they were the same. Made of the same stuff. The same soul.  
With him, she felt… whole.   
“Where are you?” he whispered as he nibbled his way to her shoulder, burying himself in the crook of her neck.   
“What do you mean, where am I?” she whispered back, breathless.  
She felt him smile against her delicate flesh and he lifted himself on his elbow as he looked down at her, leaning his head on his palm.   
“You were a million parsecs away.” He said as he tenderly pushed a lock of hair from her forehead.   
“Not with me, anyway.” There was a slight smile about his lips, but his eyes were sad.   
She smiled broadly.   
“Actually, I was.” She said and reached up, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear as she smiled. He frowned and she got the feeling he didn’t like it when she did that. He proved it when he shook his head and the lock fell back to its original place.   
“Why don’t you like that?” She said as she cocked her head.   
He frowned again but said nothing, and she caught the flash of a memory, just the hint of one.   
_Children ridiculing his ears.  
_ “They’re beautiful.” She whispered and traced the outline of his left ear.   
She watched him swallow and purse his lips again.  
“We’ll agree to disagree on that one.”  
_I would love it if our children had your ears…  
_ Where had that thought come from??  
Completely surprised and taken off guard by her own mind, she frowned.   
He froze and so did she.  
He looked down at her, his black eyes burning into hers.    
To say he was surprised, was putting it mildly. He appeared to be shell-shocked.  
So, apparently, she’d been dumb enough to communicate it through their Bond...   
She watched him swallow hard.   
Sheer terror took him by storm. He felt his insides clench and twist, the air instantly froze in his lungs and he felt completely and utterly immobilized.   
The thought had trickled through their Bond and he couldn’t shake it. It instantly took hold and planted its heels in his brain. And so, he couldn’t help himself when the vision of a little girl and a little boy took form in his mind’s eye, looking so much like him and Rey it was terrifying.   
The idea that she would even consider him as the father of her children, that she would trust him in such a way…   
He couldn’t even imagine it. If anything, he would completely screw it up. He would end up with his children hating him, their hearts turned to stone where it came to him.   
It wasn’t as if he’d had the best role model in the father department, although he could admit it now that Han probably had done the best he could, however miserable the attempt.   
And it would probably be a million times better than his own…   
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. The thought just popped into my head and I…”  
He lifted his hand and touched her cheek with trembling fingers.  
“You would consider having children with me?” He whispered shakily.  
There was something in his face that made her insides tremble.   
As if he couldn’t believe she’d said that. As if he couldn’t even begin to imagine that she would want to start a family with _him_.   
She felt a blush creep into her cheeks and lowered her eyes, unable to look into his face any longer. It was too open, too gentle, too vulnerable. It was just too much for her to bear.   
“Well, not right now, obviously.” She said sheepishly as she toyed with the silver details on his tunic.   
“I mean, the Galaxy is still a far cry from being at peace, there’s still too much going on right now…” Her voice trailed off.   
She felt something shift in him and she knew instinctively that she needed to act fast or he would be hurt by his own thoughts.   
“I’ve never given much thought to having children. I mean, I would love to start a family someday, but it’s not like I’ve made plans or anything…”  
Her lower lip trembled as she looked up with insecurity in her eyes.  
This was not something light and airy.   
This was a very serious, deep and possibly life-changing subject.   
What if he didn’t share her sentiments?   
The look in his eyes hadn’t changed. He was still staring at her with that look of incredulity on his face. As if he couldn’t believe her words.   
She couldn’t even believe it herself. She had imagined having a family of her own one day, but it had always been a vague notion until now. She could clearly imagine a little dark-haired girl with big soulful black eyes and a little boy with big ears and hazel eyes, an infectious smile and freckles on his nose.   
They stared at each other for a few moments, silence heavy between them. It lasted but a few seconds, but it felt as if eons had passed in that brief passing of time.   
“Why?” he croaked, his voice raspy and raw as if he’d been hiking through the Jakku desert without a canteen of water. A deep sense of terror washed over her, a fear gripping at her insides, clawing in her chest.  
Her face contorted briefly.   
“Why what?” she asked with a frown.   
Again, he swallowed and did that sweet thing with his mouth. The one that always gave away his insecurities and doubts. A soft face, indeed…   
“Why me? Why would you have them with me?”  
She smiled broadly and cupped his cheek, caressing his scar with her thumb.   
“Give me one reason why not?”  
He snorted and all but rolled his eyes at her.   
“I could give you a million reasons why not. Perhaps you can give me one reason why you would?”  
She chuckled and pinched his side, but thanks to the thick fabric of his tunic he barely felt it.   
“Because, _Ben Solo_ ,” she said playfully, “believe it or not, I think you would make an excellent father.”  
She felt it then.   
She could practically hear it.   
A crack.   
A crack in that Dark wall encasing him. A rip in that Darkness enveloping it in its black folds.   
She felt his heart leap through their Bond, felt his very soul shift, felt the Light flood in. It wasn’t even a soft trickle as much as it was a thunderstorm.  
He made a choking sound and his eyes seemed too bright all of a sudden.   
“Rey…”  
His voice seemed to vibrate in her own chest.   
She put her finger over his lips.   
“Sssh.” She whispered.   
“You don’t have to say anything, Ben.” She continued gently. “I know what you’re feeling right now. And I also know this is too much, too soon.”  
His eyes searched hers for Maker knows what.   
_“I can’t fully go back to the Light…”_  he whispered through the Bond.   
“I’m not asking you to.” She whispered back, the sound loud in the silence of her room.   
“And starting a family is not exactly on the top of my list yet, so we shouldn’t even think about it now.”  
She decided they needed a diversion, because their conversation was getting way too heavy. This was a conversation they shouldn’t be having yet. So she did the first thing that came to mind.   
“In fact…” she started in a low voice, “we shouldn’t be thinking at all.”  
She touched her lips to his.   
She hadn’t expected it to be like this.   
The kiss was unlike any they’d ever shared.   
Passion lingered at the edges, but the core was Light. Pure and unbridled love. Tenderness. Affection. Belonging.  
_The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.  
_ She belonged with him.   
And she realized he’d known it all along.   
She felt it in the way he slanted his mouth, in the way he touched his tongue against hers, in the trembling in his fingers as he cupped her neck and the sigh that escaped him as she reciprocated.   
He wasn’t surprised by this. Not at all. It was almost as if he expected it, relief to have finally gotten to this point.   
He murmured her name against her lips, and she was overwhelmed by his emotions flooding their Bond.   
How was it possible for one human being to feel so much?  
She whispered his name, either out loud or through their Bond, she didn’t know.   
But their lips met again, and it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever know.   
Sweeter than the first time they made love. More exhilarating than their fighting – each other or facing an enemy together. More confounding than the discovery of their Force Bond. More intense than being immersed in each other’s body.   
The merging of their souls.   
A thought crossed her mind fleetingly, reminding her of her earlier musings about the shadows and the light. But it faded swiftly as the onslaught of her emotions pulled her down and upwards.   
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.   
Their mouths and lips and teeth met in a passionate kiss. Her hands buried themselves in that glorious mane of dark, shiny hair. The locks like silk against her roughened palms, the tresses running through her fingers like satin streamers.   
She started to loosen the belt at his waist when suddenly he broke their kiss and covered her hands with his.   
“No, Rey.” He whispered roughly.  
She lifted her eyes to meet his gaze, surprise and a twinge of hurt evident in her face.   
“What?”  
She watched several emotions flit across his face as he tried to think of ways to explain.   
He frowned, obviously at a loss for words.   
“Rey…” he started haltingly.   
He took a deep and labored breath and tried again.   
“This isn’t why I’m here.” He said quietly.   
“I know.” She said in the same tone.   
“As much as I want you…”   
His voice trailed off. She felt the evidence of his desire pressed against her hip. She touched her fingertips to his temple and she felt his hesitation. She didn’t even have to probe his mind or search for it.   
All of his reservations were right there on the surface.   
As if he wasn’t even trying to hide them from her.   
The trust that implied made her heart soar.  
It was a mixture of things, too many to pinpoint a single one, although she felt an irrational fear dominating the rest. His grief, his need for comfort, insecurity, apprehension, doubt,…   
Desire was there too, but it was overshadowed by all else.   
_This is because I mentioned having children._ She thought.   
He swallowed but other than that did not react.   
Her heart swelled as she looked up at this man.   
The most unlikely man to have ever caught her attention. The one she had least expected to hold any positive emotion for at one point, had stolen her heart so completely.   
As she stared into his face, she felt his every thought and emotion course through their Bond.   
And she understood.   
She touched his cheek tenderly and smiled.   
“It’s been a long, hard, rough day. Let me hold you at least, Ben.” She whispered as she stared into his eyes.   
His gaze bore into hers and as he realized she wasn’t angry or disappointed with him, he visibly relaxed.   
He brushed her lips with the softest of kisses and let her put her arms around him.   
They snuggled closer, once more amazed at the perfect fit of their bodies.   
Wrapped in each other’s presence, their Force Signature melting together, they found that sliver of peace they were looking for. And soon they drifted off in blissful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I'm dying to know what you guys think of this chapter....
> 
> Can you feel the air of anticipation???   
> Something's coming up, I can feel it!   
> What do you think is going on???
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comment section below!   
> I love to get your feedback!!!
> 
> x  
> B


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SMUT-ALERT!!!
> 
> If you do not enjoy reading smut, I suggest you skip the second part of the story (right after the dream-section)
> 
>  
> 
> Once more I would love to thank my beautiful Silmea for everything she does for me.  
> And I would also like to thank the ever-inspiring Noppoh for the brilliance of inserting this particular setting for the current smut-session ;-)  
> I owe you one, schattebol!

_Darkness swirled around him.  
It clawed at his insides, pulled at his hair, gripped his limbs with sharp extremities.   
He underwent it with a deflated sense of loss, as if he had accepted this was his fate, as if he had nothing else to expect.   
He felt himself going under, when he heard it again…   
That voice.  
“Fight it, Ben. Don’t give up.”  
“Where are you? Who are you?” he cried out, even as he found himself flailing his arms wildly, trying to resurface from the dark pit that tried to swallow him whole.   
“Fight it, Ben. Don’t let it win. Don’t make my mistakes.”  
The voice grew clearer and as he saw the small dot of Light appear in that inky blackness, he also heard that other sound again.  
Giggling. A baby’s gurgling. A soft and gentle voice crooning.   
Rey…   
The tiny speck in the distance exploded, almost similar to what happened at the Supremacy when the Raddus hit it at lightspeed. It was almost blinding, but it also felt familiar. Welcome.   
That vision he had seen, of Rey holding an infant, of a little girl and a little boy standing close by his side, reaching up to tuck their tiny hands in his, returned to his mind’s eye full force.  
“You are starting to understand.” The voice said softly.   
“You are beginning to see beyond the lies. You know what you have to do. So what is stopping you?”  
“I don’t know how!” he cried out. “Please! Tell me who you are? Tell me why you are doing this? Tell me what to do!”  
“Search your feelings, Ben. You know who I am.”  
Ben stilled, and it seemed as if the world stopped spinning, as if the Dark and the Light stopped fighting. The realization dawned on him, the recognition suddenly crystal clear.   
“Grandfather?” he whispered.   
A small chuckled of amusement sounded strange in the grim silence.  
“Don’t make my mistakes, Ben. Make it right. You know what you must do. May the Force be with you always… ”  
The voice faded softly, and the light seemed to fade with it.   
“No! Come back!” he shouted.   
The Darkness seemed to expand again, trying to drown the light that had warmed his soul.   
“Please!” his voice broke and he felt a tear stream down his cheek, right down his scar.  
“Please, come back!” he choked. “I don’t know how…”  
The funny thing was, the Light did not fade completely. Brighter and bigger than that original tiny fleck he’d seen, it seemed to glow softly at the edges.   
“Ben?”  
He heard her voice, the sound echoing in the vast void he found himself in.   
He was always stunned by the effect it had on him. The small leap of his heart, the hitch in his breath. And the warmth… it warmed him through and through, chasing away the cold indifference he had fought to maintain for so long.  
“Rey…” he murmured.  
“Ben?”   
The voice sounded louder, and he felt something push him, shaking him.   
The louder her voice sounded, the brighter the light became.   
He took a deep breath, and then received a great big shove.   
“Ben, wake up!”  
_  
He sprang up, and realized he’d been dreaming.   
_It was just a dream.  
_ He was sweating profusely, his hair sticking to his face in moist tendrils, his clothes uncomfortable against his skin.   
He quickly sat up, and Rey’s hand on his upper arm simply followed.   
He covered his eyes and took a few deep breaths.   
“Are you allright?” she whispered softly as she pushed some of the hair from his forehead.   
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said without looking up.   
“You were having a dream.”  
He inhaled deeply, trying to steady his erratic heartbeat.   
“Yes.”  
She cocked her head and looked at him with worry in her eyes.   
“Good or bad?”   
The sympathy he heard in her voice made bile rise in his throat. He didn’t need her pity.   
“Oh, please, Ben. I don’t pity you.” She said, her tone annoyed and frustrated.   
He turned his head and looked at her with half a smile clinging to his lips.   
“You’re making yourself awfully comfortable inside my head…”  
She couldn’t help but grin at the gentle barb.   
“I can’t help it if you project…Don’t try to change the subject…” She retorted. “Good or bad?”  
He sighed and realized he couldn’t keep this from her.   
“I don’t know.” He said softly.   
She kissed his shoulder and rested her head against it.   
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“No.” he ground out roughly.   
“Yes…” he murmured. He let out a frustrated groan and shoved his hands through his hair.   
“I don’t know.” He said on a sigh.   
“If you want to talk about it, I’m here. But you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it.”  
He heaved a big sigh.   
“It”s nothing.” He said gruffly as he pushed himself off the bed.   
Now it was her turn to sigh.   
“I thought you said you weren’t going to lie to me again?”   
His head snapped around sharply and found her looking back at him with a sweet smile on her face.   
It reached her eyes and made her appear exactly like the beacon from his dream.   
“I’m not lying. I’ll get over it.” He said softly. He leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss on her lips.   
“I’m heading for the fresher. I’ll be right back.”  
He turned around and sauntered over to the fresher, pulling his tunic over his head on the way there.   
Rey watched him go with a frown.   
He was troubled. And there was something he wasn’t telling her.   
Although some of his thoughts were very plainly in sight, whenever she read his mind, there was an area he kept hidden from her. It reminded her of his real intent when he had picked up his lightsaber in Snoke’s throne room.   
It made her apprehensive and cautious.   
The fresher turned on, the sound of water spraying the walls and his body bringing different visions to her mind.   
She bit her fingernail as a wicked idea sprang to life.   
She got off the bed and headed over to the fresher.   
When she reached the bathroom, she saw him standing there. He hadn’t turned on the lights, but the fresher had an automatic glow built in whenever the faucet was turned on, intended to make the temperature visual. As it was, he was illuminated by soft lighting, a purple hue making his skin glow.   
The water was pelting down his back and he threw his head back to wash the soap from his hair, letting the spray hit him in the face.   
Rivulets of water streamed down his muscled back, trailing down his well defined behind and thick thighs.   
It seemed as if every drop of moisture was suddenly drained from her mouth and she could do nothing but stare at him.   
He turned around, ready to turn off the water when he noticed her standing there.   
He was momentarily lost for words as he saw the gleam of unabashed lust in her eyes.   
“Mind if I join you?” she said, her voice barely registering over the sound of the water pelting down.   
He swallowed as she started to undress achingly slow.   
She took off her belt, then the long trails of pleated fabric that were as much a part of her dress style as the freckles were to her face.   
She pushed off her arm wraps and let them fall where they willed. He watched almost helplessly as she pushed her pants down, baring her slender thighs. Her tunic was pulled over her head and he was surprised to see she wasn’t wearing a chest wrap.   
She stood before him in all her naked glory and he wondered for the umpteenth time what in the Galaxy he had done to deserve this woman’s affection.   
He swallowed hard and she stepped into the fresher with him.   
She pushed him aside and let the water run down her head.   
Mesmerized he followed a single stream, as it ran down her face to trail down her breast and then dipped into her navel.   
She opened her eyes and stared up at him.   
She smiled.   
And just like that, the Light burst around him, much as it had in his vision. Or dream. Whatever it had been… it seemed to be real.   
Without hesitating, he reached for her and she came willingly.   
He bent his head down to kiss her eagerly, his hands roaming her back, cupping her butt.   
She let out a low moan and wrapped her arms around his waist, clinging to him.   
He lowered his lips to her neck and nibbled his way to that sensitive spot behind her ear.   
She laughed huskily and dug her fingers in his shoulders at the sparks his ministrations elicited.   
“I haven’t even had the chance to soap up yet…”  
Rey felt his smile spread against her skin.   
“By all means, allow me…” He replied as he stepped back and she missed him immediately.   
But then she watched as he picked up the liquid soap and squirted it in his hand.   
Her jaw dropped as he grinned wickedly.   
“Turn around.” He said hoarsely and she could do nothing but comply.   
He slipped his hands on her skin, the soap making them slide and slip and the friction was delicious.   
He lathered every inch of her skin slowly, careful not to miss a single spot. He reached around and started to lather her throat and shoulders. As he slid his hands down and cupped her breasts she couldn’t help but moan. Her knees became rubber and she had to brace herself against the fresher wall. Her head snapped back and he whispered in her ear.   
“Do you have any idea how much I wanted to tear your clothes off? It’s been tormenting me all day.”  
“Really?” she replied breathlessly as his hands skidded across her flat stomach.   
For a fleeting moment, he imagined what it would be like to span his hands across her abdomen when it was swollen with his child. He was shaken by the intrusion of that thought, and even more by the realization that he wanted it more than he cared to admit. He pushed the thought out of his mind before Rey could pick up on it, but she seemed to be preoccupied.   
“Mmmh” he murmured as he nibbled her earlobe, sending shivers down her spine.   
“They reminded me of the first time I saw you.”   
His right hand slid even lower, through the triangle of soft curls at the apex of her thighs as his left squeezed her breast harder.    
Without hesitation, her legs opened for him and he slowly trailed a finger over her folds.   
He felt her tremble against his chest, felt her breath stutter and halt as he teased her mercilessly.   
“So fierce, so determined.”   
She whimpered and her hips shifted, trying to get his hand to do more than just tease.   
He yields, but only partially, as he let a single finger slip between her folds.   
Her breath caught audibly and she made a sound that could be anything between a plea or his name.   
“I knew then and there that I would have you. That you belonged with me.”  
He slowly pushed his finger inside and she made a mewling sound.   
“Ben!” She cried out as he pushed deeper and retracted his finger achingly slow.   
“So hot…” He murmered, his voice rumbling in her ear, causing goosebumps to form on her skin, despite the warm water pouring down.   
“Ben please…” she whimpered as she rubbed her butt against his groin, eliciting a low groan from him.   
He curled his finger inside her, reaching for that secret little place he knew of, that little area that he knew drove her wild.   
She arched up again, releasing a hoarse cry of pure amazement and rapture and he knew she was already close to her release.   
She turned around in his arms and pulled his face down to capture his lips in a searing kiss.   
He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist tightly. He took a few steps back until his back came into contact with the tiles. He moaned as he kissed her greedily, as if he were famished and she was a banquet.   
“Rey…” He moaned and he shifted her in his arms. He stared into her eyes and pushed into her in one fluent movement.   
“Do you have any idea how exciting it was to see you fight my Knight? How arousing it was to have you take my lightsaber in front of everyone?” He said as he thrusted hard, burying himself as deep into her tight sheath as he could.  
He practically snarled the words as he was once again swamped by the pure unbridled desire of the moment. That exact moment she had called his lightsaber to her hand, he had felt his manhood respond in kind. And he knew the others would recognize it as such.   
“It felt as if you were publicly staking your claim on me.” He groaned as he said it, once again thrusting hard, stimulating that exact little sweet spot he knew would drive her mad.   
_Bless this Force Bond…_  he thought.  
She cried out and threw her head back in uninhibited extasy.   
“I claim you as my own.” He whispered feverishly as he stared into her eyes with an intensity that could challenge a thunderstorm.  
“With every fiber of my being,” he said as his hips thrust into hers, “from now until the end of time, I am yours.” He cupped her cheek with his large hand, his words soft and tender.   
Her eyes grew bright with unshed tears and she cupped his face with both her hands.   
_“And I was, am and always will be only yours…”_ she replied through their Bond.   
The lighting in the fresher flickered, but they paid it no attention.   
The Force hummed around them, almost tangible, the rumble seemed to course through their veins.   
As the water continued to pour down, they lost themselves in a smooth rhythm.   
Unintelligible murmurs, whispered sweet nothings, fevered kisses all lost in the water pouring down.   
Rey clung to him, and Ben held on to her for dear life.   
They felt _everything_ through their Bond.   
He could feel the way he felt to her as he pushed against her inner walls, could feel the way it made her muscles clench and she could feel the effect it had on him, the way her every spasm contracted around him and urged him on.   
They lost track of who felt what and they didn’t care either way.   
The sensations just kept building, climbing higher and higher until they both felt they would burst.  
They were so close to their release, practically begging for it with every breath they took.   
Ben reached between them, his nimble fingers finding that tiny precious bud between her folds, where their bodies connected. He applied the slightest pressure, just the right amount and as he angled his hips just so, it was enough to send her over the edge, dragging him along with her.   
With a loud roar, he thrusted up one final time, burying himself inside as deep as he could go.   
As he spent himself almost violently, the intensity was brought up another notch as he felt her walls spasm and clutch at him, milking every last drop of his essence from him.   
Their lips met in a gentle kiss, a complete contrast to the almost primitive nature of their coupling.   
The power of their orgasm had taken them by such startling surprise, it left them both trembling.   
His limbs were weak, and he was no longer able to remain standing.  
Ben wrapped his arms around her tightly and slowly slid down the wall to sit on the fresher floor, Rey still straddling his hips.   
They buried their faces in the crook of the other’s neck and just breathed as the water continued to pelt them.   
A careless gesture with his hand turned the hot spray off, and the sudden silence was deafening.   
It made their labored breathing sound as loud as blaster shots.   
They stayed that way for several minutes, until Rey shivered.   
He looked into her eyes and made up his mind.   
“We need to dry ourselves off before we catch our death. I wouldn’t want to give Hux the pleasure.”  
His eyes twinkled with merriment.   
It was infectious. She grinned along with him.   
He lifted her off of his lap and the sensation of her sliding off of him immediately aroused him again.   
He got up with as much grace as he could muster with his legs feeling like rubber.   
He summoned a pair of towels with the Force and carefully wrapped one around her.   
She smiled up at him shyly and he couldn’t help but laugh at the contradiction.   
She was as seductive as a temptress and innocent as a virgin. A heady mixture that never failed to appeal to his senses.   
When they were both wrapped in towels, she took him by the hand and returned to the bedroom. They crawled into the bed and instantly wrapped each other in a tight embrace.   
She kissed his chest softly, at the same time he kissed her crown.   
His thoughts drifted back to Maz, to her crazy plan and what she had concocted. It was insane and foolish, and it was too much of a wild card, but they had no other choice.   
If Hux had his way, they would up be dying the cruelest of deaths. They would be executed in the most public of affairs, on display for the entire Galaxy.   
He couldn’t let that happen.   
He was also beyond the point of lying to himself. Claiming he didn’t care what happened to Chewbacca or Poe would be a hoax, because he knew damn well that he did care. He didn’t care about the traitor in the least, but the ass meant something to Rey and seemed to be loyal to her, and therefore had his worth. He didn’t have to like that fact, but he could be honest with himself about it, at the very least.   
“Now, who is a million parsecs away?” she whispered, her lips tickling his skin.   
He chuckled softly, gathering her even closer as he pressed another kiss on her stern.  
“I’m right here, Rey.” He said on a sigh.   
She glanced up at him and her eyes took on a strange glow.   
“Are you?” she whispered.   
He stared at her, mesmerized and terrified.   
If Maz’s plan backfired…   
_“I’ll always be with you. Everything I will ever do, will be because of you. Everything I am, is yours.”  
_ The thoughts were spoken tenderly through their Bond and she trembled at their impact.   
“I cannot help but feel there’s something you’re not telling me.” She replied with apprehension lacing her words.   
He laughed.   
To hide his hysteria and his guilt about actually keeping things from her, he laughed.   
“Rey, you can read my mind. You share my thoughts. It would be pretty hard to keep things from you.” He said with humor wrapped around every word.   
“You’ve done it before.” She said softly. “On the Supremacy…” her voice trailed off and he knew she loathed to think about that day.   
“And look how that turned out for me…” he replied, and he couldn’t help the sarcastic hint that accompanied the thought.   
“Ben…” she started, but he interrupted her quickly.   
“All this talk is not going to change the fact that I have you in my arms in a soft bed, practically naked and completely at my mercy. And I am going to make the most of every second of it…” He said as he shifted to lean over her, putting his hands next to her shoulders and pinning her in place.   
A slow smile spread across his face, making it seem impossibly handsome, the twinkle in his eyes more potent than any other type of seduction could ever be.   
“Now, _Scavenger_ …” his voice dropping an octave, “I’m done with conversation. Let’s find out how much you missed me…” and he lowered his lips to hers again.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> yeah, that happened...  
> We all knew it would happen sooner or later right...?? ;-)  
> Let me know what you think in the comment section below, cause I'm dying to hear your thoughts... 
> 
> Next chapter should be up on wednesday (hopefully, if RL doesn't act up)  
> Hope to hear from you!  
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> x  
> B


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my darling readers! 
> 
> I am finally getting my groove back!   
> And as we're getting closer and closer to the ending of this story, I just thought it would be appropriate to thank you for sticking with me!   
> I hope this ride is as fun for you as it is for me! 
> 
> another thank you to my darling Silmea.   
> And a huge thank you to Panda capuccino for providing me with the visual artwork that matches with the images in my head. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm dying to hear what you think of it, so leave me a comment to let me know !

His lips met hers again and it was the most glorious feeling in the world.   
The friction was igniting sparks in parts of her she did not know could spark. Like tiny electrical currents, they coursed along her nerve endings and seemed to incense them with life and energy.   
It wasn’t long before his mouth and hands started another round of endless exploring, a delicious torture without precedent.   
It was different than before, less rushed and more intimate. Softer. Warmer.   
_Loving.  
_ His kisses were languid, his caresses intentional and his whispers sweet.   
He made love to her slowly and gently this time, the epitome of a tender lover for all intents and purposes.  
They took their sweet time, exploring each other and discovering new sweet spots as they went.  
Every touch elicited the necessity for another one, each kiss seemed to require more.   
There was a hunger, a deep passion coursing through their veins, but they could not deny that they were acting on a deeper need. They were making love, connecting on a plain where their Bond seemed to fuse even stronger still.   
They were lodged in a tangle of arms and hands and legs and lips and teeth, without the prospect of ever completely untangling again.   
They both reached their pinnacles together, but eventhough it was less intense on a physical level, it more than made up for it with the intensity of their connection.  
When they looked into each other’s eyes as their orgasms started to fade, tears shone brightly in their eyes. They did not speak, but they communicated just the same.   
And as she was wrapped in his embrace afterwards, she felt a strange sensation course through her again, as if there was something he was keeping from her.   
He was holding on to her with an almost desperate edge to it.   
As if he was afraid to let her go.   
She felt his unease creep up on her but knew that he would deny it if she tried to get him to talk to her.   
Her Ben was nothing if not stubborn.   
_Just like his mom and dad…_ She smiled, her lips curving against his chest.   
“What are you smiling about?” He murmured sleepily.  
Her smile grew only wider as his hoarse mumble sounded just like Han’s.   
“You wouldn’t like it if I told you.”   
He let out a sound that could be anywhere between a groan and a chuckle.   
“If you say it like that, it’ll probably be something about a comparison to members of my family.”  
She couldn’t contain her laughter. It bubbled up, tumbling from her lips like music, and Ben could not contain the smile from manifesting any more than he would be able to keep the sun from rising.  
She propped herself up on her elbow, letting her head lean on her hand.   
She looked at him, his eyes closed and a rueful smile toying with lips she was severely addicted to.   
“What was it like?” she asked softly.   
“What was what like?” he countered.   
“Growing up with a family?”  
He cracked open an eye and she could feel the antagonism build inside him.   
“Any family or mine specifically? And do you mean aside from my parents sending me off to live with my psycho uncle who tried to kill me?”  
She swatted at his chest playfully.   
“Don’t be like that.” She said accusingly, but without any real heat behind it.   
He sighed and rolled his eyes and she softly continued.   
“I know they made mistakes. Huge mistakes. Errors of gigantic proportions. I’ll never dispute any of that. You know that as much as I do.” Her eyes met his and she frowned at the skepticism she saw there.   
“But I also know that they loved you, regardless.”  
He sighed.   
“Rey… let’s not…”  
“Ben, I mean it.” She interjected, cutting him off.   
“Your father loved you till the very end, believing you could still come back and forgiving you for anything. Your mother adored you, despite the mistakes you made and tragedies you caused. And Luke…”  
“Don’t!” He raised his voice heatedly as he sat up brusquely.   
The surprise on her face calmed him down, but just barely.   
He sighed deeply and shoved a hand through his hair.   
“Why are we even discussing this? It’s pointless and you know it. It will only rile me up.”  
She looked at him and saw that telltale twitch of the muscle beneath his left eye, the working around his mouth and nose.   
“Is that why you’re doing this? To get me riled up? Does this make you feel better in some strange perverted way even a Darksider like me would frown upon?” His tone was sharp.   
“No Ben. I’m doing this because I simply feel this is something I have to say.” She said quietly.   
She put her hand on his back and rubbed it slowly.   
She sighed deeply and started speaking softly again, her voice barely above a whisper.   
“For what it’s worth, he admitted to me that he failed you. That he was wrong and that he made a huge mistake. That he had let his own fears and insecurities and confusion cloud his common sense and judgement, and that he should have been able to recognize them for what they were. To overcome them. And he was really very sorry about it.”  
“Rey, I really don’t want to talk about this.” He scoffed as he shoved the covers off and got out of the bed. Without any qualms about his nudity, he stalked in the general direction of the bathroom. He had only taken a few steps when her words halted him midstride.   
“So, are you just going to walk away from me because of this?”  
He looked back over his shoulder.   
She sat in the middle of that big bed, her beautiful hair tumbling down around her face in soft waves, her eyes sad and mournful.   
He swallowed hard.   
He was suddenly bombarded with everything that was weighing him down. Things he needed to keep from her for her own safety. Things he so desperately wanted to share.   
He had to look away, unable to bear the look in her eyes any longer.   
“I just might.” He whispered.   
Her sharp intake of breath sounded ridiculously loud in the silence, and it made him feel incredibly guilty. Oddly enough, it was an emotion that had never sat well with him and it was even worse now. Especially with Rey, he seemed prone to the feeling.  
He continued in a soft voice.   
“Rey, I know what you’re trying to do. I know what you’re trying to accomplish by talking about it.” He looked up at her and saw that her expression had barely changed.   
“And although I can understand your motivation, I can’t deal with it. Not now. Maybe never. What happened with me and my family…” his voice trailed off and she felt his emotions as strongly as her own.   
“Suffice to say that it’s a subject I don’t want to discuss anytime soon. Or ever for that matter.” He started to turn again when she spoke up again.  
“Sooner or later, you will have to face that past, Ben.” She said quietly, her voice thick with gentle compassion.   
“What they did to you was wrong, and it was unfair, and it should never have happened. But to this day, it still dictates a huge part of your life.”   
He snorted as if to contradict her words, but she wouldn’t have any of it.   
She got off the bed, dragging the spread with her as she went, wrapping it around her in a makeshift dress as she approached him with long strides.   
“You told me to let the past die. To kill it if I had to. That I was still holding on, and that I needed to let go.” She spoke passionately, poking a finger at his chest.   
“When in all honesty, you are the one still holding on!”  
Her eyes seemed to shoot lightning, a fierce fire burning bright in those hazel depths.   
“You are still so angry and so hurt and unwilling to face those emotions, you are allowing them to control your life!” she had raised her voice as she spoke, her features beseeching him.   
“You are going to end up even more bitter and cynical than you already are if you allow them to stay front and center! Why don’t you just admit to the things that are tearing you down and accept them for what they are? Why can’t you try to see things from a different point of view?” She admonished passionately.  
He looked at her blankly, his expression one of complete indifference.   
“You will end up just like Luke if you carry on like this!” she raised her voice slightly.   
This time, her words did seem to register and garner a reaction. His eyes flashed and that muscle beneath his eye and near his nose ticked in annoyance.   
“Ben, please!” she begged as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes.   
“Please, for Maker’s sake, follow your own advice. Let it go. Or your past will hold back your future.”  
_Our future_ …   
“Enough!” He raised his voice, his eyes flashing as his temper got the better of him.   
He closed his eyes briefly and drew in a deep breath before looking down at her again, trying to contain his rage.  
His mouth did that incredibly cute pursing again, the one indication that always made her believe his sincerity because he usually had no idea he was doing it.   
He started to shake his head gently.   
“I can’t.” he whispered as his hand reached out to wipe the tear that fell from her eyes with the pad of his thumb.   
“I wish I could.” His voice was hoarse and his eyes were haunted, as if it was killing him to admit it to anyone.   
“I wish I could, Rey. But I can’t. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.” He said quietly.   
“And to be honest, I don’t know if I want to.” His voice growing stronger with every word he spoke.   
She sighed deeply as she lowered her eyes, and he knew he’d disappointed her. Fear nipped at his insides, churning in his gut like a ball of frost spreading through his soul.   
_So this is it then. I’ve lost her again._ He thought, feeling defeated.   
But then she surprised him.   
“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she stepped closer and put her arms around his waist.   
She sighed against his chest.   
“You’re right. It’s not my place to tell you when and what to face. I just worry.” She leaned her forehead against his chest and blew out a long breath, tickling his pecs.   
He was shocked.   
This was the farthest thing he had expected to happen.   
“Don’t be sorry Rey.” He said, the confusion clear in his voice.   
It made her look up at him.   
The befuddled look on his face made her chuckle.   
“You are a man of contradictions, Ben Solo.” She murmured as she lifted up to brush at a lock of dark hair hanging over his forehead. She rested her hand on his cheek, thumb trailing the scar there.   
“Did you honestly think _I_ would walk away?” She whispered with narrowed eyes.   
“That I would let you walk away from me, just because we disagree on this?”  
His eyebrows were drawn together in a tight frown.   
_“it’s what people do, Rey. They leave me.”_ He said hesitantly through their Bond, painfully aware he was laying himself bare, giving her the power destroy him and the means to do it.   
She drew back, her face contorted in shock and disbelief.   
And he felt it down to his bones.   
She understood.   
She understood exactly what he was talking about. What he wanted to say. What his words intended to deliver.   
That it wasn’t just some random thought that plagued him on occasion, but that he absolutely believed it with every fiber of his being.   
His mother had always left him, travelling the Galaxy and putting politics over her own son.   
Han had left even more, going on his smuggling trips and making him feel he’d rather be anywhere else but with the little boy who looked up to him so much, idolizing him.   
His uncle, who had been known as a hero, as a role model and a legend, a crusader for justice, peace and love, had tried to kill him in his sleep.   
Chewie had shot him.  
_Well, that one was kinda justified. And he could have killed him if he wanted to. And Chewie did always step up when he had to…  
_ Those thoughts were quickly filed away, but that didn’t change a thing.    
The list went on and on.   
The feeling of betrayal and hurt and loneliness was overwhelming. And to make things worse, they had always been elicited by people whom he had trusted.   
She’d known it before, but never experienced it from his point of view. Never felt it quite this strong.   
And Rey finally truly understood.   
She had been lonely on Jakku, because she had no one who cared.   
Ben had been in an even worse spot.   
He had been lonely because he had people who cared, but not enough. Never enough. She had felt alone because she had no family. He had been alone with a family who made him feel alone. It was an even worse position to be in.  
She tilted her head and a single tear slid down her cheek.   
Well, she’d prove him wrong.   
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” She said as she shook her head from side to side, making it a matter of honor to stare him in the eyes.   
“I’m not going anywhere. If that is what you think, then you obviously don’t know me very well. I spent fourteen years on Jakku, just to make sure I’d be there when my parents came back.”  
She smiled at him.   
“I know all about waiting. And I’ll always wait for you to come back to me, Ben Solo. I won’t leave you.”  
She got on her tiptoes and tugged his head towards her. She brushed her lips to his in the softest of touches, trying to let him know that she meant what she said.   
This wasn’t an issue she could rush.   
She just had to prove it to him.   
“Just try not to distance yourself from me, just because you think I’d leave.” She snuggled closer.   
“I’m made up of more than you think.”   
He put his arms around her, and squeezed his eyes shut.   
She _would_ be leaving him.   
Soon.   
Today.   
But he couldn’t tell her that. If she knew about the plan he and Maz had come up with, she’d be in danger. She would risk getting hurt or killed in the process. He couldn’t allow it.   
So he just tried to block that area of his mind with all the mental defenses he could manage to pull up and heaved a great big sigh.   
They only had a few more hours left.   
After that, chances were very high he might never see her again.   
In fact, it would be for the best if they never did see each other ever again.  
His arms tightened even more around her, all but crushing her to him.   
It didn’t help to know rationally. His heart was bleeding at the very thought of never being able to hold her like this again. To kiss her. To smell her hair and count the freckles on her skin. It was killing him slowly, the torture far worse than any punishment Snoke had ever put him through.   
His desperation to hold her flowed freely through their Bond, but Rey contributed it to their conversation. She just hugged him back and tried to reassure him of her love through both their Bond and their touch.   
She kissed his chest, right over his heart.   
“Now that we’ve smoothed that out, please come back to bed? We only have a few more hours till sunrise and I for one could do with a few more hours of sleep.” she said warmly as she stared up at him.   
There was still hesitation in that dark gaze. But after a moment, he nodded and let her take him by the hand and lead him to the bed. Again.   
And just like the other two times, they snuggled close. Wrapped in each others arms, they stared up at the ceiling for what felt like hours, but could not have been more than ten minutes.   
They fell asleep slowly, lost in their own thoughts.   
Things were about to change…   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And???? 
> 
> Let 'r rip!   
> I wanna hear your thoughts... 
> 
> X  
> B


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> sorry for the radio silence, I got a little too invested in RL... 
> 
> I just want to start by saying a big fat thank you to a very special and wonderful lady.  
> She is my rock and my tower and my neverending flow of support when I need it.  
> Without her, this story would not ever have been posted in the first place.  
> She is a brilliant author, a fantastic beta and a wonderful friend, and I am lucky to have her in my life. 
> 
> My darling Silmea.  
> Thank you! For all that you are!  
> May the Force be with us, always!
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story.  
> And I can't wait to hear what you think! 
> 
> x  
> B

Ben woke as the first tendrils of dawn were visible above the turquoise rooftops of Theed.  
He felt that strange sensation take hold of him again as he slowly drifted awake.  
Rey was snuggled close, her hand pressed over his heart, her leg thrown over his thighs.  
Having her so close still amazed him every time.  
She seemed made to fit him and his body to perfection, every curve pressed against his hard planes, perfectly cushioning him.  
_My other half…  
_ As he thought this, his peaceful state of mind became muddled quickly.  
Ben let out a deep sigh, as he valiantly tried to come to terms with the fact that he would have to let her go today.  
He could feel his heart break apart all over again.  
He had not felt like this in years, if he ever had.  
He was happy.  
And it was all because of the woman in his arms.  
She was his equal in every way. She defied him instead of fearing him. She challenged him instead of obeying him. She fought him with everything she had, and still did not miss an opportunity to hold him close.  
He found peace because of her. He found happiness because of her. He loved her. And with her, he had found the belonging he had craved all of his life.  
And he was going to have to let her go.  
Ben squeezed his eyes shut and gathered her a little closer, determined to further commit every detail to memory. The scent of her, the silkiness of her skin, the freckles on her nose, the shades of color in her hair, the shape of her ears and fingernails. They would have to last him a lifetime.  
He felt anxiety and despair overtake him, so he took a deep fortifying breath and slowly exhaled through his mouth.  
He needed to be strong.  
Rey’s future depended on his levelheadedness.  
He reluctantly opened his eyes again and extracted himself from her gently, trying his very best not to wake her.  
He then made quick work of retrieving his clothes from the fresher and shrugged them on soundlessly.  
About to slip out of her room, he noticed something odd near the desk.  
There were a few sheets of paper and an antique inkwell on the surface.  
A frown graced his forehead as he walked up to it. He checked the inkwell and discovered to his surprise that it was full. The ink was still liquid, so someone must have refilled it recently.  
_Odd..._    
A strange flow of determination coursed through him and moved him without even realizing it.  
He grabbed a piece of paper and the pen and started to scribble down a note. When he was done, he blew on it to help the ink dry faster. Then he meticulously folded it and walked over to the bed and put the note on the pillow he had slept on.  
After one last look and a ghost of a kiss pressed to her stern, he turned on his heel and left the room.  
There was a lot to be done. He should get to it.  
_May the Force guide us…_

Rey woke slowly.  
As she opened one eye, she quickly closed it again as bright sunlight pierced the windows.  
Eyes closed, she turned unto her back and stretched languidly, letting out a low moan and a yawn as she allowed her limbs to find their flexibility again.  
When she felt she had stretched enough, she let her arms drop down beside her with a loud thump.  
She let out a deep huff and noticed that Ben was gone.  
She called out and heard no response.  
She looked around briefly and something caught her eye.  
A frown graced her features as she discovered a note on his pillow, her name written on it in graceful letters. She reached for it and carefully unfolded the paper to read what it said.

  
_My dear Rey,_  
  
_I’m sorry for leaving you so early._  
 _There are things I need to tend to._  
 _But I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye somehow._  
 _So, I decided to write you this note now._  
 _I hope that when you read it, that lovely smile I adore so much will grace your beautiful lips._  
 _And that you realize how much I despair to see you again._  
 _Every hour apart is torment, and I long for the moment when I can hold you in my arms once more._  
 _Just know that I am never truly gone, and that our Bond will always link our souls._  
 _I hope you keep this note close to you, as I keep you close in my heart._  
  
_I love you, Sweetheart._  
  
_Yours forever_  
 _Ben_

Rey was stunned.  
The note was beautiful. Apparently, his education had been very formal and thorough, because each word was written with care and intent.  
A watery smile graced her lips, just as he had hoped. Tears shone in her eyes and her throat felt constricted as she reread the note over and over again.    
He loved her.  
She knew he did. But seeing it black on white, in such elegant and sophisticated writing….  
It made her heart jump and her stomach flutter and she felt as if the Galaxy was hers.  
_This!_  
This was what she had wanted him to offer her after the Throne Room Fight. All she had ever wanted from him. His love.  
And now, it seemed, she had it. Officially. In writing.  
She felt as if she was walking on clouds.  
She sighed and read the letter one more time before neatly folding it and putting it on the bed again.  
She quickly hopped in the fresher and toweled herself off at the same pace.  
By the time she finished dressing, breakfast was brought.  
She quickly tucked the note inside her tunic, wanting to keep it as close to her as possible.  
As the door opened, Rey was surprised to see Rogue deliver her food instead of the usual Storm Trooper.  
She frowned, but couldn’t help the smile that crept up.  
“Goodmorning Rogue.” She said brightly.  
The redhead was wearing her mask, so her expressions were concealed. Still her surprise was utterly clear at Rey’s joyful greeting.  
She simply nodded in acknowledgement and stepped over to the small desk to put down the tray.  
“Your breakfast.” She said gruffly, her voice contorted by the vocoder, and yet there was no malice.  
“Thank you.” Rey said with another bright smile. After the night she’d had, after waking up to Ben’s claim of love she felt absolutely glorious,  but the prospect of food always made her spirits soar.  
“I wasn’t expecting you to bring me breakfast, to be honest. Usually a Storm Trooper brings it. Always the same one. Is he ill?” she asked a little more subdued, sensing Rogue did not know how to handle cheerfulness…  
Rogue’s head snapped up and she paused in unloading the tray.  
“Why would you care?” she ground out.  
Rey’s eyebrows lifted in surprise at those words, but even more at the clear sound of bafflement that shone through them.  
Rolling her eyes and frowning slightly, she answered as she subconsciously scrunched her nose.  
“I don’t know. It’s just… what I do.”  
She sensed Rogue mulling it over. Rey could practically hear the cogs turning in her head.  
“Do you care about everyone then?”  
Rey smiled at the sarcasm and incredulity dripping off that remark.  
“Actually, I do. More about some than about others, but yes, I do care about everyone.”  
A sound could be heard in the silence that ensued.  
Rey recognized it as a sharp intake of breath, a hiss.  
She watched in fascination as the other woman seemed to square her shoulders and lifted her chin.  
“That is not a very smart way of living, Jedi.” She quipped.  
“It is bound to lead to pain and suffering.”  
_Aha!_ Rey thought. _That’s what she is about. A typical Dark Side mentality. Don’t care about anyone. Only you yourself counts. The lesser attachments, the better.  
_ Rey tilted her head slightly and studied Rogue once more. She seemed to be on the defensive side.  
“You don’t believe me.” She said, her voice barely above a whisper.  
“It’s not that I don’t believe you. I can see that you mean what you say.” Rogue responded calmly.  
“I just think it’s a very stupid way of living.”  
“Is it?”  
“Yes it is.”  
“Don’t you care about anyone?”  
Rogue fell silent for a moment, just a few short seconds, but they confirmed what Rey already knew.  
Rogue cared about Ben. About the Knights.  
“My Master and my brothers in arms. They are the only ones worthy of my loyalty.”  
Rey smiled. Rogue cared deeper for Ben than she should. That was something she herself could relate to.  
“But loyalty is not the same as caring about someone.” She stated calmly.  
“A fine trait, yes, but not the same as actually giving thought to someone, to try to make them happy, even when you’re not, of taking care of their needs, of making them laugh.”  
Rogue scoffed.  
“I don’t see the point.”  
“Of course not. You’re a Dark Sider.” Rey said dryly.  
She felt Rogue’s reaction in her own soul. Like barbed wire slapping back.  
“I didn’t mean that to sound like I’m trying to offend you. It’s just stating facts. The Dark Side thrives on different things than the Light does. Dark Siders are often encouraged to be selfish, whereas Light Siders are encouraged to be selfless.” She continued, studying the Knight before her. She was looking for small signs that her words would take root. To ensure it, she continued in a tone she hoped sounded logical.  
“Of course, both are extremities. A middle ground would be more reasonable. No one should be selfish or selfless all the time.”  
“Perhaps. But I like things the way they are.” Rogue spat and turned away to leave when Rey halted her.  
“Rogue?” she said eagerly.  
The Knight looked at her over her shoulder.  
“Thank you.” Rey said quietly, a small smile toying with the corners of her mouth.  
She felt the confusion radiating from the other woman as if they were tangible waves on Ahch-To.  
“Why?” she rasped the question, the sound menacing through that hideous contraption called a helmet.  
“For a lot of things.” She started haltingly.  
“For allowing me a chance to rid myself of frustration, for accepting defeat gracefully.” She continued softly.  
“And for caring for your Master so much.” She all but whispered. “I know he appreciates it.”  
Silence hung between them for a moment or two, tense and tight as a coiled rope.  
“I do not know why you should care to tell me this, Jedi.”, she spoke, “but for some reason you are loyal to my Master too. I believe foolish sentiments are involved, but that really isn’t my business.”  
The arrogance in her voice made Rey’s skin crawl, but she tried to remember that it was probably because of the mask.  
“But I do know, that despite the fact that I despise you…” she fell silent again, and Rey could feel her conflict as clearly as she could feel her own heartbeat.  
“Despite the fact that I despise you and what you stand for, I can respect your mastery of the lightsaber and your strange dedication to my Master. For that alone, I acknowledge your effort.”  
Rey’s smile was slight, but still there.  
The women looked each other in the eye – or visor -  and that same unspoken truce was enhanced in that single determined gaze.  
Rogue nodded and Rey reciprocated. Rogue then took her leave, before delivering her a few cryptic parting words.  
“Supreme Leader Kylo Ren will be expecting you all in the courtyard at noon for the midday meal.”  
With that she left, closing the door with a loud click.  
Rey was left standing in the middle of her room and sighed deeply.  
What a strange day this was turning out to be, and the sun wasn’t even that high in the sky yet…  
She turned towards the desk, and the food that was waiting for her.  
If there’s one thing she’d learned in life, it was never to let good food – or food in general – go to waste…  
  
In a far-away corner of the large gardens that engorged the palace stood a small gazebo that was overgrown with shrubs and bushes.  
It was so overgrown, it was almost fully concealed from view. If one didn’t know it was there, it would have been hard to find in the midst of the thickly grown trees.  
So it was no wonder no one knew of the two figures who entered the gazebo, clad in brown and green robes, their hoods drawn over their heads.  
“I was afraid you had gotten cold feet and were not going to show up.”  
The taller of the two scoffed at the words.  
“Please, I’ve pulled crazier stunts than this.” He spoke softly, his deep voice kept quiet deliberately, just in case.  
A soft chuckle was the response he got.  
“That might be true, but I do believe this is somewhat different.”  
The small figure pushed the hood back a little and looked up at the tall man in front of her.  
“The stakes are higher this time, are they not?”  
She cocked her head slightly.  
“Did anyone see you leave the palace?” she asked bluntly.  
“Of course not!” he spat, pushing his hood off his head, revealing dark hair and a face full of determination.  
“Good.”  
He sighed.  
“Maz, this had better work.” He looked around and whispered fervently.  
The small orange alien smiled up at him.  
“Don’t worry, Ben.” She spoke with confidence and authority.  
“Everything is taken care of. We’ll have a transport waiting at the other end of these woods and a ship waiting at Varykino, where we’ll be able to slip off planet and into hyperspace without anybody knowing we’re missing.”  
Ben let out a deep sigh, worry and anxiety weighing down on him.  
“I hope you’re right.” He muttered under his breath.  
“Just make sure that my people have access to the necessary uniforms and that you make sure that they can supervise the midday meal. They’re well trained. They will not fail us.  And if things go wrong, we will still have the back-up plan. Although it probably won’t come to that point.”  
“I’ll repeat myself, just to be clear.” He said in a low voice, the sound slightly menacing.  
“I hope you’re right. Because if things go bad…”  
“If things go bad, we’ll roll with the punches. Don’t worry Ben. We’ll figure something out.”  
He sighed deeply and Maz then said something that made him look up in surprise.  
“The Force is with us on this, Ben. Everything will work out for the best. You’ll see.”  
He stared at her, incredulously. Her faith in the Force was remarkable. She was no Jedi, nor a Sith. But she was sensitive, and Ben had always wondered just how closely connected to the Force she actually was.  
Her next words caught him by surprise.  
“I need to go. Just make sure that they get to the courtyard on time and that no one is with them but your Knights and my people. It will go according to plan. Now I must go. May the Force be with you, Ben.”  
He was stunned into silence, those words not having been directed at him in over seven years.  
“May the Force be with you, Maz. Always.” He murmured, completely baffled and strangely moved by the familiar phrase.  
Then he watched as Maz lifted her hood back over her head and disappeared into the dense forest as if by magic.  
He let out another deep sigh and then put his own hood back over his head. A strange sensation coursed through him and the ghost of a familiar voice sounded ever so softly in the back of his head, filling his chest with dread.  
_I have a bad feeling about this…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, the tension is killing me!  
> What do you guys think??? 
> 
> The next chapter is already on its way, should be uploaded somewhere before the weekend starts.  
> I can't wait to hear what you think about this chapter, so please leave me a comment with your thoughts!
> 
> x  
> B


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: 
> 
> A big thank you to my wonderful Silmea.   
> A special appearance of Angel Mine!!!   
> And finally, a very big thank you to YOU.   
> My reader.   
> For sticking with me. For encouraging me. For being my drive.   
> Thank you!

Ben slipped back into the palace unseen.   
He followed Maz’s directions to an old section of the building, towards the old servant’s quarters.   
Long since abandoned, the narrow corridors were dark and dusty. The air was cold and stale, but it did not deter him from his goal.  
His Knights met him there.   
He could sense their apprehension, but their loyalty was unwavering, no matter what.   
They knelt and put their hand over their hearts, reciting as one.   
“Hail, Our Master.”  
“Rise, my Knights.” He said automatically.   
He lowered his voice as he addressed them.   
“You wonder why you are here. I will tell you. But first…” He hesitated.   
“Recite your oaths, my Knights. Reestablish your dedication.”  
The Knights shared a look but did as they were told. In unison, they took off their masks and began reciting their oaths, their words sounding loud in the silence.  
"I hereby pledge my allegiance to the Knights Of Ren, And to kill or be killed for whatever reason appropriate to let the Knights stay triumphant. My loyalty lies with my Leader, the Master of the Knights of Ren. He guides us with his wisdom and his passion. I shall obey his orders, never shall I doubt his judgement. This Oath of Strength will be my creed. Peace is a lie. There is only Passion. Through Passion, I gain Strength. Through Strength, I gain Power. Through Power, I gain Victory. Through Victory, my chains are broken. The Force will set me free. Through these oaths, I am bound to the Knights of Ren. In unison, we will stand, we will conquer, we will be immortal.”  
Ben stood before them, frowning.   
“What I am about to say now, might sound strange and traitorous to you. I assure you that my allegiance to you and our oath has not changed. Circumstances however, have.”  
He looked at them and swallowed hard.   
_How will they react? Will they remain faithful to me or will they betray me because of this?  
_ “Today, the Rebels will be set free.”  
He felt the shock pass through them, their faces showing their surprise, but they said nothing.   
Encouraged by their silence, he continued softly.   
“I have come to insights that have been obscured to me before. Now that I am Supreme Leader, I realize that some aspects of our reign as the First Order are not what I want them to be. To be able to change those aspects, I will need the cooperation of the former Resistance Fighters. That was why I wanted them unharmed. I cannot achieve my objectives with the situation as it is now.”  
Rogue stepped forward.   
“This is because of the Jedi.” She said simply.   
Ben stared at her and swallowed again.   
Never before had he allowed himself to be this open and this vulnerable before his Knights. He dreaded their reaction, if he were honest.   
He nodded in response.   
Monk, the eldest of the Knights, also took a step forward.   
“Master, I believe I speak for all of us when I say this.” He took a deep breath and continued softly.   
“I do not presume to understand fully why you are doing this. But we all know you. And we know the Jedi. We have seen her in action. We know she, too, is loyal to you for reasons we cannot even begin to fathom. But her loyalty binds her to us for the same reason we are bound to you. And we have sworn our allegiance to you, to never question your judgement. We will not do so now, or ever. She might be a powerful ally. If this is what you have decided on, we will be at your side. We will not fail you Master.”  
Monk put his hand over his heart and bowed, followed in kind by the other Knights, who murmured something that sounded like “we will never fail you, Master”.   
Feeling ridiculously emotional by this display of faith and loyalty, Ben found himself fighting the sting of tears behind his eyes. Swallowing hard, he addressed them again.   
“Thank you, my friends.” He said as he bowed to them for the first time.   
“Now, let us proceed. We have many things to take care of.”  
Maz had said her people would be waiting in one of the rooms. He was going to get them.   
He let the Force be his guide, allowing his mind to open and sense them. Just a few more feet…   
And true enough, there they were. Ten men and women, an assorted eclectic mass of what he once considered Rebel scum.   
It had taken him losing almost everything and everyone he had ever cared for, ever loved, to come back to this point.   
Realizing how much power Snoke had held over him, how manipulated he had been…  
Ben steeled himself.   
He would not dwell on those things now. He had a job to do, and he was going to do it.   
He had no idea how he was going to proceed after this, though.   
_You always seem to fly by the seat of your pants, Benjamin. Just like your father…_  
His mother’s words rung loud in his head, a memory from when he was very small creeping in and reinstating itself in the most of appropriate times. If ever he was doing just that…   
_Force help me…_ he thought as he rounded another corner and pushed at the door.   
It creaked loudly in the silence, having been unused for so long.   
The men and women froze at the sight of him and his Knights flanking him.   
Stories and tall tales no doubt had reached them over the years.   
Tales of his ruthlessness, his pleasure in inflicting pain and suffering…   
He felt a pang of shame course through him but pushed it aside. This was not the time for self-reflection.  
He looked them over and addressed them quietly.   
“Maz sent me. You all know why you are here.” He started without preamble.   
“I will make sure that the team of Storm Troopers who usually guard the prisoners come down here and hand over their uniforms. They will remain here for three hours before the mind trick wears off. This will give us plenty of time to get the prisoners, bring them here and then get them through the woods towards the transport.”   
Some of the Rebels seemed to be concerned, or ill at ease at least.   
“You know what to do, right?” He looked them over as they nodded hesitantly. He sighed and then continued in a softer tone.   
“We’ll have to be fast and thorough. Go in, get them out and leave. Protect them, no matter what. I’ll make sure there’s plenty of distraction. As soon as the Troopers get here and hand over their uniforms, you need to go upstairs and retrieve them from their rooms. Make sure they don’t get suspicious. They might balk.” _Especially my Rey…_  
He made eye contact with each and every one of them.   
To his surprise and relief, he saw the same determination in their gazes as he felt in his own heart.   
They would do whatever it took to get the Rebels out and back to safety. And so would he.   
Even if that meant going against everything he had worked for these past six years.  
Even if it meant committing high treason.   
He had to.   
Things needed to change. Rey had shown him that much. His grandfather had warned him.   
Now or never.   
“Let’s do this.” He said confidently.   
“May the Force be with us. Always.” He said and stalked out of the room.   
_I have a bad feeling about this…_

 

The morning started out just like any other.   
Rey managed to read a little. She managed to bore herself to tears.   
But after what felt like eons the door opened, revealing a Storm Trooper who then restrained her and accompanied her out into the hallway.   
Her friends were also gathered into the corridor.   
So far nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  
But still…   
Something was telling Rey to pay attention.   
_I have a bad feeling about this…  
_ She frowned as a familiar grainy voice lingered in the back of her head.   
But she didn’t have long to ponder the notion because they were all nudged into motion by the Storm Troopers.   
The Troopers settled into their formation, as usual.  
They walked the usual winding hallways in silence, as usual.   
They went down the same staircase, as usual.   
Again, nothing out of the ordinary.  
But there was something that felt off to her.   
And it was very soon that her instinct proved her right.   
Instead of taking them right, towards the courtyard, they took a left turn, down another corridor.   
Another turn. Another corridor.   
This went on and on, the hallways grew narrower every time.   
Before long they found themselves in what appeared to be old and possibly abandoned servant’s quarters.   
The mood among the Resistance Fighters grew tense, she could sense them growing restless and apprehensive. By now, they all knew something was amiss.   
Rey was about to speak up when they rounded another corner and they all but ran smack dab into Kylo and his Knights of Ren.   
Connix and Emsil almost shrieked in surprise, and several Rebels drew in sharp breaths.   
But Rey noticed that Ben was not wearing his mask. And his expression was… curious.   
The Storm Trooper Captain removed her helmet, revealing beautiful glossy dark curls and a face fit for an angel. Her perfect olive skin and big dark eyes were the last thing anyone expected to see on a Storm Trooper. She nodded in his direction, bowing her head respectfully.   
“Supreme Leader, my name is Aegin. Everything went according to plan, Sir.”  
She frowned.   
_“What is going on?”_ she asked softly through their Bond.   
His eyes found hers and her jaw dropped at the intensity she saw reflected in those all but black depths.   
He shook his head briefly, indicating he wouldn’t elaborate through the Bond right now. **  
** “What’s going on?” Poe spoke up, stepping up to leadership and not mincing words as he had been taught by the very best.   
“Keep your voice down, Flyboy.” The Supreme Leader answered softly, his voice barely above a whisper.   
“We don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll keep this nice and brief.” He said softly but with undeniable authority in his voice.   
“Behind me is a set of double doors, leading into a very secluded part of the old servant’s gardens. They have been deserted many years ago, no longer a part of the current palace domain. Most of it is overgrown, but if you look carefully, there will be a path visible. It cuts straight through the dense forestation. A transport is waiting on the other side. That transport will take you to Varykino, where a fully stocked and unmarked light cruiser will be waiting to take you to another safe destination.”  
The more he spoke, the more the Rebels seemed to be at a loss. Their reactions varied as much as their faces.   
Finn didn’t believe it. He seemed ready to pitch a fight. Rose seemed to be at a loss for words.   
Emsil looked shocked. Poe was… surprised was too kind a word, but it was as good a description as any. Chewbacca looked at him and for a moment they just stared at one another.   
Then the Wookie let out a series of low sounds and Rey watched as Ben’s eyes grew soft.   
“ _I knew you weren’t gone. We all held out hope and lost it. But I always knew you’d come back to us eventually.”_  
Ben swallowed past an enormous lump, his lower lip trembling ever so slightly.   
Rey was frozen in place.   
“You’re letting us go?”   
The surprise in Poe’s voice was undeniable.   
Ben’s eyes flitted away from Chewie’s and settled on Poe again. An almost imperceptible nod preceded his words.   
“You will receive coordinates from Maz Kanata as soon as you exit hyperspace the first time. Then you will rendezvous with her.”  
“How do we know this isn’t some sort of trap?” Finn asked, his tone bordering on aggression.   
Ben narrowed his eyes at him and then all but whispered.   
“You don’t. You’ll just have to trust me.”  
“Trust you?” Finn said as he took a step closer. No one seemed inclined to stop him.   
“After everything you’ve done? Everything you’ve destroyed?” He scoffed, and his face contorted into a semblance of disgust.   
“Give me one good reason and maybe I’ll think about it…” He said with bravado.   
Ben stepped closer until there was but a foot of space between them. He motioned his hand and Finn’s restraints fell away. He felt an inappropriate sense of gratification at the confusion and bewilderment in the former Trooper’s face.   
“The only reason I can give you is that you have no other option but to trust me.” He said as he looked down at Finn with narrowed eyes.   
He motioned once more, and everyone else’s restraints fell away with a loud clattering.   
“Now go!” He urged them on.   
“This timeslot is limited and you’re wasting precious time.”  
He started to turn when he suddenly felt a tug at his elbow. He looked down and his gaze locked with Rey’s.   
“Ben?” She looked up at him with such unabashed adoration in her eyes. With such obvious love. He swallowed hard.   
She smiled up at him and touched his cheek gingerly, trailing her thumb down his scar tenderly.   
She heard Finn make a strangled sound and a few gasps, but no one breathed a word.   
He had to do this now, or he would never ever find the strength again.   
“I have something for you.” He said hoarsely, his voice all but giving out.   
She frowned but her jaw dropped when she saw what he was holding out.   
He handed her the Legacy Lightsaber.   
Fully restored.   
“You fixed the lightsaber?” she whispered in awe.   
“It’s yours. It always was.”   
_“Like my heart. It was forgotten, hidden away, then broken and destroyed. You gave me the strength to mend it.”  
_ She looked up at him and tears welled in her eyes.   
“Try it.” He said softly.   
She swallowed and nodded, then carefully ignited it.   
A bright white plasma beam lit up the dim hallway, casting light everywhere. It illuminated his face and brightened his eyes.   
She looked up at him and couldn’t help but gleam with pride as she watched this beautiful man of hers find his inner Light again.   
“Ben…” she said softly but was interrupted.   
“You’ll need these too.” He shoved several of the ancient Jedi text books in her and Finn’s arms.   
“I’ve taken the liberty of adding notes here and there, whenever I thought a particular passage to be very cryptic or mute.”   
She looked as if she was about to say something, so he decided to interrupt once more.   
“Now you need to leave. Trouble is probably brewing as we speak.” He started turning to leave.    
“Ben!” she all but shouted.   
When he turned back with a frown, she lifted herself on her tiptoes and kissed him passionately.   
Everyone around them was shocked, except for Chewbacca and Poe and Rogue.   
Finn looked as if he were about to spontaneously combust and got elbowed in the ribs by Rose.   
When she broke the kiss, she murmured against his lips.   
“Come with us.”  
“I can’t.” He said rationally.   
“I need to stay behind and distract the others.”  
She searched his eyes and felt her heart drop.  
“Will I see you again?”  
He swallowed hard. He cupped her face and stared deeply into her eyes.   
“I hope so. And if not, then in dreams.”  
A tear slipped down her cheek.   
“I love you.” She whispered.   
A strangled sound escaped him as he gathered her close in his arms briefly, burying his nose in her hair, trying to remember the feel of her in his arms.   
“I love you too.” He said softly, but loud enough for everyone to overhear.   
He pushed her away and then said with despair in his eyes and voice.   
“Now go! May the Force be with you. Always.” He took several steps back and spoke clearly before turning around and disappearing around the corner. His Knights nodded at them and followed him on his heels.  
Aegin looked at her companions, who had been standing by idly, and then addressed their little party of misfits and Rebels.   
“He’s right. We need to go. Now! The longer we stay, the less chance we have of getting a clear getaway. Let’s go!”  
That seemed to catch everyone’s attention, but something made Rey’s feet heavy.   
Something was up. She stopped moving and looked back at the corridor Ben and his Knights had disappeared.  
_I’ve got a bad feeling about this…_  
There it was again.   
That little niggle of doubt in the back of her mind, scratching at her consciousness and making her feel ill at ease.   
This was going too smooth…  
“Rey, come on! Let’s go! We gotta hurry!”   
Poe’s voice snapped her out of her reverie.   
He took a few steps in her direction and took her by the elbow to propel her forward.   
“Poe…” she started haltingly, “Something is wrong, I can feel it.”  
He didn’t even stop to look at her as he urged her down the corridor and towards the double doors to their escape route.   
“Rey, we’ll discuss this another time. We’ve got to get going!”  
Rationally, Rey knew he was right. She nodded in acceptance and started a light jog when suddenly she felt panic overwhelm her in the Bond. _  
“REY, RUN!”_   
“Ben?” she said as she dug her heels in and forced Poe to a halt with her.   
“ _Ben, are you alright?”_ she asked through their Bond.   
_“Rey, you need to leave. They know. They’re coming for you! You need to run!”  
_ “Rey, are you alright?” Poe asked, his face conveying his alarm.   
She looked up at him with wide eyes full of distress.   
“It’s Ben! They’ve found out we’re escaping. They’re on their way.”  
Determination coursed through her veins thickly. Her face evening out, she knew what she had to do.   
“Rey, you’re getting that weird look on your face again… don’t tell me…”  
“You go right on ahead and get our friends on that transport! Don’t wait for me. If you make it to the transport, get everyone off this planet as soon as possible. Do you understand?”  
Her words were the epitome of cool and collected but her heart was racing, and her head was going a parsec a minute.   
“Rey, you can’t stay! The odds are…”  
“Never tell me the odds, Poe!” she blurted out, her impatience clearly manifesting now.   
“I’ll be fine, I’ll figure something out. But I cannot leave him.”  
His face told her he wasn’t happy about this.   
“And I won’t leave without you, Rey.” He said with steel lacing his voice.   
She looked up at him and her eyes begged him to understand.   
“Poe, I need to do this. He needs me and my help.”  
“Rey…” He drew in a deep breath and looked at her with a mixture of irritation and reluctance.   
“I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll be back before you know it. I’m gonna get him and come your way. If I’m not back in ten minutes or if you run into trouble, leave without me. Besides, The Resistance needs you more than they need me. You’re their leader now. It’s up to you to guide them.”  
He gritted his teeth and she could feel his trepidation. But he nodded brusquely.   
“Come back to us, Rey.” He said as he kissed her cheek.   
“May the Force be with you, always!”  
She nodded in response and watched as he took off towards the path that would lead them through the woods and towards the transport.   
Rey didn’t hesitate. She turned on her heel and raced down the darkened hallway towards Ben, letting the Force be her guide.   
_“Where are you?”_ she asked through their Bond.   
_“Rey?”_ She could sense his confusion.   
_“What do you mean, where am I?”  
_ She was getting closer. She could hear fighting and the sound of blasters ricocheting off the walls, the clank of metal against armor. Grunts and shouts of men and women in the midst of battle.   
She could sense his distress, and his determination to fight them down.   
She rounded the corner and saw Ben and his Knights fighting what seemed to be an entire squadron of Storm Troopers. Ben was fighting Captain Phasma, and he was actually making great progress, driving her back towards the section from where she came. Blaster bolts were frozen midair from where he had intercepted them. They hung motionless around them as they parried and slashed.   
Phasma was fighting him every step of the way, but Rey could see from the set of his jaw and the fire in his eyes that it wouldn’t be long before she found herself on the losing end of this fight.   
A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention.   
By the time she recognized what it was, it was too late.   
General Hux was standing in the opposite corner, hiding behind a wall. He was holding a blaster and was aiming for Ben’s back like a coward.   
Before Rey could warn him, he fired and Ben – who was too engrossed with fighting Phasma, didn’t sense the bolt headed his way. It hit him in the center of his back, instantly bringing him down to his knees.   
Hux smiled venomously, like the snake he was.   
Phasma looked up where the blast came from, and then focused on Ben again, drawing back her spear to land the final blow.   
When Rey realized what happened, she let out a fierce cry of despair, coupled with anger.   
“NO!!!!” she screamed and lifted her hand as if to ward Phasma off.   
And she did!   
It seemed as if the entire scene before her drew to a full stop. As if time itself had ceased. Only the Knights of Ren seemed to be spared a similar fate. They were the only ones who could still move.  
Everyone else seemed trapped.  
Phasma stood frozen in place with her spear still lifted in the air.   
Hux stood with his blaster partially lowered.   
Rey’s initial shock gave way for a rage unlike any she had ever known in her life.   
_How dare they hurt him!  
_ She lifted her second hand and all the rage, all the fury she had inside her came rushing out.   
Her palms stung all of a sudden, and both she and the Knights around her were shocked speechless as a blast of blue lightning spurted from her hands and found Hux and Phasma. When she realized what was happening, Rey felt a sick sense of twisted satisfaction at being able to hurt them like this. She focused on the two enemies and was able to aim the lightning with more precision.  
The two convulsed and screamed as they were lifted off their feet and hovered in the air.   
Rey let out a wild cry of pure fury and increased the intensity of the lightning, making Hux and Phasma twist in pain even more.   
The Knights were surprised to see such a mean, vicious streak in this otherwise peace-loving Jedi.   
Rogue was more surprised than any of the others. Especially after their conversation earlier that day.   
So, it was Rogue who stepped up to her.   
“Rey, enough!” She hissed, the sound dreadfully menacing through her mask.   
When Rey didn’t respond to Rogue’s voice, she took her helmet off and put her hand on Rey’s shoulder.   
“That’s enough, _Jedi_!” She shouted, her voice clear and strong.   
Rey seemed to rouse from her stupor and looked at Rogue, bewilderment evident in her eyes.   
She glanced down at her hands and then at Hux and Phasma with her mouth hanging open in shock.   
A sound of distress escaped her as her eyes collided with Rogue’s confused gaze.   
Turning away, she headed straight for Ben.   
“Ben? Ben, please say something!” she screamed as she ran to his side and knelt.   
“Ben, darling, talk to me!” Rey cried, tears streaming down her cheeks.   
In the background, she could hear Monk and Rogue telling Eager and Sniper to apprehend Hux and Phasma and securing them, but it meant nothing to her.   
“Ben, please…” she begged as she pushed a stray lock of hair off his forehead.   
“Rey?” he whispered, barely audible above the hubbub.   
“Ben? Oh, Sweet Maker…” she sobbed as she cupped his cheek.   
“You… should have… left.”  
“Don’t talk. Save your strength. We’ll have you out of here in no time.” Rey admonished.   
“If I… don’t make… it…”  
“Oh, hush! You’re too stubborn to die on me.” She quipped and looked around.   
“Burr, Ryoule!” she shouted out, using Heavy and Armory’s given names on a whim, information that seemed to flow to her through the Force.   
“Come, take him and carry him out with us. We’re leaving.”  
Rey stood and watched as the Knights carefully picked up their Master. She turned and addressed the Storm Troopers. Using the old and trusted Jedi Mind trick, she spoke in a calm and collected voice.  
“You are all to return to your quarters. As of this very moment, your allegiance within the First Order is with the Supreme Leader only. You will take your orders from Queen Ferya and her commanders for the time being, until the Supreme Leader returns.”  
The Troopers were then unfrozen and walked in unison back to their quarters, completely complying with Rey’s words.   
They then quickly moved down the darkened passages towards the double doors and the path that led into the woods.   
Good time was made, but when they arrived at the rendezvous where the transport was waiting, it was on the verge of taking off.   
Luckily for them, Chewie spotted them just in time, and opened the door of the transport.   
As soon as they were inside the doors closed again and Poe and Chewie punched it.   
They immediately put Ben on a bench and out of nowhere a standard small med-droid came flying up. He was obviously in pain, so they made sure to sedate him quickly.   
As it performed an initial scan of Ben’s body, Rey and Monk worked together to apply bacta to the blaster shot wound on his back and several smaller scrapes where Phasma’s spear had nicked him.   
Poe left the cockpit and joined them in the small seating area of the shuttle.   
“What the Hell happened?” he said as he looked down at a motionless Ben and a pale and very worried Rey.   
“Phasma and Hux ambushed them. We don’t know the specs yet. We need to get him out of here and give him the treatment he needs, fast!”   
Poe looked up and saw that two dark Knights were holding the two First Order commanders restrained and their blasters pointed at them. They remained under Rey’s partial ForceHold, unable to move their upper bodies. His blood boiled, and he fought down the urge to attack those two miscreants for hurting his brother.   
The med-droid beeped and showed its assessment.   
The blaster shot had done some serious damage, for sure, but nothing fatal. There might be certain complications if he wasn’t treated for his wounds within a certain time limit. So getting the right help was critical at this point. But other than that, everything was relatively well.   
Rey breathed a small sigh of relief but realized that everything depended on a quick arrival at the Lake House.  
“How long until we reach Varykino?” she asked Poe.   
“The calculations state that we’ll be at the Lake House within two standard hours. Less if I try to punch it some more. But I don’t know how much this puppy can take…”  
Rey frowned.   
“Do it. We’ll take the risk. Ben needs to get help as soon as possible. We’ll be able to treat him at the estate. We’ll contact Queen Ferya and Maz from there.”  
“Sure thing.” Poe said, his demeanor very crisp and businesslike. He was very much the leader Leia would have wanted him to be, very much the leader she had trained him to be for years. He would have made her proud.   
“Is he going to be alright?” Emsil inquired shyly.   
Rey looked up at the young woman who was looking at her inquisitively.   
“I hope so.”  
“I don’t understand.” Finn said. Their eyes met and Rey could feel his apprehension.   
“Why did he do this? What would he have to gain by this? He swore to destroy us. He’s been after us for years! Why would he have such a change of heart? I don’t believe a single   _kind_ word that man ever said to be real or true.”   
Finn was raging on, the veins at his temples bulging as he was trying in vain to hang on to his calm.   
Rose tried to put her hand on his arm, but he shook it off.   
“I don’t get it Rey. And why would you side with him. Why?” He shouted at her.   
The Knights of Ren straightened, and Rogue’s hand hovered over her vibroblade at her side.   
She held up her hand to try to keep the peace.   
“He did it for me, Finn.” She said softly.   
“What?” he hissed.   
“He’s not what he appears to be.” She started haltingly.   
“Kylo Ren is a façade. Underneath it, he is Ben Solo. Son to Han Solo and Leia Organa-Skywalker.”   
He made a face.   
“Oh, Rey, please!” He shouted out.   
“Wake up and smell the caf! He’s been fooling you obviously. The man is pure evil! He’s…”  
“He is not!” she said as she shot up, drawing herself up to her full height and squaring her shoulders as she faced Finn head-on.   
“He is not evil, and I will not let you call him that!” She said as she took several steps forward. Breathing hard to keep her cool, she all but got in Finn’s face.   
“He has been dealt very rough cards in the past, and it led him to make several really bad choices. The old Supreme Leader Snoke had him in his grip for years and years. Trust me when I say that he has been using, abusing and twisting Ben the entire time!”  
She pointed her finger at Finn and continued passionately.   
“I _know_ him, Finn. I know him better than anyone ever has. Trust me. I _know_ he’s not evil. He’s just… lost.”  
“I can’t believe this.” Finn muttered under his breath.   
“I cannot believe this!” He shouted.   
“You are actually defending him?” he continued angrily.   
“You are choosing his side after everything he’s done? He has slaughtered thousands of people, destroyed entire planets, murdered his own father and staged the scene of his uncle’s and his mother’s death!” He was shouting at her and she finally snapped.   
“YES!” she shouted from the top of her lungs.  
A deadly silence descended on the assembly. Everyone, including the Knights of Ren, was staring at her.   
“I will stand with him, even if it means standing alone.” She continued passionately.   
“I know he would do the same for me in a heartbeat.”  
“No he wouldn’t.” Finn countered.   
“The bastard would sell you out as soon as…”  
“Finn, please…”  
“No, Rey! He would sell you out at the drop of a helmet! He has no problems lying and cheating and doing whatever the Hell he wants to get his way. He would kill his own parents, what makes you think he wouldn’t…”  
“He killed Snoke for me.” She said quietly.  
A collective gasp sounded loudly in the air and she watched as the air went out of Finn.   
“What did you say?” he muttered.   
She was breathing hard, trying very hard not to hyperventilate.   
“He is my other half, Finn. We…” She halted, unsure whether to continue down this path, but figured the cat was out of the bag so why the Hell not…  
“When Snoke ordered him to kill me, he turned on Snoke. He wanted me to stay with him and rule together and I wasn’t ready. We weren’t ready and…” Tears spilled from her eyes.   
“We are linked through the Force. I know his every thought and emotion. I feel it as if it’s my own. And he can sense mine. He couldn’t lie to me if he wanted to.”  
Rey’s voice ended on a whisper.   
Finn looked shattered. As if her words had managed to destroy him.   
“Rey…” he said as he shook his head.  
“I began with hating him. I hated this connection I had with him, had vowed to use it to destroy him. But at a certain point I realized he never meant to harm me. He’s never been anything but kind. And when I was forced to talk to him, to get to know him, when I felt his feelings so clearly, I started to understand him. I knew what kind of grip Snoke had on him, how he had twisted his thoughts. And as I grew to understand him, I grew to like him. And now I love him. More than I could have ever imagined.”  
She lifted her chin in defiance and stared Finn in the eyes.   
“If you force my hand now, I will stand with him. What he has done recently, he has done for all of us. For our best interests. He is not the monster you pertain him to be. If you choose to walk away, you can, but I won’t go with you.”  
“Rey?”   
Ben’s voice sounded fragile and frail but it reached their ears easily.   
She turned quickly and knelt at Ben’s side, brushing his hair from his forehead.   
“I’m here.” She whispered.   
“I told you to run.” He managed to croak out feebly. His eyes were closed and his pale skin was even paler than usual, indicating his loss of blood.  
A tear slipped down her cheek. She smiled through her tears and replied firmly.   
“And I said I wasn’t leaving you ever again. It takes more to push me away, Ben Solo.”   
She sniffled and wiped at the wetness with the cuff of her arm wraps.   
He opened his eyes briefly and their color was lighter than she had ever seen.   
“You are so beautiful.” He whispered hoarsely.   
“And you’re delusional.” She said smartly.   
“Now, rest. We’ll be at Varykino soon. You can rest there. I’ll have Padraig take care of things. Just rest.”  
He nodded and slipped back into unconsciousness.   
She got up and addressed Aegin and Rogue.   
“You two keep an eye on him. I’m going to the cockpit and see how we’re coming along.”  
And she turned and left the jumble of Knights, Rebels and Maz’s team to their own thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie! that was a whopper! 
> 
> So...  
> What did you think???   
> Let me know in the comment section cause I'm dying to find out! 
> 
> x  
> B


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> We're back!!!!   
> after several weeks of silence ( with schooltests for the kids, a few other projects I've done and a lot of RL happening around me) I am back in business.   
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> x  
> B

Poe punched it with the shuttle, pushing it as far as it would go.   
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the same as flying an X-wing or a TIE-fighter. He could fly anything, but not everything flew the same way.   
They did manage to push their ETA up a little and arrived fifteen minutes sooner than they had expected.   
Padraig was waiting for them as soon as they arrived, and they quickly brought out a gurney of sorts to transport Ben inside the house.   
Several med-droids were appointed, Varykino being the prominent house it was never lacked for anything. They even had a very small med-bay at the back of the house, just in case. Ben was taken there and immediately treated.   
The blastershot had done quite some damage but had missed any vital organs. So aside from relatively superficial wounds that needed some time to heal, he would be fine. They would still have to wait and see if there was any spinal or nerve damage, but that would only become clear as soon as the bacta was finished and he was back to consciousness.  
As the med-droids and the Varykino medic kept him in an induced coma and gave him a fair amount of bacta-treatment, Rey was sent away. There was nothing she could do right now. As soon as he was done with his treatment, she would be allowed to see him again.   
As she walked out into the parlor where everyone was gathered, she looked at this motley crew of people.   
Resistance fighters. Knights of Ren. Varykino personnel.   
They were all here because of her and Ben.   
And they were all looking at her expectantly.   
“Ben is doing well. His injuries are not that severe and although his situation is still mildly critical with regards to permanent nerve damage, there is no longer any threat to his life. They are currently treating him with Bacta and keeping him in an induced coma to allow his muscles to relax.”  
She looked around and saw various degrees of relief and anger.   
The Knights of Ren were mostly devoid of emotion, but she could still see some relief in their features. Especially in Rogue.   
Finn was still livid. She didn’t have to be Force-sensitive to know as much. But he kept his silence, no doubt waiting until they were alone to let her know exactly how he felt.   
Chewie was visibly relieved. He let out a series of groans, which translated into a question about when visitors were allowed.   
“I don’t know, Chewie. They would come and get me when they were through with the major part of the bacta-treatment. But I don’t know when he’ll be allowed to have visitors.”  
He groaned his response, to keep him posted and she nodded in acknowledgement.   
“I have already made contact with Maz. I let her know what happened. She’s on her way as we speak and we will discuss a new plan as soon as she gets here. For now, we will just have to wait.”  
She clasped her hands in front of her and started haltingly.   
“I know this is a strange situation for you. I know this is hard to swallow. But trust me when I say that we owe him a lot.” She said softly.   
She looked at her friends, the people she had fought with, the people she had come to love so dearly. To have to stand here and tell them that they owed a lot to Kylo Ren – because to them, he was and probably always would be Kylo Ren – was a little crazy.   
But it was true.   
Finn couldn’t help the snort that escaped him.   
Not even Rose’s sharp look could hold him back.   
“Not this again…” he muttered.   
“It’s true.”  
She watched his features cringe and watched him revolt against the notion.   
“What has that man ever done for us, Rey?” he raised his voice.   
“I don’t understand how you could make such claims when you know the horror he brought to the Galaxy. He kil…”  
“I know Finn!” Rey barked.   
His eyebrows shot up in surprise and she interrupted him as he was about to speak again.   
“Didn’t you ever wonder how I knew we had to evacuate?” she asked him with narrowed eyes.   
“Didn’t you wonder why he didn’t just kill us on the spot? Why we were taken to his ship and put into comfortable cells instead of being thrown into a room to be forgotten? It was all because of him! He is the one who made that happen! He told me they were coming for us. He arranged for more time, so we could plan an escape. He is the one who breached protocol by allowing us to survive. Of giving his mother a state funeral!”  
She was ranting, and she didn’t care.   
“The man in the med-bay is not Kylo Ren. Yes, that will always be a part of him and he will have to atone for that, but he is still Ben Solo. And he saved us.”  
The entire room was quiet. One could hear a pin drop.   
The Knights of Ren were pensive. The Resistance Fighters were quiet.   
Finn was staring at her. Hard.   
“Forgive me, Rey.” He said with a steel edge to his voice.   
“But I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see him differently.”  
He turned and left the room, headed for the large terrace she had met Ben on that first time.   
A big fat tear slipped down her cheek and she dabbed at it with her arm wrap.   
“Rey, you have to understand. It’s going to take some time.” Rose said quietly, trying to mediate.   
“I know, Rose.” Rey said just as softly.   
“I know it’s a lot to ask. But we all have to face the fact that if it wasn’t for him, we’d all be dead by now. The Resistance would be gone. Even if you don’t like him, even if you continue to hate him, we have to acknowledge the fact that without him, we wouldn’t be here now. He risked his life to save ours.”  
Rose nodded and rubbed Rey’s arm.   
“I know. But it’s not easy. Give it a few days to sink in. I’m going outside to talk to Finn.” She said and left for the terrace in pursuit of Finn.   
Rey let out a long breath.   
Everyone was watching her closely.   
“You have been in on this for a long time.”  
She looked up at the man who had spoken. Sentinel looked at her, his voice somehow not befitting his looks. His voice was deep, but his face was youthful. Bright red curls, eyes grey like a thundersky. Freckles on his pale face. She’d never really seen the Knights of Ren without their masks, except for Rogue. Yet here they stood before her now, their masks off and mingling with the Resistance Fighters.   
She looked at him and saw no emotion in those steel eyes.   
“Yes.” She said softly.   
“How?” He asked bluntly.   
She felt herself grow defensive.   
“I am not going to answer that. That is between me and your Master.” She said quietly.   
Monk looked at her and she knew he knew more than he let on.   
His dark eyes and grey hair seemed to know secrets of the Universe she would never be privy to.   
Heavy was a burly man, as she had always known. But she had not expected his face to be so angelic.   
His dark skin and twinkling eyes showed a spirit she would never have thought him to possess.   
“It is none of our business, brother.” Rogue spoke brusquely, her tone brooking no argument.   
“The important thing we need to do now is to make sure our Master is healed, and to have a new plan set up.”  
Rey’s eyes met the female knight’s and she saw a newfound respect in those green eyes.   
Rey nodded.   
“I’m going to see Ben now. I don’t care if all I can do is sit by his side, I have to be with him.” She started gently, her tone soft and weary.   
“Poe, I trust you to keep the peace her for now, eventhough I don’t expect any trouble. Aegin and Monk, you will assist him. Padraig will be here soon. He will appoint everyone to a room and will tell you when our meals will be served. If anyone hears from Maz, or when she arrives, come get me.” She said and turned away from the group. She was out in the hallway, when suddenly she heard footsteps behind her.   
“A moment, Jedi?” she heard Monk’s voice echo off the marble walls.   
She turned and watched as he stood a few feet away.   
“Yes, Bade?” she asked.   
He took a few steps closer until there were not three feet between them.   
“You saved our Master today.”  
Rey didn’t know how to respond. But it didn’t seem necessary.   
“We are not regular people, Jedi.” Monk continued gently, patiently.   
“Some would not even consider us as such. We have been too dark for too long to be. But even among us, there is a code. We have rules and we have honor.”  
He took a step closer and looked down into her eyes.   
“We are very loyal to our Master. He is the core that binds us. It is a strange sort of affection that turned us into what we are and how we live. We would kill for him, and we would die for him.”  
He cocked his head.   
“Today, we discovered that you are like us in that aspect. You would die and kill for our Master. And as it turns out, he would do the same for you.”  
The older man smiled benevolently, with an expression that was far softer than anyone would consider possible for a Dark Side Knight like him.   
“And he even professed his love for you. I believe that is something quite uncharacteristic for him. Quite extraordinary.”  
He lowered his gaze and wistfully continued.   
“I believe you bring out his Light again. And for that, we all owe you a thank you, I think. He was never meant to be fully Dark. He has always been equally qualified for both sides.”  
This made Rey frown.   
“Why should it matter to you whether he is Light or Dark?” she asked skeptically.   
The older man smiled again, and it changed his appearance drastically.   
“I have said it before, Jedi. I am not like the other Knights. I used to be a priest. I work with and for the Force.”  
Her frown grew deeper with every word that left his lips.   
“Then why would you agree to go Dark like that?”  
“Because sometimes,” he whispered as he leaned in to her, “one must make a grand sacrifice to serve an even greater purpose. And it seems, that it paid off in this case.”  
He stared into her eyes and she was starting to see the bigger picture.   
“You are like him. Equally capable of being both light and Dark. You will be his balance.”  
A tear suddenly slipped down Rey’s cheek, surprising her as it caught on her opened lips.   
“I believe I am.” She whispered, almost shell-shocked.   
The older man nodded gently.   
“Now go to him. If you can produce Force Lightning, you might be able to heal him too…” His voice trailed off.   
She nodded and whispered, “Thank you.”  
She all but ran to Ben’s side.   
When she got there, he was still kept unconscious. The bacta was doing its job, but it was a slower progress than she would have liked. She pulled up a chair and took his hand. She brushed a lock of hair off his forehead and kissed his stern.   
She let out a soft huff and then started meditating. She would need the peace and quiet and strength to get through this.   
  
Maz arrived about two hours later. She brought several teams of the Resistance with her.   
Finn had been in turmoil for hours now.   
Ever since Rey dropped her little bombshell.   
She loved Ren.  
How could she love that monster? He was a beast. He enjoyed pain and torture. He killed hundreds if not thousands of innocent people. He had been after the Resistance for years, knowing full well his own mother was part of the commanding leadership. He murdered his father in cold blood.   
How could she love him?   
Rose had tried to reason with him, but he had sent her away, still furious.   
He had tried to look at it from Rey’s point of view, he really had tried!   
But all it had brought was more confusion. More anger.   
He had returned to the parlor, just in time to hear Padraig say that they would be escorted to their chambers. He was put in one of the larger rooms at the back. After that, Maz had arrived and they were summoned back to the parlor, so they could brief her about the situation and start discussing plans.   
When Finn, Poe and Rose arrived at the parlor, Rose and Finn stopped abruptly.   
“YOU!” they both shouted out and then first Rose, followed on the heels by Finn, lurched forward to attack.   
Maz got in between them and the Resistance fighters held them back.   
“What is going on here?” Maz all but shouted.   
“You sh-sh-should let them go, M-m-Maz.” The man said softly.   
“It would be what I d-d-deserved.”  
Everyone in the room looked at the scruffy looking man.   
DJ just looked at Finn and Rose and nodded mournfully. Rose had tears of pure frustration and anger running down her cheeks. Finn just felt his need to punch something – or _someone_ – grow with every passing second.   
“You have a lot of nerve coming here!” He bit out through clenched teeth. Poe was holding on to him, trying to keep him from launching himself at the unknown man in front of him.   
“Just hear me out, Big F.” DJ started quietly.   
“What you said and what happened on Snoke’s Supremacy got me thinking. And you w-w-w-were right. I needed to choose a side, cause my way of thinking wasn’t right.”   
Finn’s facial muscles twitched in anger.   
“Oh yeah? Well I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you. I’d just as soon take a blaster and put it to your ugly head.” He spat.   
“Do you have any idea how many people died because of you?” Rose chimed in.   
“How much damage you caused?”  
“Enough!” Maz shouted out.   
“Everyone is entitled to new insights and a new beginning. Is that not right?” she asked.   
“If oppressed child laborers can find a new start, if a Storm Trooper can start over, then surely so can someone who did not want to choose sides before!”  
“Maz, this is the man who double-crossed us on the Supremacy! Who gave up the intel on the cloaking mechanism on the shuttles, he’s responsible for the death of hundreds of innocent people and damn near caused the complete eradication of the Resistance. He sold us out, for a few credits!” Finn bellowed.   
“And he has taken that money and used his connections to get us what we needed! Now control yourself or I will have you removed from this room!” she said very calmly and somehow that was more intimidating than her shouting was.   
Finn worked his mouth, his eyes burning with rage. Rose was still angry too, but she conceded to Maz’s point of view, for now.   
He took in a few deep breaths, trying to regain some of his calm. When that didn’t work, he stared DJ in the eye, then focused on Maz again.   
“Considering today’s events, I think I need some time to myself. I’ll remove _myself_ from the room. Excuse me.” He said through gritted teeth, his aggression still very clear and out in the open.   
With those words, he turned away and walked to his room.

  
Rey sat next to Ben, when her comm-link let her know that Maz had arrived.   
However, she was too busy right now, listening to the droid’s explanation on Ben’s current state.   
There was no permanent spinal damage, despite the time that had passed before Ben had been able to be treated.   
They had already decreased the amount of sedative, so Ben would be waking up any minute now.   
As the droid left, she looked down at this man before her.   
This tormented, tortured man, torn between his ability and finesse for both light and dark.   
He would never be without either, but what he eventually became would depend on which side he chose to feed.   
With Snoke gone, without Hux to antagonize him, without the constant need to prove himself as a fearless leader, he would slowly but surely choose light. She knew it. She felt it.   
She threaded her fingers through his and brought his hand to her lips. As Rey gently kissed his healing knuckles, she felt him stir.   
Before his eyes even opened, he murmured her name.   
“Rey?”  
“I’m here.” She softly whispered as she pushed a rebellious lock of hair off his forehead.   
His eyes fluttered and slowly opened.   
Relief clearly flooded his dark gaze as he recognized her.   
“You’re alright.” He said on a sigh, as he lifted his hand to touch her cheek.   
“Yes I am. And you will be too.” She whispered. Tears sprung to her eyes as she stared at him, knowing how close she had come to losing him.   
“What happened?” He asked hoarsely.   
“You don’t remember?” She asked softly, a frown marring her brow.   
“No.” He shook his head slowly.   
“You arranged an escape for us. We were about to leave when Hux and his men discovered your plan. You and the Knights of Ren went to confront them. I followed and arrived just in time to see Hux shoot you in the back.”  
Ben stared at her, his features a perfect display of confusion and consternation.   
“You came back? Why?”  
Rey’s gaze met his and she cupped his cheek lovingly.   
“I came back for you. I couldn’t leave you. Not when things got rough.”   
She watched as Ben swallowed hard. His eyes were unreadable, but his gaze was mesmerizing nonetheless. Rey felt as if she were being sucked down into quicksand.   
Slowly, his hand came up and cupped the back of her neck. He pulled her down and let his lips brush against hers in the softest, sweetest of kisses.   
It felt as if it went on forever, but only seconds had passed.   
“I’ll never leave you again.” She whispered against his lips.   
“Ever.”  
He sighed in relief.   
The med-droid came up for another quick assessment. As soon as it was over, he let them know that so far everything seemed to be in order. The earlier diagnosis was confirmed. There was no spinal or nerve damage to be worried about and that if Master Ben felt up to it, he would be allowed to be transferred to the master bedroom to recover there further.  He would need a few more days, but then he’d be good as new.  
Rey beamed at him and he nodded in acknowledgement.   
“I’ll go back and make the arrangements with Padraig. Try to stay calm and stay in bed. I’ll be back before you know it.” She murmured gently and leaned in to kiss his stern.   
“I thought you said you were never leaving me again.” He said when she turned away.   
She halted abruptly in her tracks and whirled around. But when she caught the teasing look in his dark eyes, she felt her good humor return.   
“I’m not leaving you. I’m just going to be in another room. Besides, you’ll always know where I am.” She said the words calmly, reminding him of their Bond.   
“Then hurry on your way, Rey. The sooner you leave, the sooner you return to my side.” His sly smile made her giggle and did things to her insides that made her tremble in anticipation.   
She turned and left the room again, without looking back.   
She quickly took the stairs, only to all but bump into Finn in the upstairs main hallway.   
“Finn!” she let out in surprise.   
He looked angry. Even angrier than when she had confronted him and sided with Ben.   
“Are you alright?” she asked, concern for her dearest friend written all over her face.   
“Why would you care?” He lashed out.   
Rey took a step back as if he had slapped her across the face. She frowned, and determination squared her shoulders.   
“I may share a different opinion than you when it comes to Ben Solo, but I am still your friend, Finn. Of course I care!” She said accusingly.   
He worked his jaw. Finn looked away briefly, and Rey could clearly see the struggle in his face.   
“I’m not sure if I can be friends with you anymore Rey.” He said quietly.   
“And I’m not sure I still want to be a part of the Resistance after this. This is just too much. Having to work with not only Kylo Ren, but with that double-crossing no-good code-cracker again…”  
He was shaking his head from side to side in short, agitated movements. His hands moved in the same manner.   
“I can’t do it. I’m sorry, Rey, but I can’t. I have spent too much time under him to ever be able to see him differently. I know what he is capable of.”  
She watched him in wretched silence, feeling absolutely miserable. For as long as her adventure with the Resistance had gone on, Finn had been her backbone. Her truest friend, the one she had always wondered and worried about.   
“I understand, Finn. I too know what he is capable of. And it is far more than what either you and I think.” She whispered softly. She looked into his eyes and saw misery, true and sure.   
“He can be very kind and gentle too. I know you probably don’t believe it, but now that he is free from Snoke’s tutelage, he is more his father’s son, his mother’s son than we could have ever imagined him. I promise you won’t regret it if you tried to give him a little benefit of doubt.”  
Finn seemed to close himself off from her words. His face became a stoic mask and she knew that no matter how much she tried to tell him, he would have to interact with Ben before he would be able to pass that judgement.   
“I know that I’m probably not in any position to ask you for favors, but I would like to ask you not to make any rash decisions. A lot of things are about to change, and I wouldn’t want you to be sorry about your actions when they do.”  
Finn looked at her, his gaze softening a little.   
“You’re wrong.” He whispered.   
“You will always be in a position to ask me for favors. You’re the closest thing to family I’ve ever had.” He said sincerely.   
“I may not agree with your choices, but that doesn’t make me care less about you.”   
Rey stared up in his dark eyes, in that sweet face of his. Tears welled up in her eyes and she impulsively stepped up and hugged him.   
“I’m not asking you to change your mind, you know.” She said quietly, the sound muffled as she hid her face in his shoulder.   
“I’m just asking you to accept that I changed mine and to keep yours open.”  
Finn let out a heavy sigh.   
“I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try. I’ll stick around for a few more days. I’ll hear out Maz’s next plan and decide what I’ll do next after that.” He said as he let Rey go.   
She smiled up at him, somewhat subdued.   
“Thank you.”  
“Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have some cooling off and some thinking to do.”  
He nodded once and then stalked off in the opposite direction. Rey stared after him, sadness seeping into her soul. She wasn’t sure what Finn was going to do. She could reach out with the Force and try and see what the future would hold. But as she had experienced before, that wasn’t always the truth or the right outcome.   
She let out a heavy sigh herself and set off in search of Padraig.   
There were a lot of things to take care of, and Rey wished she knew where to start or what to do first.   
Finding Padraig would help. And then she would head off for Maz.   
Maz always knew what to do.   
Always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well??? 
> 
> I'm so curious to see what you think about this.   
> Next chapter should be up before the end of this week. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me! 
> 
> X  
> B


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay!!! I managed to update !!! 
> 
> I haven't abandoned this fic, nor do I intend to! I just wish life would get back to its normal pace again...   
> But anyway... here's the next chapter!   
> I hope you like it! 
> 
> Lots of thanks to my Silmea for being the rock I can depend on!

 After Rey met up with Padraig, things started taking on a slower pace.   
He brought her back to the Master bedroom, the one she had shared with Ben before. He spoke with her as if he were addressing the lady of the house. It struck Rey as odd, but she refused to dwell on it. As soon as she was settled in, she walked out in search of Maz.   
Funny enough, the little woman was standing in the hallway.   
“I suggest we take this inside your room.” She said softly.   
So Rey turned back on her heel and reentered, followed by Maz.   
When the door closed, the tiny alien looked around appreciatively.   
“Nice.” She said quietly.   
“Yes, I suppose it is.” Rey answered in a hushed tone.   
She crossed her arms over her chest and heaved a big sigh.   
“Oh Maz, what do we do now?” she whispered.   
“So much has happened in such a short time… Everything has been turned upside down.”  
She looked at Maz with mournful eyes.   
“Ben risked his life for us. Committed high treason…”   
Her voice trailed off and her eyes shimmered bright with unshed tears.   
“I don’t know what to do next…”  
Maz walked up to her and took her by the hand. They sat down on the sofa in front of the fireplace. She then cupped Rey’s face, her palm calloused and rough from years of toil. And yet it was the most comforting touch the young woman had experienced in what seemed like the longest time.   
“We move forward.” Maz said, her voice full of certainty.   
“It is what we always have done. And we will continue to do so until the end of time.”   
She dropped her hand to rest on Rey’s thigh.   
“And our young prince did not commit treason. Not really anyway…” she said with a sneaky smile.   
“What do you mean? He went against everything the First Order stands for!” Rey all but shouted.   
Maz let out a small cackle.   
“Ben is the Supreme Leader is he not?”  
Rey frowned.   
“Well, yes, but he…”  
“That means he dictates what the First Order is all about.” Maz continued practically.   
“Therefore, our next course is rather simple.”  
“Oh?”   
“We will send word to Queen Ferya that there was an uprising. Then, as soon as Ben is healed properly, we will return to Theed and Ben will hold a galactical broadcast stating the changes that will take place.”  
Rey looked down at the woman at her side and swallowed hard.   
“Maz,” she started with hesitation and dread in her voice, “I don’t know if that will work. Ben has come a long way, but I don’t think he’s ready for this yet…”  
“Oh, believe me, little one, he is ready. If he came this far, he’ll have no problem stepping up to this new role.” She said confidently.   
“Just as I am sure you will be ready to stand by his side and rule with him this time.”   
The old woman smiled benevolently and it was all Rey could do not to choke on her own words.   
“Rule with him?” She exclaimed loudly as she jumped from the sofa.   
“What makes you think I want to rule anything? I’m no one, I come from nowhere! I’m not fit to rule, even if I wanted to!”  
Her voice rose with every word that crossed her lips, her eyes burned with conviction.   
“You still do not understand, do you?” Maz said as she tilted her head slightly. She took off her glasses and stood, facing Rey as tall as she could.   
“ _You_ are born to rule. You are his other half, his counterpart in everything. Ben is like you, both light and dark. He comes from what is considered the most important bloodline in the Galaxy, and you come from what is seemingly insignificant. He is alpha, you are omega. He is male, you are female. When he is calm, you are impulsive. When he is angry, you can bring him peace. You balance each other in everything. You are both equally strong in the Force, both chosen for a purpose. You hold his heart, and he holds yours. You are meant to rule side by side. How can you not see that?”  
Maz’s words were spoken softly, gently, without a hint of malice or manipulation. She was stating facts.   
Rey’s mind raced back to earlier, when Monk had spoken to her in the hallway.   
They were both right. Ben and her… they were meant for great things together.   
_But what if I fail?  
_ Maz seemed to read her mind, because she reached out and took Rey’s hands in hers.   
“You will not fail, Rey.” She whispered.   
“Because this is what you were born to do. Do not let your fear stand in the way of what you were meant to be.”  
A knock sounded at the door then.   
Rey started, almost jumping out of her skin at the unexpected sound.   
She blinked once. Twice. Then she found her bearings and nodded as she turned to open the door.   
Padraig stood on the other side.   
“Padraig, hello.” She stammered breathlessly. She was still shaken from Maz’s words and the obvious belief she had in Rey. The man hardly seemed fazed by her strange greeting.   
“Miss Rey, I am sorry to disturb you, but I came to inform you that the med-bay has agreed to bring Master Ben to his chambers if that is allright with you?”  
“Uh…”  
Rey blinked again, then looked at Maz with color rising high in her cheeks. She quickly turned back to the butler, squaring her shoulders.   
“That is quite alright, of course. I will make sure the covers are turned down for him.”  
The man gave the slightest hint of a smile and inclined his head before he continued.   
“And will you be dining here with him as before or will you join the others in the dining room?”  
Again, Rey was at a loss for words momentarily.   
_Sweet Maker, what will Maz think of me now?_  
“I prefer to dine with him here tonight. That way I can assure myself that he takes in enough nutrients.”  
“As you wish, Miss Rey. I will make the arrangements.”  
Rey smiled and thanked him softly.  
Padraig bowed and immediately went about his business, professional as ever.   
Rey stood there for a moment longer, gathering her courage to face Maz again.   
When she did, the little lady stood close by, watching her with a gentle smile.   
“Maz… about that…”  
“Don’t even bother, kiddo. I already know.” The woman said with a soft expression on her face.   
“You do?” Rey asked with a frown.  
“One does not live as many years as I have without learning a thing or two about people. If I am not mistaken, you and our young Supreme Leader have been involved for quite some time now. Perhaps even before either of you realized. If you remember, I may have given you a clue about it when we met at the Kantina. When you found Luke’s saber…”  
The woman’s voice trailed off, a peaceful smile gracing her ancient face.   
Rey remembered.   
How Ben had been in her vision. Not once, but twice. How the voice she had heard when Maz told her there was someone who could still come back, had whispered ‘It’s Ben’.   
Only minutes after that, everything had gone haywire and her destiny had unfolded.   
How long ago that seemed. How different things had turned out.   


“Just how well do you know the Force?” Rey asked with a quirked brow. That the old woman seemed to know so much was odd for someone who claimed not to be a Jedi but just knowing the Force.   
“Girl, when you’re my age, you’ll understand that some things come from the Force, and other things come through the very nature of beings. You’ll learn the difference and the similarities between the two.”  
Another secretive little smile graced her lips and she winked.   
“Now, I’ll go downstairs and tell the rest of our group what the plan is during supper. If you need anything, just let me know.”  
Maz turned towards the door and opened it, when Rey halted her.   
“Maz, actually, there is one thing…”   
The little woman looked at Rey over her shoulder.   
“Oh?”  
Rey bit her bottom lip.   
“It’s about Finn…”   
How should she continue? She didn’t want to interfere in things she had no business with, but he was her best friend.   
“He was very upset earlier. About someone who joined us? A code-cracker or something?” She spoke softly, in halting words, unsure of whether she should mention this at all.  
A chuckle escaped Maz and she made quick work of Rey’s reservations.   
“I know who he was referring to. And I understand where he is coming from. But he should have more faith. And trust me more. I would never have agreed to DJ’s assistance if I wasn’t either sure of his intentions or had a backup plan…”   
“I see.” Rey murmured.   
“If he brings it up again, just tell him I’ve got it under control…”   
And with that, Maz turned around and left the room.   
Rey made a slow circle, taking in the room around her. It felt as if a century had gone by since she had met Ben here. For a few hours, things hadn’t been complicated. They had simply been happy.   
“And we will be again!” She spoke out loud, her words full of conviction and faith.   
Despite her earlier arguments with Maz, she had faith that Ben would be able to side with them and to go ahead with Maz’s plan. There would be enough room to negotiate. It would work out fine.   
She walked up to the bed and threw back the covers just as a knock sounded and Padraig and a few hands brought Ben in.   
She could tell from the look on his face that he was profoundly irritated by his incapacitated form, but he would get over it soon enough.   
Padraig was carrying a large silver tray, laden with the most delicious foods she had seen and smelled in ages.   
The hands transferred Ben to the bed and left quickly. Padraig did the same after inquiring if they needed anything else.   
When the door closed, silence descended.   
Rey looked up at Ben, lying in that big bed they had shared before. Their eyes met and Rey drew in a sharp breath at the intensity she saw reflected in those dark depths.   
“Are you going to keep standing there?” His deep voice resounded loudly in the silence around them.   
“Perhaps.” She replied with a small smile.   
“And if I told you I need you? Would you still keep standing there?”  
His words brought a flood of emotions with them. Wave after wave of sensations crashed into her as she stood there, staring at this young man who had changed everything she had ever thought to be true. Simply because this one man, this once lost and broken man, had trusted her enough to take a chance.   
“You need to rest.” She said with a shake of her head.   
He smiled. Without holding back, he smiled at her. No matter how often he would do it in the future, it would still astonish her every time. It transformed his face and made her heart stammer in her chest.   
“I’ll rest better with you at my side.” He said, the smile still playing at the corners of his mouth.   
“Ben…” she said on a long and tired sigh, “you got shot in the back. You were kept in an artificial coma while they treated you with enough bacta to sustain an army to keep you from having nerve or spinal damage…”  
She was interrupted by his laughter.   
Rey stared at him as if he had gone mad.   
“Oh my Rey, how adorable you are. And such a one-track mind when I’m lying in a bed, it seems…”  
His eyes were twinkling with merriment. Rey realized he was teasing her.  A deep crimson blush crept up and spread across her face, neck and chest.   
She wanted to say something, but Ben’s voice sounded softly in the quiet room.   
“I am not a fool, Rey. I wouldn’t do something stupid and risk permanent damage like that, no matter how tempting. Just join me in this bed. We can have supper and talk. And then we can try to get some rest, while I count my lucky stars that I got to live another day with you.”  
Rey lowered her head and closed her eyes for a moment and then moved to his side with a great sigh.   
She got in the bed and he pulled her close.   
As she snuggled in his arms, she couldn’t help the tear that slipped down her cheek.   
“I thought I’d lost you…”  
She felt him smile against her hair.   
“I’m made of sterner stuff.”  
She snorted.   
“That may be true, Ben Solo, but even you are but a mere mortal man…”  
He sighed deeply.   
“True. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned recently, it’s that love is like the Force. It transcends everything. Even things that no one thought possible. I didn’t believe it. Not really. I mean I saw it in my parents every now and then but…”  
His memories seemed to flow through her mind like a holovid. She smiled sadly, both because of the images she saw, but also because she realized he wasn’t aware of the fact that he was projecting this on her.   
“But with you…” He said on a deep sigh.   
He tipped her chin up and stared into her face.   
“With you, I know it’s true. I _feel_ it.”  
She stared back and then sternly spoke up.   
“Just don’t ever do that again. Next time you decide to face an enemy, please make sure I’m right there with you.”  
He chuckled.   
“If Maz has her way, we won’t be facing enemies again for a long time…”  
She shot up.   
“You know?”  
He pushed a stray lock of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.   
“Of course. And before you say anything, yes, I’ll do it. Gladly. This war has been going on for long enough. It’s time to let the past die and move forward. In the _right_ direction this time.”  
Rey swallowed hard at his choice of words but saw the difference in his expression.   
“If I do this, I will still be the Supreme Leader. We had plans to expand that title, I was going to be crowned Emperor…”   
Rey’s shock was visible on her pretty face, but so was Ben’s awkwardness.   
“Emperor?”   
“Yes.”  
“Is that a wise decision? It didn’t exactly go well with the last emperor, did it?”  
“This would be different.” He countered.   
Rey sat up and crossed her arms over her chest in defiance.   
“How would this be different?” She said with a lifted brow.   
“Because I would not be alone. My Empress would rule with me. If she accepts my hand, that is…”  
Rey’s eyes turned as big as saucers, her jaw dropped and all blood drained from her face.   
Ben was immediately alarmed.   
“Rey? It’s okay! I didn’t mean to… That is… You don’t have to if you don’t want to… It was just a thought…”  
“You…” she stuttered. “You want me to be your Empress?”   
Ben’s dark eyes became hooded and his Adam’s apple bobbed wildly as he silently watched her.  
Some of her old insecurities rose to the surface. And she couldn’t help the retort that immediately sprung to mind.   
“But I’m nothing, remember?” She said snidely.   
The moment the words left her lips, she regretted them.   
She saw the pain it caused Ben to remember that moment. The shame that went with it. But then…  
Then his face morphed into that wide smile she loved so much.   
“But not to me, Rey.” He said as he cupped her face. His eyes filled with tears and he took in a deep breath.   
“You are my everything, Rey. Without you, I won’t survive. You _are_ my Empress, whether you choose to rule with me or not. I love you.”  
This time, Rey’s eyes filled with tears. As they spilled, she sighed.   
“It’s a huge decision. I’m not sure how to respond to that. Let me think about it. Please?”   
He smiled and wiped her tears away.   
“Don’t worry. Take all the time you need.”  
He kissed her lips ever so gently and rested his forehead against hers.   
“Now…” he said on a long exhale, “how about some food?”   
Rey laughed, the sound soft like windchimes.   
“I think that’s a brilliant thought. Food is always a good idea…”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... 
> 
> What do you think? 
> 
> I am planning on updating with the next chapter a lot faster than i have been lately, but the way things are going...   
> I hope you enjoyed it! If you did, please let me know by leaving me a comment :D 
> 
> Lots of love  
> B


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm back again...  
> And ecstatic since school has begun again!  
> Which means I can dedicate more time to writing again!!! 
> 
> Updates will take place more frequently from now on.  
> I believe there will be another four to eight chapters before completion, so please stick with me :)  
> And for those of you who do: you're the bomb! 
> 
> Big shoutout to my Girl Silmea for being a fabulous beta.  
> To my Reylo Fic Rec Group chat support team.  
> To you, for being my motivation.

Finn stood at the terrace again, looking out over the lake.  
His thoughts drifted back to the past year.  
How many things had changed, how many things had gone wrong. How he had been unable to commit to the Resistance, caring only for Rey and wanting to make sure the two of them were safe. It wasn’t until he and Rose had gone off to Canto Bight on their hare-brained scheme that he’d realized he had to pick a side. Not until that fiasco on Crait had it really sunk in. That it made a difference. That _he_ could make a difference. He figured he’d done the right thing by siding with the Resistance. By standing with the minority and fighting against those big and elusive foes like oppression and tyranny.  
Now he wasn’t so sure anymore.  
He’d found people he’d come to care for, even love. He’d made friends, formed a family, and lost more loved ones than he could have imagined.  
Was it worth it?  
Rey had been his constant in this ever-changing galaxy. His best friend. His champion. His sister for all intents and purposes. And now she’d gone and fallen in love with the one person he hated most of all.  
_Well, except for Phasma…_  
Finn took a deep breath and tried to calm his anger. But it continued to churn in his gut and burn a way through his soul.  
Rose had tried to talk to him.  
Rey had tried to talk to him.  
He had turned away from them, not ready to be calmed down just yet. After spending his entire life with the First Order, he felt as if being with the Resistance had been a breath of fresh air. And now someone had stripped even that of oxygen, it seemed.  
The other Resistance members were still in the large dining room, having a rather opulent supper. Sharing it with the Knights of Ren of all people!  
They were talking and socializing and even though he could feel a stab of hunger gnaw at his gut, he refused to go inside and join them.  
He was so lost in thought, that he didn’t notice the tiny orange alien that walked up to him.  
“You seem to be having a rough day, kiddo.”  
Finn jumped and jerked around clutching his chest in alarm.  
“Maz, for crying out loud…” his voice trailed off.  
“You scared the bejeebers out of me.”  
The old lady chuckled and cocked her head at him.  
“Then you must have a loaded conscience… Want to talk about it?” she asked gently.  
Finn snorted in response.  
“Everybody wants to talk to me, but they don’t want to hear what I have to say, Maz.”  
He turned back to the lake and rested his forearms on the stone fence.  
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not like everybody. And I can listen, even when you don’t talk, Finn.”  
He faced her again and felt indecision at her words.  Should he open up to her? Would she understand or would she try to sway his mind like everyone else?  
He hung his head and sighed deeply.  
“I don’t know if I belong here anymore.” He started softly.  
“It took me a long time to find my place in this world. And then, when I thought I’d found it…” He shook his head with remorse clearly visible in his dark eyes.  
“They took it away from you again.” Maz finished for him.  
Their gazes met and he could tell she did in fact understand.  
He nodded, and so did she.  
“The thing is, Finn…” she started as she stepped a little closer and tugged him to his knees to face him more easily, “the things that made you decide to belong haven’t changed. Not really anyway.”  
She cupped his face with her calloused hand and looked at him like he imagined a grandmother would.  
“When we first met, I told you that if you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people. Back then you wanted to run. Remember?” she prompted him.  
Finn frowned and reluctantly gave a curt nod.  
“When I look into your eyes now, I don’t see a man who wants to run anymore.” She smiled at him with those ridiculously large spectacles.  
“You chose to accept a bunch of ragtag warriors as your friends, you chose your family based on the personalities of the people around you and the way they came through for you. They’ve stood by your side whenever you needed them, have they not?”  
Finn looked at this strange little woman. She seemed so fragile, but he knew better.  
He sighed deeply before answering her question.  
“Well, yeah…” He said softly before continuing in a voice barely above a whisper.  
“I love Rey like a sister, can’t imagine my life without her anymore. But how can I ignore this, Maz?”  
His gaze bore into hers, portraying every single fraction of emotion that wrecked through him.  
“How can I look past the fact that she claims to have fallen in love with a man who committed such heinous crimes? Who tortured and killed without mercy? Who I served under and who I know to be volatile and unreliable?”  
In a furious whisper he added: “How can I trust someone like that with the person who means the world to me?”  
Maz nodded softly, deep in thought as she pondered his argument.  
“I know how you feel. Believe me, kiddo, I know a lot of people say that, but I really do. And I understand how difficult this is.”  
She sighed.  
“I am not trying to change your mind. Just trying to bring you and Rey down to the same level again. So… If Rey sees something worth saving in Kylo Ren, maybe there is? After all, she didn’t give up on a deserted Storm Trooper, did she?”  
Maz smiled a crooked smile, full of mischief. It made her ancient face seem so much younger.  
Finn’s jaw locked, but something shimmered in his eyes.  
“I don’t know if I can get past it. But I see what you’re getting at.”  
He jutted his chin out in defiance and nodded regretfully.  
Maz cackled in that strange way of hers.  
“I’m just trying to keep you from making rash decisions. If you left now, you might regret it later. And you’ll have lost more than you cared to.”  
She patted his cheek and sighed loudly.  
“Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have to go inside and make arrangements for our return to Theed.”  
With that she turned and left the balcony and Finn to his strange reflective mood.  
Finn turned back towards the lake and looked at the horizon, trying very hard to keep his frustrations at bay.

 

Rey woke with a start.  
The sun had already set, darkness had settled around them like a soft cloak.  
Silver moonlight shone through the open windows and a gentle breeze billowed the sheer curtains.  
She found herself sitting upright in the bed she shared with Ben. A strange dream had woken her, its message illusive and vague. But the sensations it had brought with it lingered. An illogical combination of soothing and disturbing, the dream left Rey feeling confused and dizzy.  
“Rey? Are you alright?”  
Ben’s deep voice sounded rough and drowsy in the quiet night.  
“Yes, I’m fine. It was just a dream. Go back to sleep.” She whispered softly as she drew a hand over her face and pushed it in her hair.  
“Come here.” He murmured as he pulled her closer.  
Rey readily snuggled in his embrace.  
They stayed like that for a moment, enjoying the peace they found together.  
Just as Rey was about to fall back into pleasant slumber, she heard something.  
The ghost of a sound, eerily familiar and yet strange.  
_The laughter of a child.  
_ Rey’s eyes flew open and she stiffened in Ben’s arms.  
“Did you hear that?” She said as she veered back up.  
“Hmm?”  
Ben was obviously ahead of her in the slumber-department.  
“Did you hear that sound?”  
“The baby laughing?” he asked drowsily.  
“No, the Rathtor. Of course the baby!” She scolded.  
“It does that a lot, it doesn’t surprise me anymore. Can we go back to sleep now?”  
He nuzzled her shoulder.  
“You mean you’ve heard this before?”  
Rey’s voice rang with astonishment and bordering on anger.  
Ben seemed to realize he wouldn’t be getting more sleep until he explained himself, so with a loud groan he raised himself gently. Once he was carefully seated upright, he heaved a great big sigh as he turned on the bedside lamp.  
“So…” he started on a low exhale, “What would you like to know?”  
Rey looked at him wide eyed and shook her head.  
“What do you know about this?” she asked softly. Her entire demeanor screamed that she was wary of this.  
Ben looked at her from lowered lashes. He did that lip-biting thing again, the one that showed his insecurity. She could sense his reservations, could tell he was thinking about how much to tell her, even without their Bond. As it was, little snippets entered her mind without even trying.  
“What do you know, Ben?” She quipped as her patience slowly ran out.  
 He looked at his hands in his lap and softly started talking.  
“I’ve been having… dreams. Visions.” He spoke in a low voice, haltingly.  
“That day, when we met here on Varykino, I arrived before you did. When I was standing on the balcony, I had a Force Vision. I’ve had them before, so I knew it was pointless to resist.”  
He sighed again and looked towards the window, as if searching for Maker knew what.  
“The vision ended with you and I in bed at night, with the sounds of gurgling babies and laughing children.”  
He looked her in the eye and finished by saying: “I’ve been hearing it on and off ever since. Usually right before I fall asleep or when I’m lost in thought.”  
Rey blanched a little, unsure of how to take this in.  
Ben cupped her cheek tenderly and gazed into her eyes.  
“Rey, it’s nothing.”  
“How can it be nothing, Ben, if you’ve been hearing it for weeks?” She blurted.  
“How can it be nothing if it’s something we’re both hearing now?”  
He pursed his lips again and tried to pull her closer. She resisted, leaning back and away from him.  
“This is serious, Ben!” she quipped in annoyance.  
“What do you want me to say?”  
There was an edge of exasperation to his voice.  
“I want to know _exactly_ what happened in that vision, Ben. So start talking.”  
She crossed her arms over her chest and jutted her chin in defiance.  
He let out another tired sigh as he dragged his hand over his face. He started to recount the vision to her. How it had shown him his grandfather, his wife, his mother and Luke as infants. The voice of Anakin Skywalker telling him not to make the same mistakes. How the warning and sense of omen was very persistent in that voice. How urgent the message had seemed. How heavy the remorse felt.  
Rey sat there, listening intently. When he was done talking, she kept quiet for a while. She seemed to be gathering her own thoughts and processing what he had said.  
When she spoke, her voice was soft and gentle.  
“What did you make of it?”  
Ben studied her for a moment, still hesitant about opening up so completely to someone. But her eyes were so tender, so caring, that he decided to take the risk.  
“Two possibilities.” He swallowed thickly.  
“Either you’re pregnant with my child or you will be soon.”  
Rey’s gasp sounded eerily loud in the quiet of night.  
“And that made me realize that I needed to rethink my decisions. That I had to change my ways or end up like him. My grandfather. Alone, bitter, blinded by the Dark Side. That I should reconsider because if you saw the Light in me, maybe that meant that it was still there.”  
Rey’s expression changed as something dawned on her.  
“That’s why you seemed so stricken when I mentioned our children having your ears!” She blurted.  
Ben felt his cheeks burn at another reminder of something he didn’t necessarily enjoyed thinking about. Any remark about his ears still made him uncomfortable.  
“Because of you mentioning having my children, yes.”  
She looked down at the comforter, lost in thought for a moment.  
“Well, you shouldn’t worry about that.” She said in a practical tone of voice.  
“Everyone who joins the Resistance is required to have a complete medical review. Then anti-conception implants are mandatory for all members. So the chance of me being pregnant is non-existent.”  
He watched with a misplaced sense of humor as she lifted her shoulder and gave a little nonchalant nod.  
He decided to throw her off a little…  
“You do realize that my grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, was conceived solely by the Force? Without the presence of a father?”  
His words had the exact effect he had hoped for. Her head flew up and her jaw dropped. Her eyes grew wide as saucers.  
“Considering what the Force has already proven for us considering all the things we’ve done…”  
A smile curved his lips as the memory of their bouts of lovemaking flashed before his eyes.  
His eyes met hers again.  
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you were.” He said with a mischievous twinkle in those dark eyes.  
Rey’s breath caught in her throat when she heard the giggle again. Soft as a whisper, haunting like a ghost.  
_Like a confirmation…_  
She swallowed hard and lifted her chin.  
“Well, I don’t believe I am. I imagine I would know if I were.” Ben thought differently about that, but he was wise enough to keep his mouth shut.  
A moment of silence past once more.  
“So…” he started, “any more questions?”  
Rey chuckled softly.  
“More than I started out with.” She glanced up at him, a smile firmly planted on her lips.  
“But none that have easy answers, or require them at this point in time.”  
Ben nodded.  
“Does that mean we can go back to sleep now?” He asked hopefully.  
Rey let out a small huff and chuckled once more.  
“Sure. At least now I know that hearing children laughing in the middle of the night is quite common here…”  
Ben laughed at that, then turned off the bedside lamp and carefully laid down again.  
Rey snuggled up next to him, fitting herself perfectly to his side.  
Before long, they found themselves asleep, dreaming about a possible future filled with peace and laughing children with adorable ears and dark hair.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dying to hear what you think about this.  
> Don't worry, the next chapters won't be quite as mushy as the previous three :p 
> 
> So, let me know what you think about this chapter!  
> As always I crave the interaction! 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking around and for supporting me the way you do.  
> I really appreciate it a lot! 
> 
> x  
> B


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